If you have fate, you will be together forever, and you will be separated by evil.

I felt a little nervous when I heard it, as if some indescribable sadness surged into my heart.

If you are destined to be together forever, it is a sin... you will be separated in the end.

It's just a few ten words, but it seems that you can chew too many emotions out of it.

I felt sad and helpless, as if I was pursuing my lifelong dream to myself. I was so close to me, but I had never been willing to give up, but I could not hold it, and I could not hold it even if I stretched out my hand.

Or is it a kind of determination that you refuse to give up from beginning to end?

Because faith is fate, no matter how great the difficulties or long separation is experienced, I believe that there will be a day of reunion.

Qinghan, which one are you?

What kind of mood do you feel when you recite these two lines of poetry?

I stood there, and for a moment, all my thoughts were condensed and I forgot everything around me. At this moment, a crisp sound came from the front, interrupting my thoughts-

"Aunt Qing!"

When I looked up, I saw Nian Shen running over from Chang Qing with a smile and hugging my thighs.

I was staggered by him, and after such shock, I woke up suddenly. I looked down at the little face that was as fleshy as a bun, raised, my eyes bent into two crescent moons, and said sweetly: "Aunt Qing, you are here."

I smiled and patted his chubby little face: "Your Highness."

The child hasn't seen me for a few days and is still sticky. I reached out and patted his increasingly broad shoulders, raised my head to look at Chang Qing, she just sat there with a calm smile. The light in the room made her pretty outline more profound.

Nian Shen is still young and can't feel the undercurrent at all. He just hugged me and said with a smile: "Aunt Qing, Nian Shen hasn't seen you for several days. My father said Aunt Qing is in poor health? Where does Aunt Qing hurt?"

"Aunt Qing doesn't hurt."

"Really?"

"It won't hurt when you see Your Highness."

When he heard this, he laughed so hard that his eyes were almost gone. He held my hand and said, "Aunt Qing, Nian Shen has learned a lot recently. When Aunt Qing is better, Nian Shen Mo will show you to Aunt Qing."

I reached out and stroked his little face gently, and said with a smile: "Aunt Qing knows that Your Highness has been working hard, but the palace may not know that in fact, the two lines of poetry your senior brother recites have the following two lines."

"Is that true?" Nian Shen hurriedly pulled me: "Aunt Qing knows, please read it to me."

I nodded, squatted down and looked at his black eyes, and said word by word: "The fate of gathering and separation is free, and my heart is the same."

"Get together...Family...Free, my heart... is the same..."

With the age and experience of Nianshen, it was already very difficult to understand the previous two sentences, and these two lines of poetry made the little brows twisted into pieces. I smiled and looked up at Chang Qing. She seemed to be in a moment of loss. There was a little ripples in her autumn-like eyes, but she quickly calmed down and said lightly: "Okay Nianshen, I have something to do with you, Aunt Qing. You go back first and read today's homework again."

"Oh...yes, my mother and son are leaving."

Nian Shen was still a little reluctant to leave, holding my little finger, but he was obedient, bowed to Chang Qing and me, and then turned around and walked out. Kou'er and Xing'er also silently retreated and closed the door.

Then I raised my head and walked to Chang Qing.

The room was still so quiet, not even the wind was there. The light smoke from the bronze incense burner on the low couch next to her became a straight line, and it slowly spread out until it was very high, as if it was the only vividness in the room.

I saluted her gently.

Chang Qing didn't say anything, just sat there quietly. Her bright eyes of autumn water returned to her former peace, as if the lake without ripples seemed a little confused under the mist of light smoke, and seemed to be thinking deeply about something. I stood in front of her for a long time, but there was no reaction at all.

I said softly, "Empress?"

“…”

She was so thoughtful that I had called her back, and she looked up at me with a little confused look. I said softly: "The Empress summons me to come over. Do you have something to explain?"

“…”

She was silent for a while, looked at me and said, "Do you know, what is this palace asking you to say?"

"I know."

"Your answer is just like that?"

"yes."

Chang Qing's eyes were covered with a layer of haze, as if she was a little weak and helpless, and sighed softly: "Why are you still so stubborn?"

I listened, without refuting, nor answering, but just lowered my head in silence.

Actually, I don't think I'm stubborn.

I can understand what she is thinking. Maybe everyone will feel that after being with someone for too long and being entangled too deeply, it will inevitably be exhausted, tired, compromised, and helpless to think. Since it has been so many years, it is better to just do it. Then, let yourself take a step back and take another step back.

