"People are always like this, right? Call a distant relationship 'friends', and call a faint kindness 'love'."
"Subconsciously, we are just continuing to play out these relationships."
“···”
It was unexpectedly late after the accounting lady helped to complete the work.
Please explain how you ended up drinking alone with her in a restaurant similar to an izakaya.
Even with the help of a second person, the matter could not be corrected before four o'clock.
Fortunately, the accountant called her uncle (boss) to negotiate and the time was postponed. In a word, the matter ended smoothly, but the time was really late. It was expected to be four o'clock in the afternoon, but in fact
It was completed at half past six or close to seven o'clock.
‘I’ve helped you so much, wouldn’t it be too much to buy me a drink?’
It's really hard to refuse.
But before I went there, I frankly informed or asked for advice. Because I had already told the accounting lady that I had a girlfriend, and she just took me out for a drink as usual.
I had a clear conscience, and I even asked Xia Xianyue if she wanted to come. But she said, 'It doesn't matter.'
As a result, the accountant lady got drunk alone and started saying some things that I didn't quite understand, such as the above.
"Are you...a literature lover?"
I only drank half a glass of wine, carefully peered into her expression and asked.
"Ah? Hahaha."
She slapped the table and smiled exaggeratedly, attracting the attention of other people in the restaurant.
"There will always be times when you talk nonsense."
"is that so?"
To be honest, I didn't really want to understand her way of thinking. I just looked at the time and it was almost eight o'clock.
Is my girlfriend still waiting for me at my house?
Or have you said you have gone back?
"Hello!"
When she came back to her senses, she was glaring at me displeased, "Didn't anyone tell you that it's impolite to look at the time when chatting with others?"
"Feel sorry···"
"Really, why don't you show that you don't want to chat with the people who helped you?"
"I don't have any such thoughts, I'm just a little worried..."
"Girlfriend?"
"Ha, that's right."
"Hey, actually I've met you before."
"···Before?"
I raised my head suddenly, my pupils narrowed.
"Don't be so nervous."
She laughed, her cheeks were red, and she looked drunk.
"but--"
"You used to be a scumbag, right?"
The words that unequivocally revealed made my heart tremble strongly.
“···”
I was silent for a long time, and then met her eyes again, "What do you want?"
At this moment, I have prepared everything that I have been working hard for for nearly three months starting tomorrow. As long as she wants to tell the truth, the boss will lose trust in me in an instant. This is natural, everyone will throw their weight behind that kind of garbage.
A look of disdain.
"To be honest, you are really cute."
"Didn't I say before that all the newcomers except you left because of unreasonable tasks?"
"Only you haven't left. And only you will be given more tasks than them."
"What I just want to see is trash like you, pretending to work hard and then being easily destroyed by society, and then turning back into trash and being unable to recover, or even worse."
I noticed that her eyes were not filled with contempt, but rather filled with passionate emotions that I couldn't understand.
"but···"
"It's strange. I obviously expect you to return to your previous state honestly."
"It's not good, it's not good."
"How can you work so hard? Huh? Thinking that hard work will be rewarded is something only fresh graduates should have, a 27-year-old uncle."
"Hahaha, how can you have such an idea?"
"You bad guy——"
"It's really too much!"
"I took advantage of it, I really took advantage of it."
What exactly is it?
She said that this period was the saddest and most depressing time for her.
The specific reason is unknown, except that she was very sad and wanted to talk to someone.
I really like to see those newcomers who can't accept the gap between reality and ideals and quit, and take it for fun. Isn't it really bad?
Then I discovered that there was an alien among them.
I'm really tired of that kind of artificial effort, but in the end...if I don't pay attention, I seem to get stuck.
"That's how it goes."
"So...I've become a little more concerned about you."
I was really shocked.
It's not just weird, it's incomprehensible.
Why?
After knowing clearly that I am trash, you would still say such words to me as if you were confessing your love.
——
I followed Ah Yao.
No.
Absolutely not!
It’s not because I don’t trust Ah Yao!
Do I know that there will definitely be her, or is it her, or is it her? Go and seduce Ah Yao.
