If this was a plan to save someone, it would be too hasty.
Don't ask anything about her.
Where did you go to school? Did you run away from home or something else? What happened to you and why did you jump into the water?
Don't know at all.
Even if she is a high school student, I just inferred based on the uniform she wore and her age.
After showing her the ppt document, I made an appointment with her to meet in the park every afternoon. After today's project is completed, I will definitely decide on the next project tomorrow.
If you encounter a project that is simply not enough in one afternoon, then postpone it first.
I took her to a cafe to drink coffee.
I also went to the Cute Pet Paradise to pet cats.
I’m talking about the death resorts that I compiled and marked on the ppt.
She was silent for a moment and shook her head.
"Liar, she was obviously very sad just now, right? I cried when I saw her turn around and leave after apologizing."
"Then accept this senior too!"
"Go back."
"Senior!"
It's getting late now, and I'm alone with a man like me.
Then, when I reached a point I didn't even know where, I stopped.
I sighed, "So is there anything you like?"
"On purpose?"
Now my mother has passed away, leaving me alone.
"What happened next?"
It’s not bad, it’s still early anyway.
"13?"
The relationship between me and her suddenly became very vague, and it was more than just ordinary friends. There is a distance between people, and if they were just ordinary friends, they would not be so close to me and not care. I admit, I enjoy this very much.
Very close distance.
This is the first time I've seen her late. In the past, she came early for every project, and I set off immediately when I arrived.
"Senior, don't you want to know the junior girl's name and call her by her nickname?"
I didn't go to the park to wait, and I didn't need to.
"It took a lot of effort to make friends again."
After Xia Xianyue came to apologize the next day, I never saw Xia Xianyue again.
"My mission ends here."
If an outsider looked at it, they could even say that I was using the project to urge her to commit suicide.
"If anything, you helped me solve a big problem, so that guy won't bother me anymore."
Unfold the slightly crumpled paper, and there is a row of numbers on it. A phone number.
From the first to the 32nd.
"I just know. Su, Yao. Senior Su Yao~"
I can't find the motivation to live, nor can I find a goal.
I think that when I noticed that she no longer had the intention to die, she also noticed that I had the intention to die.
"Don't open it yet. Wait until you get home, make a cup of hot tea and sit down to read it calmly."
"Sorry, senior."
Also a very warm and intimate sound.
"···meeting."
It was meant to take revenge on my former elementary school classmate who had led to my current situation in school. It was so childish that I put thumbtacks on someone’s seat, and the back of my pants was soaked with blood, which made me a laughing stock.
She said the serial number.
"Come with me."
"However, I...it was obviously just caused by my own selfish possessiveness...but I didn't receive any punishment and was still living well."
I, a gloomy man who can't even take care of himself, asked her how to change her image and conversation.
She is completing each item, and so is she.
Since then, my relationship with her has been wonderful, like a friend, but not just a friend.
"That's it."
On the other hand, the female high school student who was following me saw her for the first time and said in surprise, "Senior actually knows such a beautiful girl? Or has she always been a one-sided supporter?"
I didn't even wait for her answer and walked away.
"Senior! Are you still there?!"
"Probably."
I added another project to the ppt I made earlier-going to watch a movie.
"It's hard to imagine why such a beautiful girl would be willing to fall in love with her senior, but the senior doesn't want her."
"Ugh!"
Over time, various weird stories emerged one after another, which completely dimmed the low popularity. In the end, only half of the park was developed. The developers and investors of the 4a-level tourist wetland park lost money and went to grandma's house.
“···”
"No, it's very late, I should go back to bed."
As if he was urging himself.
I didn't say anything, I just stared at the locust tree.
However, if I do this, I will not be relieved, it will only become more sad and the situation will become more difficult.
"Tomorrow we have to decide where to die."
"In no mood."
I asked.
Of course, even though this is completely impossible as a tourist attraction, the name of the suicide resort on the Internet is becoming more and more famous. Almost every year, you can see or hear the news that someone has died in this place.
