Very interesting cousin series from Mengyi Tang Dynasty
A very interesting cousin series, from "Wet Dreams of the Tang Dynasty". I find it very interesting and specially send it to everyone...
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My cousin told me that many famous people finally couldn't bear it and wanted to leave China. I quickly asked: These people are engaged in machinery, chemistry, astronomy, factory workers, farmers, wall builders, and vegetable sellers. Driving a car? My cousin thought for a while: No, they are all writers, poets, painters, editors, lawyers, screenwriters, public figures. I let out a sigh of relief: I still have my backbone, so I don’t care what he does.
I made a bet with my cousin: Look at the gentleman in front of you, if I go up and slap him, he will still be very happy. I went up and slapped him and cursed: American. The prince covered his face and was happy. My cousin said you dare to slap him again. Is it? I went up and smoked him again: British guy. The public was happy. The third time I smoked: German guy. My cousin was not convinced: I can smoke him as long as he says he is a foreigner, and I can do it too. Then my cousin went up and smoked him again. Big Mouth: Korean. My cousin was beaten badly
My cousin asked me: Why are there not as many fans who refute rumors as there are fans who spread rumors? I said: Don’t talk about these useless things, read this book, Historical Records and Tomb Raiders Notes. My cousin answered readily: Tomb Raiders Notes. I He smiled and said: You see, people like to see things that have never happened.
I said: The country is actually making progress. My cousin said coldly: Progress means letting me eat gutter oil. I said: People's lives are improving. My cousin laughed and said: Improvement means making me eat leather shoes. I said: Many people are working hard. Jianshe. My cousin sarcastically said: Jianshe made me a member of the periodic table of elements. I thought for a long time and said deeply: Brother, can you stop eating at street stalls all the time!
My cousin said: The United States saved China three times, it’s the truth! I said: I also saved you three times. The first time a few buddies and I beat you and I was the lightest. The second time a bully beat us both, you were in front. Use your body to support me and pass the stick from behind. The third time you had a fight with my enemy and vented your anger on me, I waved and shouted for you. My cousin was very grateful: Brother, thank you. I smiled and said: I will save you for the fourth time now. ,Give me your wallet, it's dangerous to take money on the street
The cousin looked at the director's retreating back and cursed: This despicable, sinister, sinister, vicious, hypocritical, cunning, fat-minded, sanctimonious, evil-minded, vulgar, polite, smooth-talking, eloquent, eloquent, squandering money, bullying, and domineering official. I praise him. He scolded in a literary style and suggested posting this set of words on Weibo. My cousin then said longingly: It would be great if he were a relative of ours. I said seriously: Please stop broadcasting the last sentence, although it is very true.
My cousin came to my house for dinner and was furious when he saw the food I cooked: According to Teacher Zhao Chu’s theory, you make the food so beautiful to cover up the fact that the ingredients are poisonous. I think what he said is very reasonable. Every time he came home, a meal that looked like shit was cooked for him alone, so he could eat it without worry. A month later, when I went to the mall with my cousin, he had to go to the toilet in a hurry. I waited outside for a long time, and my cousin came out and said calmly :Not as delicious as your cooking
Dear cousin, how are you? I haven’t been on Weibo recently. I have something to tell you. Listen to me. The US Embassy was peacefully liberated and has been changed into the Environmental Protection Agency. The once simple Kato is now following the evil example of public knowledge. La. These days are the college entrance examination, and those who are not taking the exam are busier than those who are taking the exam. The United States is going to attack Syria, why are the bombs dropped by democratic countries? The above is all nonsense, in fact, I will say one thing: just harvest the wheat. La, I must come to help.
