Finally, I finally came to the place where I left regrets.
………
As the sun set, I was walking on the city streets, watching the cars and people coming and going, and I felt confused and lost.
It was getting dark when I got home. I didn't eat or take a shower. I just walked to the window sill and sat silently.
With the help of street lights in the community, I watched the busy people downstairs and the occasional cars passing by on both sides. I had a feeling that I was out of tune with society and even the entire world. Yes, I didn’t know what to do or what to say.
, perhaps the only thing that can be done is
I watched numbly and silently, watching people immersed in the money society, then working hard for their own goals, and finally making themselves more money through hard work, enough money, more and more money, every time I think of this
Every now and then, I would always shake my head and sigh with a wry smile.
Don't doubt it, don't be surprised, because my current situation is indeed like this. Regarding today's society, I am desperate, completely desperate, and then face life with a desperate mentality.
Maybe some people will question, or some may be confused about my above remarks and my stubbornness and extremeness. For example, why do you think that people only think about money? Do you think today's society is really impetuous and numb?
Is it a dirty society full of money and copper? Take a step back and say
, even if it is, what about you? What is your goal? Can you leave money? After all, in today's society, people cannot live without money. As the saying goes, if you have money, you can travel all over the world, but without money, it is difficult to move forward. Don't tell me
You can live without money from society because it's not realistic.
Faced with the above question, my standard answer is that you are half right.
I admit that I cannot live without society, and even more cannot live without money. Without money, I will definitely starve to death. However, strictly speaking, there are some differences. At least my personal goals are not linked to money.
To me, money is just a thing that can help me survive. Yes, to survive, to maintain the most basic daily life, as long as it allows me to pay the water and electricity bills and keep my life running, I don’t care about clothes, and I don’t care about food.
After all, entertainment has disappeared from my life many years ago. Therefore, I don’t know what the meaning of life is. Is it to accept learning in ignorance and grow up slowly, then work, marry, and have children?
Aftertaste in old age
Go? It’s a regular process, but we don’t deny that this kind of process life is also the most exciting life. As the saying goes, plainness is the truth. Many movies and TV dramas containing philosophy also focus on explaining and depicting this kind of life, thus telling the world about happiness.
Blessing means ordinary, and ordinary represents happiness. Life must be both dull and busy to be considered perfect. Although the silent society is weathered, no matter what, you will experience the ups and downs of human relationships in your limited life, and your life will not be in vain after a hundred years.
As for me, to be honest, I also yearn for this kind of life. I hope to spend this life in trivial, busy or ordinary life like most people in the world.
Unfortunately, I don’t have the ability to do it. I can’t enter a regular life. It’s completely difficult for me to live a plain and busy life like ordinary people. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s not that I don’t want to, but...
But I am stuck in the quagmire!
People are different, just like everyone knows that the nature of society is unfair. Some people are born into a wealthy family and are happy and have no worries about food and clothing. Some people are born smart and studious and live a happy life through self-effort. Even if you
You may not have a good background or study well, but you can still find various kinds of people in society.
Such opportunities can lead to food and clothing, and even wealth. Yes, God is basically fair, and it is fair to the vast majority of people in the world. However, the basics are basic after all. In fact, there are still a few people who are born unlucky, such as
Disability, illness, accidents and other factors can change a person's beginning or future.
This kind of situation can be described as misfortune. Unfortunately, compared with me, the above are still minor. At least these people's misfortune only happened once or twice, and it is only temporary. As long as you can grit your teeth and survive it, you will eventually be able to get through it again.
Get back on track, start your life again, it's not a big deal if you start over again.
But I...
I don’t even have a damn chance to start over! It can even be said that I myself am equated with ‘tragedy’.
Seeing this, I believe there must be curious people who are suspicious and instinctively ask, asking why I describe myself in this way? Why am I so pessimistic? What have you experienced that makes you so desperate?
