The writing on the wall is not the familiar Snow Country writing, but letters. I must have drifted abroad.
"Give you two choices."
"One, dodge her attack."
"Two, she killed him."
"Puff——"
There was not even a countdown before I was killed.
However, I felt no pain.
——
How many times have we made the round trip?
"pain."
My body began to feel this way.
Even though he didn't have any thoughts in his mind, his limbs acted on his own initiative.
"Gu, uh——"
My ribs are still pierced by her blade.
However, I grabbed her throat with my hands and pressed my knees against her flanks to restrict her movement.
She wanted to kill me accurately with her other hand.
But I've died too many times to defeat her through force.
The only advantage is that I have many lives.
I am not afraid of death, so I just try it with my body.
If a trial goes wrong and a fatal wound is caused, start over.
——
"This is the first time I've seen this kind of desperate fighting style."
"It seems like I found a treasure."
After the man was shocked, he clapped his hands vigorously.
The woman's eyes were cold and she stared at me for a few seconds, then backed away, with the knife still stuck in my ribs.
——
In fact, I can kill them all instantly.
But I don't want to.
I am unwilling to use the core strength crawling in my body no matter what. It seems that it will disappear if I use it, but in fact it has disappeared.
I don't have any ideas, I'm like a robot, I just want to find something to do.
——
But even if I don't want to use that ability, my body's increasing strength cannot change it.
As a novice who had never used a gun, I was able to hit the target accurately within the effective range within three days. They were very happy and thought I was very useful.
Forgot to mention, I probably joined an international killer organization.
They are not united internally, and their forces are intertwined.
I saw a woman who wooed me from the beginning and even went to bed with me to please me, just so that I could finally side with her and become a valuable woman to her. But she has a good figure and I like it very much.
But why can we see shadows?
Ahhh.
I understand, because although Youye doesn't have such exaggerated body curves, she can always make various changes in temperament to suit my taste. This woman's charm is not as charming as Youye.
The woman who served as my mentor in the beginning was very strange.
But soon I realized that she was confused because she had no purpose and was a real robot.
Is this inevitable?
Humans cannot become true robots unless their hearts are damaged.
But even humans like me, whose hearts have been damaged, will still have xy. This means that humans can never become robots. I want to be a robot without a heart.
I told her that the reason why you are in pain is because you start to think.
Although I don't feel guilty because of how many people I killed, nor am I worried about what to eat today. It's just that the people above me are worried because their bosses don't know who to take orders from.
She is still worried, and so am I.
How long will this kind of day last?
I killed a lot of people today, but I don't feel anything at all. I'm already broken.
——
I don't know how many people I killed, but I met a little girl who looked very similar to You Ye.
But her character is completely different.
However, she is already very smart as a human by nature, so I started to teach her how to use a gun without telling the organization.
She wanted revenge, she wanted to learn from me and become what she called a powerful killer. I told her that I was weak.
——
In the end, the forces in the organization finally broke up, and the woman I had a relationship with gave me a choice, either obey her orders or go home.
Are you really so kind? Give your things back to yourself and let yourself go back.
There is probably a gunman waiting on the boat to kill him.
——
Before I could think about it, the place where the little girl and I were hiding had been blown up.
I can't find her.
To be honest, I finally got angry after all this time.
I killed many more people, and they all said I was a monster. I was a monster, and that was true.
The master who taught me pointed his gun at me, but I didn't resist.
In other words, I like to exchange everything with equal value. She helped me a lot in the beginning, and now I want to return her life. Even if this life is insignificant to me.
"Bang--"
But why?
She chose to commit suicide in front of me. I didn't feel anything.
The organization was in disarray, and the woman I was having sex with came on stage.
"You, you are really a monster."
She said this.
But unlike others who looked frightened, she touched my tail as if she was intoxicated.
I like to indulge in desires and vulgar tastes, because in this way I can forget everything for a short time. Even if it will be more painful in retrospect, I don't care.
——
"I promised you would come to me, why?!"
The little girl I taught also pointed a gun at me.
I don't care.
Because I broke the agreement, I thought she had died in the attack, but she was not actually dead.
"Oh, I just drink a little water every day, and eat some dry bread crumbs when I'm so hungry."
"There -"
"I just waited for Master for ten days."
I also gave her the same rights as the robot who couldn't be a robot. She could kill me once.
"I am the only one left with Master - don't leave me behind."
But in the end she put the gun down.
Holding a dead person like me tightly, there is no warmth in my body for her to absorb.
I also had a relationship with her.
It's more comfortable to be with her than with that mature woman, because she really looks like Youye.
She also uses a variety of different styles to please herself.
But the only thing that can't be compared is that she is not as perfect as You Ye imitated. She also doesn't touch my heart that much. In other words, I don't have a heart now.
I don't want them anymore.
But it's strange, no matter what I say, they still love me as always.
Even if I say——
"I saved you because you look just like the person I love."
"Well, my wife."
"That's why I'm willing to sleep with you now."
"You're right, I did think of her even when I was doing it with you."
Why are you looking at me with such sympathetic eyes?
——
To be honest, I thought I would never fall in love with anyone.
