appendix

puberty

The water on the gas stove in the outer room boiled. The kettle made a sharp whistle. I was very tired and pretended not to hear it. The wind blew and the door creaked open. My bed was very close to the door. I lay on the bed and masturbated.

I freed one hand and closed it. After a while, the door opened again, so I ignored it. I left the door open and the pot ringing.

I had a house at that time. My heart and I rested there for many years.

We fought in the alley all day long. The "Japs" often captured the "Eighth Route Army" alive. The "thief" actually dared to chase the "public security" to pieces. It seemed different from what was shown on TV. Who is more real than the other? The alley is the mother of my memories.

.When I grew up, one time I was drunk and cried in the alley.

We were a bunch of dirty little kids, with droopy noses and shiny dirty cuffs. There was an old locust tree and a small elm tree in the alley. The small elm tree was later cut down by Bai Yan's father and bought another

The shovel head was installed. Bai Yan's father said it was just right. We also said with playful smiles: "Yes, yes, it's just right." Her dad threw the cigarette butt and left without saying anything. I quickly picked it up and took two puffs, and Qiangzi next to me said:

"Liang Yuan, leave some for me, leave some for me." I took another deep breath and spat out saliva and snot on the ground. I smiled evilly and said, "Suck it!"

The elm money in the alley has fallen, and the locust flowers are blooming. My hobby is climbing trees. There is a soul on the tree. Birds also have a nest, a nest. I dug up the nest and tied the lit firecrackers to the bird.

She said affectionately: "Fly, you are free. Amitabha!" Maybe the Sophora japonica flowers can be eaten. Qiangzi said they are poisonous. Xiao Wu said they are not poisonous. I said mushrooms are poisonous. Bai Yan said: "Anyway, if you eat them all, you will die.

Let’s all die together.”

I like Bai Yan. The god of love is a chubby little boy who can fly. He carries a dirty big bag with toys and of course a bow and arrow. This grandson is very bad and is ready to shoot down anyone's life at any time. I like it

Watching Bai Yan stick out her tongue and then say no with a straight face, I fell in love with her just because of this.

Once I climbed a tree and saw that she had forgotten to cover the pickle jar in her yard, and also forgot to cover the cabbage under the window sill. She stood alone in front of the window, with a small stature and big sad eyes. She had two braids.

The tight braids are two secrets that no one knows, waiting for someone to unravel the mystery of first love. The wind and rain are precarious, and the green hair is everlasting. Swallows, swallows, mysterious swallows.

Once the veil of mystery is lifted, it loses its mystery and beauty. Once I climbed a tree and saw her going to the toilet. Of course it was an open-air one. She slowly took off her pants. My eyes lit up.

Her butt was very white, dazzlingly white. She squatted down to defecate, and it seemed to make a sound. Unfortunately, I was far away and couldn't hear it. I only saw that the feces was thin and yellow, like mustard oil. There was a hare in my chest.

Jumping. In fact, there is a deer jumping in her heart. She has already seen me.

That night I had a nocturnal emission. In my dream, there was a pee that seemed to have been held for thousands of years. It made my stomach hurt. I couldn't scream in the dream, otherwise I would wake up. There was no green gauze tent, no birch forest, no one

A place where I can pee.

It was that night that Bai Yan got her period. She and I both looked at our underwear in a daze. They were two maps of different colors, each guiding the awakening of the sexual consciousness that lives deep in the soul.

From then on, I stopped climbing trees, but Bai Yan developed the bad habit of squinting. When she met me in the alley, she gave me three words with a straight face: "Shameless." I want to say that you have a birthmark on your butt.

But I didn't say anything, I just blew a loud whistle.

In life, sometimes we are bored, sometimes lonely, sometimes eating, sometimes sitting, sometimes shitting, sometimes sleeping, sometimes happy, sometimes silly, sometimes masturbating, sometimes troubled. Everything has its time. When I saw Bai Yan’s butt, it was destined.

It will rain, the trees will sprout, and the children in the alley will grow up. Two years have passed. In the past two years, some of my trivial matters, a few looks, and some fragmented words have become the most important thing in Bai Yan's eyes.

Strong evidence. She suspected that I was in love with her. There was a fire burning in her heart.

The summer that year was very hot, and the cicadas on the old elm trees in the alley were annoying. There was a beer bottle on the window sill of my house, and the candle on the bottle was so soft that it bent over. I threw it away when I came back from school. It rained heavily.

Later, there was a wet rose branch in the empty vase. It must have been done by Bai Yan. There was a rose tree in her yard.

The girl's feelings are simple and fragile, as subtle as the rose buds sprouting in layers. I stood in the room and looked at the rose for a long time.

