Chapter 138 Does not wanting to regret mean being selfish?
Chapter 138 Is it selfish to not want to regret?
"Gu, ba—"
Bite the tip of your tongue.
"Ah, hu..."
The excruciating pain stimulates the nerves, which is not enough.
"Pull-"
Su Yao touched an angular stone in the dark, and with a forceful stroke, there was a deep gash on his wrist.
"hiss···"
With the burning pain, I gasped.
The rising flame was completely extinguished.
"Why does the eldest brother refuse You Ye even after he has reached this level?"
Youye's voice was unusually wavering.
"Anyway, you plan to disappear after doing this, right?"
"Youye is——"
"Shut up first!"
Su Yao pulled her and asked her to sit next to him with her back to him. Then he fumbled to pick up the black cloth from the invisible corner and covered her petite body.
"call···"
It still hurts. I noticed that Yuye's tail was covering the wound, and it seemed that he wanted to treat himself.
"Don't worry about it, it's just right for me now."
Su Yao refused, took out a cigarette from his pocket and lit it, "Then -"
"Youye, how do you think I will treat you after you do such a ridiculous thing?"
“···”
There was no response in the dim space.
"Will you really be happy like this?"
“···”
Su Yao still didn't answer and didn't care, "It's obvious that no one will be happy, and it won't make any sense if you do it."
"Because...this is the last time that Youye can exist in an anthropomorphic state."
You Ye spoke.
"This kind of thing..."
Su Yao sighed, "In the end, what does it have to do with being in an anthropomorphic state? I mean the motivation is like what you did when you left a year and a half ago."
"I know very well that I have been avoiding it before."
"I regard you as someone who needs to be taken care of, not as a love interest. And I didn't consider that you would have the feelings you have for me now, and I didn't want to admit it."
"Until it reached this situation."
"Now, you will be 18 years old in a while. You will be considered an adult among humans."
"I don't know what else I can do."
"But I don't want to follow the crowd like before, so even if I am hurting myself like I am now, I have to stay awake."
"I just want to know one thing."
"Do you really feel happy to put me in that state and do that kind of thing with me like a puppet?"
“···”
Waited for a while but didn't get a response.
"It looks like it won't happen anymore."
Su Yao shook off the cigarette ashes and raised his face. After the screen of the mobile phone that fell on the ground was turned off, only sparks flickering between his fingers could be seen in the space.
"actually···"
"I also like Youye more or less. I just never want to admit it."
"...Big brother?"
Through the faint sparks, he could feel her eyes falling on his face.
How do you feel when you hear this?
Who knows. Now is the time to talk to myself.
"Someone told me more than a year ago that maybe Youye likes you."
"Actually, I was very shaken at that time. It should be said that from that time on, I regarded you more as the opposite sex. But I forced myself to still be in the position of guardian and treat you as the first child, so that I can continue to live.
"
"What exactly is it?"
"It's okay to just talk in a place like this, just make a choice."
"Even if I have any thoughts, I will suppress them all. I am not a good person. But I just don't want to see you or her sad again."
"This is probably my bottom line. I don't care about anything else in this world except you and her. If possible, wouldn't it be nice to live together forever? I think so sometimes."
"But the human world has rules. I also have a minimum bottom line."
"Love is selfish. I don't know if you understand it to this extent, Youye. But that's the fact. I chose her, so I shouldn't have any thoughts about you anymore. This is not a question of posture, this is a bottom line question."
"It's like if you and I are in a relationship, but for some reason you also become a lover with another person, I can't accept it."
"Just because I can't accept it, I won't do such a thing."
"I don't want you to do something like this that you will definitely regret. Doing something like a is just an extension of your feelings, and it doesn't mean anything in itself."
"According to my current thinking, you were actually doing the right thing from the beginning, Youye. What's wrong with staying away from an existence that makes you sad?"
"On the contrary, I tried my best to find you, as if I was moved. I did a good deed consciously, but it is actually the cruelest thing."
"but···"
"I can never rest assured."
The pain gradually began to numb, and Su Yao said without reservation, "I will no longer force you to stay or accept my help. In fact, it can't help you much. But there is only one thing, whether it is selfishness or something
Everything is fine.”
"No matter where you go, I hope to be able to contact you and know that you are safe and doing well."
"After ruling out the option of being a lover, I also hope to continue to be one of the few people you can trust in the future."
"If you feel tired one day, just call me or come back to see me."
"May I?"
“···”
After a brief silence, a childish voice was heard, "Big brother, can you touch Yuye's hair?"
"···Um."
Su Yao put out the cigarette butt and reached out to caress her head.
The hair is still soft and smooth and feels good.
"Big brother, don't you hate that Youye did such a bad thing?"
