Su Yao exhaled smoke, and the mist intertwined with the snowflakes and gradually disappeared.
Is water color or soot falling into the eyes?
Anyway, there was majestic mist all around. It was completely enveloped by the cold and warm gas.
Not cold.
My body was clearly signaling that I was about to freeze, but I really didn't feel cold.
This is the only one that exists.
That's all. So far, there's only this snow.
Everyone passing by or nearby looked at Su Yao with surprised eyes. They thought he was probably crazy or mentally ill.
Of course it is——
There is certainly something wrong with the person who reaches out to hug the snow.
"Ah, haha..."
There is certainly something wrong with people who laugh openly at the sky.
“···”
But the snow also disappeared at a certain moment.
The sky is clear again, like white tiles that have been swept with a broom and dragged again. Not a speck of dust is stained.
No one around was surprised by the unusual scene.
That's of course, because no one can detect it.
Why?
The pain came over instantly.
From the inside of Su Yao's eyes to his fingertips.
It was obviously a step from the ice and snow to the clear sky, but it still felt bitingly cold.
Saw the flower shop.
The clerk has already placed the flower pots, and the store is surrounded by flowers.
Saw passersby.
Three or two men or women stood there with their heads down playing with their mobile phones, waiting for the light to turn green.
The vehicle crossed the zebra crossing and increased its speed again.
I can't see him anyway.
I can't find it no matter what.
No matter what, I couldn't hear it.
real.
I really feel that people must be slow to take a shot. They always realize it later.
Of course I understand this.
Only when you lose it will you feel that every minute and every second is precious.
Really know.
I have experienced it a long time ago.
real.
Such unspeakable pain.
"Ahhh."
Presumably, anyone who looks at him will feel that this person is as pitiable as a lost dog.
I can't squeeze out the tears.
He could only show his extremely lonely expression like this.
——
I don't want to go back to a cramped apartment.
Keep walking to places you don't often go to, deliberately avoiding the ones you often go to.
But after going around and around, we finally have to return to where we live.
"You are looking for death!"
“···”
I was bumped several times because I was swaying and being pushed by the contents of my overlapping eyes.
It's better to go home so that you don't cause trouble to anyone.
Wordlessly scanning all the things in the space.
Tables, chairs and benches.
TV cabinet.
refrigerator.
···
I opened the refrigerator drawer and there were dried fish in there.
This kind of thing doesn't belong to her, it belongs to her, so it hasn't disappeared?
So clothes...
It's strange, all the clothes have disappeared.
balance.
The money spent on the clothes was not returned.
not understand.
The animal world still exists on television.
That's natural, right? The program is not specially created for You Ye.
But why did the mug and toothbrush I bought for her disappear?
The towels are also missing.
Wouldn’t all the dried fish left alone be wasted?
This is not possible.
“···”
Su Yao tried to use a microwave to speed up the melting, and then put it in a pan to fry.
"Spring is here, and everything is here again..."
A man was sitting on the sofa with fried dried fish in front of him.
"Crack-"
ah.
It seems I forgot to add salt.
When I went to get the salt, I thought the bean paste might be able to cover up the fishy smell, because I forgot to remove the fishy smell.
“···”
It tastes even worse.
Even worse than raw fish.
What on earth is this?
"Youye, you——"
I subconsciously paused in the middle of speaking.
There was no one around.
That's not right, it should mean that no one is sitting on my lap.
I didn't find it unbearable.
think.
As long as they live, they will live a better life for themselves.
——
Found out there was no deposit left.
As for the reason, we can only think that since Xia Xianyue and You Ye have erased their traces from this world, relatively speaking, all the benefits they brought to him should also disappear.
"Wow--"
Even when Su Yao opened the drawer, the black silk stockings dedicated to good people were gone.
Well, it seems that they also disappeared with Yu Ye's disappearance on the 16th.
There was quite a bit of balance originally, but because I bought rings for them all, not only did I have no money, I also owed credit.
How pitiful.
think.
I will continue working starting tomorrow, but the overlapping scenes in front of my eyes are distorted, and I feel almost terminally ill even walking in my own home.
Which company would hire a guy so clumsy that he would kick his feet on the sofa and bleed when he walks?
I don't think so.
Fortunately, Su Yao thought of the manuscript that she had not yet told the editor that she wanted to finish it.