As long as you believe in the United States in the passport, Germany in the oil paper bag, South Korea on the tip of the tongue, Japan in the summer camp, India on the freedom train, Saudi Arabia without a second generation of officials, Iraq in need of improvement, peace and happiness in Afghanistan, democracy Peaceful Libya... then you must have a hellish China in your eyes
My cousin asked: Why are there so many fans of the Republic of China on Weibo? I thought about it for a while: in their eyes, the Republic of China is the Republic of China of Liang Qichao, Hu Shiyan, Fu Zhang Taiyan, Lu Xun, Shen Congwen, Chen Yinke, Liang Shuming, Zhao Yuanren and other great masters, rather than Zhang San, Li, Si Wang, Er Mazi, Gou Sheng Die Er. My mother’s Republic of China. My cousin said: It’s like Weibo is the Weibo of people who spread rumors and market with v, show their conscience and play justice, rather than the third sister of my neighbor’s second brother in the market, my aunt’s uncle’s third sister, and my colleague sitting across from me. Weibo
I was chatting with my cousin at his house and heard the shouts of people buying groceries downstairs. My cousin cursed: Incompetent security guards have let *** vendors into the community again. I want to call to complain. Five minutes later, the security guards came as expected. My cousin took out his mobile phone and turned on the camera and rushed to the balcony. I asked: What are you doing? My cousin said excitedly: I want to take a picture of the security guard chasing away the vegetable vendor and post it online for the sake of the poor vendor. I praised: You, China’s conscience
I was walking on the street with my cousin and saw some puppies playing on the grass. I said: I really don’t like dogs. My cousin yelled: Dogs are man’s best friend and the best comfort for the soul. You actually I don’t like it! Do you have any humanity? Do you have a conscience? Do you understand life? I felt deeply ashamed and blushed. My cousin patted me on the shoulder and said kindly: It’s not entirely your fault. You must have never had delicious food in the winter. Dog meat soup!
I asked my cousin: There is such a person who pretends not to be a member of his own family, but to other family members. He is picky or even harsh on his own family, but tolerant and generous to others. He is always modest and cautious when doing good things in his own family, and always is always modest and cautious when doing good things in other people's families. In a big way, I will resolutely attack some bad things in my own family, and help cover up the bad things in other people's families. My cousin said: This person is either Lei Feng or a public intellectual! I praise: all public intellectuals are living Lei Feng!
We have confidence in this government. It has produced countless masters, Hu Shi, Yan Fu, and Zhang Taiyan. It has produced countless military geniuses: Zhang Lingfu, Wang Yaowu, and Huang Wei. It has produced countless financial masters: Song Ziwen, Jiang Jingguo, and Kong Xiangxi. It has produced countless diplomatic geniuses: Song Meiling. Gu Weijun, Wang Shijie. He has countless social philanthropists: Du Yuesheng, Huang Jinrong, Zhang Xiaolin. He has countless friends from powerful countries: the United States, France, and the United Kingdom, and then there is no more.
I want to buy a QQ for commuting to and from work. My cousin said deeply: Don’t forget that there are children in the eastern mountainous areas who can’t afford to go to school. I said I want to buy a brand-name suit to wear for socializing. My cousin said sadly: Don’t forget that the western mountainous areas can’t afford food. The child crossed the overpass and said that we both gave 5 yuan to those who begged for food. My cousin said sadly: There are many children who are on the verge of death and cannot afford to see a doctor. When I saw a vase at his house and casually asked the price, he casually replied: 200,000. .Three minutes later, vase pawn, for the sake of the child
When I talked about the Scarborough Shoal issue with my cousin, I said we should attack the Philippines, but he scolded me: nationalism. I changed my mind: It’s better to sit down and talk. He scolded me again: appeasement. I thought for a while: we’ll fight and talk at the same time. While we were talking and fighting, he laughed at him: sitting on the fence. I looked at him with admiration and asked: Master, what should I do? My cousin lit a cigarette and walked slowly to the balcony, looked deeply at the sky and said slowly: I How do you know? I sang: I have a cousin in my family, peerless and independent
My cousin told me: The Philippines is a small country, and now it is facing the military and economic threats of the superpower without changing its face, calmly and calmly, and it still firmly says no to China. I admire it very much. This country has not fallen! I smiled and said: Brother, you
Have you ever seen someone tied to a tree and beaten? He couldn't fall down even if he wanted to. Even though he was standing, his body was in pain. This is the most painful thing.