"That's not your responsibility. Speaking of which, I am more guilty of forcing you to come out to meet me in a despicable way."
"It's like what humans call principal criminals and accomplices."
"...Then what's next."
Su Yao was silent for a moment and said, "Are you still planning to leave here?"
"You Ye will never do anything that my elder brother doesn't like again. I only do that because my elder brother and sister have done that and are jealous. I know that my elder brother also loves You Ye, so I am no longer jealous."
You Ye's voice is still pure, like a clear spring, "You Ye is satisfied if I can stay with my big brother."
"...Are you satisfied?"
Su Yao stroked her hair gently and said with a little force, "If it's just like this, I can do it."
"But if Yuye can't fix his anthropomorphic state, he will also need help from his big brother to find a place in the animal world."
"...That's a matter of course."
I feel a little warm in my eye sockets.
"ha···"
After calming down, Su Yao guided You Ye to sit with his back between his legs, "You Ye, in fact, what you said at the beginning that you can't change back to the anthropomorphic state is a lie, right?"
"Um!"
Youye didn't seem to think it was a bad thing at all, but said briskly, "Human novels say that the more you exaggerate the word 'last' when saying goodbye, the more you can achieve your goal. So Youye tried to lie."
"It can be said that you completely deceived me. Have you learned to play tricks after being outside for such a long time?"
"No, I know this from the books that my elder brother selected for me."
"Are there any books like this that I added to your bookshelf?"
"have."
"...Forget it, just don't tell lies like this again. To be honest, it's too much of a burden on me."
"burden?"
There was obvious confusion in Youye's tone.
"nothing."
Su Yao forced a smile and touched her head again, "Youye, it's almost time to go back."
"Okay. You Ye is also hungry."
You Ye showed no resistance at all.
Now, it seems like we are back to the way we got along at the beginning.
"hiss···"
Su Yao tried to get up, but as soon as his right hand touched the ground, he felt a sharp pain and grinned in pain.
Only then did I remember that my wrist seemed to have been scratched?
And the tip of the tongue.
——
After using Youye's tail to repair it and walking out of the drainage channel, Su Yao realized that the bright weather in the morning was now covered with dark clouds.
"Huhu——"
The damp wind blew the weeds swaying on the ground.
"Big brother?"
You Ye stood on the edge, looking at herself with an innocent and cheerful expression.
The tail on the back stretches out and rolls up into a space that can accommodate a person.
"Don't use this, just walk to where I park the car in the normal way."
"Want to take the car back?"
"Well, it's impossible to go back through the sewers with you in broad daylight. Let's go change clothes first."
"Okay~"
“···”
Su Yao found that she didn't have any shoes on, so she simply carried You Ye on her back, parted the weeds and cut through the thorns all the way out.
"Shuashua——"
But instead, Yuya used her tail on her back like a sickle to weed.
"It's so fun, there are little mice running around here."
It sounds like you had a lot of fun.
“···”
Su Yao was in an extremely delicate psychological state.
There was no lie in what I just said to Youye.
After being reminded by Lin Xiaowan and even Xia Liangzhen a year and a half ago, Su Yao had to realize that Youye was neither a daughter nor a sister. She was all talking to herself.
In fact, I just force myself to treat Youye as a child in my heart. But I have long understood in my heart that Youye is Youye, and she will definitely have her own opinions.
I have long been aware that there might be such a possibility, but I just didn't want to admit it.
But now, even in a dark and sealed space, he confessed the secret buried deep in his heart like a dream. In fact, it might just be a cruel word for himself and Yu Ye.
Peeping at Youye's side face.
She seems to be very happy now, and her steps are light and graceful.
Is it because he said it, maybe he also had sex with her as a heterosexual?
But can she fundamentally understand that even if she says this, nothing will change?
Can you really take Yu Ye's answer of "I'm satisfied as long as you stay with yourself" and what you see now as the answer?
have no idea.
The only thing Su Yao could be sure of was that he hoped that You Ye could live smoothly, instead of enduring without saying anything and leaving the human society alone and sadly.
There are many interesting things in the human world. There are also many interesting people.
Then start imagining -
One day, who will You Ye be with?
Huh?
When did it start? I can't imagine You Ye living with anyone else and showing the contented smile he has now.
In other words, I have had ugly possessiveness since a long time ago.
What loyalty, what hope that You Ye can also experience the fun of the human world.
In fact, the most real purpose is——
"Brother, there are unknown humans there."
Youye's clear voice interrupted Su Yao's thoughts.
"Unknown human?"
Now we have passed through a large patch of weeds and reached the bottom of the slope. The small woods that originally existed above it seemed to have been cut down due to construction plans.
From here, you can directly cross the steep slope that you fell down before and see the main road at a glance.
