(Diary of March 9th; posted again at 23.59)

Success is sometimes a burden because you need constant success to stimulate yourself.

If you have never had talent, you never have to worry about losing it. But if you were more successful in the past than you are now, it is easy to feel frustrated.

It seems as if life now has less meaning than in the past.

The lyrics "cango back the world had" come to mind.

I don't know, I don't know how I should live.

I especially want to know what Nietzsche, Van Gogh and others do in their daily lives. Apart from art and survival.

Think of the lyrics.

every word you say i think i should write down.

reading into every word you say.

The meanings expressed by these two sentences are not the same. They seem to be opposite.

I fell asleep without washing up again. Really...

I had a bunch of messy dreams again.

The experience of dropping out of school reappeared in my dream (this has been my deepest nightmare in recent years), and it was so painful that I wanted to live.

I dreamed that someone came to interview me, and we had a great conversation. I can’t remember what we talked about. The only thing I remember is that the notebook used for the interview was densely filled with words, and then I habitually turned the paper over and continued writing.

to save space.

But, is that really my habit? I may have used the back of the paper, but I don’t remember having the habit of rotating it 180 degrees and continuing to write.

Yesterday I mentioned the grate to Yanzi. Grandma said that this thing was used to comb out fleas and lice in the early years. Hahaha. But I only remember that it relieves itchiness. I still remember that when I was in school, I could play with dandruff in a night study hall (that is, a

If you fiddle with your hair, you will get dandruff; your hair will look like snow haha).

Yesterday I remembered "The Lice Standing in the Wind", it wasn't... it was a lion, and I searched for orphanages in this city on Tieba. It turned out to be an empty Tieba.

Am I a caring person? I don't know.

Why do I feel that life is meaningless? Because I can't find anything that can provide the ultimate sense of existence.

I also thought about how I often fed stray cats and dogs back then. Often, before I even reached the top of the mountain, the dogs would plop down to greet me.

That feeling is unforgettable.

Now I suddenly understand why humans are so obsessed with reproduction. It is not only one of the manifestations of not breaking away from animality, but also the best choice for "dedication" and gaining a "feeling of need". However, the parent-child relationship is often tense, among which

The biggest reason is that when children grow up, they become independent in all aspects and no longer rely so much on their parents. At this time, parents' desire for control is likely to skyrocket, which serves as a new bond between parents and children to make up for the lack of "sense of dependence."
Chapter completed!