"Are you the only one who knows how to slap?! Why do you slap the senior? What qualifications do you have? Come on, who is afraid of whom?"
"It seems you have thought carefully."
For example, there are always missing people on the beach, leaving only shoes, and it takes a few days for the body to be found.
It was also at that time, walking silently in the gloomy forest, that she told me about herself for the first time.
When Lin Xiaowan came to the door, she happened to be there, and she was furious when she heard what she said.
"Su Yao, do you know how many years Xiao Yueyue has been waiting for you?! What's your attitude!"
"Forget it about slapping me. If you still plan to do something, I will call the police."
Very amazing.
"That's no problem. After you put the rope around your neck, and then jump down from the top, your spine will be broken directly in just a moment. You don't have to wait for suffocation. You will die immediately."
In fact, I had noticed before that that there was an occasional wavering look in her pupils. She just deliberately pretended not to know and urged her to meet me again tomorrow.
"Children should stop prying into adults' affairs."
It's strange today.
The moment she saw me, she got up and hugged me tightly. There was an obvious tremor from her body, and she was afraid.
"I know. Thank you."
As if being teased by fate, I bumped into her in college.
——
"It is said to have a history of nearly a thousand years. That's where most people who come here choose to hang themselves."
From the beginning to the end, I never said "Don't commit suicide" once, let alone said anything to her.
I only care about myself.
"She's scarred for life."
Um.
"This way of death can be considered one of the most comfortable ways of death among all ways of death."
“I don’t want to lose it right away!”
Maybe I didn't intend to die at all, maybe I was longing for someone in my heart to persuade me and give me the motivation to continue living again.
But I have indeed changed because of her, and even if Xia Xianyue stands in front of me again, I will not waver. There is no need for any cover-up, and I neither intend to pursue the past nor forgive.
The planning list was not really made specifically for her, I actually made it for myself.
"···013."
"What a bastard! I actually had the kindness to help you before!"
“···”
I looked back and saw that she was indeed walking towards the tree I designated.
Her face didn't look as fine as she said.
I still vividly remember her expression when she found me accompanied by a large number of inspectors and volunteers.
It was already dark, but the moon was surprisingly bright tonight, so I could see the road clearly.
“···”
She did not become a beautiful girl with a free and easy temperament according to my previous goal of helping her transform. She still wore rustic glasses.
"Please tell her to stop staring at me. I'm not as miserable as she imagined."
Seeing her bruised knees and limping, he squatted down and asked her to climb up.
···
One item after another.
Since that place is at the edge of the winter market and it takes two hours to take the subway, I told her to wait until next weekend when she has a full day before continuing.
"Indeed, dressing up before death is also a very important part."
"It's not here yet?"
Something happened at school these days, which made me very sad.
"I don't know."
It was also the first time I heard her call me senior.
"Soon."
"I don't know. I was very angry at the time and didn't care about anything. When I came to my senses, she had already rolled off."
Of course, what she and I want to do is not chat.
"I'll never see her again."
"Crack!"
Maybe for her, giving her phone number is already a big deal.
I waved my hand, took out a piece of paper from my pocket and put it into her hand, "This is the second and final part of the ppt."
It's strange to ask me this.
I'm tired of everything. I have no motivation to possibly build any more relationships or find anything interesting.
"No, it just made a sudden noise..."
What was I thinking at that time?
“···”
"Whoosh-"
"I-I'm not ready yet!"
I looked away and looked out the window, "Have you thought of anything that needs to be added?"
About the mobility of female high school students.
"Crack-"
Unlike her wavering heart, I became more and more clear about my purpose as the project progressed. I really had no intention of living anymore.
"That's true..."
“···”
In fact, it is not accurate to say that it is the 32nd one, because this project was originally at the front, but if we go to the amusement park in the afternoon, how can we possibly enjoy all the projects?
So I postponed this big one until the weekend.
It took a long time to take a taxi and take her home.
And I have changed a lot since then.
