Xia Fanxing always feels strange and uneasy when she returns home.
The homework assigned to him by Teacher Ning reminded him of many childhood memories.
The faces and looks of my parents, grandparents, and the elders around me were not blurry either.
In order to complete the homework better.
He had to open the rooms, attics, and warehouses that had been sealed since the death of his grandparents and parents.
Here, he dug out many yellowed photos and old items, which further deepened his memories of childhood.
As soon as he saw these things, he couldn't control his sadness and discomfort.
But what made him even more sad was that these sad and painful emotions were not born because of the death of his family elders, but because he kept recalling the scenes of how they treated him, with control, dissatisfaction, disgust, and doubt.
There is anger…
The more he recalled, the more he felt the heavy gray sadness.
Sometimes a good birth may not be happy for a person.
Because he may work hard but never reach the heights that his grandparents and parents could reach.
What is even sadder is that parents and grandparents are not willing to accept that they have an ordinary child.
They always feel that since they are so good, they will definitely give birth to a better child, and they also feel that they have the ability to make their children better, which results in a very extreme transformation and training.
But genes are so magical. Sometimes they don't make any sense and just throw cards randomly, leaving people helpless.
In my memory, when he was very young, his mother would hug him, kiss him, care for him, encourage him, and praise him with a smile on her face.
But under her father's severe criticism, she quickly put away her motherly side and followed her father's strict parenting views.
She cares very much about her father's evaluation and is always afraid that he will be dissatisfied with her.
After that, he never felt his mother's embrace and warmth again.
…
When I came to the National University of Science and Technology again.
Xia Fanxing felt a complex emotion that he had never experienced before, and he continued to be immersed in his childhood where he did not have much happiness.
Powerless and angry, there is no solution.
Because those who made him unhappy have died.
"How have you been these past two weeks?"
"good."
Haven't seen you for two weeks.
Xia Fanxing walked into Teacher Ning's office and sat on this familiar chair.
He looked across at Teacher Ning, who could not help but be amazed no matter how many times he looked at him. He tried his best to suppress his negative emotions and make himself look as calm as possible.
But it's completely useless.
In Teacher Ning's eyes, he was full of flaws.
So, they looked at each other in silence for a long time.
Xia Fanxing was discouraged and slumped on the chair with a manic-depressive look on his face. "No, I'm very bad. I feel like I'm starting to get depressed again. I went through the warehouse at home and looked at old photos of my family.
It’s an old thing. I found that I looked weak and thin in the family photos, and everyone around me looked brighter than me. This made me even more painful. I couldn’t help but feel aggrieved and sad.”
Xia Fanxing, who had not shed a single tear at home, started sniffling and crying again as soon as she sat in front of Teacher Ning.
Ning Youguang handed him the carton quietly: "Do you feel better now?"
"Better than before."
"You see, there are causes for sadness and pain and unhappiness, right?"
"But I don't like these feelings, and I don't like my state." Xia Fanxing covered her face with a tissue and cried bitterly.
"What kind of state don't you like, the state of crying like this, or the state of pain and discomfort?" Teacher Ning was completely unaffected by his emotions and asked calmly.
"Crying state." Xia Fanxing took off the tissue from his face, frowned and looked at the calm Teacher Ning across from him, "Don't you think I'm in such a sad state?"
"Don't you think crying is a sad thing?"
"Yes, I think it's too pathetic, so I don't like this state."
"You definitely don't like the state you are in, but if a person wants to understand himself better, he must connect with his own emotions and learn to understand them. It is a part of us and we cannot let go of it in this life.
, if you forcefully want to give up part of your emotions, then you are ignoring a certain part of your body, and to a certain extent, you are a mutilated person."
"So it doesn't matter if a grown man cries?" Xia Fanxing frowned and asked, "I will always remember when I was a child, when I cried, my dad would say, 'If you cry again, I will really hit you! I tell you!
''Xia Fanxing, why are you so useless?'' So every time I want to cry, I can only hold it back."
"That was when you were a kid. Dad treated you that way. It only happened when you were a kid. Look, you cried for so long just now. Did anyone still hurt you? Did anyone scold you? Your dad also passed away, so,
You have a choice now. Regarding the present, you can choose to respect your emotions or choose to live in the shadow of the past."
"This seems a bit difficult." Xia Fanxing fidgeted in his chair.
"Yes, but you must make a choice, because this choice will have a profound and significant impact on your future life."