I will tell you the answer, but before I answer, I still want to ask you two questions first, that is...
Do you believe in fate?
Do you believe there are worms?
I am a person who is plagued by bad luck, a person who is truly troubled by bad luck and is extremely miserable. For some reason, from the moment I was born, I have been frail and sickly. I often have high fevers and have been hospitalized for injections. I don’t know if the medicine has any effect.
For me, I only know that since I can remember, I have always been poor in other subjects except Chinese. Of course, this is not the point. The point is that my bad luck has just begun.
After graduation, I officially entered the society. I thought I could live a happy life through hard work like most young people in the world. However, I thought too much. Not only did I not live a happy life, I couldn't even live an ordinary life. Development
In the end, even the most basic survival becomes a luxury.
Fate began to attack me and beat me in unconventional ways. The key to describing it as "fancy" is that fate did not make me disabled, nor did it make me sick. It also did not make me suffer from sudden accidents, but gave me gifts.
brought my bad luck.
I admit that although I am a bit dull, a bit withdrawn, and not good at talking, I think that my work is okay. It is impossible to stand out, but I rarely make mistakes. As a result, my company closed down after two years of work, so I feel sad and lost.
mood
I found a job in Du with the help of my family. To be honest, I was very dissatisfied and extremely uncomfortable with this job. Simply put, it can be understood that the work is stressful and uncomfortable. Of course, I personally know that life is 10 times unsatisfactory.
In 1989, society was difficult
, it’s hard to find a job, who do you think you are? You have no right to be picky and nagging. In order to survive, I gritted my teeth and insisted on constantly adapting. I thought I could smooth out my mentality through time, but the result was just the opposite. I felt uncomfortable due to being depressed for too long.
It took too long, and I was really not suitable for this job. Finally, I developed a feeling that I would go crazy if this went on, and once I went crazy, my life would be completely over. So, under the anger of my parents and family, I
Quit your job amidst the scolding and criticism and stop doing it.
I was quiet for a while. Because I had no money, during that time I just relied on my parents and my family. My mother was exactly the kind of typical Chinese parent who used to compare her own children with "other people's children are better". Infinitely
The endless accusations caused me to be further depressed after I just got out of my depressing job. During the period of silence, not only did I not feel relieved, but the pain intensified and the depression surged. Therefore, in order to escape the insults and the abuse, I started my third career with the introduction of my relatives in a trying mood.
job.
As I said before, I am a person who dares to face reality. Although I am not very smart, I know how to support myself. I have never thought of relying on my parents, and I have always aimed to support myself, no matter what.
Regardless of the income level, I just hope that I can support myself without spending money from my parents. Let’s get back to the topic.
The work was not easy, but after the initial internship experience, I still integrated into it, and gradually adapted to it while getting rid of depression. Perhaps the work environment suited my personal personality, so I persisted this time, and in a true sense, I became firm and accustomed to it for a long time.
, lived an ordinary life like the co-workers. Although there were ups and downs during the period, isn't that what life is like?
Seven years, a whole seven years, I thought my life would pass quietly in this dullness, but unfortunately I was still too true. If I am said to be lazy personally, then I may be speechless when I encounter all the following.
I say I can only blame myself, but the problem is that the cause is not there
I, it’s really not me. After working for seven years, the unit was cleared of employees. All those who had worked for less than 12 years were terminated from their contracts and were dismissed collectively. So, I was left with nearly a thousand unlucky co-workers like me who had not had enough service.
He had no choice but to leave with the meager compensation.
The third time I got hit...
That night when I returned home, I sighed and didn't know what to do. The only thing I could do was lean on the window sill and look at the stars like I did today.
Half a month later, with the help of my mother’s friend, I went to Shanghai to start working. Then, I was forced to give up due to the frequent job transfers that were difficult to attach. Obviously, my personality determined that it was difficult for me to face new things frequently.
In a new environment, when the pressure accumulates to a certain level, the consequence is often that you have no choice but to let go.
