Schiller analyzed Reed's situation in great detail. Some of the scenarios he mentioned that Reed might encounter in his daily life made Reed even more convinced that he could read minds, because he did encounter these situations more than once.
Reed also told Schiller about his mental journey. Because he has a high IQ and does not have any pathological mental illness, his description is very accurate.
Reed's appearance is actually good. He is not as good as those famous handsome guys from Marvel, but he can still be ranked in the second echelon. He is tall enough, 1.86 meters tall, and his body is not said to be very strong, but it is also well-proportioned.
He looks like a talented person on the outside.
But according to his own words, he was not popular when he was a student and even encountered bullying on campus. Of course, those who wanted to bully him were dealt with by him before they could take action.
But even so, he often encountered cold violence, that is, he was isolated by the students, like a transparent person in the class, and no one talked to him.
The most amazing thing is that his grades are so good, he gets A's in all subjects every year. He doesn't smoke, drink, fight, get into trouble, or even fall in love, but no teacher likes him.
Not to mention the relationship with the opposite sex, he didn't have to wait until now to fall in love, but many girls were very interested in him at first, and even took the initiative to chase him, but for some reason, they left soon, and some even turned against each other, which made
His reputation got worse.
At first, Reed thought it must be because he was a genius. These ordinary people were jealous of him, so they united to exclude him. How can a sparrow know the ambition of a swan?
But after going to college, he realized that something was not right. There were actually many geniuses in the world. At that time, Reed was still in the process of learning, and he didn't know which echelon he was in. When he was exposed to some new things, he would also
He found that there was someone more powerful than him. He thought it was time for him to find a soulmate, right?
But no, the classmates in the same laboratory as him didn't like him either. The teacher only maintained a superficial politeness. Although those highly respected professors affirmed his research results, they always seemed to avoid him. He wanted to ask for advice.
, everyone is sick.
During this period, Reed began to be confused. Did he have the constitution of a lone star? Why didn't everyone like him?
But fortunately, he is a real genius. Even if others don't like him as a person, they still have to hold their noses and admit his talent. They have to cooperate with him when they should, and recommend him when they should.
Do you doubt yourself, and what kind of mental illness does it cause?
For Reed, the world is a huge business world, and everyone maintains an attitude towards him based on the superficial expressions of his colleagues. As long as personal relationships are mentioned, no one shakes his head.
Reed is so smart, of course he knew something was wrong. He also went to see a psychiatrist, but no disease was found. Some doctors also pointed out tactfully that there might be something wrong with the way he dealt with others.
This is not the theory of victim guilt. The main reason is that if everyone he has met since childhood has this attitude, it is unlikely that they have colluded. The problem is more likely to lie with Reed himself.
Since he had no close friends and no one to talk to him, he never understood the key to it, and over time he got used to it.
His academic achievements are unrivaled, and he is quite lonely at the top, so he does not urgently need human interaction, because without social interaction, he can live quite well.
But this time it was different. He fell in love with a girl, so of course he had to take the initiative to date her, but the previous painful experiences made him not very confident, fearing that Susan would be like those female classmates in his middle school.
When I first started school and I wasn't familiar with him, it was fine, but after a while, I started to distance myself from him.
Although Reed also showed kindness to Susan, he never dared to get too close. He could tell that Susan was also interested in him, but Susan did not take the initiative to approach him. The two had been in a stalemate for some time.
When Schiller asked Susan what she needed most, Reed had actually realized the problem, but he didn't expect that all the tragedies in interpersonal relationships in his life actually originated from the word responsibility.
The so-called serious illness requires strong medicine. In order to make Reed cooperate with the treatment, Schiller simulated for him what would happen after the two of them really dated and even got married.
Reed was very interested in this, and he often fantasized about getting married to Susan. He even stopped eating, holding a straw of coconut milk in his mouth, and staring at Schiller with piercing eyes.
"Okay, first question. Now that you two have established a relationship, you are about to go on your first date after falling in love. If she asks you your opinion, what would you say?"
Reed seemed to have been immersed in the beautiful fantasy. He cleared his throat and said, "Of course you have the final say, my dear."
"Well, I think Ms. Susan is very cautious about relationships, so on the first date after establishing a relationship, she chose the more common options of shopping and watching movies. What would you say when she expressed her choice?
?”
Reed frowned as soon as he mentioned the word shopping, but he quickly calmed down and said, "Okay, you might be interested in these, let's go."
Schiller stared at him for a long time. Reed touched his face and said, "Is there any problem?"
"It's a big problem." Schiller sighed helplessly and said, "What do you mean by 'you might be interested in these'?"
Reed was also a little confused. He said, "That's the literal meaning. I feel like Susan is someone who is very interested in shopping."
"Then you're not interested?"
"Of course not, I don't like shopping at all." Reed spread his hands and said, "I can't distinguish between those messy luxury brands, and the restaurants in shopping malls are not delicious either."
