The brain's self-protection mechanism and psychological defense mechanism. What I want to explain is the former.
The former simply means that once a person discovers that he or she has been harmed by internal or external forces (work pressure, emotional breakdown, etc.), the brain will immediately activate the protective mechanism and start the forgetting mode at the most efficient speed.
Losing unbearable memories is the most intuitive and simple phenomenon.
There have been several times... I have really thought about letting Xia Xianyue fend for herself very casually. Whether it was suicide because she left, or she was killed by a monster with whom I had not yet established a relationship at that time, it didn't matter.
It has nothing to do with you, right?
People will never feel too sad when a stranger dies. Even if the person dies nearby, they can at most feel sympathy out of empathy.
At least as Su Yao, he cannot be a hero who sacrifices himself for others. He cherishes his own life more than a hero...
And it is precisely because I understand this that I feel incredible afterwards.
I am willing to be stabbed in the chest with a knife and read the file.
I had been killed by monsters so many times. At that time, I was just hit by a car, so I didn't even have the courage to hold the knife with my hand. I just didn't resist.
As if someone finally made the choice for me?
No, it's not like that. I had already made the choice before that to go back.
There was a hazy feeling that I had to go back, and I felt so sad that my throat was being strangled, a frightening feeling of suffocation.
Unable to accept losing something important.
But I didn't remember anything at that time.
"You died once before that."
The white-haired little loli answered the questions cheerfully while drinking beer.
"Aren't you curious why that weird human being is interested in you? It's precisely because he observed that you read files, so he put the minced meat in your brain."
"Why can I load files?"
"It's not me! Don't look at me like that! I don't even have the desire to look at a dirty thing like you!"
"Before you say others are dirty, you should first look at your own room..."
Su Yao sighed.
After this guy became independent, the place he stayed in was barely clean at first glance.
But as time goes by, you may say to yourself for the first time, ‘Let’s take the garbage out tomorrow’, but then forget the next day and say to yourself, ‘Forget it, just wait until the next bucket of garbage is full before taking it out together’.
Over time, this place has become a paradise for garbage.
"By the way, you stay up late at night with the lights on but don't know how to close the windows?"
"Don't you really have trypophobia when you look at the dead mosquitoes here? There are them on the bed too. Really... I don't know what to say to you. I thought I was sloppy enough. I didn't expect that I am better than others.
.”
"Bangdang——"
I accidentally moved my leg and kicked a flattened empty beer can. The unfinished wine inside made Su Yao's shoes wet.
“Even if you haven’t finished drinking it, you should still empty it out and put it in the trash can!”
"Tch, what are you pretending to be?"
The female brat put on a disdainful attitude, "Don't look at your appearance now, but I know what kind of environment you were in when you were at your most decadent."
"I was just curious about how you lived in this environment at that time, so I was conducting simulation training."
"What?"
Su Yao's eyelids twitched a few times, "You want to say it's still my responsibility?"
"Give me money."
"?"
"You are the guardian, give me money!"
"I see you haven't regarded me as a guardian."
"Give me money and I will pawn it."
“···”
"Don't you feel very majestic to have such a monster as your child?"
"If my child was living like this... I might actually put him back."
"Ey! Dirty."
“···”
"Hurry up, as promised, you give me the money and I will let you see the memories you chose to lose because of the protection mechanism."
"I originally planned to give you money, but now I feel a little unhappy."
"Huh?! Are you going to use violence against children?"
She shrank up in fear and took out the remote control of a small doll from her skirt pocket.
"What's that?"
"Child alarm. As long as you dare to taint me with your dirty memories, I will press it immediately! Do you want to be a pedophile despised by mankind?! Hip-hop! Come on! I'm not afraid of you anymore!"
“···”
I always feel that a monster that has lived for hundreds or even thousands of years is reduced to holding a child alarm to protect itself. This is really... somewhat outrageous.
"Okay, okay, I'll give you the money."
"Anyway, you're using it to buy some live streaming equipment, right? Although it's not particularly good entertainment, it's still business."