Another week later, I found a job locally on my own. Two years later, the contract was terminated in a familiar way.
The cycle went over and over again, and I began to feel numb in my heart when things went wrong again and again. It was also from that time that I became aware of something.
Yes, I began to pay special attention, focus on observation, observe my body, and recall my past.
The result was nothing.
I was tortured by fate until I collapsed. During the collapse, I recognized the reality and thought that there was no room for me in real work. So I found another way and started my writing career with my writing style that was barely up to standard, trying to break away from reality on the other side.
Prove your own worth in a world to maintain food and clothing.
Since I like supernatural works, I instinctively chose the supernatural theme as a first-time novelist, and then began to conceive and create code to make a living. As described at the beginning of the article, I don’t have any lofty goals. I just want to make enough money to maintain the basic level.
The money you spend on survival is used to support yourself,
Let’s not talk about the income for the moment, but the creation was indeed relatively smooth at the beginning. Not to mention, relying on my rough writing that basically met the standard, I successfully passed the review and immediately signed the contract. Next, as I continued to conceive of the codes every day,
As the plot develops one after another, some readers are attracted.
Subscriptions are increasing one after another. Of course, this so-called increase in subscriptions is only in my personal eyes. In the eyes of great writers, it is nothing. After all, with just a few hundred subscriptions, I can barely survive.
Starve to death, so what? I never wrote a novel from the beginning to the end
I have thought about becoming famous, but I have heard the saying that "writing novels is a dead end". If you have to ask me what is my other purpose besides maintaining food and clothing? It is very simple, that is, I am dissatisfied with today's supernatural novels, no,
No, it should be said that I have quite a few criticisms of today's novels on escape themes.
I believe that brothers who often read this kind of novels about the escape of the dragon soul will definitely find a certain characteristic, that is, most of the novels about the escape of the ghost soul have horror in the early stage and science fiction powers in the later stage, and some even directly turn into cultivation. Regarding this, I Personally, I won’t express my opinion. I can only say that this goes against the original intention of the Escape from the Escape. What is the Escape from the Escape? To put it bluntly, it means that humans use their wisdom to escape and ascend to heaven under the threat of the invincible monster. Once enhanced abilities or bloodlines are added in the middle and later stages, Such unconventional things, once humans have the ability to confront the monsters head-on, then this type of subject matter will undoubtedly change, especially the sense of tension and oppression will decline rapidly. It is no exaggeration to say that without discussing Regardless of whether the plot is exciting or not, most of today's ghost escape-themed works are scary in the early stage but gradually change in the middle and later stages. Some of them are simply monster-fighting and upgrading works covered in horror.
Of course, I also admit that among today’s ghost escape-themed works, there are indeed pure horror and supernatural works that do not contain supernatural powers, but it is a pity that the number is too small. On the one hand, the small number is small, and on the other hand, most of them are short in word length. , the novel ends before readers are satisfied with it, and it always leaves people with a feeling of unfinished learning, so my wish is very simple, that is, to write the longest pure soul escape in history that does not contain superpowers from beginning to end. It is a work that does not incorporate any other settings and only focuses on the horror and supernatural, making readers who love this type of subject have a great time watching it.
As for making money? As for becoming famous? I haven’t thought about it. I haven’t thought about it from beginning to end, because I know that the novel about the escape of the mantis soul is a niche genre and it is difficult to write. The novel about the escape of the mango soul without super powers is even more difficult. It’s difficult, and it’s also more brain-intensive to write than the ordinary escape from the ghost soul with supernatural powers. After all, under the premise that there are no superpowers, the plot must pay special attention to logic and rationality, such as the way to fight against the ghost, such as the analysis and reasoning of the way to survive. , such as the cracking of the mystery, etc. The above not only makes it difficult and very brain-burning for the author to write, but also has to take into account the exciting plot. In this way, the difficulty of writing is even more conceivable. All of these add up to make this Such works have become a subject that almost no author wants to write about, and it has become unpopular.
