It is also in the first stage that the charming gaslighting phase and the gentle romantic phase intersect, making it difficult for the manipulated person to find the problem or even realize that he or she has been manipulated.
She will only think that this is a conflict that couples will have when they get along together.
After all, when people get along with each other, who can live without some contradictions?!
For example, when her increasingly bad-tempered husband gives Liang Yiyi gifts and surprises, she will tell herself: "He does love me very much. The previous unhappiness was all because of some small conflicts. As long as we solve it,
It’ll be fine.”
Because of this, Liang Yiyi's self-perception is slowly being destroyed.
Some manipulated people will waste months, years, or even a lifetime in the unrealistic hope that the problem between the two of them will be resolved.
But unfortunately, when faced with this kind of person who keeps giving you problems, the problems between the two people will never be solved.
"Sometimes I can find where I went wrong, and sometimes I can't. I often feel strange, why was it right for me to do this before and have no problem getting along with others, but why is it wrong for my husband?
Is there a problem?" Liang Yiyi said distressedly, "When I go to question him, he will say, 'It is because of the connivance of those people that you are so ignorant now' and 'Don't even look at you.
How much do your parents spoil you!'."
"He said I had no brains. I felt embarrassed and angry. I didn't want him to say that to me."
"Have you told him that you don't like him talking about you like this?" Ning Youguang asked.
"Yes, I told him, but he just said, 'Do you have such a brain?', 'You are married, it's time for you to grow up. If you continue like this, I will have no way to communicate with you.
!' Even, he would ask to separate from me for a few days, so that I can reflect on it." When Liang Yiyi said this, she couldn't breathe, "I am particularly afraid of being separated from him, how can a married couple be so quick to do so?
I definitely don't accept separation. I think if there are problems between husband and wife, it's okay to quarrel but not to separate, but he doesn't accept it, so I can only constantly reflect on my own problems."
"Does he have this attitude every time a problem arises?" Ning Youguang asked.
"It's basically like this." Liang Yiyi said, "I also asked him before, 'Why is it my fault every time something goes wrong? Are you not at fault?', and he firmly said 'no', and I said
'Why do you think so firmly that you don't have it?', he said, 'Based on the vast majority of people I know'..."
"In the end, he would reveal all the wrong things I had done before. Sometimes when we were lying in bed at night, I originally wanted to communicate with him to solve the problem, but in the end it became my problem.
, turned into an endless trial for me!”
"I'm so tired! I often cry in the middle of the night."
"How did he react when he saw you crying?" Ning Youguang asked.
"He said, 'I have to let you see your own problems, otherwise if you keep doing this, you will never get better!', 'You should reflect on yourself!' Then, he would lift the quilt and shut the door very loudly.
Come to the guest room."
It's so suffocating.
"Wouldn't it make people go crazy if they do this often?" Ning Youguang said.
"I also feel like I'm going crazy!" Liang Yiyi glanced at her daughter, "I often can't figure it out. Sometimes I even think about whether I should go to the top of the building and jump to my death, but I can't because I have fun.
Le, I can't leave her without a mother."
After a long while, she added, "But this is not the only way we get along. It only happens when there are problems. When there are no problems, or as long as I continue to recognize and agree with his point of view, we get along very well.
He would buy me gifts, take good care of my health, and take me out to relax. He is also very considerate many times."
Ning Youguang asked Liang Yiyi, "Have you ever thought about the motivation behind his thoughtfulness and gentleness?"
"Of course it's because he loves me." Liang Yiyi said.
"Maybe that's the case." Ning Youguang said, "But maybe there are other reasons?"
Liang Yiyi lowered her head, "What's the reason? Isn't it because we get along so well?"
Ning Youguang looked seriously into Liang Yiyi's eyes, "In order to prevent you from criticizing his mistakes and to make you doubt your own thoughts."
Liang Yiyi fell into silence.
Ning Youguang continued to ask, "When you are getting along with your husband, sometimes you think his views are wrong, but as time goes by, you will think he is right, because as long as you think he is right
, he will recognize you, and you can't deny him at all. Once you deny him, there will be conflicts between you?"
Liang Yiyi nodded, "Yes, only if I obey him will we not quarrel."
"Can I ask you a few questions?"
"go ahead."
"Your husband often uses cold violence on you?"
"It will happen if you are unhappy."