——
"No, you can't do this."
This is the first time I got such a negative review.
"That's too ridiculous. Is this a happy ending? Then the foreshadowing was a complete joke."
"Let me give you an example. It's like the author said at the end that the protagonist was so handsome that he was so handsome. Do you understand?"
"It seems that your mind is too impetuous and you are not involved in the story at all. You can't read the previous flavor at all."
"Is it impossible to even make a little money?"
"It is possible to make a little money. But that little money is not enough to publish it. And the previous one has been published publicly on the Internet. If I take the part you gave me now and make it into a complete one, the reputation will be too bad."
Although he said it more euphemistically, Su Yao could understand the meaning.
Submitting a book like this for publication would damage the publisher's reputation. No one would be willing to do such a thing.
So what's wrong with it?
Ending here, happily together, getting married, and having children. Shouldn’t everyone like this?
ah.
It means that this content without twists and turns is completely inadequate as a gimmick. The new content that is added to the complete book is completely fraudulent.
It doesn't matter, there is still something you can do.
"I said..."
"Is there really nothing wrong with your eyes?"
"without."
"Then please tell me, why do you receive more than twenty game coins in a row in one day? I won't talk about the disgusting coins that were spit out by children in their mouths, but what about the others? Can you tell them apart?
Clear coins and game currency?”
"Feel sorry···"
"Okay, you're not suitable for this. You'd better go look for something else."
“···”
Was fired.
It's been like this for several houses in a row.
Someone scolded Su Yao directly and asked him to see an ophthalmologist.
Some people euphemistically said that the manager made a mistake and asked him to quit because he didn't seem to be short of people.
···
What else can be done?
With this distorted and painful sight.
The music composed with Yu Ye also disappeared.
Su Yao alone cannot make something with a high degree of completion, and it is not something that can be realized immediately.
Selling lyrics.
It's not a complete product like last time, no one responded at all. Or is it just a bid of at most 50 yuan?
Of course, if you just want to have a bite to eat.
There are many things you can do to achieve this goal.
Sell your cell phone, sell your TV, sell everything you can.
No matter how hard it is, try to find a job that doesn't require your eyesight very much. You can always survive.
But after going around in circles for three days, Su Yao didn't want to do anything anymore.
How is that necessary?
Ha ha.
It's credit.
No matter how much you can borrow, just borrow it from the Internet.
There is no need to go out.
Order takeout for food.
After eating, go to bed.
Drink when you wake up.
Drunk and continued to sleep.
Sometimes I soak in the bathtub for more than two hours, dazed.
Sometimes the cigarette butt burns my hand without even noticing it.
"ah···"
"Woo..."
on a certain day.
Who knows what day it is in June.
Suddenly, I was curled up in a corner full of garbage, looking at the empty sofa, and cried out.
Uncontrollable sobbing.
Strong shoulders shrugged.
Out of breath and crying.
Can't stop no matter what.
Even though this place is already small enough, it feels like it's not small enough now.
Be smaller.
It was so small that it was squeezed and surrounded by walls on all four sides, and could not see anything. It was in total darkness.
Want to see.
So I took out my phone desperately and searched for photos or anything related.
But I couldn't find it anywhere.
Try drawing it on the screen.
But my hands are too clumsy and I don’t have the same skills as Yuye.
"Crack!"
I dropped my phone.
Holding his own hair.
Staring at the twisted and broken body of the mobile phone.
think.
What?
It turns out that he is such a fragile guy, why is he pretending to be strong? That's all.
——
His vision became more and more distorted.
Most of the time, Su Yao is almost like a blind man.
All I can say is that although I dropped my phone that day, it was not broken. I could still continue to eat and drink.
How sad would it be to really have to load and reset because of starvation?
There are still many days ahead.
It means that it will keep looping in time. That's probably it.
He has been huddled in the house.
On the appointed day, the person who borrowed the first loan called me.
"Hello, Mr. Su."
“It’s not very good...”
"Ah, I want to say do you know that your online loan is overdue?"
"I know."
"What do you mean?"
"I'll pay it back. Soon."
"I hope you can return it to us together with the interest this month, otherwise you will be responsible for the consequences."
"Um."
“···”
A loan with an annual interest rate of 40%. How dare you.