"Okay~I like daddy the most~"
"?!"
Su Yao's face twisted when he entered the transfer password, "Don't scream."
"Daddy doesn't like me?"
She tried her best to look innocent and look at Su Yao.
But everyone knows that this guy can't be a child at all, and his experience can't be matched by several centenarians. There are thousands of ways to live a good life, but this guy chose the most salty way of life.
.
Of course, it is a good thing that she does not run around and is willing to live in the winter market.
"Ah, it's true! I gave you the money."
"But tell me, why do I have the ability to read files, and what happened before what I think is the first time I read files?"
"have no idea."
"Um?"
Su Yao looked at her with cold eyes.
"As for why there is the ability to read files, it is normal that occasionally some human beings are born with the ability to communicate with time."
"But when it comes to the source, I don't know. It seems to be something older than me."
"Longer than you?"
"yes."
She rolled her eyes, "I have only been around for so long, but it is not as long as the history of Snow Country. Before Snow Country's five thousand years, there were tens of billions of years of history. Who knows how many things there are."
"You can only go back a few hundred years through me."
"But that doesn't mean there aren't monsters that can make it easier for you to go back even further."
"Actually you are very interesting."
"The first file loading you mentioned is indeed the second file loading. I can easily get it back for you. After all, you haven't really lost it. It's just that you have experienced various things and your brain has judged that you no longer have it.
I needed it, so I didn’t recall it again.”
"Also, I actually met humans a long time ago who were very similar to you in terms of body composition and behavior."
"Ah, but it was at least three hundred years ago."
"If you use today's human terms, it may be your previous life."
"The past life is no longer necessary. That has nothing to do with me. What I want to know now is what you said about loading files for the first time."
"Bah bah——hetui~"
Under Su Yao's gaze, she spat into the water glass, then calmly picked up the glass of water and handed it to Su Yao.
"Here, it's our memory water~"
“···”
"How about it, do you really want to drink the beautiful girl's saliva?"
"I guess you must have some other way to remind me?"
"No."
"There must be, right?"
"No."
"Really not?"
"No."
“···”
After a moment of silence, Su Yao smiled and took out his phone.
"Youye, are you busy now?"
“···”
"Ah, that's it. If you're not busy, if you have time -"
"I have!"
Bai Mao panicked instantly, "I have another way! I have it! Please, don't let that monster come over! It's so scary... It's really scary! I don't want to be touched by her to see her memory! It hurts.
, it hurts so much! What kind of monster can accept those cruel things without expression!"
"Okay, it looks like I don't need you to come over for the time being. I will be back later."
Successfully convinced the monster with reasonable means.
"Mmmmm - it's all your fault. If it weren't for you, how could I be like this now and can't stand a knife at all!"
"It's completely in the shape of a pure love party, it's already a waste..."
"So, quickly change the way."
"I know! I'm so annoyed! I'll do it, and I'll do it for you right now!"
She gritted her teeth, poured another glass of water, squeezed her eyes hard and finally squeezed out a little bit of moisture.
But it's not transparent, it's a golden substance.
Back to the beginning.
As I said, people will forget something because of the brain’s protective mechanism.
Although Su Yao is satisfied with the present, he always feels a little unreasonable when thinking about all the details of the past. As for Xia Xianyue, no matter from which perspective, I would have completely abandoned it at the time.
I went to the prison specifically to visit Lin Jie in the hope of knowing more details, but he was already crazy.
The only one who can ask questions is the monster who has observed everything from the bottom up.
"Drink, just drink. Don't sleep here, my lord, and pollute my bed."
"Even if you ask me to sleep here, I won't sleep."
"Huh? How dare you dislike my love bed?! It cost me three thousand oceans to buy!"
"How long has it been since you dried your quilt? Do it occasionally, otherwise not only will the quilt get bugs, but I think you will too."
"Joke! Do you know what spiders eat?"
“···”
"Don't look at me with that pitiful look! Bastard!"
"I'm leaving."
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Why do I have to be reduced to eating bugs!"
