Ning Youguang asked: "Whenever you feel unhappy, guilty, and criticized, what kind of state are you in?"
Xia Fanxing remained motionless, lost in thought.
For a long time, he said: "I feel like a child."
"Okay, then this state in psychology means that you are in the 'child ego state'."
"So this state is very bad?"
"There is no good or bad state of a person."
"There is no good or bad, so why do I feel bad?" Xia Fanxing became a little emotional.
"The 'child ego state' is built from the remnants of our childhood and includes all the emotions we experienced as children. As we grow older, these emotions we had in childhood will evolve into the core of our self-behavior patterns.
, integrate into a part of ourselves to define our behavior throughout our lives. These basic emotions include happiness and affection, anger, sadness, fear. Once an adult enters the 'child ego state', his behavior pattern will be the same as that of a child, and in reality
Age doesn’t matter.”
"So, why am I like this?"
"This is only half of it. In the process of people growing up, in addition to their own emotion-led behavioral patterns, the most important thing is the parents. They have an impact on the child's consciousness from the beginning. Some parents will give their children comfort when they are fearful or sad.
Love and care, when children receive love and care, they will change their emotional patterns and become happy; some parents will ignore their children's fears and sorrows and discipline them more severely, in the name of fearing that they will be 'spoiled', their children's fears and
The grief will deepen, even though he may seem calm and not crying or fussing."
Xia Fanxing recalled the process of growing up and laughed at himself: "I never thought that the way parents treat their children would have such great control over their children. However, every child does not have the right to choose his parents.
.”
"You are right. Parents rarely harm their children consciously. They just unconsciously pass on their ideas and behaviors to the next generation."
"Then what should I do?" Xia Fanxing felt a little suffocated.
"So, when children grow up, once they realize that their parents' behaviors and ideas have harmed them, they must know how to adjust their basic behaviors."
"Then how should I adjust?"
"Okay, today's time has passed for a long time, let's discuss it based on today's issues next time."
Xia Fanxing was stunned. He didn't expect that today's consultation time would pass so quickly.
He took out his phone and looked at it and found that three hours had passed.
He felt a little guilty and habitually lowered his head to apologize: "I'm sorry for delaying Teacher Ning for so long."
"I always know the time, so you don't have to feel guilty, just pay me on time."
"Okay." Xia Fanxing just breathed a sigh of relief and wanted to say thank you.
But I heard the gentle teacher Ning opposite him assign a task to his patient without any gentleness at all: "I'm going on a business trip next week and I'll leave you an assignment. When you go back, think back on your childhood and think about what else is profound.
The memory is painful and unforgettable for you. Once the homework is done, send it to me and we will see what we can learn from it. See you next week."
"Teacher Ning, I hate doing homework. Can you please stop doing it?" Xia Fanxing became irritable.
"You don't have to do it."
"too……"
"Then our cooperation ends here."
"..."
…
Before the business trip, Ning’s family day.
On a weekend afternoon, it was raining outside the window.
There is a faint warm fragrance lingering in the house, which is the incense ordered by the hostess of the house.
Siblings Ning Youguang and Ning Youyu sat on the sofa, holding plates, eating cherries and mangosteens, and chatting.
"Xiaoyu, sister, why do you feel like you've been talking less lately?"
"Yeah." Ning Youyu spit out the cherry pit in his mouth.
"What does um mean?"
Ning Youyu continued to eat cherries without saying anything.
Ning Youguang looked at him, turned his eyes slightly, and asked: "Did the teacher of our Xiaoyu say anything to you recently at school? Or did he encounter something unhappy?"
Ming Jinxin sat across from them, flipping through the latest fashion magazine she received.
After hearing her words, he raised his head and looked at them.
"The teacher said that if you didn't abide by the agreement during the lunch break and disturbed others with your talk, there would be no afternoon tea and fruit." Ning Youyu frowned, spit out the cherry pit, and said.
"So, you don't like to talk anymore?"
"The teacher also criticized me and said that if I didn't perform well, there would be no reward."
Ming Jinxin put down the magazine, "Did the teacher really say that?"
"Yes." Ning Youyu looked at his mother seriously and nodded.
"Then can you repeat what the teacher said to your mother?" Ming Jinxin glanced at Ning Youguang and softened her voice.
"The teacher said that if you don't follow the rules, you won't have any fruit to eat, and you will have to be at the back to play games. Do you hear that?" Ning Youyu imitated the teacher's tone and repeated the teacher's words.
"Youyu, if the teacher talks like this, then my mother doesn't feel that she is criticizing you. She just sets rules for the whole class of children, not for you."
Ning Youyu wrinkled his face: "But what she said made me very unhappy and sad. Mom, go and talk to the teacher."