It could be clearly seen that there was another white car parked a little distance behind Su Yao's black car parked on the roadside.
who?
No, maybe it's just a car passing by here. Anyway, there are no cameras, so if you stop and don't block traffic, it's fine.
“···”
Su Yao didn't quite believe that there could be any danger in broad daylight at around 12 o'clock at noon. If there was such a thing, just pretend that he didn't say it.
But even if there is, it's hard to say who is in danger in this deserted place.
Only a little bit bothers me...
Youye was only wrapped in black cloth and her own suit jacket, and her legs were white and tender. Although it covered her buttocks, it was not too exposed, but how could she see a little girl and her husband in such a place?
It's somewhat unusual for a grown man to come out of this place.
Just when Su Yao was hesitating whether to go back and wait for the car to leave, he saw the white car drive away again.
call--
If he and Youye were forced to go to the inspectorate because of this, it would really be a mistake.
Thanks to this little episode, Su Yao doesn't have to think about unnecessary things for the time being.
I took You Ye home first, no, I should say go to Xia Xianyue’s house first. Fortunately, I still kept the clothes I bought for her and moved them to Xia Xianyue’s house. Maybe You Ye can still wear them when she comes back.
What? And since it belongs to You Ye, you should ask her before deciding whether to stay or leave.
Fortunately, I moved the apartment in a hurry, so I didn't rush to ask people to take away the old furniture and the like. I just wanted to buy some more daily necessities.
Money is not a problem. Anyway, everything you save for yourself is useless. Just spend it all on Youye.
"Youye, take the driver's seat behind you."
"But Youye wants to sit in the front."
"You're going to get in trouble if you're seen like this."
"oh."
You Ye reluctantly sat in the back.
Then, Su Yao lit the fire first and didn't start immediately. Instead, he turned on his phone and took a look at the message.
Xia Xianyue said that because she still had things to do in the afternoon, she didn't go home at noon and went shopping with Lin Xiaowan in her free time.
I sent a lot of pictures of shoulder bags and asked Su Yao which one he liked.
That was more than an hour ago.
However, to be on the safe side, Su Yao replied first.
[The first one is pretty good]
"Buzz-"
It took ten seconds to receive a reply.
【Lost the chance to get a new shoulder bag*1,￣へ￣】
【When will you come back today?】
[Eh? Do you miss me so soon? If you really want to, I can fly back right away~Charming, jpg]
【?】
[It wasn’t me who sent it just now! It was Xiaowan who took my phone!]
【···】
After chatting with her for a few words, Su Yao confirmed that she was indeed in college now.
That's it.
By the way, why are you so sneaky?
But I always feel that it is not good for You Ye and Xia Xianyue to meet now. Although they will see each other again, they don't want to meet now.
Let’s confirm Yu Ye’s thoughts first.
That is to say, knowing that You Ye has special feelings for her and forcing her to meet Xia Xianyue, she does not want to do this kind of self-satisfaction.
Even he confessed his innermost thoughts indiscriminately, and now that You Ye was sitting in the car with him, how could he force You Ye to see Xia Xianyue with such chaotic thoughts?
For a moment, Su Yao really felt that if she were a woman, she might not have these troubles.
But it's just a boring assumption.
We drove anyway and arrived at Xia Xianyue’s house first.
"Wait for me here first. I'll be back soon. Don't run around."
After giving You Ye a serious warning, Su Yao got out of the car and quickly went to the house.
Xia Xianyue and I tidied the things in the living room a little in the morning, and they are already much better.
Youye's clothes were classified as miscellaneous items and placed in an unused bedroom.
Su Yao easily found Youye's clothes, took a complete set including underwear, and then turned back
"Just change in the back seat."
Su Yao sat in front and was blocked by You Ye. In fact, there was a tall van parked in front of the parking place. Because it was so close, it was impossible for anyone to see it. And the window in the back seat was the kind that could see the outside from the inside.
The blackened glass inside cannot be seen from the outside.
"Okay~"
"Rustling rustling——"
After responding, You Ye took off the only layer of black cloth wrapping her body without hesitation.
The next moment, Su Yao saw the cherry pudding that he shouldn't have seen in the rearview mirror hanging on the front window, and then immediately looked away.
"Brother, Youye has changed~"
"Then let's go to the room and take a shower first."
In addition to getting clothes for You Ye just now, Su Yao also changed into a clean shirt and coat for herself. The ones that were found in the drainage ditch were filled with blood, weeds, dirt and the like.
When I put on my suit jacket, I couldn't see the blood, but it was just as dirty. I had experienced a lot of strange looks just after I entered.
Of course, Su Yao was not stupid enough to leave the blood-stained shirt at home. He put it in the bag and took it out. He washed it and took it back. If it was not clean, he threw it away.