She began to doubt herself.
No matter what happens to her, Su Yao plans to go home. Sleeping at home is the most peaceful place. She will be surrounded by warmth there and can bear whatever she remembers.
Entering into a nightmare after a long absence.
But this is not the same perspective as peering into another self. This is the first perspective from which one can strongly experience one's own emotions.
I'm trash.
Disgusting, disgusting, social garbage.
Such overwhelming and strong self-loathing surged up, making me want to vomit.
Saw it.
Because after my mother died, I didn't go to college at all. I just spent the whole day guarding the empty beer cans in panic.
Broken.
It's really broken.
I haven’t met anyone, either Jasmine or Qiao Qing. Because they didn’t go to college, of course, I didn’t have the chance to meet good people.
"Dong dong——"
The door was opened.
"It turns out Ah Yao has been hiding in a place like this."
With her bright smile, the silted dust also disappeared.
What exactly is it?
I was equally fed up with her at that time.
But there is no money.
I really have no money, even eating is a problem. The warmth that lingers around me means that I can't afford cigarettes and beer.
Not working, not going to school, not doing anything, a constant consumer of the assets left behind by the mother, waiting to fend for themselves.
At that time, there was a useful prop that was willing to pay for oneself, so there was no reason to refuse, right? What's more, it was easier to use if it was someone who had hurt oneself.
"I'm worried about letting Yao stay here by himself every day."
"It would be easier for me to take care of you if both of you live together. Why don't you just come to my house and live together?"
She smiled softly and invited me to her home.
I'm like, no, I'm a parasite.
My self-esteem continued to be pushed, and after a short period of half a month, I planned to find a job.
But it's a pity.
I didn't even go to college, and even though I had some skills, I was repeatedly frustrated in interviews.
"It's a high school degree——"
"In this case, you can go back and wait for notification."
It is always politely rejected.
"It's okay, Ah Yao, just take your time."
I will never push myself, nor will I show any dignity to myself. Instead, I will comfort myself as a procrastinator.
And with her help, his student status was miraculously restored because he had missed it for too long.
"It doesn't matter if I support Ah Yao until he graduates from college."
"If Ah Yao will definitely feel sorry, then agree to a condition."
The price in exchange was that she had to attend the same major as him and the courses were all the same.
In other words, except when I close my eyes and don’t see her, every minute of my life is filled with her face, her voice, and her smell.
When she graduated from college, she confessed to me.
Yes, before that, I just lived with her in a weird way, and we did everything, but we were not lovers.
At that time, she blushed and confessed her love to me. What reason did I have to refuse?
Even the flowers I gave her were bought with her money.
After graduation, I thought I would find a decent job and have the idea of living a serious life.
but--
I got a gambling addiction.
It got out of hand and I lost a lot of money. I always gambled with the idea that I would win it back this time, but I always lost everything and took out an online loan.
I'm hopeless trash.
Even though my loan was irreparable, I gambled all my money on both sides and the last of it on the repayment day.
The net cannot cover it.
"sorry···"
I confessed everything to her.
However, there was no blame as expected. She just caressed my face gently and said, "You can't gamble anymore after I pay you back, right?"
I got the money and plugged the hole, which cost more than 60,000 yuan.
I also want to repent.
But I opened the betting platform for some unknown reason and lost everything again.
But every time I abandoned my self-esteem and found her, she never said anything to blame me, she just comforted me and gave me money.
Over time, even she couldn't bear such expenses. She started working in a listed financial company early on.
Because of me, the relationship between her and her mother has never been better. Her mother knew that I was a gambler and looked down on me. She once pulled me and slapped me in front of me several times.
Roaring angrily, "How can you give my daughter happiness? What you did was indeed the right thing! Trash like you should be left alone!"
It was also that that caused her to completely cut off the relationship with her mother. She was really... too kind to me, and she cut off the relationship with her family because of a piece of trash like me.
She works late every day, is very tired, and has to do housework and make dinner when she comes back. But I am just a loser who reaches out for money like this.