Everything was going backwards, and Yan Zhiyuan could not describe the shock in his heart with words.
He was already over forty, but he saw himself as a youth, a boy, and a child.
In these retrograde memories, the man who was lying on the bed and frightened him like an evil ghost gradually became younger and more solemn, but sometimes, he also seemed to be a loving father.
Even his dead mother came back to life in his memory.
Yan Zhiyuan couldn't tell what was going on. He was like a bystander, watching his experiences from childhood to adulthood play out all over again. He was just a visitor, unable to touch any scene in his memory, and unable to intervene.
Those things.
It started with horror, then became calm, and finally calmed down.
Yan Zhiyuan discovered many differences. He discovered that his fear of Yan Qingyun started from a small thing. He memorized an ancient poem wrongly. Yan Qingyun stopped smiling and punished him to recite it ten times.
After Yan Qingyun left, his mother Qi Xinyue came and scolded her severely, saying that if he didn't work hard, he would be sorry for her, and if there were other children in the house, he would definitely be killed by others.
Qi Xinyue's punishment was much harsher than that of Yan Qingyun. His palms were bruised from the beatings. He kept asking him if he had remembered. He was so young and weak. He promised Qi Xinyue over and over again that he would remember.
Already.
Yan Zhiyuan couldn't help but tremble as he looked at it. Is that so? Is that so?
But why was it different? In his memory, he had a fever. After he recovered, he could no longer remember the reason for being punished.
But after this time, he was very afraid of his father Yan Qingyun, afraid of being rejected by his father, afraid of being punished by his father, afraid of making mistakes, and afraid of not having any future.
Yan Qingyun showed a little emotion. He was very nervous and scared. He thought he was afraid of Yan Qingyun, but in fact he was not. What he was afraid of was probably his mother Qi Xinyue.
Because he didn't do well, Yan Qingyun would often just scold him a few times, while Qi Xinyue would punish and scold him a lot to make him correct.
He felt too heavy, and felt that Yan Qingyun was like a mountain pressing on his heart. Day after day, year after year, the pressure, hatred, and dissatisfaction were increasing. He had long forgotten Yan Qingyun in his heart.
Become a father.
But when he looked at Yan Qingyun from the perspective of a bystander, his use and ruthlessness of women was true, but for his descendants, he also taught and cultivated them carefully. He wanted to build prosperity for the entire Yan family.
prosperity.
As a son, he let him down.
He never even thought that it was actually his mother, not his father, who had been suppressing his heart for many years.
Yan Qingyun was also passively accepting his emotions. He had been very restrained and tried his best not to show his emotions in front of him, but he had never understood the helplessness and disappointment in Yan Qingyun's eyes.
Yan Zhiyuan also completely discovered that what was pressing in his heart was not his father, but his mother. Whether it was knowledge or marriage, everything was her mother's handiwork and her mother's shadow was everywhere.
But if he said that his mother didn't love him, he couldn't say it. Qi Xinyue had done so many things for him and Yan Zhenzhen, how could he not appreciate it.
It's just that this love is really too heavy, too heavy.
Yan Zhiyuan felt that his cheeks were hot, as if something was flowing from his cheeks.
"wake up."
As if a call came from the horizon, Yan Zhiyuan woke up from a dream, his eyes blank.
That drop of tear fell on Niu Zai's finger and disappeared into his body.
After a while, Yan Qingyun said in a hoarse voice: "Where are you?"
Niu Zai smiled slightly and said, "The carriage has just gone less than a stick of incense."
"It's only been a while."
Yan Zhiyuan murmured in a daze, such a moment was his whole life.
He suddenly realized that he had made a big mistake, but there was no chance to make amends. He choked and cried bitterly: "How could it be like this? How could it be like this..."
He thought he finally stood up and took charge, but it turned out to be like this. He made a huge mistake and wanted to harm the entire Yan family.
He actually did something so disrespectful to human ethics. How could he think that others didn't know? How could he think like this!
Now it is only the fifteenth day, and many people in the court are probably waiting to read his book after the fifteenth day.
"Help, help."
Yan Zhiyuan knelt down in front of the cow. At this moment, he regarded the cow as his only life-saving straw, praying that he could point out a clear way.
Niu Zai sighed lightly: "The relationship between you and me will be over after I take away your tear of fear. It's useless for you to beg me."
Yan Zhiyuan fell into the carriage in a panic, what should he do?
The more he thought about it, the more he regretted it. He thought he was leading the entire Yan family to take a prosperous road, but he didn't know that he was taking a road of destruction. Therefore, how could he have the shame to go down to meet the ancestors of the Yan family.
Every time, after getting angry with Yan Qingyun, he would go to the ancestral hall to report it. Looking back now, Yan Zhiyuan wished he could go back and slap himself a few times. How could he do such a bad thing!
Yan Zhiyuan felt extremely painful. A picture suddenly came to his mind. He immediately found the reason. He said to himself: "Yes, it's my mother's fault. If she hadn't been so harsh to me, I wouldn't have been so harsh to me."
My father is angry. It's all my mother's fault. Who made her demand so harshly on me? Who made her be so cruel? If there is a bastard in the house, maybe I can feel it without her being so harsh.
Pressure, yes, that’s what it is, that’s what it is.”
Yan Zhiyuan found another reason to convince himself. The pain had a source, and he felt much better.
Wiping away his old tears, Yan Zhiyuan said to Niu Zai: "Little Taoist priest, please help my father and let him get better."
"Your father is not alive anymore. He only has a trace of residual memories. Even if the Great Luo Immortal comes, there will be no way to save him. My fate with him is just to put an end to his residual memories and send him to leave peacefully. If you are willing
, then I will go, if you don’t want to, then forget it, don’t just add random things to others.”
Niu Zai stopped smiling and his tone was devoid of warmth.
His eyes were empty. Yan Zhiyuan looked at him and felt creepy. In just a few moments, he lowered his head and said quickly: "No, no, no, it's my mouth. Don't be angry."
"As long as you know the fate."
The cow smiled again.
Yan Zhiyuan was in a trance. One moment, he felt terrified and frightened, and the next moment, he felt like spring flowers blooming. He was obviously blind, but he seemed to be able to see many things from his eyes. Yan Zhiyuan did not dare to speak anymore. He dared
He transferred his hatred to his dead mother, but he didn't dare to blame Niu Zai, let alone make any demands on him.