Secondly, the stories in the book are still completely different from those of Weeping...
Zhang Wufeng subconsciously imagined this scene, and suddenly he felt that the reader "Yun Xingfengli" seemed to have almost the same name as the psychotic superpower. Could these two people be related?
Zhang Wufeng gave up on this idea after just thinking about it for a while.
At the moment, whether there is or not, it actually doesn't mean much.
With a soft breath, Zhang Wufeng closed the web page, and Zhang Wufeng opened it. He had not used this communication software for a long time.
After opening it, a lot of messages came from the editor, readers and friends, the author's friends, and some former friends.
Among these, there are also some requests from friends who had deleted them in anger.
After Zhang Wufeng replied to these messages one by one, he saw the icon of the space on his avatar. Thinking of Fang Weiming's words, Zhang Wufeng opened his space with a deep thought.
There are not many diaries written in the space. There are only less than thirty entries.
However, these thirty diaries are written from the beginning to the end of the year and contain the ups and downs of the past six years. In other words, on average, five entries are left every year.
Zhang Wufeng read from the first article to the last one, and the happiness at the beginning, the struggle, and the struggle were all vividly in his mind.
Scenes of past events flashed in Zhang Wufeng's mind, and then gradually dissipated.
The last diary entry was written before she divorced Yang Xiaolan and before her father left. A diary entry named He Tu by Zhang Wufeng.
"There are some things I can't understand, I really don't understand.
My parents are very good to me, but I feel very ashamed. I always want to be nice to them, but what on earth am I doing now?
It seems that it would be better to be more harsh on my parents. What has become of me like this? Let her blame them? Is this the selfish me?
I don’t know why it’s like this. Maybe I’ve always been like this and never cared about my parents’ lives. I’m not a thing.
I am ashamed, I repent, why I always can't bear to hurt her and choose to give in. I have given in again and again. I have really gone to the extreme. I have done so much, cared about her and considerate her so much. What I got in exchange is hers.
Don’t understand? Then they hit me and squeeze me for no reason? Even to the extreme? I can tolerate all these, I can tolerate some or any rejection. In front of her, that’s how I am.
So, what about me in front of my parents? I ignored them, even when they were wronged and blamed by her. I didn't stand up and say anything. Which one is more important, my parents or her?
Is it so obvious now?
I am so amazing, I despise myself and look down on myself like this.
But why can't I be cruel? Why? Why?
Is this what is called love? Is this what is called cowardice and incompetence?
But if I don't care about her, why do I tolerate her so much?
But, does she really care that much about her? In the past, this answer was a definite yes. There was no doubt about it.
But now, what is the answer? The answer is no.
What was left of the simplicity or virtuousness, gentleness and considerateness of the past?
I discovered that women cannot be accustomed to them. The more accustomed they are, the less women they will become in the future.
What do they mean? I can’t have sex even once every few days. For the sake of my children, I can only beg, come and beg, but it still doesn’t work.
If it doesn’t work, forget it. It doesn’t matter. If you really can’t conceive a child, and if this continues, then, “Maybe you should find someone to replace you!”
No wonder it is said that the worse a man is, the more he will be loved by women. In one word, that is, mean!
The more you coax, hurt, and put it in your hands for fear of melting, the more uncomfortable, heartbreaking, and heartbreaking it becomes.
I'm not a human being. I've basically lost my dignity in front of her, so what's the point? At this point, I still want to reach a higher level?
I don't want to hurt her, that's because I care about her, so I hurt myself.
I don't know how to show dignity, punch and kick, everyone can do it? Why am I afraid that she will be angry? Is it worth it? To win by force, what does that mean?
I always think that I have nothing to do, make less money, and don’t know how to make progress.
What is growth? Some things have been in your heart for a long time, and you don’t need to deliberately talk about it. What’s the point?
I have a standard of self-evaluation in my heart, and I also have my own territory and secrets.
Those days were so painful that I no longer wanted to show off the vicissitudes of life and waste. Such a life was even more meaningless.
Why put love first?
There are still many things worth doing for me.