I wrote a love letter to her. She was my neighbor, separated by a wall, but I sent it to her school. Now I only remember the sentence "broken heart". At that time, I was very excited and anxious. I walked around the room.

Go. Later I became thick-skinned and never felt that way again.

The girl is really strange. I saw her butt and she still liked me. Every girl has a heart like a cloud, her thoughts can fly, and there is a little bird in her body. Bai Yan's little bird was blind and fell in love with me.

Bai Yan replied. After the evening self-study, she knocked on my window. After knocking three times, she handed me a note and ran away. Now I can still recall the sound of gradually distant footsteps. The moment I unfolded the note, my whole body

My blood vessels are about to explode. Because of happiness, my heart aches and my whole body is trembling inexplicably. It says: See you in the alley at 12 o'clock tomorrow night.

Oh my God, Hutong, I’m kowtowing to you here.

I put the note under my pillow and lay on the bed. The note seemed to be exuding fragrance, like thousands of flowers blooming under the pillow.

This warmth made me close my eyes, but I couldn't sleep. I opened my eyes again and again and looked at the moonlight outside the window.

The next day was Saturday. After school in the morning, Qiangzi, Xiaowu and I sat on a bench on the side of the road and watched the street scene. Silk tops were popular on the street at that time, and they were the ones that seemed to say to others, "I'm wearing a bra."

Later, pedal pants became popular because I was afraid that others would not know how fat and big my butt was.

"Bai Yan is such a coquettish girl." Qiangzi said. Xiao Wu suggested that I deal with her that night. I said, "It would look like a gangster to do it right away. If her father finds out, my life will be in danger." Xiao Wu said:

"The female dog bared her teeth, and the male dog climbed up. What's wrong with you? Besides, you're not a good bird." Yang Yuying's singing voice came from a store selling tapes: "Don't ask me how many stars there are." I and I

Qiangzi and Xiaowu sang loudly together: "I will tell you a lot, a lot." I said that Bai Yan has freckles on her face, and Yang Yuying looks like a fairy. Qiangzi said that there are no girls like Yang Yuying in this world.

It’s not much, and even if it’s much, it won’t leave us with a few leftovers, so we can make do with it. Xiao Wu looked up to the sky and sighed, much like a hero who is tired of the world.

The years of watching street scenes have passed. I miss that time very much.

Bai Yan's mother set up a fruit stall in front of the hospital, and the scales always drooped when she weighed things. That day, the people on the street were as sparse as the teeth of an 80-year-old woman, and business was bleak. Every passerby passed by.

I wanted to ask if I wanted oranges or bananas. Bai Yan, who was wearing a torn skirt, ran over and said, "Mom, I want a new skirt." Her mother coaxed her and said, "I'll buy it for you tomorrow." She disagreed and cried.

He made a fuss and got slapped twice.

At midnight, the moonlight in the alley was like water. I stood under the locust tree and heard the wooden door of Bai Yan's house creaking open. She ran towards me like a little bird wearing a new dress.

"Are you beautiful?" she stopped in front of me and asked with a smile. She was wearing a light yellow suspender dress with small blue stars embroidered on the collar and cuffs. Her eyes were a little swollen from crying, but they were big.

It was very bright. She spread her braids over her shoulders like adults do. I said, "Yanzi, it's time to comb your hair." Her awl-like eyes pierced me: "It's up to you."

A cricket chirped among the grass at the foot of the wall, and then the one under the locust tree also chirped. For some reason my heart beat faster. She raised her face. The moonlight made her charming. I hugged her suddenly and arrogantly, and she had no time to turn around.

.Love is just a box, packaging sensuality. At that time, I had a hint of lust in my heart. She pursed her lips and struggled with little strength. I don’t know where her strength went to move the firewood. She calmed down and bit her lip.

Looking up at the blue Milky Way in the night sky, she sighed, closed her eyes, and opened her long eyelashes. She listened to my heartbeat and felt my request. I swallowed. She said no, but I kissed her.

Kissed her trembling rose petals, kissed her doubts, kissed her rejection. The purest shyness was blooming. That first kiss was really as gentle as moonlight, but unfortunately it tasted a little like chives. The dumplings she had for lunch. And I felt

My heart felt like it was about to jump out. Her raised face had a sheen of jade, and the freckles disappeared. My eyes gradually blurred. Suddenly it became dark. I felt dizzy. The earth was spinning. Later I knew that this feeling was in me.

There will never be a second time in this life.

Her hair was blown up by the wind and hit my face. I wanted to sneeze. I smelled the fragrance in her ears. My mind became clear. But the dust roots suddenly erected and became extremely hard. At that moment, I grew up. I

Holding her tightly, I just wanted to pee. However, she blushed and pushed me away and said, "Bad thing." I hugged her again, but she was very scared and used the strength to move firewood to break away and run away.