But I chose not to go out and smoked where I was.
——
I also fed food to the giant pandas in the zoo and took photos with them.
It was originally a wetland park that cost hundreds of millions, but ended up being too big, and people often committed suicide or disappeared inside.
The next week, I arrived as promised and waited for her on the swing.
She didn't wear her usual student uniform today. She changed into a dress, a beige one, with the skirt spread out. The cuffs were neatly buttoned. The neckline was round and big, highlighting her beautiful neck.
"good."
It's not all because of this kind of thing.
"ah!"
Time was tight and the tasks were heavy. The subway was always available, but the ride I had booked in advance to take me and her to the Wetland Park at the terminal was a waste.
This is also a kind of pressure.
"Who am I and who are you! Why are you talking to the senior like this?! If she wants to wait, let her wait! It's not like the senior asked her to wait!"
The main thing is motivation.
I thought for a moment and said, "I see, that is indeed a good place that won't attract anyone's attention."
The place is too remote and desolate, and it's not easy to take a taxi.
Eighty percent of the places I took her to were the places I wanted to visit.
I just caught a glimpse of her blushing face.
But I only miscalculated one thing.
I don't know if it was me or her who stepped on the dead leaves, and then she subconsciously screamed.
For example, in a primitive forest scenic area with rare traces, tourists entered the area and searched for a month but could not find the body. A few days ago, a writer just won an award and for unknown reasons left a suicide note on the Internet and disappeared inside.
And in a sense, maybe I accomplished a two-way redemption.
I finished smoking the cigarette I had before going out. When I walked up to her, she was still crying.
The place she chose was a long-abandoned park in the suburbs.
This time it was really a direct collision, and the books and materials she was holding fell to the floor.
"The note you gave me clearly said, 'Don't die first, and then try to live.' Why did you do this instead?"
It's a little one-sided to say it's sad, but it just doesn't make sense.
"Woo..."
"Woo, ow!"
The reason why Lin Xiaowan, who was a stranger to me at that time, helped me was because Xia Xianyue asked for it.
"Afraid?"
"There must be something hateful about poor people."
'Tourists stop!'
The iron fence has been in disrepair for a long time and is useless. You can often see people walking through it to take photos and check in, saying that there is dirt inside.
She took out the folded paper she had prepared a long time ago and handed it to me, then ran away without looking back and disappeared into the corridor of the building.
"You'll be alive to see it."
"That tree is easy to climb. Climb up first and tie the rope on the branches. Then put the other end on your head. Can you tie the buckle that gets tighter and tighter?"
I wasn't worried that she would seek death at all, or I didn't care at all.
I went rafting again, but because there were not enough people, I formed a team with a strange girl.
From time to time, I heard the sound of swaying tree shadows mixed with the noise of unknown animals swimming in the dark, adding to the eerie feeling.
"Even if you can meet someone like me..."
However, when the holidays came, our contact was suddenly broken just like Jasmine at the beginning. The answer she gave was just to prepare for the exam.
"You can atone for your sins by living. Only you can be freed by death. That is true selfishness."
She told me that she was going to take the entrance exam to Dongshi University. I welcomed her with pleasure.
After waiting for about fifty minutes, she came.
"Don't be numb, it's a bit disgusting."
"Woo!"
"It would be really disgusting."
I took her back outside and passed the entrance of the scenic spot. The uncle was already gone.
It was impossible to see out of the woods at first glance, surrounded by gloomy woods and bushes on all sides.
That’s the answer, but ultimately what I want to do is completely opposite to what I answered.
"Look forward."
"Pushing my best friend down the stairs and putting her in the hospital."
“···”
However, I didn't feel happy and had no intention of having any contact with her again.
"sorry···"
“···”
She obeyed and put the folded note into her pocket, then looked at me hesitantly, "Um, senior... are we friends?"
"I am..."
Just walk in one after another like this.
After walking for a while, she couldn't help but speak.
"Qiao Qing, just call me Xiaoqing, junior sister."