My cousin said: The Eight-Nation Allied Forces brought a breath of fresh air to China and the flame of democracy! Especially the United States used part of the compensation to aid the construction of Tsinghua University, China's number one institution of higher learning. I am very grateful to them. I can't argue with him.
Finally, I beat him up, took away his valuables, and before leaving, he threw down 20 yuan and said affectionately: "Buy this book on the victory of democracy." After that, my cousin was more affectionate than before when he saw me! I like him like this.
A person who knows how to be grateful
Talking to my cousin about Huangyan Island, he was filled with grief and anger: Has the problem of poisonous milk poison capsules been solved? Has the problem of forced demolitions been solved? Has the rise in prices been solved? What does the territory have to do with me? I said: Are you right?
What do you think of the Iraq war? My cousin spoke righteously: This was a noble war that was separated from vulgar taste! The Americans fought bloody battles for justice, and I was very moved! I interjected: I am dedicated to you without any self-interest.
Beneficial spirit
I told my cousin: China made stern representations to the Philippines on the Scarborough Shoal issue. My cousin scolded me: If we protest internally and externally, we will probably fight. Ten days later, I said: There are signs that force may be used. My cousin
He cursed again: What does the use of force have to do with me? He robbed the oil and sold it to us ordinary people at a high price. I was very surprised: Why are you scolding us whether we fight or not? My cousin laughed and said: I don’t care what China does, as long as it does it anyway
I will scold you!
In the late Ming Dynasty, scolding the court was a status symbol. Regardless of right or wrong, if you dare to scold, you are a real celebrity. If you have never scolded the court, you will be embarrassed to say hello to others when you go out. When the Manchus entered the country, except for a few
A few of them died abroad, but others didn't scold them. They called their master Shengming instead, and it was so smooth. Even if the whole family was exiled to Ninggu Pagoda, they still wanted to thank their master Long for his kindness. What do you think these people want?
I asked my cousin: Why do so many people, when they see negative news, no matter whether it is a rumor or not, no matter how unreliable the fabrication is, they start to get excited and rush forward, filled with righteous indignation, and finally complain: What is wrong with this society! My cousin raised his hand on the bridge of his nose.
Myopic glasses: This is instinct. This kind of person is very similar to a dipteran insect. When he sees the food residue and excrement of people or animals, he rushes towards it. I cursed: Why are you so literate? It’s just like a fly seeing feces.
?
My cousin often told me: During the National Government, even if there was a national crisis, education funding was second only to military spending in fiscal expenditures. I said: Even if this is true, isn’t the people’s stomachs more important than education? My cousin hummed.
:Ignorance. One day, I went on a donkey trek with my cousin and wandered in the mountains for three days. I finally found the exit and my cousin was exhausted. So I went to a nearby town alone, ate three bowls of noodles, and then bought a book.
Bring it back to my cousin
The liberal arts student sometimes talked about the little drink under the Alps, sometimes recited Shakespeare's heroic couplets in a pure London accent, and sometimes shook his feather fan and gave some general advice to Liu Bang, Cao Cao, Caesar, and Napoleon. The woman in white listened with admiration. He continued.
: I hate the mechanical BMW and the vulgar chemical drink Coke. The woman smiled and said: I am willing to walk with you on the country road and drink the morning dew. So, when I opened the room, I found that there was no Du Lei.
Captain Si came to inspect the homes of ordinary Iraqi villagers. When he came to the door of a dilapidated house, he saw an old lady inside. The captain immediately asked his entourage to step back, and then respectfully asked the old man: Can I come in? - This question
, reveals the true meaning of human rights. No matter how big or high your official position is, you must respect the human rights of every citizen! Otherwise, any human rights are nonsense! We have to believe this story, even though the 17 people who believed it died.