"Can't Yuye go to the place where my eldest brother and sister live to clean themselves up?"
"ah?"
"Youye wants to go to the place where my eldest brother and sister live together."
"Want to go? It's actually quite messy. I just moved here and haven't sorted it out yet."
"Is there a bathroom where you can wash Yuye's body?"
"That's true..."
It is now past one o'clock in the afternoon, and Xia Xianyue should have just been taking a literary class at this time.
Just saying——
Su Yao peeked at You Ye's expression and couldn't see anything strange.
"Then go ahead."
A decision was made in an instant.
Su Yao opened the car door and walked out. From her own point of view, no matter what You Ye thought, sooner or later, she and her life would be exposed in front of her.
"bite--"
The elevator door opened. What looked like a family of three walked out.
"Youye is just curious."
"You won't be unhappy just because you smell the smell of mating."
"You Ye has already approved the reproduction behavior of the eldest brother and sister."
But as soon as they passed each other and walked three or four steps, Youye suddenly spoke abruptly.
"?!"
"Alas!"
Su Yao clearly felt a strong gaze coming from behind. He grabbed You Ye and got into the elevator.
"Ta-ta-ta-ta!"
Press the close button furiously.
"Big brother?"
You Ye looked at him with confusion.
"It's been so long..."
Su Yao rubbed his temples, "Why haven't you changed this way of speaking..."
"Hehe, Youye forgot."
I saw an unexpected, mischievous smile.
Yeah?
There will eventually be some changes.
But if Youye really didn't come here with any complicated feelings, then why would I forcefully add a setting of deep sorrow to Youye.
After all, isn't this just like Xia Xianyue talking about inexplicable topics in the morning to liven up the atmosphere?
Do you look like you did when Xia Xianyue looked at you in the morning, with a lot of worries?
"It's okay, you can say whatever you want when you're with me. But don't forget it when others are present."
"Okay~"
“···”
Therefore, Su Yao also put on a relaxed expression.
No matter what, if he was like this, how could he have the confidence to bring her back after saying those words to Youye and getting her reply?
"This place is much bigger than where my eldest brother lives."
After putting on the slippers prepared by Su Yao, You Ye stepped into the house.
"Crack."
Seeing You Ye open the refrigerator, she felt depressed again, "There are no dried fish that You Ye likes to eat. I don't like it."
"Don't worry about that for now, go take a shower quickly."
"Oh~"
Youye closed the refrigerator door and began to take off her clothes next to the sofa.
“···”
I want to say stop taking off your clothes here and take them off in the bathroom.
But Su Yao recalled that You Ye lived with him there in the beginning, but because he refused to change despite repeated admonitions, he didn't bother to take care of her in the end.
It became that every time Yu Ye took a shower, she would throw her clothes beside the sofa and run into the bathroom.
That habit - maybe I learned it from myself, even though I just took off my coat and top and threw them on the sofa because I was there all night.
Forget it, I'll remind you later.
"Big brother, don't you take a bath with Youye?"
Before stepping into the bathroom, You Ye turned back and stared at Su Yao.
"No, you are not a child now. The bathroom switch here is not much different from where we lived before. The towels are blue, and they are mine."
"Okay~"
“···”
Su Yao turned around when he heard the door being closed and then the sound of water spraying from the shower.
Seeing the clothes thrown on the sofa again, Su Yao picked them up one by one. After thinking about it, he went to the utility room to get another clean one and put it at the bathroom door.
Although she only wore this once, she should wear something cleaner after taking a bath.
After a little tidying up, I put all of Youye's clothes into a bag so that I could set off after everything was over.
"call--"
After finishing his work, Su Yao collapsed on the sofa.
Subconsciously looking at his wrist, there were almost no traces visible on it.
Like a dream...
What would have happened if I hadn't regained consciousness through pain immediately?
In other words, what will happen if even the pain is useless?
There's no point in thinking about what-ifs. But right now, I still feel that it's not the right thing to do. It's even just a convenient way for myself.
But I don’t want to regret it——
Just because of this, anything will work. Just use the save here and then die. You will definitely return to this node, which has no free "free save and load" opportunity.
That way, even if you really make a mistake, you still have a chance to recover.
It’s decided.
Just wait until you return to the vacated home and settle in Youye, then find an excuse to go out and create nodes.
"Big brother..."
Youye's crisp voice came from the bathroom.
"Tail···"
"It can't be cleaned without a brush..."
By the way, it's not like where I used to live where I kept the brushes in the bathroom for easy use at night.
"I'll get it for you."
Su Yao stood up and prepared to get the brush.
"Click——"
Suddenly a sudden sound was heard.
That is the sound of the internal structure of the smart door lock rotating after it successfully recognizes the fingerprint.