Yes, it is precisely because this type of subject matter is so difficult to write, and in the eyes of some readers, it is far less enjoyable to read than passionate novels, so the soul escape without supernatural powers has inevitably become a niche and unpopular, and there are few authors who have written about it. There are also few readers, and authors who write about this kind of subject are basically thankless for their efforts. However, there are no absolutes in anything. Being a niche does not mean that no one will read it. In fact, there are still many readers who like to watch Escape. In order to be able to This is exactly what I want to do, so that readers who love this kind of subject matter will not be short of books and still have new works to read. As for money? Just enough to eat and not to starve to death, that's all.
result……
I succeeded a third of the way.
My first novel was written for two full years and had reached 3 million words when it was blocked due to some unexplainable reasons.
What does closing a book mean?
It means disappearing, it means evaporating from the world, and it is a forced eunuch. It means that the author wants to continue writing but has nothing to write because the work disappears!
I believe that readers who have read my first work must have scolded me for why I didn’t write The Eunuch in the middle of Arctic Hunter. Even to this day, I believe there are still many people who think that I was an active eunuch, but the truth is not everyone As I guessed, what is the truth? The truth is that I personally want to continue writing, but unfortunately reality forces me to eunuch. Think about it, if it were you, how could you survive when the work disappears? Keep writing?
Therefore, due to the irreversible human resources, my work, which had been written for two years and had quite a large number of words, evaporated and was forced to come to an abrupt end.
I'm not willing to give in!
So after half a month of silence, I reopened a new book and started writing again. I planned to resurrect the first work in another way, trying to make up for the regrets, trying to link it with a new framework, linking to the broken parts of the first work, and then continue writing.
Go on and write the story of the first work completely, so that the whole story has a beginning and an end.
As a result, I was too naive...
When the second work reached 1.5 million words, the book was blocked again. As for the reason for blocking the book, the official reason was that it was too scary and too bloody!?
I was speechless, lost my language, lost my hope, my sky completely collapsed, and my human logic was completely destroyed.
There are only tears left, only tears filled with reluctance in pain. Why is this happening? Why is it that other people write books smoothly but I am the only one who has gone through ups and downs and everything is not going well? Is it because I didn’t try hard enough to conceive the plot or did I commit a taboo in the subject I chose?
?If so, then why do many novel websites maintain supernatural horror columns?
I, I don’t understand, I really don’t understand, I can’t do anything but cry alone late at night.
I fell ill, suffered from chest tightness and asthma due to extreme confusion and excessive anger, and ended up being hospitalized for three days.
After I was discharged from the hospital, I continued to read with reluctance. Then, I was lucky enough to encounter the "net pattern rectification". For a time, countless supernatural works were blocked, and a large number of horror novels disappeared, and naturally my works were indispensable among them. Then, I
laughed.
Hehe, hehehe, hehehehe.
In that empty and desolate night, I laughed and cried, laughed and cried. From that moment on, I truly discovered that I was a person plagued by bad luck, a person who had been deliberately targeted many times by God.
You kid, if the above are just my personal guesses, then another thing I encountered that night completely confirmed the existence of 'her'.
I accidentally saw 'her' during that brief power outage. Yes, I saw it with my own eyes. At two o'clock in the morning, 'she' stayed with me, silently in a form that no one, including myself, could usually see.
Stay with me. I don't know how long that thing has been pestering me. I only know that 'she' wants me to die. She really wants me to die. 'She' doesn't have the ability to kill me directly, but 'she'
But it has the ability to reduce my luck, which indirectly causes me to have bad luck in everything. Whether it is my early real work or my current writing of online articles, many of my failures all come from 'her'. Yes, that thing followed me.
It has been with me for a long time, it has been with me from morning to night and all the time. It has caused my bad luck to linger, and the name of that thing is exactly...