My cousin wanted to write a Weibo article that would be highly forwarded, and asked me to come up with an idea. I said: Photoshop a picture of Zhang Chengguan beating someone. My cousin said: I don’t understand high technology. I also came up with an idea: Make up a piece of history, for example, for Liu Wencai
Wang Jingwei committed a crime. My cousin blushed: I don’t have that much imagination. I had no choice but to use my trump card: write that today is the memorial day of a certain celebrity, whether today is the day of death or not, let people mourn. My cousin happily wrote:
Deeply mourning Obama
The first time I fought with my cousin was in the vegetable market. There were many people watching when we were punched and kicked. I yelled in a hurry: Don’t think that because you are an urban management officer, I am afraid of you. The crowd beat my cousin very badly. The second time was
When I was fighting in the hospital, I yelled angrily: Don’t think that because you are a doctor, I’m afraid of you. My cousin was still miserable. Yesterday, when I had an argument with my cousin in the parking lot, he yelled: Don’t think that you drive a BMW.
I'm afraid of you. I was beaten badly by the driver.
I went to visit the Forbidden City with my cousin and suddenly saw a familiar figure. I pointed out to him: This is a senior official. My cousin cursed: This grandson must not have bought a ticket. I quickly said; he is Ambassador Jiahui. My cousin Man
Smiling face: Holding the child’s hand, what a warm scene. After leaving the Forbidden City, I bought two meat buns, which my cousin couldn’t swallow. I explained: In fact, these are called hamburgers. My cousin said: Two of them are not enough.
Ah. I hurriedly bought him another cup of Starbucks soy milk.
I told my cousin: Selling human flesh is not illegal and selling dog meat is illegal. The day is coming soon. My cousin is confused, I am too lazy to explain a few simple sentences: save dogs on the highway, sell gizzards, democracy and freedom to achieve a well-off society.
My cousin suddenly woke up and I was shocked: Aren’t you dead? My cousin said: Yes, I came to heaven in a daze. God said that only those who believe in Christ can enter. I quickly said that I was a fan of Sun Haiying. God was angry and sent me to heaven.
Rushing to hell. There are too many people in hell, and the security guards are maintaining order. There are people in the literary and art circles who support Han Han, people in the political circle who have independent personalities, and people in the entertainment industry who are very sq... The security guards see that I am nothing.
They were not allowed in. So I survived.
I was walking on the street with my cousin, and suddenly a vicious dog jumped up and bit my cousin. I picked up the brick and was about to smash it. My cousin shouted: Don't smash it. First, you need to find out whether it is a husky or a wolf, otherwise you will be laughed at.
, like Shandong **. So I went to the library... Half an hour later, my cousin died...
I asked my cousin what do you think of these ordinary netizens on Weibo who are full of indignation, frequently raising moral sticks and waving the flag of democracy? My cousin laughed and said: I am not on Weibo, so I don’t know. But I have seen people in the vegetable market.
A group of people were reprimanding the city management who had evicted the vendors, and the crowd was excited. Suddenly someone shouted that the two girls over there were fighting, and the crowd instantly moved around to watch, just for the novelty, and for the pleasure of complaining. I said: Cousin, you girl
Very real!
Chatting with my cousin, he talked about the bloody victory of the Communist Party of China in Yuhuatai. I hurriedly went to the study to find information to refute sentence by sentence. After a while, he talked about the Three Gorges affecting the weather, warming and drought in the southwest, and I hurriedly turned on the computer to search for his refutation.
