After going through so many things, Sun Liping was going to go home to visit her unemployed father. She had not been back to this home for a long time since she went to college. Looking at everything familiar, she felt a little emotional in her heart.
The home is as simple as usual. There are some calligraphy and paintings hanging on the walls, all of which are inscriptions by some contemporary writers and literati. The most valuable ones are only a few hundred yuan, and they were all donated by them on their own initiative.
When she walked into the house, Sun Liping did not see her father. Seeing that the light in the study was still on, Sun Liping walked over quietly. She saw her father wearing reading glasses and playing with the banners sent by the society.
He was still muttering something to himself inside.
In addition to the pen holder, there are several yellowed old books neatly displayed on the desk. In addition, there is a photo frame, which contains a photo of mother and father when they were married. The black and white picture is a bit out of place in the study, but it records
It depicts the happy moment of the newlyweds during the revolutionary era.
My mother is very beautiful, delicate and gentle, and my father is young and elegant. They are both a little shy, but they are a perfect match.
The father took the banners and folded them carefully and piled them together. There was a box on the ground, which was already full of banners. The father folded them again and again, and finally they were all pressed into the already full cardboard box, which was already wrinkled.
Baba pressed hard with his hand, then covered it with tape and sealed it.
Seeing this scene, Sun Liping felt a little uncomfortable in her heart. She knew very well that her father had been teaching for so many years, never for these honors. Compared with these, he would be happy for a day or two when he saw the students admitted to a good university, and sometimes even
He took a few sips of wine to himself, and it seemed that his children had a future.
On the contrary, these pennants were heavy in his hands and were sealed in boxes. For his father, this was the best place for them.
"The more honors this old man like me gets, the harder it will be for Lao Yan and the others to carry out their work in No. 1 Middle School in the future." Her father muttered, but Sun Liping felt sour in her heart after hearing this.
Director Yan is acting as the principal of No. 1 Middle School, and he will be the principal of No. 1 Middle School in the future as expected. However, Director Yan has been very nervous in the past few days. He is deeply afraid that if he does not do something well enough, or if he does not do it well enough, he will not be able to do it well.
Or something happens in the school. For Director Yan, the more praise his father gets, the harder his job becomes.
People always have a comparison mentality and will compare their new appointment with their predecessors, but Sun Liping never thought of this, and now she understands the reason. Sometimes her father considers things more carefully than she does.
"Reputation, reputation, some people can't breathe even if they are weighed down by reputation their whole life. Those who don't get it are extremely envious, but those who get it know their own suffering." My father muttered.
Thinking of her father's absence from the house these past few days, Sun Liping felt a little disappointed for her original persuasion. For many people, these reputations are a kind of recognition, but they are also a kind of responsibility. Her father seems to just want to enjoy his own life.
In my later years, I don’t want to be burdened by fame.
But at the beginning, I felt unworthy and even angry because my father was dismissed from his post and was blamed for Canglong. I felt that my father was too honest.
During this period, all the honors given by all walks of life and the teacher-appreciation banquet were rejected by her father. Although Sun Liping did not say it on the surface, she was actually a little unhappy mentally. She felt that this was what her father deserved, but she never thought about it.
, does her father care about these honors? As a daughter, she always seems to only care about her own feelings, but ignores her father's feelings.
Even at certain times, she felt that her father was too old-fashioned and why he was not receiving the honors he deserved. She even called people to persuade her father, but he was severely rejected by her father. Several times she was secretly angry with her father.
This anger is still very uncomfortable even now.
But when she came home today and heard her father's words, she suddenly felt a little guilty in her heart. As a daughter, she claimed to know her father's temperament very well, but she never cared about his feelings.
The older I get, the more I become like this. I always use my own subjective thoughts to force the elderly to do certain things, thinking it is for the elderly's benefit.
This is like when parents forced their children to do certain things when they were young. For the parents, it was for the good of the children. But when it was their children who respected the elderly, most of the time they forced the elderly to do certain things and never cared.
Check whether the elderly person needs it or is willing to do it.
After packing the banners, my father put a box of so-called honors in the cabinet in the study room. Then he returned to the desk and stared blankly at the photo on the table.
My father took off his reading glasses and picked up the wedding photo that had witnessed the revolution and marriage. His hands began to tremble involuntarily. He touched his mother on it and looked at her smile, as if her mother was still alive.