Obviously as long as you stay with me and slowly get through the period of burnout, you can usher in the period of love again.
Broken.
Broken.
Completely broken.
I'm sure something is broken somewhere.
No.
No.
I don't, I'm just... scared.
Why... you have to tell me so openly.
‘A colleague who has helped me a lot asked me to go to dinner. It’s really hard to refuse.’
'It's a girl!'
'I have absolutely no extraneous thoughts. I have already told her that I have a girlfriend.'
In order to avoid misunderstanding, I explained everything to me in detail.
He also asked for my opinion and asked me if I wanted to go have dinner with him.
is that so?
Not so.
Tell me not to disturb you.
Just tell me to be more sensible and just stay there.
If you don't want to be dumped right away, just keep your mouth shut.
Do you understand?
So, I saw the woman and Ah Yao chatting happily.
Smiling look.
Something started to spread from the depths of my heart.
I think, I have been holding on to something and living on something from beginning to end. But now, that thing is beginning to crack.
——
I'm going to refuse her offer.
"Don't you think I'm confessing my love?"
“···”
I looked at her in surprise, "That's a little..."
"So, but no. It would be too cheap to confess to a stinky man who knows he already has a girlfriend, right?"
She didn't have any emotions, she just drank herself a sip of wine, "And I'm not the one who cured you, and of course it won't be me."
"Go quickly."
"Just because you tell a woman frankly, it doesn't mean that the other person won't feel uncomfortable."
"We are both women... well, I still need to advise you on this."
"By the way, if you have a chance, please introduce your girlfriend to me."
"I'm really curious. I'm even more curious than you are about what kind of woman can make you work so hard."
“···”
He is really a strange person, he keeps chattering.
"Is it okay to go home alone after drinking so much?"
"Are you going to take me home? I'll really hate it if you check the time when you come to my house."
"Then I'll leave first."
There is still room for teasing me, so I won't pay attention to it anymore.
Really have a headache.
What's going on with this woman?
Where have you seen her before? But I really have no clue.
But regardless of this, those words she said at the end made me feel a little bit.
If you tell me honestly, doesn't it mean that the other party really won't mind?
She was right. If the positions were reversed, she might feel uncomfortable depending on which man her girlfriend was with.
I quickened my pace and went back.
"Ah Yao, I'm finally back~"
She welcomed me with a very tender look.
It looks like she has tidied up the house and made it very tidy.
The water has also been preheated in advance, so I can take a shower directly.
She didn't ask me about my colleagues.
Since there was nothing special to mention, I just said a few words casually, and then talked about how to deal with that super troublesome thing in the afternoon.
"Hey, Ah Yao."
She suddenly broke off the topic and said, "Can I move here later?"
"Move here?"
After all, it is still too difficult for two people to live in this house.
Am I confident that I have changed for the better?
Do I have the confidence that I won’t act coquettishly towards her and get help if I encounter difficulties in the future?
I have no idea.
But I am almost tired of not being able to see her every day and feeling terrified.
"It's better to forget about moving here."
"Wait a little longer, let's move to a better environment."
My brain tells me that I don’t need to wait, I can just ask her for money and move directly now, so that I don’t have to sleep lonely every day.
Many things will become easier.
But I resisted this idea, I wanted to use my own money to make it easy for her.
If I rely on her again, what will be the difference from before?
Not only did I move to a new environment, I also wanted to give her a gift with the money I earned with my own hands, a new gift that was different from the watch I bought with her money.
I sincerely hope to be recognized.
I hope her friendship with her former best friend will no longer be so delicate because of me.
I hope her mother can repair the relationship with her and look at me squarely.
This is all... what she must do in order to become someone who can truly stay by her side.
But very strange.
From that day on, Xia Xian Yue would stay at my house until the last minute every night.
Not only at night, but also very early in the morning.
I couldn't see her at work at noon. Although she said she would go to work after I left, that was obviously a lie, right?
Even though she tried to fool me by saying that the company's working hours had changed due to the recent downturn in the industry, I was not a fool.
