I'm too lazy to do anything, so I stopped going because I failed the interview many times? What kind of lame excuse is this?!
Is it possible that all those who did not go to college and who have sound limbs should starve to death?
Besides, I went to college again with her help.
I was just taking advantage of her guilt - even I knew this.
It is precisely because of this that I was able to live with her for three years as a matter of course.
Occasionally, when I look in the mirror and see the decadent and sloppy face in it, I feel sad.
ah.
He is really a loser.
"Please give me some more money."
But even though her mother rushed in and slapped her.
"I... I'm going to have an interview later, please give me some more money."
Even though she knew that she broke up with her mother because of me, the source of her money was only the salary from her hard work. Although the salary of 15k-20k is already very high compared to ordinary people, how could she possibly support herself who is a gambler and a parasite?
"This is the last time, I really want to change my ways -"
But I still groveled and asked for money.
Even I feel that this lie cannot be more false. My self-esteem has dropped to the lowest level and I am not even willing to examine it myself.
"Really?"
"Then work hard, but don't be discouraged if you fail. Don't worry about it."
She always comforts me with her bright smile.
But I wasn't going for an interview, I was just gambling again.
I'm a vampire.
Worms that are more disgusting than parasites.
Doing nothing, just asking for it from her.
"Money?"
"Can it be a little later? There aren't that many right now."
It's the first time.
She gave him an embarrassed look and said, "Wait a minute, payday is still two days away."
She has no money.
My deposit has long been cut off.
Her mother stopped interacting with her that long ago.
The thread of caring about the food, clothing, housing and transportation of a bug like me, and being asked endlessly for gambling money, was finally stretched as tight as possible.
Are you kidding me?
If you don’t have it, just lend it to me!
Your limit is higher than mine, right?! You can pay it back on your payday anyway!
When I had this thought, my brain started to become congested as if it was controlled by a ghost.
I think my expression must have been terrible at that time.
"No money?"
"Well, I can't take it out for the time being. Can you bear with it for a few days?"
"How is that possible - you guy!"
It was then that I truly realized that I was trash.
real.
Because I clenched my fists and wanted to hit her.
I almost took action.
My hands have been raised.
However, at that moment, I seemed to shudder suddenly.
"What's wrong? Are you... feeling unwell?"
She didn't seem to notice my intention and just asked in a concerned tone.
"No, no."
I felt ashamed of my impulse just now, and I was afraid from the bottom of my heart. I didn't dare to look directly into her gentle gaze.
"If you need money anyway... I'll try credit."
"But I can't borrow too much, as I have to guarantee A Yao and I's life."
"...No, it's not that urgent."
Not just this.
I was trembling all over at that moment.
Why am I living until now?
Xia Xianyue betrayed me ten years ago, but isn't what I do now more excessive than what she did ten years ago?
I looked at her and found that she was really much more haggard than before.
At first, I remember that she also liked to dress up.
Even now she is beautiful.
But there is a certain indescribable vitality missing. There are only the simplest moisturizing lotions left on the dressing table or drawers, and there are no other expensive cosmetics. She is obviously a money-maker, but she tries her best to compress herself.
consumption level.
After she fell asleep, I quietly got up again.
I remembered that a few months ago, she hurriedly took several bags to the courier and asked her what they were, only saying they were donated to the children.
That's not what happened, right?
Now when she opens the cupboard where her clothes are kept, all those big-name luxury goods such as coats have been sold. Thinking back carefully about the meal, it seems that she is missing a lot of the things she used to like.
When she was having dinner just now, the only jewelry she wore was the watch on her left hand. She bought it for her with her money.
I have often reflected on myself before, but I have never stayed up all night like today.
It's not completely bright yet, and she has already woken up from my side.
"salad--"
Then I heard her going out.
Buy groceries.
Cook.
"Ah Yao, it's time to have breakfast?"
Shaking himself gently, he used an extremely gentle voice.
But I am still enjoying everything like a parasite, like a young master.
She didn't have time to enjoy breakfast and had to finish it quickly and go to the company.