Data. In the end, he said that Long Yingtai's "The Great River and the Great Sea" is a good book that reflects the truth. I quickly took out Li Ao's "The Great River and the Great Ocean" and lied to you. I was sweating profusely, and my cousin said calmly: When I was playing nb,
If you are serious, you will lose
My cousin has a bit of a low self-esteem. He wanted to go out to a party with friends and asked me how to show my sense of superiority and make people look up to me. I gave a few suggestions: 1. Scolding Chinese people for their low quality makes you appear superior. 2. Everyone will object to what he says. This makes you stand out. 3. Tell me about the rounder moon in foreign countries, which shows that you are well-informed. My cousin said, "What if it doesn't work?" I laughed and said, "Then you run naked. Who understands art and who dares to look down on it?" Artist
"I want to expose the darkness of this society, I want to be the conscience of this country, even if most people are singing and dancing to flatter Ayu. I also want to tell the truth, and be a lonely child in the Emperor's New Clothes, without fear "There are sarcastic looks from all around." I said. My cousin praised: "That's really good." I pointed to the people around me: Look at these poor Chinese, they don't have any clothes on. My cousin said calmly: Brother, you should eat. The medicine is gone. This is the bathhouse
My cousin broke the law and asked me for help. I quickly found the best lawyer. The lawyer studied the case diligently, studied the legal provisions, and wrote a defense statement. I was very satisfied and told my cousin. My cousin was furious: You bastard You want to deceive me. If a lawyer is useful, what can I do to you, a gangster? I don’t understand. My cousin begged me: Go to the media, write jokes, sensationalize... The matter was resolved after half a month. Unexpectedly, the superior law has always been under my feet
My cousin asked me: Han Han’s blog post said that public intellectuals are good people, but now they are used as curse words by ordinary people. In fact, everyone can be a public intellectual? I was very impatient: Han Han was talking about public toilets. My cousin was very calm: Public restrooms are also good, shouldn't they be insulted? I smiled and said: If you put a sign on the public restroom: Shili Piaoxiang Hotel, and force you to go to eat? Wouldn't you scold me?
I was chatting with my cousin at his house. When talking about Yao Jiaxin, my cousin said that in this evil society, his crime would not lead to death. When talking about Wu Ying, my cousin said that in this evil system, her crime would not lead to death. Talking When I went to Nanjing to shoot my brother, my cousin said that in such a dictatorial country, his crime would not lead to death... After talking for a long time, I got up and said goodbye before leaving: I will not pay back the hundred yuan I borrowed from you a few days ago. My brother’s face changed drastically: If you don’t pay back the money tomorrow, I will kill you.
After reading Weibo posts about people who stopped cars to save dogs, my cousin and I were touched by their love. So on a dark and stormy night, we got on the highway and stopped a car. I asked the driver angrily: Is there an industrial and commercial company? Do you have a license? Do you have a quarantine certificate? Didn't these brats in the car steal? The driver yelled: You saw clearly, this is a special car for people from the animal protection organization. My cousin quickly apologized with a smile: I'm sorry I stopped you by mistake. Which slaughterhouse are they sent to?
My cousin wants to go to Weibo and asked me for advice. I talked about a few points: don’t talk about common sense with literati, don’t talk about writing style with poets, don’t talk about reason with angry youths, don’t talk about people’s livelihood with elites, don’t talk about love with petty bourgeoisie, Don’t talk about IQ with fruit fans, don’t talk about self-improvement with Xinu, don’t talk about the truth with prostitutes, don’t talk about hooligans with artists, don’t talk about Weigand with opinion leaders, don’t,,, my cousin sighed: Brother, don’t talk to me in the future. Talk about Weibo.
In the car, I talked to my cousin about the British rapist, and he said we should be tolerant. When we talked about the uncivilized foreign guys playing the violin, my cousin said individuals don’t mean anything. I also talked about Koreans beating women at KFC, and I said My brother was angry: You are a Boxer! I held it in for a long time and could not speak, so I spit out the thick phlegm out of the window. My cousin immediately became energetic and said deeply: This is the quality of Chinese people, what is wrong with this society? !!!dd