Female locust!!!
I was entangled by an invisible long-haired female locust. I was really entangled. I could have sworn that I, the Arctic hunter, had seen 'her' with my own eyes. At two o'clock in the middle of the night, the power went out and then came back in a brief trance.
I accidentally saw 'her' through the computer screen. Then, I understood, I understood completely. It turns out that everything is destined and nothing can be changed. The moment I saw 'her', I had stopped fantasizing.
, interrupting the 'eventually'
The ridiculous self-consolation of "It will get better one day" turns out that I am the protagonist of the story, a poor character who is labeled as "tragedy" in reality. Of course I don't understand why God is targeting me like this, and I can't let women do it either.
The tiger is far away from me, so I can only give up the struggle and accept the reality. After accepting the reality, I vaguely feel that I am dying, my end is approaching, and I will most likely be tortured to death by fate, and I am destined to die at the hands of the female tiger.
,only……
Before I die, I still want to fulfill one wish, which is to allow me to finish writing this story, and this is also my last wish in this life.
Tortured by bad luck, I didn’t expect that the novel that others could finish smoothly became an impossible task for me. Finishing a novel successfully turned out to be even more difficult than climbing to the sky!
so……
Please, please have mercy on me, don’t play tricks on me anymore, I just want to finish this book completely, that’s all!!!
I promise you that as long as you are willing to give me a chance and allow me to make up for the regrets that have lasted for several years, as long as you allow me to finish writing this book smoothly, I will solve it myself without you having to do anything. When the work is completed,
That was the day my arctic hunter life ended!
At that time, I will jump off the 6th floor, and I will take the initiative to go to hell according to your wishes. The only requirement is that I can finish this novel that I have poured a lot of effort into.
This is my obsession, an obsession that goes deep into my bones. I just want to write a novel as I planned earlier, the longest escape novel with no supernatural powers in history. The wish is very small, nothing more, maybe in the future
In the eyes of ordinary people, this is nothing. As long as you are willing to code and conceive, the work will be completed over time. Unfortunately, such an easy thing is difficult for a person like me who is plagued by bad luck.
That night, facing the computer screen and looking at the long-haired woman lying on my back, I cried and begged her with tears in my eyes. I begged her to let me go for the time being and not to release the bad luck for the time being. The purpose was to allow me.
After finishing the novel, as for the female locust...
'She' didn't respond, didn't speak, she just looked at me through the computer screen for a long time without sound. After looking at each other for a long time, 'she' disappeared.
As the female locust disappeared, I opened the book again and continued to rewrite, and this work to make up for my regrets was also named "Secret Stories of Evil Spirits".
First of all, it can be confirmed that "Secret Records of Evil Spirits" is a refined rewritten version of the first work. The purpose is to allow the whole story to have a complete ending. The reason for the rewrite is that only one third of the full text of the first work was written.
The book was banned due to circumstances, and there are still millions of words of huge plots that have not yet been written. However, I always work from beginning to end, in order to make up for my personality.
It is a pity, and in order to make up for the regrets of old readers, this book is a refined rewritten version of the first work. The rewritten version has a certain degree of modification in the plot, and the content is greatly optimized. The first work was forced to be discontinued due to book closure.
I will continue to write after updating the chapters, and complete the last two-thirds of the plot that was not written due to book closure in this book, so that the whole story has a beginning and an end.
………
Time passed day by day, and the plot developed step by step. Finally, the plot entered the connecting part, and finally came to the place that left me with regrets throughout my life.
Staring at the night sky outside the window, I finished recalling the past, suddenly came back to my senses, and found that time had unknowingly entered midnight.
I left the window sill, returned to the bedroom, turned on the computer and logged in to the website. Next, I started coding, typing a line of titles on the blank coding interface, and typed out the latest volume that had been postponed for several years due to continuous book closures.
The title of a new volume that I was forced to discontinue: