First of all, I would like to apologize to everyone. In the past year, the updates have been really bad.
This is my third year since I turned 30. To be fair, I have a lot to say and show off. The online writing industry is booming and I am making more money, unlike in previous years.
Then I still have to worry about expenses. In 2017, the copyright of "" was sold, and I started to make film and television dramas. I won two awards, one was the silver award of the "Second Online Literature Biennial Award" and the other was the "
Mao Dun Internet Literature Newcomer Award", became the vice chairman of the Hunan Internet Writers Association, participated in several activities, and accepted several interviews. It can be said that my vanity is very satisfied.
Life with my family is basically back on track. We bought a puppy, a border collie for more than two months. Ten days after the puppy came into the house, I was in a state of high tension and often couldn't go to bed early, but
You must get up early, make food for the puppy, change its diaper under the cage, clean up its feces, watch and teach the puppy where to go to the toilet every day, etc. The puppy is named Little Bear, which is very cute.
The reason why I bought this puppy is because my body has to start exercising. Last year, I found that I could no longer do a pull-up. I had gallstones and fatty liver, and there may be more problems.
In the process of long-term immersion in writing books, I rarely took time to exercise. Even after realizing the problem, intermittent exercise actually couldn't solve much of the problem. Border Collies are dogs with a lot of exercise. After one year old, they exercise about
It starts at 30 kilometers and can even run 90 kilometers. We were not aware of this problem before buying it. After we bought it, we checked the information and I said that’s fine.
Anyway, if everything is ideal, this puppy will torment me for more than ten years, and it will probably allow me to maintain a good body and reach the other side of writing. Although I have been tired every day for these ten days, in the park of the community the night before yesterday, I found
I can do a pull-up myself... Anyway, this is my situation at the age of thirty-three, and I can't measure whether it is worth it.
The puppy was finally able to go to the toilet on a diaper and stopped fussing in the cage. In the past two days, I found time to make coffee and sit in front of the computer to type. Suddenly, I felt a long-lost sense of freshness, like when I was in school.
After class and homework, I immersed myself in writing the beginning of a story in my self-study class or in my free time between classes, full of longing for the beauty of literature.
Today is the 26th day. Year 17 is about to pass in a few days. I threw the puppy into the cage at around nine o'clock in the evening. Time did not allow me to write a complete chapter. I wrote a small beginning, which I found interesting.
, and then I found a song that I haven’t heard for a long time but is very important to me. It is "Tell You" by Wang Zheng. When I was writing "Hidden Kill", I listened to this song over and over again, and I imagined
A mother looked at her child and hummed her longing for his future. However, this night I suddenly saw myself.
"Like you, I don't know what's in the future.
I really want to block the wind, rain and confusion for you
Let your sky only see rainbows
Until one day you become me too..."
When I was a teenager, I had a passion for literature. In a life that was gradually turning gloomy at that time, it always gave me a temporary place to live. In it, I saw new worlds one after another and experienced life one after another.
When I was in my early twenties, I gave up college and wrote all kinds of things that made me feel novel in my spare time at work. I read what people are thinking, and every time I figure something out, I get excited about it.
I admire Balzac, I admire Victor Hugo, I admire Lu Xun, I admire Lu Yao, I admire Shi Tiesheng... I admire every author who reaches the realm of perfection. As I said before, when "" came out, people said I was ambitious, but I wasn't.
My goal in the fourth grade of elementary school was to write "War and Peace". People who don't have this idea would be incomprehensible to me.
I am thirty-three years old. What is different from the past? I think it is that I have been able to measure the specific distance between me and perfection. When I was in my teens and twenties, I only knew that I would eventually go somewhere.
The place is extremely far away, but I am full of fighting spirit and enjoyment. But as I gradually measure the distance from perfection, life and literature become more and more strict for me. And after measuring the distance clearly,
It doesn't mean that I can achieve it in this life, but every step after that, I can only be trembling with fear.
Now I look at my former self who embraced literature in embarrassment, and I’m very envious. I had a lot to say to him, but it was so fast, and he turned into me in the blink of an eye.
I thought that I would become someone else in the future.
Not long ago, someone sent me a private message on Weibo, which is a common message: This person thinks that my "Hidden Killing" is the best written, and he was very happy following it at first, but "" is written poorly, and he doesn't like it.
He went to post a post, but was deleted and banned. This person thought that he really felt that "" was a scumbag. He couldn't get enough of it over and over again, but he still had to come to me to tell me this... as if he was expecting some kind of answer from me.
After taking a look at it, I added the person to the blacklist.
I never retain anyone, and I never care who likes which of my books. I don't care about this kind of "sincerity", which really means nothing to me.
What is the truth?
Each of us is moving forward. What I want to write when I am thirty is bound to be different from when I was twenty. The world I see when I am thirty is bound to be different from when I was twenty. When I am forty, I will reflect on my life.
There must be a difference between youth and the feelings described in "Hidden Killing". Some time ago, I recalled "Hidden Killing" and I wanted to write something about Gu Jiaming, Ye Lingjing, and Liu Huaisha when they were forty and fifty.
The story of mutual support feels very warm and heart-warming in my mind.
In the end I didn't write it either.
Time is so cruel, "Hidden Killing" is already quite good, there is no need to make people cry anymore.
On Weibo, I have become a different person from many people. What I write is very serious, which is very different from when I was 20 years old. When I was 20 years old, I also liked relaxed and happy things. Now
I won’t write anymore. When I was writing the book, I broke up some of the so-called truths and put them into it. I’m usually not so tolerant on Weibo, because Weibo is a place for me to have fun, and I just follow my temper.
Too lazy to care about the audience. As my ideas gradually became incompatible with my simple-minded friends, I suddenly realized that maybe one day, I would become like those stubborn old people, saying things that only I can understand, sighing at
The world has fallen and people are hopeless.
At that time, did I become profound or corrupt? I think it was possible.
I can only guarantee that the direction of my change must go through my repeated thinking.
I used to tell people that when there was a big hit, I could choose a super profitable direction. If my quality dropped and I updated every day, I would convince myself that updating is the biggest responsibility to readers, and then laugh at me.
People who update a few chapters a month have no professional ethics. That "I" will definitely not think that there is anything wrong with myself.
The same is true for me today and me in the future.
A person who liked "Hidden Kill" eight years ago hopes that I will continue to write "Hidden Kill" eight years later. It's a pity. When I was willing to write "Hidden Kill", we bumped into each other. It was fate. When
When I wanted to write "", it was my fate with other people. When it comes to my next book, it will also be my fate with other people. So I never dwell on these. When the ideas are in sync, people come.
, I left when it didn’t work out. Instead of thinking about serving tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of readers, I think I can only be myself. So as you can see, hehe, I don’t have many fans either. I have more fans.
I would like to regard this as a fate of like-minded people.
The 18th year is coming soon. In the new year, activities will probably be reduced as much as possible. I hope to be able to complete "" as soon as possible with the enthusiasm tonight. I hope my health will get better. I hope the puppy will be well-behaved. I hope
The goddess of literature can take care of me as always. I hope everyone will be in good health and everything goes well.
Another note: The simplified Chinese version of "" has been submitted and is in the proofreading stage. It should be available in bookstores in 18 years.