I would occasionally wash the dishes left behind - if I didn't get the money from her and go gambling non-stop after she went to work.
I finished my meal in silence.
"Uh, ugh——"
I don't know why, but I suddenly couldn't swallow it.
The whole person hugged his head and cried.
The food tastes as good as ever, but I really can't eat it leisurely anymore.
For a moment, I felt like I couldn't stay here anymore. Ah, it sounds like claustrophobia, right?
Strong emotions drove me to pick up a cigarette and a lighter, desperately open the door and leave the one-bedroom apartment.
It wasn't like this at first.
At first...Xia Xianyue lived in a high-end apartment. She said she wanted to move here because of her work. With her salary level and family, she would never live in such a place. It was just because of herself.
"Crack."
I lit a cigarette, as if I was desperately trying to get warmth because it was too cold.
Someone sent me a message on WeChat.
[Brother Yao, there is a football match today! Why don’t you come and take a gamble? 】
[There is insider information saying that Barona will win! It’s absolutely true!]
Because I am garbage, I know all kinds of garbage people.
Why didn’t I realize this until now?
I cleared WeChat and my contacts.
After smoking four or five cigarettes, I returned to that house and tidied up the house with an uneasy mood. Although she had done a good job with the housework and had washed her clothes before going to work, I just put the remaining
The dishes and chopsticks were cleaned to this extent.
She is very busy at work.
He only comes back to have lunch with me when he has free time. Other than that, we eat breakfast and dinner together.
Whenever I don't come back, I will be given a generous lunch fee.
I used to use this money to buy the cheapest fast food, and then use the remaining money to buy Shuangseqiu.
I did the same thing today, and even bought meals, biscuits and mineral water that were cheaper than fast food.
I also passed by the lottery shop, and the owner inside greeted me with a fake smile.
But I know that he looks down on me.
He knew that I lived off women and used women's money to gamble.
I had never cared about such a gaze before, but today it seemed to sting me especially. I didn't have the confidence to talk to him any more, so I just left on the pretext that something happened.
"Today...is this?"
Xia Xianyue came back slightly tired and was a little surprised to see the table full of dishes.
"Ah, I unexpectedly found out that I still had some money left, so I was thinking if I could reward you or something."
"Reward me?"
His obviously happy face also made me uncomfortable.
In the end, it's still her money and she's still a parasite.
"By the way, didn't Ah Yao say that we need some money?"
"I tried to advance my salary today, and the manager agreed to advance it to me."
She took out her phone and transferred the money to me without hesitation.
"you--"
I didn't look at my phone, but swallowed hard, "Aren't you worried that I will gamble with it again and it will be in vain?"
"A Yao said he wouldn't do it, so he definitely won't do it."
“Sweet and sour pork ribs are delicious, right?”
"Ah Yao's level is so high, I feel like my fatigue is gone in no time."
“···”
I held my phone and never looked at the transfer information. I was silent for a long time.
"Ah Yao?"
She finally stopped her chopsticks and looked at me intently, "Are you worried about something? If you have any pressure, just say it. Don't hold it in your heart. It will be very tiring."
You are the one.
Don't you really feel tired?
Is there really hope for someone like me?
Do you understand that your boyfriend is a scumbag who has fallen into a bottomless pit of filth?!
"I will look for a job starting tomorrow."
"Really? That's great. I'll cheer for Ah Yao."
"I will really find a job, and I will never gamble again with money."
"Well, I absolutely believe in Ah Yao. If you have any questions, you can tell me."
Got it.
Before I said it, I knew that she would answer with the same words as before.
But how many times did she say she would really go there, and how many times did she send her hard-earned money into a bottomless pit afterwards.
Only this time it’s true. Even I don’t have the confidence to say this myself.
I kept silent and ate the dinner with her in silence.
The next day I took the money and the thought of going to a certain store seemed to come to my mind uncontrollably.
"Crack."
I gave myself a slap in the face.
I carefully looked at the recruitment website and selected and contacted several interview locations.
"You... can't do this."
"My work experience is a bit lacking. Have you not worked in the past few years?"