“···”
Seeing that two women almost started fighting by grabbing their hair, I separated them and looked at Lin Xiaowan coldly.
After reading it, I went to the cemetery to give my mother the last bouquet of flowers, and then walked to the place I chose without looking back.
And it was definitely not written today, it must have been written many days ago and has never been given to me.
···
There are many more, all of which are winter market ‘suicide resorts’ that I compiled.
The weather is very good, and you can have a clear view of the blue sky when you raise your head. The white mist left by a few rows of planes gradually disappears.
"It's late, don't go too far in. If you go too far, you can easily get lost if you can't get out of the forest before dark."
He just said this lightly.
It's not like running away or anything, it's just like walking away from her and walking towards the opposite place from her.
"Crack!"
Or a child who is under too much pressure to study, or an addict whose wife and children are separated, or a loser who owes millions in debt.
"Crack!"
I don’t even know what she was thinking, “Anyway, please tell her that the senior already has me, and she doesn’t need to wait any longer! Wishful thinking will only cause trouble for others, do you understand?!”
"Then it's up to you. Come on."
“···”
I was delayed in various places, and finally got there two hours later than expected.
“···”
Even though we've been together for almost a month, I still don't have her phone number or any contact information, so I can't contact her.
"I just did it without thinking too much."
Today I have been waiting for half an hour and she hasn't come yet.
"···Feel sorry."
She looked at me inexplicably but didn't answer.
When you complete one item at a time, will you be laughed at if you don't finish it at the end?
The Ferris wheel finally reached the top.
"Boom——"
"Yes, is anyone here?"
——
"Who is this woman?"
She and I were sitting opposite each other in the gondola of the Ferris wheel that was rising slowly.
Those were very moving tears.
I'm going to wait until an hour.
After Lin Xiaowan left with a sullen expression, she and I looked at each other. I smiled, but she looked away embarrassedly.
“···”
I once wanted to be admitted to Dongda University because my mother was still there.
Then I heard the sound of someone falling and hanging up in the bushes.
"Senior——"
"babble!"
I pointed further ahead, "That's the suicide resort mentioned on the Internet. Did you see the locust tree that's bigger than the other trees?"
I saw her actually tying the rope on it. Did I see something break the defense?
Under the moonlight, I saw a white bone half-buried in the pile of dead leaves under the tree. Maybe it was easy to see the thing from top to bottom, so I was scared.
“···”
The ticket seller must be a local man. He looked at me and her with cloudy eyes and warned her like this.
She and I didn't talk to each other all the way.
I don’t even know that woman. I did myself a disservice without permission.
“···”
I only stayed there for about ten minutes before I heard her crying and shouting.
I didn't ask her why she didn't plan to die, nor did I mock her.
"I···"
"How do you know me?"
And she, a lonely girl, taught me how to expand my social circle.
She nodded, then suddenly remembered something, "By the way. The senior doesn't know my name yet, right? It doesn't seem fair that I am the only one who knows the senior's name."
Slowly, but certainly moving.
"Senior, do you want to go up and stay for a while?"
"But my friend didn't blame me and still wanted to treat me as a friend."
Entering the short vacation of the first semester, there is no need to go to school anymore.
This is also my first time to visit the dilapidated old community near her home.
"Later she was hospitalized. Her parents were very cruel to me at first and planned to sue me to the school so that I would be punished by the school and unable to go to college."
"Why don't you try calling the school girl that way?"
Seeing such a dilapidated sign, I ignored it.
My ‘death plan’ was a failure.
Only now will I know.
We didn't even see each other, so it was suddenly interrupted.
She lowered her head and didn't dare to talk to me.
"I thought you went somewhere else, but you still came to Dongda?"
I didn't notice anything, I was just unilaterally surprised by the reunion. I also thought that she didn't dare to talk to me because she was afraid that I would be angry because of her sudden disappearance.
Only in the current two-way memories, can I truly understand the thoughts that do not belong to me, but belong to her alone.