For example, being reviled by everyone, looked at indifferently, ignored, and hated.
In short, no one would agree with me as the culprit who let the resurrected Xia Xianyue die again.
"It's not your fault."
"Like now..."
"It's good to be back from the funeral home and in the hospital."
"Besides, the doctor also said that there is a chance that he will wake up. Maybe he will wake up tomorrow."
“···”
Unexpectedly.
Xia Liangzhen just patted Su Yao on the shoulder without any blame.
Just say it's not your fault.
He never mentioned why Su Yao didn't stay at home, nor asked where he went.
“···”
Only Lin Xiaowan's eyes were cold, but he just stood opposite the hospital bed without saying a word.
It's really strange.
Xia Xianyue, who had obviously let go of that state, ran out of the house.
Of course, I committed suicide many times due to self-motivation, but no one knew about it.
In their eyes, it should just be that he escaped.
"Xiaoyue...she told me a lot before going to your place."
"I know it's not your fault that you're like her. It's because she's too insecure."
“···”
"But no one would have thought that he would pass out. It's okay. He will definitely wake up tomorrow after the transfusion."
Lin Xiaowan later took advantage of Xia Liangzhen to go out to fetch water and said these words.
It seemed like she was saying it to Su Yao, and it also seemed like she was saying it to herself.
"But why are you not here? Where have you... been?"
“···”
"I escaped."
“···”
Don't know what she means.
"But if you can stay here like this now, she will be happy when she wakes up and sees you."
Why do you say this?
I told you, I escaped.
I gave up.
I refused to die again because of the possibility that it might not even exist.
But he still has to look at himself with that compassionate look that he thinks he knows everything about, why?
Just put all the blame on yourself as before.
He lost consciousness in his own room.
It happened after he did what he did with her.
After she lost consciousness, she opened the door and ran away.
Didn’t the doctor say that too?
There are injuries in the abdominal cavity and esophagus. Although they are not caused by yourself, you can just think that it is fine. Then you blame yourself.
Could it be that the doctor's additional words, "But that shouldn't be the cause of Miss Xia's coma" completely eliminated his resentment towards himself?
Right?
One of you is your best friend, and the other is your biological mother.
Perhaps sensing Su Yao's gloomy expression, Lin Xiaowan stopped talking. She went back at Xia Liangzhen's strong request.
When Xia Liangzhen came back from fetching water, she wiped Xia Xianyue's face carefully.
“···”
Su Yao just stared at the cheek rubbed by the towel.
No reaction. But breathing.
He won't look at himself shyly.
Can't smile playfully.
Nor would he do anything secretly while he was asleep.
Just lying there motionless.
What are you thinking about at this time?
Thinking about the time when that part of her tail had not been taken away, they were doing it crazily in the room, asking for it endlessly.
Thinking of the baby canteen where she was covered under the quilt, thinking of her moist lips, and thinking of her blurred eyes.
But everything is illusory.
Su Yao couldn't look directly at her face at first and felt increasingly uncomfortable.
"It's okay. Don't worry too much. Maybe you're just too weak. The doctor also said that there's nothing serious about your body."
"It's also possible that I suddenly remembered those things and it was a bit exciting..."
“···”
Xia Liangzhen said this first, and he didn't seem to be particularly shocked.
Because both she and Lin Xiaowan prefer a good ending.
They won't know that Xia Xianyue has never really lived from the beginning.
It was precisely because of this misunderstanding that neither she nor Lin Xiaowan blamed themselves.
Su Yao can already think of it.
As time goes by and Xia Xianyue doesn't wake up, their eager expectations will slowly turn into ashes.
But Su Yao also has fantasies.
Is the fantasy really just an infusion and waking up in a day or two? This is just a dream. Because you see, Xia Xianyue is still breathing even if her tail is taken away. This is a healthy body that belongs entirely to her!
From the beginning to the end, it has not been damaged, and no part has been taken away. So why can't it be restarted if there are no missing parts?
Specifically on the second day.
After seeing Xia Liangzhen talking to the doctor at the door and then coming back, her face looked ugly.
"Su Yao, take this and eat it."
"Then go back to sleep immediately. You haven't slept all day and all night. Don't wake up Xiaoyue. Something happened to you."
But she still tried hard to conceal her emotions and said this.
“···”
Su Yao glanced at her, and then at Xia Xianyue, who was still lying on the hospital bed unresponsive.
I don’t want to read it anymore.
The fantasy is gone.
How is it possible to wake up? Such a simple and clear fact, do you have to deceive yourself and others?
The only way to save her is——
"Um."
There is no use in staying here, except to make yourself sink more and more into a worthless person.
So, Su Yao returned home.
Very clean, keeping everything clean except myself.
When I entered the small space that I didn't want to stay in yesterday and closed the door, I suddenly started to feel relaxed.
Tiredness and sleepiness all came to me.
But won't sleep.
I don't want to eat either.
It doesn't matter if you can't find You Ye's entry around.
Youye knows his own scent. He used to be able to find himself even if he traveled hundreds of kilometers away.
So there is no need to go somewhere special to die, just here.
Although I can’t see the entry, I must be looking there.
You know, You Ye has no place except for herself. Maybe she is like a child who ran away from home and was angry, how could he go too far? This time must be the same as before.
If the death process lasts long enough, she will definitely appear.
So Su Yao started to harm himself.
Lying in the small bathtub that she and Xia Xianyue had entered the day before yesterday, although it was small, the two of them were not bored because of the crowd. Instead, they were very happy. But the smile was fake.
"呲——"
Even if you get used to it hundreds of times, it still hurts.
When the blood flows slowly and tremblingly from the wrist, you will start to feel dizzy.
But immediately, as I soaked in the hot water and was enveloped by the warm water, I felt a strange sense of security.
Because, if you do this, you will definitely die.
In this way, Yu Ye will definitely appear.
In this way, I will have the motivation to read files and wait for You Ye to find a turning point. In the end, even if it is fake or illusory, I still want to see it.
【You are dead】
【Current node:20150324.08.36】
I don’t remember how long it took me to fall asleep.
"Hahaha···"
But the result was that Youye didn't come to find him.
It was just a simple, meaningless death again.
It feels right.
Why do you think that as Youye grows in all aspects, she will still stick to you as before?
Now she can even go to school, and she won't have any problems facing other humans.
Then it is most normal to leave a worthless person like yourself and find another way to make a living, right?
Su Yao didn't think about anything anymore.
I just feel really tired and don’t want to move a step anyway.
Sleepy.
Had a dream.
I dreamed that after I woke up and opened the door, I saw a person squatting at the door.
She blinked her eyes, stopped playing Xiaoxiao Le, blushed and said, "I didn't come very early, I just came for a while..."
"Buzz-"
The dream was interrupted by a phone call.
"Su Yao..."
That was a sound that Xia Liangzhen had never made before.
Very trembling, as if trying to restrain something extremely terrifying,
"Just now, I received a call from the Inspectorate..."
"Xiao Lin and Xiao Yue were killed in the hospital..."