Be kind to your parents, be a filial son, then work harder on yourself, keep practicing, make money, and hope everything will get better.
if
Oh, forget it. It doesn’t matter anymore, just do whatever you want.
After reading this diary, I thought of the horror I felt at the beginning. Zhang Wufeng couldn't calm down for a long time.
Perhaps, at the beginning, it was
After seeing this diary, Zhang Wufeng subconsciously thought, if he was still so trapped and sad, and if Yang Xiaolan had not been sick at the beginning. If she lived well in the Huang family, what would be the outcome now?
This idea came to me after writing this last diary entry.
After thinking about it, Zhang Wufeng opened Yang Xiaolan's space and looked at her space diary.
She doesn't have many space diaries. Some of the messy ones she had in the past have been deleted, and the rest are some relatively plain feelings and some reposted things that make sense.
The most recent article is a brief diary she wrote after her previous phone call with Yang Xiaolan.
"It's been a long time since I felt a real heavy feeling. I thought I could forget my slightly profound understanding of the world with the mentality of not caring about the game life, but I failed a little. The heavy and empty soul once again took over.
It filled my empty body with blood, and then traveled all over my body, making me feel extremely desolate and frightened.
I just had a long conversation with a man who gave me profound memories throughout my life. After I put down the phone, an inexplicable sadness swept through my body and mind, and my sense of loss and hesitation once again awakened from the depths of my soul.
Whether it's my missing him or my persistence in love, it makes me feel sad when I'm alone.
There are some things that I really can't forget
There are some things that I really can't forget.
When facing everything in life, I really haven’t thought about very profound issues for a long time. In a simple life, I can have a lot of smiles and a straightforward state of mind. There is no so-called
The intrigues and intrigues make me feel that life is actually very colorful.
However, when the evolution of my thoughts began to gradually deepen, my face began to look serious. My heart also began to feel tired. Once I think about life too deeply, a lot of pain will follow.
I don't want to avoid many problems, I just want to grasp what I can grasp in life.
Although the distant future often arrives quickly and ruthlessly, I still feel that they are so far away and ethereal. I can no longer control whether I want to think about it or not.
I don’t want to be sentimental, but sentimentality still keeps raging on me, making me trapped and sad.
Facing and forgetting, the heart will be fettered every time.
My heart is really tired, but my memory is always clear.
The bloody setting sun, the fiery red sky.
It seems that it will rain again tomorrow.
Seeing this, Zhang Wufeng suddenly became a little discouraged.
His assumption did not hold true.
The fact of the matter is that the person she is now is obviously different from the person she was in the past.
It was the spiritual touch that made Zhang Wufeng feel that he was truly flesh and blood, instead of everything being covered up under strong and excessive self-confidence as his strength grew stronger, and he lost his passion for life.
These should not exist.
Subconsciously, Zhang Wufeng opened Suru's space.
Although she is not short of money now, her space is still light blue, plain and simple.
Zhang Wufeng looked at her space diary. Her diary was also very sparse, with only a handful of entries.
From the sadness and sorrow at the beginning, to the letting go, evolution and sublimation now, the nature has been completely different.
Her most recent diary is a diary called Meng Fuchen. “I remember that when I left my childhood and realized the existence of “I,” I would be very paranoid about some issues, and then I would always be self-righteous.
think that is "profound"
The process of reading books, from fairy tales, to story telling, then to short stories, prose, and then to poetry.
In the days of adolescence, people are always full of yearning for love and become sentimental. It may be a kind of heart palpitation, a feeling of being sad in order to compose new words, or it may be a little self-righteous. Self-righteous, always thinking that
Standing in front of others, I always think that I am actually great.
In fact, at that time, how could we understand that a truly ordinary and unpretentious life was the most beautiful?
When I was in high school, I used to read essays and philosophical books very deeply, and then I always liked to struggle with a very silly and naive question, "Life will not be different without me. What is the meaning of life? Life is like a game."
A dream is like a drop in the ocean, like dust in the universe. Even if it is brilliant in just a few decades, so what?