"Does he have frequent or periodic outbursts?"
"He really has a bad temper, and I feel very scared."
"Are you afraid to go to certain places?"
"It was there before, but it's much better now."
"which places?"
"Social occasions, but I don't like going out now, so I won't..."
The more Liang Yiyi talked about it, the clearer her thinking became, "It seems that it's not just in life, such as eating, dressing, talking, etc. As long as I touch something he doesn't like or accept, he will show a very cold and scary side.
, I generally don’t dare to touch his minefield now.”
"Has he frequently threatened to leave you if you upset him? Or has he hinted at leaving?"
"Yes, he often says, 'If you keep doing this, we may not be able to live together anymore.' Sometimes he also says, 'Let's get a divorce!'"
"Will he laugh at you?"
"It's a joke, does it count?"
"Of course, no matter whether some ridicule is joking or not, as long as he says it, it means that he has thought so."
"That's many times."
"Is there anything you're afraid of after being with him?"
"Yes, I am very afraid that we will get divorced. I am very afraid that he will think that I am not the woman he likes, and I am also very afraid that he will fall in love with someone else. I often have nightmares. I can't help but feel scared when I think of these. I often dream
Some scenes of his cheating made me crazy in the dream, and I couldn't recover for a long time after waking up."
As the two asked and answered questions, the atmosphere in the hotel room gradually became solemn.
Ning Youguang looked at Liang Yiyi's eyes that gradually calmed down and asked her, "Do you know that your husband is mentally controlling you?"
Liang Yiyi was completely motionless, as if she was frozen.
After a long time, she turned her head to look at her daughter and found that there were tears in her eyes, and her tears flowed out.
"Lele has done a lot of homework for me before coming here." She looked at her daughter and said, "She also showed me a lot of relevant information."
"Otherwise I wouldn't have come." She didn't cry, but her tears kept flowing.
At the same time, a strong stubbornness appeared in his eyes.
She wiped the tears off her face with her hands, wiped them off again, wiped them off again...
"I feel lonely at home."
She said, "Before I came here this time, I had gastritis and the stomach pain was unbearable. I asked my husband not to go on a business trip. I begged him to accompany me to the hospital, but he took the suitcase and left without looking back.
He said that I shouldn’t go to him when I had gastritis and that I should go to the hospital or a doctor. He also said that I ruined my stomach just because I ate randomly.
Take it as a warning.”
"I was lying on the bed, watching his leaving back, and I suddenly became calm. I thought, 'If I die, will he say so coldly, this is my problem?'"
Her face showed a kind of numbness with despair, "I am embarrassed to tell my friends, I am afraid that if I tell them, they will laugh at me."
She asked Ning Youguang, "Doctor Ning, do you know what else he said?"
Ning Youguang shook his head.
Liang Yiyi gave a sarcastic smile, "He said I shouldn't tell him this early in the morning. I knew he was going on a business trip, but I told him this to ruin his mood!"
"I suddenly discovered that he actually has no love." Liang Yiyi said, "I was wrong, I don't want it anymore, I don't want to love anymore, and I don't want to look forward to it anymore!"
"I have been looking forward to it for more than ten years..." she said in a hoarse voice, "I hope he can understand me and tolerate me, but the fact is that I am constantly compromising and tolerating him."
"I can't find myself." She completely collapsed emotionally.
Liang Yiyi buried her head in her knees, curled up like a baby, crying and trembling all over, "I can't remember what I looked like before."
"Now I don't dare to look in the mirror or see my own face."
"I feel like a ghost at home, like a ghost, like a puppet, but not human..."
She slowly raised her head, "I used to always wonder, why am I like this? Why is my life like this? I always feel that something is wrong, but I can't find the reason."
——"It wasn't until the New Year that Lele put a book on my bedside." She said, "When I finished reading the book, I realized that I had been controlled by him like a puppet for so many years."
Ning Youguang watched quietly as Liang Yiyi's crying subsided, and then asked softly, "Have you been making mental preparations these past few months?"
Many times, people who come to see a counselor already have the answer in their mind before walking into the counselor's office.
They come here just to find an expert or authority to confirm that their decision is right.
After Liang Yule talked to her during the Spring Festival, he often reported to her about his mother's condition and shared some things about her mother.
Therefore, this time, after learning that Liang Yiyi came to the capital, she had already guessed that she probably knew her situation.1314