Gradually, I became compromised and tolerated in everything, and finally, I became no longer aware of myself.

But, I don't want to "just be like this".

What I want is always clear, even--I have gotten it, so I know that now it is not what I want.

After experiencing so much, I can see more clearly what Yang Jinqiao said to me.

If a person doesn’t want to become nothing in the end, it’s best to take the first step, don’t give in!

Because, I know the result after giving in!

Looking at my eyes that were calm and silent but were so firm that I could not see a trace of trembling, Chang Qing seemed to know that she could not convince me. She thought for a while and said slowly: "I also know that there are some things that I should not force you anymore, but I still want to say--"

I looked at her silently.

"Even if you don't ask about the matters in the court, you should know that the situation is not optimistic. The emperor is now - it's very hard."

Last time, she said it was not easy, but this time, she said it was very hard.

Looking back on Pei Yuanhao's red eyes and tired eyes yesterday, I lowered my eyes silently.

"I don't force you to turn back or ask you to do anything, just at these times-"

"Empress," I interrupted her calmly and said, "When I woke up, I had already told the Empress. This is what I can do, the best."

The word "best" made me feel a little more intense. Chang Qing seemed to feel something and was stunned for a moment.

I was still looking at her calmly.

Chang Qing may not fully understand what kind of person I am, but she cannot know nothing about it.

This is the best I can do. I said this sincerely, but I didn't finish it. I didn't tell her that this is also what I can tolerate, the greatest limit.

At least, when his government crisis occurred, I did not light a fire in his backyard...

I didn't even think about Nangong Lizhu again...

It’s not that I have forgotten the pain, nor that I have forgotten everything after the pain, nor that kind-heartedness of repaying grievances with kindness. I just feel that I shouldn’t be tangled with him or the two of them again.

The deeper the entanglement, the harder it will be for me to get out of it.

After a long silence, Chang Qing looked at me and said slowly: "Have you made up your mind?"

I nodded gently.

This time, she didn't say anything else. I thought she would be angry, at least she would be displeased with the feeling that I was ungrateful, but she didn't. She just looked at me so calmly, and there seemed to be some clear light in her eyes. After a while, she smiled faintly, as if she had cleaned up the conversation with me before: "Please go out for a walk with me."

“…”

I was stunned for a moment. She jumped like this and made me feel a little uncomfortable, but I quickly got up and walked out with her.

The sun outside was a little poisonous, but she kept walking forward silently, as if she could not feel anything. In the bright sunshine, her eyes were still so faint, without any warm and desertedness.

I followed her quietly.

This top woman in the Celestial Empire has had all kinds of glory that others cannot imagine, and even the expectations of many famous ladies. But only I know that the eyes she has seen over the years have always been so indifferent, almost unexpected. She once had the bright eyes of Guan Pan Shenfei. Whenever she raised her hand and looked on the stage, she was so graceful and seductive.

This is what I feel most sorry for her.

After walking for a while, the two of them entered the Imperial Garden. Here, the green trees are lush and flowers are blooming. The fresh smell in the air makes people feel more comfortable. She turned around and saw me sweating, and then came to her senses: "Go over there and have a cool time."

"Um."

I followed her into a pavilion, and the shaded area felt a little more comfortable. I took out a handkerchief from my sleeve and wiped the sweat from my forehead. Chang Qing sat next to me and looked at it, and suddenly said, "Is this your handkerchief?"

I was stunned for a moment, and looked down at the rough white handkerchief in my hand.

This is not mine, but when he saw Qinghan in the bamboo forest outside the garden, he saw me crying and kept it, but Chang Qing looked at it.

Although my identity is the official character of Jixian Hall, my food, clothing and consumption are all from the harem, so such a handkerchief should not appear in my hands.

"……yes."

Listening to my hesitant answer, Chang Qing already understood.

She turned her head lightly, looked at the green leaves outside with oily shimmering by the sun, and said lightly: "Qingying, you are following the Empress Dowager and have been chanting Buddha for so long. Do you know what compassion means?"

mercy?

I looked up at her, pondered for a while, and slowly said, "Compassion is the happiness brought to sentient beings; compassion is to relieve sentient beings' pain."

"Do you know mercy?"

"Wei Minister..."

I sat there silently, not knowing how to answer for a moment. Chang Qing turned her head and looked at me, and said with a smile: "I don't ask you to do the best or do better. I just hope that you can be more merciful to the emperor."

Be more compassionate...
To be continued...