She stopped suddenly, turned around and looked at me provocatively, stuck out her tongue and said to me: "Rogue."

From then on, she ignored me. She thought I was a dangerous person. In fact, I was indeed very dangerous.

From then on, when I was lonely, when I was walking, when I was watching TV alone, when I was peeling oranges, when I was masturbating, I would hear her say "rogue". That night, I masturbated for the first time. I went home and lay down

I turn off the lights on the bed, but I'm not sleepy. I want to thank my right and left hands in this life.

Sexual fantasies often have a sense of crime. A beard grew on my mouth, and evil thoughts came into my heart. Puberty arrived unknowingly. Once puberty is over, youth is over, just as everything is dark when it gets dark. I fantasized about having sex.

The scenery in my diary during those days was dark and sinister.

In the blink of an eye, I graduated from junior high school. Bai Yan was admitted to the city's medical school and only came back during the summer and winter vacations. I went to high school, Qiangzi went to Qinghai as a soldier, and Xiaowu was unemployed at home. I don't know why I was in a trance all day long. Everyone in the world

An unhappy heart is like every unhappy grass. Lonely. Lost. As if abandoned.

I often skipped school and sat on the roadside with Xiao Wu to watch the street scene, or went to the billiard room to play. When the ball missed, we would both say "×" loudly. Xiao Wu and I discussed life. Xiao Wu said that he is himself, and

What does other people’s lives have to do with it? Xiao Wu said that he wanted to earn a lot of money. “What can’t you do if you have money?” However, he did manual labor in the workshop of an auto repair shop. The machine was roaring and dust was everywhere in the workshop.

Fly, the walls are covered with obscene poems and obscene words from workers. One of them - masturbate - is something I will never forget in my life.

My bastard dad is a project manager in a construction company. My slut mom is a nurse in the county hospital. I think of the tree-lined road in the hospital, my mom holding my hand like a puppy. The air was filled with

There is a strong fragrance of sycamore flowers. My mother's white coat is spotless, but mine is a little wrinkled.

My dad and my mom often quarrel over trivial things. We often make trivial mistakes in life.

One night, there was a power outage. It was very hot in the yard and mosquitoes were flying. My mother and I were having dinner in the yard. My father came back from get off work and brought back a kitten. My mother chewed a piece of meat and fed it, but it didn’t eat. I hugged it. It went to play in the alley. Baiyan called it Mimi, Qiangzi called it Xiaohei, and Xiaowu said it looked like an idiot. I said this was my cat and I announced that it was called Piqiu.

After I got home, I found that my parents had gone to bed early. I stayed in the dark living room, I heard a low breathing sound, I hugged the kitten and laughed. In fact, I am a kind child. That night is my memory

The only happy night in my life. That day was my birthday.

Later, my parents quarreled again, and the plate was broken, and the teacup was broken. I shed tears and hung the cat on a chair in my room. I thought masturbating might have something to do with the quarrel between my parents, or maybe it didn't matter. No one would look for it.

There is no reason. There are always some unexplainable things deep in human nature. For example, people are related to sex from birth.

I was expelled from school when I was a sophomore in high school. I loved going to the movies alone, but after the movie, I felt extremely desolate. When I returned home alone, I dreamed almost every night, dreaming that I was sitting on the swing in the school playing football.

Touching the residual snow on the ground, I dreamed that a piece of torn paper was buried under the rose bushes, with Bai Yan's name written on it. I dreamed that Bai Yan, Qiangzi and I built a snowman at the entrance of the alley, and then called out "two three" and said to each other together

It punches and kicks.

At this time, a less important woman walked into my life in the chaotic footsteps. My mother had stomach cancer. After half of her stomach was removed, she could not get out of bed. She rolled around in pain every night. I

My father was very busy with business and seldom came home, so he found a nanny to take care of my mother. The nanny's name was Ruyue, who was 8 years older than me. She was very beautiful and poor, and wore a wrinkled red dress all day long. I have an evil personality.

Thoughts, I thought she was very sexy, and the kind of sexy person wearing a red dress. I also despised her, with the arrogance of a teenager. I looked down on her name, her career, and her body.

Ruyue is a country girl and speaks in a rustic manner. Xiaowu calls her Eleventh Sister. It is impossible for me to fall in love with her, but I want to occupy her and her body with fear. I am no longer a virgin because I have masturbated. But I still

It must be a wonderful thing if you have not tasted the forbidden fruit. Masturbation and depravity may be two sisters, their mother is called emptiness. I am very empty, my soul is wandering with nothing to do. I have nothing to do except wandering in the streets. In order to watch the World Cup football

I wait until midnight every day.
To be continued...