It can be said that Ning Youguang's words opened up a new understanding of "breaking up and leaving" for her mother.
"Can it still be used in human relations?" She couldn't believe it.
"Of course." Ning Youguang said seriously, "Cut off meaningless social interactions, regularly delete friends on WeChat that you haven't contacted for several years or even more than a year, and delete those you don't contact at all, or don't think it is necessary to contact, as well as those you have not contacted at all.
Delete unhappy people from your phone and let them go in your heart. These are the ways of letting go of people."
"I deleted them all. What if I need to contact you in the future?" My mother asked with a frown.
"Just like those things you don't use in your daily life, you think you will use them later, but actually they are useless now, right? In the same way, after you delete those people you don't contact from your phone,
You will find that you will not contact them in the future. You keep these old people and things, which not only reveals that you cannot let go of the past, but also takes up space and brings harm and pain to your family and yourself. It has no meaning."
Mother was silent.
Ning Youguang continued to ask, "You can't let go of these, because you can't let go of the pain of the past. Do you want to use this to prove that you have been hurt and continue to hurt yourself?"
Mother's lips trembled slightly, "I...I just...I'm just too sad."
She broke down emotionally and cried loudly.
My daughter stood aside with red eyes, but she was at a loss.
"I know it's hard for you when you get hurt, but if you keep immersing yourself in the hurt, isn't it the same as letting yourself get hurt all the time?"
Ning Youguang's tone was gentle, but his words were not gentle.
Many times, psychological counselors will appear to be inhumane. Even if the client appears very sad, they will still indifferently let the client see the responsibility he needs to bear in the injury.
Because it is not her job to comfort the client, but to help the client see the problem and solve it.
Mother said nothing.
"Cutting off separation does not require you to cut it off all at once. It also depends on the process. In the final analysis, it is also about our own self-control. If we can improve our self-control and enhance our execution ability in all aspects of life,
No matter what stage you are at, it is a kind of growth for an individual." Ning Youguang continued, "So, what will be the result of separation is not a question we need to consider now. What we need to consider now is,
Use the action node of renunciation to see the subsequent changes in your life. After all, no matter what the outcome, this is just a node, and life will continue until we die."
"The present is always the beginning of our future life. Whether you are willing to change and be reborn, or whether you want to embrace the pain and regrets of the past and live like this until you die, it all depends on you."
The mother stopped crying and fell into deep thought.
Ning Youguang knew very well that she could not force the client to do anything, nor did she expect the client to fully follow her suggestions.
All she has to do is analyze the problems that the client cannot see and guide her to see another possibility of life.
"The less energy a person takes up materially, the greater freedom he will gain spiritually. If you are reluctant to let go of anything, you will get nothing in the end."
She said, "There are many people around me who only have the necessary daily necessities in their homes, and they use them with piety and care. They cherish and love things, but their homes are spotless and there is light everywhere they look.
, living a very high standard of living and state of life.”
After saying what needed to be said, Ning Youguang said no more.
In her studio, after her mother was silent for a while, she looked up at her, then at her daughter, and finally said to her daughter with red eyes, "Bao, when are you willing to come home and help mom put those things together?"
Throw away all the rubbish, okay?”
The daughter covered her mouth and nodded with tears in her eyes.
She cried and said, "Mom, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were hoarding so many things because you had so much pressure and pain in your heart."
The daughter's words made the mother cry again, but there was relief in her eyes.
She said, "Baby, I don't blame you. It's all my fault that Mom didn't tell you anything. It's also my fault that Mom is useless. There's nothing you can do against your dad."
The daughter cried and shook her head, "No, it's because I don't care about you, and I never take good care of your mood." She said, "I will tell my father when I go back, and I will let him know in the future.
Stop being the boss in the family."
A smile appeared on the mother's face.
But Ning Youguang interrupted helplessly, "Sorry, I think I need to interrupt you."
Both mother and daughter looked at her.
Ning Youguang said with a smile, "I'm glad that my mother can open up her heart today, and I'm also glad that my daughter can see her mother's hard work, but..."
She emphasized her tone, "I have to give you a little suggestion, okay?"
"Teacher Ning, please tell me," my mother said, wiping her tears.
"What is it?" the daughter asked curiously.
Ning Youguang said, "In a family, once a certain family member goes out of position, new family conflicts will arise. Therefore, it is better for the daughter to let the mother resolve the conflict between the mother and the father. Otherwise,
Not only will the daughter's intervention not solve the problems between the parents, but it will also create new family problems, which will make it even more troublesome."
A dull look appeared on the mother's face.
The daughter said anxiously, "Then my mother can't do anything to my father. If I don't help, won't I have to let my mother be suppressed by my father all the time?"
Ning Youguang said calmly, "You are a loving child. I can understand your love for your mother. But, I'm sorry, although there are conflicts between parents in many families, the children will help the weaker parent to confront the stronger one.
One party, but this does not solve the problem, it will only make the problem more and more complicated. Therefore, no matter what the problem between parents is, it is the parents' own homework. What the daughter has to do is to stay in her seat.
You can pay more attention to and take care of your mother when your father is away, so that your mother can get comfort and strength, but you cannot go overboard and ask your father to do something. This is not solving the problem, but creating it."
The daughter was anxious, "Then I..."
The mother immediately patted her daughter's hand, "Bao, I understand what Teacher Ning said. Don't worry. Although mom is useless and can't do anything to your dad, I can't let you suffer because of me."
She let out a long sigh, "After all these years, I have taken it lightly and it doesn't matter anymore. From now on, I just want to be good to myself and don't cause you any trouble. As for your father, I don't have any hope.