【Let us launch a grand charge towards the inevitable death!】
I'm probably crazy, but maybe not.
Well, I think I'm not crazy in general.
Don't be afraid in a hurry, listen to what I have to say first.
As you all know about the recent situation, I have said a lot about it in the author's words and among readers.
The data in this book is so bad that it cannot be saved at all.
The fate of this book has always been miserable.
The new book failed miserably in the second round, and in the long five months after it was put on the shelves, there were only two worst recommendations.
It was launched in May. From the first order of a few hundred to the previous order of more than 1,100, I have been persisting.
However, according to the current trend, this book with one million words may not have new recommendations in the future.
If you want to cut this book, you can actually cut it when you fail to recommend new books. At that time, it only has a few hundred thousand words.
But I still want to persist because I don’t want to be a eunuch.
However, I can't hold on any longer.
In other words, I should change my mind.
I have to admit that I have been a little anxious during this time, or very, very anxious.
Recently, I look at the data more frequently than two or three times an hour, looking at the data that has no fluctuations at all.
Keep staring at that poor data, looking at it, and feeling bad.
Ouch...
Not only mentally, but at the worst point, my body was also in very bad shape.
For a long time, probably in the last three months, I fell asleep at two o'clock at night, and then got up at around seven o'clock during the day to go to work.
very tired.
really tired.
In fact, I also knew that something was not right physically and mentally.
I'm so numb that I can't write a manuscript.
I was busy working during the day, so I didn't go back to the apartment for lunch at noon. I took advantage of my lunch break to start typing, and spent the entire afternoon shift typing.
I used to be able to stably update 6,000 words a day and 8,000 words on weekends, but I can’t do that now.
I have not received any positive feedback on data, and I have to admit that I have indeed been extremely seriously affected.
The most intuitive result is that I can only write four thousand words every day, and I can't write any more.
After writing four thousand words, my mind was empty, my whole person was numb, and I had no interest in other things at all.
In order to code, I hardly socialize with my colleagues. They play mahjong, Three Kingdoms, Werewolf, go to nightclubs, pick up girls and drink... I don't participate in any of these.
At most I'm somewhat interested in going out to eat, because it won't take a long time and I can have time to code...
But actually, I can't code the words.
Even on the weekend, I locked myself in the room for two days, and after spending a whole day, I could only write out 4,000 daily updates.
This seems a little different from before. I obviously like writing books. Although I also want to make money, I still like it more.
I seem to be trapped in a vicious circle, a disgusting cycle that keeps engulfing me.
So, under such pressure, I made a choice.
Open up!
I'm going to start fooling myself!
Friends, I don’t look at data!
After chatting with many kind-hearted people, I feel that my anxiety is actually meaningless. Looking at the data will only make my blood pressure explode.
They may not necessarily look at the data once a month. The frequency like mine is really too pathological.
Therefore, I plan to stop looking at data for a long time and start writing.
I have to start writing for my own pleasure again as before, trying to find the happy feeling I once had.
I seem to have always had bad luck, and it seems that I can never escape such a tragic fate.
But it doesn't matter, I won't admit defeat.
Don't ask about grades or results.
[Let us launch a grand charge towards the inevitable death! 】
…
…
Finally, let me emphasize it again!
It is impossible to be a eunuch, and you will never be a eunuch in this life.
The last book was able to make no money from 600,000 words, and it was written to 1.1 million words by relying on self-pleasure and stubbornness. This book is probably about the same.
Even if I speed up the plot, I still want to finish telling the story.
A story has a beginning, and it should have an end.
No matter how it ends, it deserves to end!
While I'm definitely not in charge, I try my best not to fail. Of course, this depends not only on perseverance, but also on my ability.
I just hope I won't let myself and everyone down.
This is an explanation for you, and more importantly for myself.
…
…
Today, the company held a six-hour National Day theme discussion meeting starting at 8 a.m., and then at 6 p.m. they were forced to go out for a team building meal. I definitely won’t be able to write anything today.
So, take a day off today.
I will try my best to update more tomorrow, and I hope to use this time to pay back the additional updates I owe to the leader.
Finally, I wish everyone a happy National Day holiday!
I wish the motherland prosperity!
…
…
PS I don’t have a day off during the National Day... I will go to work as usual on Monday.
ps 2: Regarding sleep, I have adjusted well recently. I have taken melatonin and diazepam medicine, and I have been able to fall asleep at 10:30 pm in the past week. My body feels better recently.
ps 3: I will be able to go back to China for vacation at the end of October. The specific time is uncertain, but I can finally come back and take a rest.