But it will be paid back.
If you still remember yourself next June 24th.
Su Yao took advantage of the darkness and moved little by little along the wall to the top floor.
There are people growing vegetables, onions, garlic sprouts, cabbage and the like.
The air is filled with the smell of fertilizer.
I don’t want to stay in the house dejectedly today.
So choose to go here and hold up the beer can.
"GuluGulu~"
A half-drunk smile.
Cheers to someone who doesn’t exist.
"Are you all here?"
"It's great, oh, You Ye is here too. I thought you were having trouble and couldn't come."
"I will really teach you a lesson if you do a prank this time."
"Yeah, very good. I know."
"But speaking of Xiaoxia, could you please stop wearing this outfit all the time just because I like JK, and occasionally change to something else?"
"I didn't restrict her outfit like you did back then. I just wanted to let her wear whatever she likes."
"Apron? Your best friend is still making bad ideas as always."
"But...it's okay to just show it to me. After all, I'm a normal man, and there's nothing wrong with having expectations for my wife."
"Youye? Just forget it, it's too childish no matter what."
"Ah, I understand. If you want to try that, just try it. Really, when did you learn to bite?"
“···”
So.
After all the illusory people gathered together, Su Yao raised his cup in time.
"Happy birthday~"
"Happy birthday~"
"I wish Xiaoyue always good health and all the best~"
"Ah, can't I call you Xiaoyue? I tell you, don't always blush over such trivial things."
"Also, how can I call my blessing words old-fashioned? This is called truth, not fake."
“···”
When the night wind blew coldly across his face, the illusion in front of him disappeared.
"Crack-"
Su Yao squeezed the beer can tightly.
Very sad.
terribly sorry.
It’s only ten reincarnations.
Just ten times.
This kind of playing house game has become more and more disgusting.
Why?
You will have thoughts of hatred towards the people you love.
It's your own choice.
Because I realize that sooner or later, people like me will have the evil thoughts I have now.
If he hadn't stayed here, it would have been them who stayed here to cycle. Faced with this nightmare that will never end.
Angry for no reason.
Hate everything.
No matter who you see or hear, you will feel disgusted for no reason. No matter whether that person is good or not, evil or not, you are just jealous that they still exist as a matter of course.
I began to cherish those memories very much and take comfort in them.
Now I'm starting to hate it.
How great would it be if you could be like everyone else and not notice anything?
But no matter how you think about it, time is still passing.
In this way, the eleventh cycle will come again next time.
Back to March 2nd again, and again today.
Longing for death.
But every time he dies, he just accelerates back to the initial time point of loading the file. Repeat it again. That time is not counted by Su Yao within ten times, it is just regarded as invalid. Counting those times, it is probably more than twenty times.
.
At this point, I no longer long for real death.
Can't die.
As said, I have never really died until today.
So starting from next time, are you going to do bad things and let yourself go?
Not really.
There is always a sound in my ears, like in a dream.
It sounds very funny.
"Big brother, you can't."
Just like this.
"That's not good, Ah Yao."
Like this.
What is going on?
Ahhh.
It's not that bad yet.
No.
But, I really don’t know how long I can hold on.
If you can go crazy, you can do what Tagore said.
'One night I burned all my memories, and from then on my dreams became transparent; one morning I threw away all yesterdays, and from then on my steps became light.'
How great would that be?
Not sure how long it will last, but I want to say it.
Although I suffered, and even though I sometimes felt uncontrollable hatred, I don’t regret it. I definitely don’t regret it now. If I had to do it again, I would still do it.
I hope you can truly live.
Leave the painful things to me. This... can be regarded as a response to your love, right?
Although, maybe you won't feel happy.
At the given time, there may still be some time left before the file can be forcibly loaded to the beginning. But I don’t want to wait anymore, so I just jump down from here as a matter of course.
Because it suddenly occurred to me that I wanted to play the harmonica. In this cycle, I was able to play "Where the Stars Are" almost perfectly on the ten-hole harmonica. If I go back and play it when my vision is normal and my feelings are normal, it will probably be even more perfect.
Ha ha.
Like the little match girl——
I am the same, I can see someone's face at the moment of playing.
Going crazy?
It's almost crazy.
must.
Therefore, I jumped down from here as a matter of course.