But I thought wrong.
My feelings are simply superficial.
Even though I know that I still love Youye in my heart, I have fallen in love with them now.
What is gratifying for them is that they have asked tremblingly more than once, have they fallen in love with me now?
I answered yes.
But they didn't know I was sad.
I faced the same problem that You Ye once faced again. Who lives and who dies?
I will be honest about this issue.
They are all old.
"There's no need to feel bad about that."
"I...want to ask."
"Have you healed a little bit of the wounds in Master's heart?"
I answered yes.
She also died satisfied.
The person I love most after Youye is my apprentice. In addition, the mature woman has used her body to get to the top in the killer organization from the beginning, and is a second-hand commodity.
It's not that I dislike it.
It's because she has long been unable to love me wholeheartedly like the apprentice I taught step by step. She always believed that the greatest weapon a beautiful woman has in the world is her body. Of course, she did the same thing in the beginning, using her body to win over me.
Therefore, whether she betrays me or dies in front of me, I don't feel much.
But my apprentice died.
On that day, my heart probably became even more completely broken.
——
I froze her body and placed it in a foreign research institute for storage. I have a lot of money, not only from the murders I have saved over the years, but also from the huge wealth You Ye left behind.
I returned to China and had relationships with many different women in China.
To them, I seem to have a different kind of charm.
But when I look in the mirror, I just feel like a boring man.
How long did you live?
Anyway, the war broke out, and I had no intention of participating, so I found a place to hide.
When I came out again, the world had changed.
——
When I came to my senses again, I had become the leader of a gathering place.
But I don't understand anything.
The only thing I can understand is one thing.
I lied to my apprentice.
In fact, I never loved her at all, and I wasn't sad at all in the end.
The reason why I love her is still because she is very similar to Yu Ye.
I thought she might know that, so she would always ask me what kind of girl You Ye was.
This is cruel.
I buried her body and apologized at her grave.
——
I have been wandering for at least four hundred years.
Until I accidentally discovered the remaining facilities, that thing was really nonsense.
What can I say to go back to the past?
Really?
But my heart began to boil with the research report that was like child's play. Others could ignore it, but I, who read the file, as a monster, was willing to believe it with a glimmer of hope.
Now that I think about it, where did the monster respond to Lin Jie?
Probably, it was me who responded to Lin Jie in the world four hundred years later. But I am also a monster, so it is not wrong to say that a monster responded to him.
——
Anyway, I did go back to the old days.
Back to the past that haunts me.
But so what?
I saw my useless self hiding here and there, and I saw my useless self crying and saying that I didn’t want to continue.
Because he is me, I can understand. So I want to kill him.
The first thing I did when I went back in time was that I actually killed myself many times.
I didn't think about grandma's rebuttal or anything like that, I was just venting.
But my future self is not dead.
But from that time on, there were many ‘Is’, both false and real.
Some were made by my interference, and some were made by him on his own.
I communicated with those remaining shadows in the world after his death. Why are they called shadows?
Probably because I don't want to call them real things at all.
I want to treat her as the real thing, but I can't.
It seems she can't do it either.
She didn’t think I was ‘him’. So I killed her too.
I followed myself through many routes, just like reading toilet paper novels that were obviously not interesting, but kept clicking because I didn’t want to look for anything else.
——
At first, I interfered just for fun.
Because I met my old friend, Xia Xianyue.
I want to see what will happen to my ‘me’ with a little change?
The result is a love triangle.
I find it interesting.
‘I’ published a novel, and I became an editor, which was a wonderful relationship. But it was rare for me to be interested.
I watched myself grow little by little and gradually began to become a completely different person from myself.
to be honest.
I'm jealous.
Why?
Obviously he is me too, why did ‘I’ have to end up like this?
But soon I felt relieved again.
No matter how hard he struggled, he finally followed my old path and chose You Ye.
But he didn’t know that in the distant future, he would become the person I am today. This is probably why I can still look at him leisurely now.
——
I added the line.
Why do I want to interfere with his life even more strongly? I don't want to see the same life as I am now.
Because of my strong interference, other unknown factors began to appear one after another.
Maybe the future has turned into a mess, but I still haven't disappeared.
Um?
is that so?
Do I want to disappear?
Do I want to see him lead a different life and then wish him away? No, I'm not that generous.
——
There was a time when I liked wearing a fox mask.
Because I accidentally found this thing from the warehouse. It was a long time ago when I lived with Yu Ye. I gave her a rabbit mask, and she gave me this mask.
He also laughed at me for being as stupid as a fox.
Is it stupid?
The fox is a symbol of intelligence. But this guy's head can't be ignorant. Maybe he is deliberately using such stupid words to lead me to complain.
'Hehe, big brother always gets into a daze because of Youye's words.'
'Are you thinking about Sesu again?'
'That's because you always say things you don't understand.'
'Will you hate Yu Ye?'
'That's not the case, I think it's cute instead.'
‘You just love Yu Ye?’
'Well, that's true.'
‘Well, big brother sometimes feels very scary...’
Now that I think about it, the fact that she looked away a little shyly at that time probably proves that she is sometimes shy. That is her truest emotion.