"Then why don't you object directly?"
Reed said doubtfully: "Didn't I tell you everything? She is interested in these things, so we went."
"Then why don't you just affirm her and say, 'What a great idea'?"
"That's why I went with her because she was interested. Actually, I'm not interested in these things. I just wanted to tell her the reason why I would go."
"Then why when she asked you for your opinion, you just followed her opinion?"
"Then shouldn't I just follow her?"
"Then why do you disapprove of her?"
"Because I just don't like these."
"Then why do you just say let her go?"
Reed was a little confused by Schiller. He spread his hands on the table and said: "I like Susan, so I think she can decide where we go next, so I said it's up to her. I'll decide where she goes."
She didn’t like it, so I told her that we went because you liked us, what’s the problem with that?”
"Of course there is a question. Why are you sitting together to discuss the date? Because you want to deepen your relationship with each other through this date. A good date location can make the relationship heat up faster."
"A date place that can quickly heat up your relationship must be one that both of you like and that can keep both of you in a happy mood. With your IQ, can you not understand this?"
After thinking for a while, Reed nodded and said, "Yes, that's indeed the truth."
"In this case, the purpose of your sitting together is to discuss a date location that both of you like. If you don't want to reach a consensus, then there is no need to sit down and communicate, right?"
Reed thought for a moment, then said, "That's true."
"Since the purpose of communication is to reach consensus, then everything you said and did in this communication was extremely bad."
"You first said that the date was up to her, but you were actually saying that you liked whatever place she chose. But after she chose it, you said that you didn't like the place she chose. Since you really didn't like it, why would you want to go there?
How about expressing to her at the beginning, 'I agree with all your choices'?"
Reed touched his temples with his fingers and said, "I just want to make her happy."
"I see, then it seems that the goal of your communication this time is not to reach a consensus, but to make her happy?"
Reed nodded.
"Then your first step was right. You said you fully respect her choice. What you like is what I like. Then why didn't you continue to coax her and continue to agree with her when it came to the second question?
Do you have to express that you don’t like it?”
Before Reed could speak, Schiller continued: "Because you think this is the case, but is the goal of this communication to discuss the facts?"
Reed pursed his lips and stopped talking. He had just changed the goal of this communication from reaching consensus to making Susan happy.
"I may be a little confused," Reed said, "but that doesn't mean I lack responsibility, right? I still plan to go with her?"
"Do you think you accompanied her to a place you didn't like to compensate for the mistakes you made in the previous sentences?"
"Well, I may not think that is a mistake, but if she is happy, I can accept accompanying her to visit those luxury stores and then eat in those terrible restaurants."
"So what did you say wrong?"
"I probably wouldn't have realized what I said was wrong at the time, and I don't think Susan would have gotten angry just because of a few words."
"Maybe she won't this time, but what if she does one time? What will you do?"
"If she gets angry, I apologize to her," Reed said. "I say, 'I didn't mean to say that and I'm sorry.'"
"That's pretty much it, what next?"
"Uh, what then?"
"Is this the end?"
"What if?"
Schiller sighed again and said: "You perfectly demonstrated what an insincere apology means."
"Because I think I should have felt very confused at the time and didn't know what she was angry about, but if I apologized to stop her from being angry, I would do it."
"But it might make her angrier."
"Why?"
"Because you don't understand what she's angry about, but it's your responsibility to understand your girlfriend's emotions as much as possible, don't you think so?"
"What if I really just can't understand it?"
"What if there is a problem in your scientific research project that you cannot overcome?"
Reed thought about it carefully and then said: "I don't think there are any scientific research problems in this world that I can't solve, but if there is such a thing, maybe I will choose to change my mind and solve it from another angle, or maybe
If I continue to study and think deeply, I believe I can understand it.”
"Then why don't you have such confidence in relationships?"
"Because there are so many things I don't understand in this area."
Schiller realized that Reed had another serious problem, that is, his social self-confidence was very low.
Maybe it's because he has never been successful socially since he was a child. He has no confidence in understanding and empathizing with others, and prefers to choose the simplest solution.
The so-called simplest solution is to use a formula. When others are angry, they say sorry; when others are sad, they say stop crying; when others are depressed, they say be more cheerful; when others are excited, they say calm down.
This formula works well for people with autism or Asperger's, because they essentially cannot understand others, which helps them pretend to be normal people.
But Reed is a normal person. He uses this formula because he feels that he cannot understand others, or that it is useless to understand others. He will still fail in social interaction, which is also a kind of social disorder.
Schiller felt that his problem was serious and difficult to correct using conventional methods. Building social confidence did not happen overnight, but Reed wanted to pursue Susan now.
Schiller paused for a moment, first looked around, and then said rather sneakily: "There are two methods now. One is formal, formal, safe and reliable, but the speed is slower, and the other is the sword.
I'm not responsible for its safety, but it can be done quickly. Which one do you want to choose?"