Xia Fanxing was shocked by the seriousness and seriousness on Teacher Ning's face.
But my mind started spinning rapidly.
I keep playing the image of my father over and over again in my mind, yelling loudly, being intimidating, and speaking sharply...
Whenever he had the slightest idea of doing something "deviant", a scene of his father glaring and preaching would appear in front of him.
In the past, his father's harsh judgments and teachings on him continued to dominate his life.
"I feel that many times, some of the things I do are not done because I want to, but because I have bought into other people's opinions. Growing up, there were always people around me who were criticizing my life.
"
"So, if parents and people around them are harsh and critical, children must learn how to deal with them. Once you choose not to buy into their opinions and teach them how to treat you, they will adjust their behavior."
After a long time, Xia Fanxing asked in a nagging tone: "Teacher, I don't know how to teach them how to treat me, because their power is stronger than mine."
"But when you were a child, you also learned how to obey their wishes and grow up according to their requirements."
"Is this different?"
"What's the difference?"
"It's just different." Xia Fanxing was a little afraid to look at the teacher opposite, as if he could see through his eyes at a glance.
"Do you think it's easier to learn to obey them than to learn to obey yourself?"
"..." Xia Fanxing fell silent and stopped dodging.
After a long while, he lowered his head and said slowly: "In addition to obeying them, I also habitually try to please them, hoping that they will praise me, be satisfied with me, and be proud of me."
Sadness surrounded him, and he began to reflect on his past thoughts and actions: "So this is why I used to like to be noticed, high-profile, buy luxury goods, luxury cars, and gather friends for gatherings. I was too eager.
Being praised and noticed because I... am so lacking."
When Xia Fanxing lowered his head to reflect on himself, Ning Youguang changed his previous sharp attitude and became gentle and quiet again.
She looked at the person opposite who was analyzing herself with such gentle, clear eyes that seemed to understand everything.
After completing the self-dissection, Xia Fanxing slowly raised his head and saw a silent support in Teacher Ning's eyes.
His brain was still sluggish, but tears flowed down first.
…
After finishing Xia Fanxing's case, Ning Youguang took the opportunity to drink a cup of tea.
While drinking tea, I checked Weibo and found that a Weibo netizen was asking:
[A koi sheep bleating: Teacher, will everyone be loved?]
She took a sip of tea, placed the tea cup gently on her desk, and replied to the netizen's question:
[An ordinary person: Love makes people feel gentle and brave, rather than making people feel wronged and compromised. I wish you well! @一Koi Yang咩咩]
…
After drinking tea, I finished browsing Weibo.
Ning Youguang opened the laptop on her desk and looked at the contents of the document that had been suspended due to Xia Fanxing's visit.
"I have also found that the decisive original trauma often comes from an early disruption of connection..."
Taking a deep breath, she quickly got into working mode, tapping quickly on the keyboard with her slender fingers, and re-completed the unfinished work before.
"This has always played a pivotal role in primitive therapy..."
When the work is completed, the clock in the upper right corner of the computer displays: Wednesday, 11:45.
It’s almost time to get off work at noon.
She quickly checked the documents and found that there were no problems. She printed them out, organized them, and put them into a document bag. Then she locked the office door and left the office.
She needs to send the summary report she just finished to the teacher.
Professor Yu's research institute is also at the National University of Science and Technology of China. To get to the research institute from her office, you need to cross the campus of the National University of Science and Technology of China. It is a bit long to walk there.
Therefore, after she went downstairs, she scanned a shared bicycle with her mobile phone and started to shuttle around the campus.
…
The short and beautiful spring in Beijing is passing by, and late spring and early summer are coming quietly.
The leaves on the campus of the National University of Science and Technology are no longer light green but have begun to turn dark green. Catkins are flying all over the sky, azaleas of all colors are blooming, and energetic young men and women have also changed into thin clothes. There are beautiful scenery everywhere.
As Ning Youguang rode her bicycle across the campus, it was like a gust of wind blowing through the crowd. Many students who were finishing school cheered and greeted her:
"Oh my god, it's Teacher Ning."
"Hello, Teacher Ning."
"Hello teacher."
"Hello, goddess."
There were also many students who quickly picked up their mobile phones to take photos and videos.
"Hurry up, hurry up, the goddess looks so amazing riding a bicycle."
"Yes, yes..."
"Here I go, my goddess is riding a bicycle. This is exactly like a movie scene." 1314