"Ah, because... someone at home is sick, so I have been taking care of him before he came out."
"Although it is very commendable, what we need here is people with preferably more than three years of work experience. I'm sorry."
"It doesn't matter···"
“···”
I'm 27 years old.
But my work resume is blank, and I’m past the age of a fresh graduate. Even if the salary requirement is lowered, no one is willing to hire me easily.
I failed the interviews for three consecutive days.
I don’t know if I’m the type who gets more courageous as I get frustrated, but now I want to escape, and I think of the mentality I had when I made a bet.
"Pah, pah, pah—"
"Cuckoo-"
I slapped myself wildly and gritted my teeth.
The empty wardrobe came to mind again, as well as the gentle sight and movement.
"Don't be too tired? It won't be good if your body is exhausted. You don't have to worry about work."
"I'm still here."
The more tenderly she treats me, the harder it is for me to face it.
Although I don't know how long I can persist this time, I never want to give up now.
I put aside my pride and face and asked my friends for help.
They say they are friends, but actually, where do I have any decent friends?
The only male friend I still have contact with is Mo Yiyi, Lin Xiaowan's boyfriend.
He once frankly persuaded me to turn back my prodigal son and introduce me to a job, but I only agreed verbally and continued later. He stopped paying attention to me.
Speaking of which, Lin Xiaowan hated himself very much.
"It would be better for a trash like you to be hit by a car and die sooner."
Because of me, she and Xia Xianyue had many quarrels. But I knew in my heart that that person really cared about Xia Xianyue.
I don’t know if Mo will still consider me a friend now, but I really asked him to.
fortunately.
He really came and didn't look at me like he looked down on me.
"No matter what, he is Xiaowan's good friend."
"If you are asking me to borrow money, I will definitely refuse. But if it changes for the better, I will be happy to help."
I didn't accept his request to work for an acquaintance.
Because I know that if Lin Xiaowan knew that he had helped me like this, he would definitely say something unpleasant. Maybe... even Xia Xianyue would be affected. Although she still cares about Xia Xianyue, I am afraid that now
He is the primary enemy because his relationship with Xia Xianyue is a little subtle.
I asked him to teach me how to interview well and provide some jobs that even people like me can be qualified for.
It doesn’t need to be very good, it just needs to be independent. Of course, I am conscious...I am not qualified for particularly hard work at this stage.
After Mo continued to help me, I lowered my conditions and interviewed with several companies.
I no longer had the nervousness of not being able to express my own strengths when I went on my own interviews at the beginning. I have become more proficient in interviewing more and more. Should I say I am lucky?
Finally, a small company is willing to hire me. It seems that the position is urgent and someone is needed immediately.
"Then come and try it."
Finally hired myself.
It was really hard work beyond expectation.
The job description only required me to do statistics and the like, but when I actually arrived, I found that there were still many vacancies, and all the work was thrown at me.
If you are older, let me make an exhibition plan.
On a smaller scale, it even got to the point where I was asked to make the no-smoking signs in the conference room.
If you stay for a few more days, you will find that this company is really just starting out. Apart from the boss, accountant and two or three employees, you are the only one.
I complained endlessly.
I drag my tired body back every day and want to escape, thinking that I won’t go tomorrow. I can easily get thousands or even tens of thousands from Xia Xianyue, but here I can only get 7k after working hard for a month.
arrive.
"Could it be a shady company? You work overtime so late."
"How about changing it to another one?"
When she saw me like this, she looked at me worriedly.
At that moment, I couldn't say anything to escape.
"I said that I will work seriously. If I can't persist at this level, how can I talk about being serious?"
"It doesn't have to go to this point..."
"Don't worry, I'm just busy right now. It will be easier when the president recruits more people."
That being said, I know that with his salary requirements, it is undoubtedly a fantasy to expand the staff in a short period of time.
But I've really gained momentum now.
The way she looked at me pulled me back from the option of escaping.
Now that I have received my first month's salary, I can finally look her in the eyes.
Give her half of the rent.
"I hope... you won't be so tired by yourself anymore."