——
Gradually.
I can no longer simply predict what Yu Ye is thinking when I meet him, as I did in the beginning.
This is natural, right?
Because the education methods are different and the experiences are different.
The Youye Society he belongs to cares about the lives of ordinary humans because of 'me', and will also move in the human world according to 'my' wishes.
Unlike Youye and I, they live in the light, while we live in the darkness. I envy them, and I wanted to replace him several times, but I never took action.
Why?
——
Soon I knew the answer.
"Big brother?"
The robot spoke.
I didn't do any procedures, I just took the last piece of minced meat out of the ice and placed it inside.
But my Yuye is undoubtedly resurrected.
I'm very happy.
But at the same time, problems arise again.
The past me is already affecting the present.
If this continues I will disappear.
I think back to the long past, am I satisfied?
If you are not satisfied, can you continue to live for a long time with such a broken Youye? How long can she live? According to my observation, she may have been resurrected due to accidents caused by my frequent return to different pasts.
I learned a long time ago that miracles are not free.
——
I actually want to live.
But the other ‘I’ is not a weakling.
I understand him and his "Youye". I understand him as well as I understand myself. What I'm talking about is the inner motivation.
I can't kill them directly because they are in the past.
But they can kill me, even if the chance is slim, but there is a chance.
Who laid this trap?
There is no way to conclude it now. I asked myself again, am I satisfied?
I'm already satisfied.
My Youye has been resurrected and is sitting close to me at my feet.
When I told her everything.
She actually said she wanted to protect me, but there was nothing she could do.
——
That opportunity was real, and I saw his "You Ye" come to me with my own eyes.
I killed her countless times.
But she also appeared countless times, and I couldn't kill her anyway.
Until my Yuye discovered all this.
she asked me sadly.
Is there really no other way?
I said maybe, but it's very slim. He will be killed one day.
she asked again.
'Brother, are you afraid of death?'
I answered no. I told about my experiences over the years.
When I mentioned cheating, she pressed the roller on my feet and asked me to pick her up and kiss her.
I don't know how she thinks.
But she did say it happily in the end.
'If the big brother wants to resist, Youye will do his best to help the big brother.'
'Big brother thinks it's good not to resist, so Yu Ye also thinks it's good.'
I took her broken body to travel and date in our future, which she was unable to do due to her physical condition.
But even so I am very satisfied.
'Youye feels good seeing her past self.'
One day, she suddenly said with a smile.
Then he added another sentence.
'But my eldest brother and I are also very good now.'
I suddenly regretted it.
I said I wanted to live and protect her.
But she told me that she wanted to give me a gift.
The result was that her circuit control was briefly connected to the skeletal doll, a strange contact we had not seen in a long time.
I understand, she is actually reaching her limit.
It's a miracle that she survived.
This miracle cannot last long.
The best result of my resistance is that all my past rewrites will be reset to zero, and my Youye will disappear in the end. I have no chance of living with Youye anymore.
She already knew this.
That's why after having sex with me, tears flowed from the machine.
'I'm sorry, You Ye doesn't want to be alone.'
What she meant was that she didn't want to die alone again.
In other words, you want to be with me.
I said.
'That's what I thought too.'
After understanding this, I put on the fox mask again.
'Stupid big fox brother.'
'Do you want me to complain?'
'want.'
'Then you are the stupid robot Yuye.'
'Youye is not a robot.'
She angrily pressed the wheel on my stomach and asked pitifully.
'Do you hate the robot Yuya?'
'No, as long as it's my Yuye, I'll like it no matter what it becomes.'
‘···’
We laughed happily.
——
I met 'me'.
It seems that he doesn't know that the real thing that belongs to him has been here many times. But I don't intend to tell him, anyway, what will greet him after that is happiness.
The same thing greeted me.
I want him to kill me.
But of course ‘I’ am suspicious by nature. I wanted to laugh a little, but at least this was one of the few sincerities I had in my life, but I ended up ruining it.
But no matter what he thinks.
I just gently picked up my real thing and told her to turn off the phone?
Then turn off the switch.
My true self understands me very well.
Before I hold her to death.
She cunningly put on a show and jumped out to say she didn't want me to die.
etc.
Suddenly I really want to ask my Youye, is that a joke or does he really not want me to die?
But before that, my body was broken into pieces.
If it hadn't broken, maybe I would have changed my mind.
The last thing I saw was my mask flying up and breaking into pieces.
Ask yourself.
If I could do it all over again, I don't want to become a monster. I want to be like 'me', holding hands with my Yu Ye, and in the middle there is me and my Yu Ye's children happily calling mom and dad.
I looked at Youye, and she looked at me tenderly, but the two children didn't understand this tacit understanding and kept asking for sweets.
That kind of life is really good. Unfortunately, I gave up my identity as a 'human' so easily from the beginning.
To die like this now is to ask for trouble.
But the only thing I'm glad about is that.
No matter what, this time, my Youye and I will die together. That’s fine.
Then, I wish the other me to guard the real things that belong to you and live happily forever.
Although I may suddenly become a little unwilling again, the fact that is finalized now is——