This scene was something she often saw when she was a child, but whenever she saw her father's smile, she would say in her heart, "Why don't you care about your mother when she is here? It's not about losing her."
He knew he regretted it, and even at some point, he felt that his father was not worthy of looking at his mother's photos.
But today, when she saw the smile on her father's face, she felt the deep guilt and self-blame behind the smile.
"Yu Ling, what I'm most sorry for in my whole life is you and Liping. This child has never wanted to see me since you left. Fortunately, she has grown up now and is sensible. I know I can't ask anything of her.
Too many, and I don’t have the right to ask too much of her. Now that I am retired, I just want to fulfill my last responsibility as a father. I hope to see her get married, see her start a family, and see her have children. In this way, I
That's enough." Father muttered, but suddenly he held the photo tightly and said, shaking all over, "I regret it, regret why I listened to you, regret why I didn't rush to the hospital, why...
..Why......"
Looking at her father's appearance and trembling body, Sun Liping's mind was suddenly spinning. Regret? Regret for listening to her mother's words. Did her mother say anything to her father when she was in the hospital?
Her first thought was to ask her father what was going on.
"How wonderful it would be if you were still alive..." my father sighed, "if you are alive, you can see Liping grow up, see her get married, see her have children, see her
Being filial and obedient..."
Sun Liping did not rush to question her father, because she had already got an answer. In her childhood memories, her father was very good to her mother. Her father was a Chinese teacher, gentle and elegant, and had a decent demeanor. It can be said that the two of them had experienced ups and downs along the way.
From the time she was born to the death of her mother, she never saw her parents quarrel, and the family was always harmonious.
I remember that my mother held her in her arms and told her the most poignant and unforgettable story when she was a child. The rebels came to the house and dragged her father out to criticize and fight. They forced her to kneel down, but her father endured it.
During the most difficult days, they still survived, and their parents never neglected their inner life because of external reasons. Until the reform and opening up, the wheel of history rolled forward, and she was born.
The country resumed the college entrance examination, and my father became the first batch of educated young people to be admitted to college. My mother was originally from a scholarly family, but because she was pregnant at that time, she did not take the college entrance examination.
But after she was born, she spent the happiest time. Her father graduated and entered the newly restored No. 1 Middle School of Dongning City and became a Chinese teacher. He would go home almost every day.
But as time went by, my father went home less and less. He spent most of his time at school because of one word: busy, because his students were facing the college entrance examination.
So for a certain period of time, Sun Liping hated the college entrance examination and her father's students. Until the moment when her mother became ill and died in the hospital, her father was still too busy to take care of her mother and take care of this child.
Family, and Sun Liping buried this hatred deep in her heart.
When her father came back, her mother's funeral had been completed. She saw that her father didn't even shed a single tear. She hated her father's ruthlessness and indifference.
But now when I think about it, I realize that her deep-rooted hatred made her completely lose her mind, making her forget the moment her mother died, and she still didn't forget to tell her, don't blame your father.
And when she was not critically ill, her mother never complained about her father even once. She was always talking about her father's goodness, and she was talking about...
Her father lied to her, and he lied to her from the moment her mother died. In fact, when her mother was critically ill, the saddest thing was not her, but her father. At that critical moment, it was her mother who asked him to stay in school, because her mother
Knowing that she was dying, her condition was no longer important compared to the students who were facing the most important moment in their lives. Sun Liping suddenly realized why her mother still had a happy smile on her face when she left, even though her man did not
Come and see her off on her last journey.
Up to this moment, Sun Liping could not imagine that this was her mother's decision, but when she recalled her father holding her mother's remains, with a cold and expressionless father, she understood.
In fact, it's not indifference, it's just a man who suppresses the pain of losing his beloved deep in his heart, but shows strength because he needs to be a father figure to his still-growing daughter.
At some point, Sun Liping suddenly shed tears when she looked at her father holding the wedding photo. She had wrongly blamed her father for so many years, but his father never blamed her and even held her dearly to her every moment.
The guilt of living alone.
She did not disturb her father's contemplation. She came quietly and left quietly. After walking out of the door, she suddenly wanted to cry, but she couldn't.
She was in a daze all the way back to the apartment. She even forgot to take the elevator. As if to punish herself, she took the stairs. When she reached the floor, she suddenly squatted down and started sobbing.
Until I saw Canglong, I couldn't help but burst into tears...