In the past, she would always have some relevant information and documents in her work bag, but now she only has a lipstick and mobile phone. Nothing else.
"You, resigned?"
The second time I came back at noon, I saw her still staying at my house, and finally asked this question.
"...Temporary rest."
"Should I take a break or resign?"
I unconsciously emphasized my tone.
"I'm worried about Ah Yao. I worry a lot every day... I'm getting busier and busier at work, so I don't have time to come here often."
"In this case, I will take a break for a while."
"This way I can be with Ah Yao every day, isn't that okay?"
She looked at me with an expression on the verge of tears. She looked like a puppy who was afraid of being abandoned.
"It's not impossible..."
I saw the dark sockets under her eyes and her face that was even more haggard than the last time we met, so I finally swallowed my words.
Is this right?
I feel that my girlfriend loves me seriously and loves me as if she is sick. Is this okay?
I don't know whether I should be secretly happy or show a different expression.
——
Shortly after that, I was invited to meet by Lin Xiaowan.
To be honest, I'm a little scared to face her.
It's a psychological fear. I can't explain why. Why on earth are you afraid of her psychologically?
"You hurt Xiaoyue."
Such a straightforward sentence made me tremble all over.
She looked at me coldly, "You have made Xiaoyue no longer a healthy person, and you really turned a blind eye to this situation."
“···”
My forehead started to sweat and my palms started to sweat.
I know what she's talking about.
"After all, it's Xiaoyue who loves you."
"Or is it that you have been keeping Xiaoyue in captivity for a long time? Only you know about this problem, right? As you were and are still a scumbag."
Such a complete denial of everything about me.
I started to remember what I said to my girlfriend at the beginning.
'During this time of separation, I hope you can re-examine yourself and the people around you.'
I hope you can decide whether you want to have any contact with me after you realize that I am indeed garbage.
If I were a pair of shackles, would I really let go of the shackles on her for a moment?
Did you give her time to re-examine it?
I deceived myself, feeling complacent in the fact that I still imprisoned her soul.
I ignored the fact that I hurt her as trash in the past, as if it never happened.
"If you are still a human being and still have the consciousness to be a human being, just disappear by yourself."
"···disappear?"
"The real meaning is to disappear from Xiaoyue's life. That way, Xiaoyue will not get sick again."
OK.
Get rid of the source of diseases like mine.
But I don't plan to disappear like she said.
I became more serious and reiterated my request to my girlfriend. My heart was torn.
I already know it.
My girlfriend who is imprisoned in my house is no longer normal. I already knew it.
She would rummage through my things and spy on me when I was away. After saying that we were separated, there was actually no room left for her to have time to examine me and herself.
"Isn't it...we've already separated?"
"don't want···"
"Why are you still doing this?!"
"You don't love me anymore, right? With that colleague?! That's right!"
The first time, my girlfriend threw something at me. My forehead bled because it was hit by a hard object.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it!"
"Does it hurt? I, I will stop Ah Yao's bleeding right away!"
“···”
After bandaging, I didn't mention the topic again.
I care more about the mental torture than the insignificant wound on my forehead. What right does a trash like me have to ask her to take care of me in such a humble way?
Questions like this have resurfaced since the interview with He Lin Xiaowan, cutting me off all the time.
What happened in the next two days completely shattered my tense and twisted heart.
Because I was in a trance, I was accidentally scratched by a car on my way home from get off work.
The injury was not serious, just a broken hand and a bruise on the thigh. Due to some reasons, he needed to be hospitalized for a few days for observation.
"Even if I accidentally cut my hand, the doctor said I would have to stay in the hospital for a few days."
"Hehe, I feel like this is the red thread of my fate with Ah Yao~"
The day after my girlfriend found out that I was injured and needed to be hospitalized, she was also hospitalized.
The doctor asked me alone, does your girlfriend have a tendency to self-mutilate? From a professional perspective, the wound on her wrist was cut by herself.
Ah, I understand.
It's because my girlfriend is sick and she is imprisoned by me. So she wants to be with me even if she hurts herself.