Ming Jinxin was a little worried, but she still said patiently: "But my mother has no way to communicate with her about the rules that the teacher has set for the whole class, because you alone don't accept them, so you have to change them."
Ning Youyu curled his lips and continued eating cherries.
Ning Youguang chuckled at the right moment and said, "This strawberry is delicious. Who bought it?"
"My mother bought it." Ning Youyu replied.
"Auntie must have spent a lot of money, right?"
"It cost a lot of money." Ning Youyu continued to answer.
His mother took him to the supermarket to buy this strawberry, so he remembered it.
"Wow, Xiaoyu knows so much?"
"Yes." Ning Youyu's white and tender face is full of seriousness, and he looks particularly cute when he looks at people with his round eyes.
"Then I go to the supermarket. If I don't have money, I don't know if people will give me strawberries." Ning Youguang had a smile in his eyes but a pitiful sigh on his lips.
"Sister, that's definitely not possible. Everything in the supermarket costs money."
"I'm so sad. I have no money and I still want strawberries from the supermarket."
Ming Jinxin pursed her lips and smiled.
Ning Youyu was a little anxious. He threw away the cherry and refused to eat it. He followed his sister's usual behavior when she was trying to reason with him. He walked to his sister and reached out to hug her.
Her voice was soft and waxy: "Sister, this is the rule in the supermarket. If you don't pay, there will definitely be no strawberries. Do you want to buy strawberries? I have money. Here it is for you. I will take you to buy it.
Bar."
Ning Youguang was so warmed up by his younger brother that he couldn't be happier.
Ming Jinxin also laughed: "Your sister wants to tell you that the rules set by the teacher are the same as those set in the supermarket. Everyone must abide by them. If my sister wants strawberries, she has to spend money to buy them. If you want
If you eat delicious food early in school, you have to work hard, right?"
Ning Youyu thought for a long time and nodded: "I understand."
Afterwards, I watched my son regain his previous liveliness.
Ming Jinxin said with emotion: "Yes, you should observe carefully. If you don't say anything, I won't even realize that Yuyu has been silent a lot these past few days."
…
Later.
When Ming Jinxin learned that Ning Youguang was going to Boston on a business trip in two days, she immediately sent a message to the family group, asking Ning Yi and Ming Chao to go home early and go out to eat as a family in the evening.
The Ning family chose to have dinner at a private club not far from their home.
The club has an elegant environment, good privacy, and good food.
There's nothing wrong with it except that it's expensive.
The Ning family comes often.
At the beginning of the dinner, the family expressed their celebration and concern for Ning Youguang's upcoming trip to the United States to attend an international academic conference on behalf of his motherland.
"You are with Professor Yu this time. You must behave well and show your style and magnanimity to the guests from other countries."
"By the way, I just asked them to send photos of the latest clothes and shoes. When we get home in the evening, we will choose a few sets and you can take them to the United States to wear." Ming Jinxin.
"Pay attention to safety on the road. People are complicated outside. Try not to go out alone. Boston is not as safe as our country." Ming Dynasty.
"This conference is full of international psychology giants. Perform well and bring glory to the motherland." Ning Yi.
"I know, I will take good care of myself, you don't have to worry." Ning Youguang.
"Sister, remember to bring me a gift when you go to the United States." Ning Youyu.
"good."
"You really need to prepare more money." Ming Chao put down his chopsticks and took out his mobile phone to do some operations.
Ning Youguang soon heard a "ding" from his cell phone, indicating that there was a message coming in.
She took it out and looked at it:
“[Bank of China]’s account ending with 4134 transferred 1,000,000.0 yuan to your account ending with 4144 at 19:41 on April 30. Anyone who asks for a verification code is a liar, don’t give it!]
"Brother, I'm rich." Ning Youguang laughed.
Ming Chao doesn't know why, but in recent years, he has always found various excuses to send her money.
"You don't have too much money." Ming Chao picked up the chopsticks again and took a bite of food, eating slowly.
He is handsome, has good manners, and eats well.
But what I was thinking was:
“How much money can you make as a teacher?”
"Let's change it later."
“Isn’t it enough to transfer another million?”
"Yes, you need to bring more money with you when going abroad." Ning Yi also took out his mobile phone and started operating it.
“[Bank of China]’s account ending with 5133 transferred 1,000,000.0 yuan to your account ending with 4144 at 19:43 on April 30. Anyone who asks for a verification code is a liar, don’t give it!]
"..." Ning Youguang.
"Keep it, dad and brother should give you pocket money, right? It's hard to go abroad, so just go shopping. Buy whatever you want when you see it in Boston. Don't skimp on it." Ming Jinxin.
"Mom, doesn't my sister have any money? Give me my New Year's money when you get home later, and I will take it to the United States for my sister." Ning Youyu.
As soon as he said these words, Ning Yi and Ming Chao's expressions changed.
"What's the matter with no money?" Ning Yi asked with a puzzled expression.
Without saying a word, Ming Chao picked up his phone again and prepared to transfer money.
Ning Youguang quickly stopped: "Brother, it's not like I don't have money. I was joking with Xiaoyu this afternoon."
Ming Chao was dubious: "Are you really not out of money?"
"Really, I have money. My aunt just introduced me to a client recently. Dr. Xia is very generous and the consultation fee is very generous."
Ming Chao then frowned and continued eating.
After worrying about my daughter going on a business trip abroad.
Ming Jinxin continued: "I plan to resign Xiao Zhang from my family."
Xiao Zhang is the young aunt in the family.
"What's wrong?" Ning Yi asked in surprise, "Didn't you say that her craftsmanship is quite good?"
"It's pretty good." Ming Jinxin nodded, "It's more delicious than Aunt Liu's cooking. She can cook Chinese and Western food from all major cuisines. She can cook whatever I order and what I don't order."
"Then why do you still want to resign?" Ning Yi was surprised.
"Don't our family eat dumplings several times a week? Sometimes when there is leftover noodles, I let her take it away, and sometimes when there is leftover stuffing, I let her take it away. However, recently I found that she made the decision without permission, leaving some stuffing behind. I can take some noodles with me after get off work." Ming Jinxin paused, "This is a bit embarrassing, I can't understand her behavior..."
"The craftsmanship is good, but the character is not good, so it can't be used." Ning Yi understood.
Finished speaking.
Ming Jinxin concluded: "It's really hard to find a useful worker these days."
…
The day of departure.
Ning Youguang went to Professor Yu's home to pick him up and take him to the airport. When he arrived at the airport, he found that his senior brother Chen Yifan was already waiting at the airport.
Seeing them coming, Chen Yifan took the luggage from their hands: "Teacher, junior sister, we still have one hour to board the plane. Let's go to the lounge to rest for a while."
Professor Yu agreed, and the three masters and apprentices went into the lounge to rest.
Ning Youguang went to get water for the professor.
"Senior brother, what are you drinking?" she asked casually.
She and Professor Yu were accustomed to bringing thermos cups with them when they went out, and they carried them with them every day.
Chen Yifan, she often sees him drinking.
"I also drink water. There is a cup by the water dispenser." Chen Yifan stood up and went to the water dispenser with her.
While waiting to fill the water, Ning Youguang smiled and said:
"We drink water, you don't have to drink with us."
Chen Yifan's ears turned red, "Drinking water is good. I will drink less drinks in the future to fight against sugar."
"Can I quit Coca-Cola?" Ning Youguang joked.
Drinking happy water is one of the few hobbies of Senior Brother Chen.
"I can quit." Chen Yifan paused and took a sip of warm water from the water dispenser. "The medicine you prescribed for me last time was very good. I don't have many acne now. Thank you."
"I saw it and I know you followed the doctor's instructions well." Ning Youguang pursed his lips and smiled.
When the senior brother and sister returned to the lounge with water in their hands, they saw Professor Yu putting on his glasses again and reading the information. "Didn't the teacher say to take a rest? Why are you reading the information again?" Ning Youguang handed her the water. "This
You can't sleep in such an environment. Why don't you read the information for a while?" Professor Yu took the thermos cup and handed the information to her with his backhand. "You should also take a look at these information. If you don't understand anything, you can discuss it with me.
, don’t be nervous.”
"Teacher, I'm not nervous."
"Here, have a taste." Professor Yu took out two more packs of biscuits from the bag next to him and gave one to each of Ning Youguang and Chen Yifan. "Your master prepared this for me before he went out. He said he had been in a meeting for a long time.
Take two pieces with you to replenish your energy, and you guys should try it too."
I was caught off guard and was fed a mouthful of dog food.
Ning Youguang and Chen Yifan looked at each other, then drank water and ate biscuits in silence.
Not to mention, although it is a bit sweet, it tastes pretty good.
Professor Yu saw that the two apprentices were eating well, and he was also happy. He smiled and said, "When I was a child, my mother had no milk. I didn't like to drink cow's milk or goat's milk since I was a child. Now I can't stand the smell of it. It makes me nauseous. I ate the most when I was a child.
The best thing is to soak the biscuits in water. No matter what kind of biscuits, they must be soaked in water to eat. Watching the biscuits become white and fat in the hot water, eating them one by one with a spoon, it feels very delicious. Now it is a midnight snack every night
Like this, your master prepared it, using a small bowl and a small spoon to soak different biscuits, and I am only responsible for eating them."
"..."
Two singles.1314
－－－－－－Digression－－－－－
When you grow up and have a career, will love be far behind?