Mrs. Jia Zhang had fallen into a deep sleep, her ear-splitting snoring was like a tiger roaring or a lion roaring, and even the window was shaking with her breathing.
This is also the reason why her family has not had a rat infestation for so many years.
Without him, fear you!
Widow Qin also fell asleep. Her breathing was fast and slow, thin and broken, and she didn't know what she was dreaming about.
The three little ones got into bed early and were sleeping harder than pigs.
Only Qin Jingru was tossing and turning at this moment. She bit her lips hard to prevent herself from crying, for fear of waking up Jia Zhang and causing scolding.
Tears as big as beans fell from her red and swollen eyes, wetting the pillow and breaking her fragile heart that was already scarred.
She curled up into a ball, her delicate body shivering, like a hungry, cold and homeless stray cub.
At this time, she was very helpless and at a loss, not knowing what to choose.
There are two roads before her now.
One is to marry a paralytic and keep her name clear, but she is still surviving. If that person dies one day, she will probably be kicked out of the house by the paralytic's family and become a poor stray cat again, continuing to wait.
Taken in by others.
The second option was of course to follow her sister's advice and become a child. This would ensure that she had enough food and clothing, but her body would also become dirty and she would become a dirty, tattered shoe that everyone despises.
The clothes can be washed if they are dirty, but if the body is dirty, it cannot be washed in this life...
After all, she, Qin Jingru, was once a beautiful flower in the village. She was once proud and gorgeous. Now, if she was asked to do such despicable things for the sake of food, she really couldn't overcome the hurdle in her heart.
Qin Jingru stared blankly at the darkness above her head, completely disappointed with this cold world.
She hates it!
I hate myself for not being able to give birth to a child, I hate myself for not living up to expectations!
She didn't hate to abandon her husband so cruelly. After all, she couldn't carry on the family line and could not leave a wife for the Zhang family, so it was only human nature to throw her out.
She doesn't hate her sister-in-law at home either. If the married girl throws away the water, how can there be any reason to go back?
Besides.
She didn't want to go back to the village. The instructions and comments from those seven aunts and eight aunts were like knives, stabbing her heart again and again, which was even more uncomfortable than killing her.
And the men in the village looked at her like hungry wolves, all wanting to pounce and bite her, which made her shudder.
"well!"
Qin Jingru sighed sadly, the world is so big, why is there no place for her?
Why is it so difficult to live?
"Snapped!"
The little Sophora japonica who was sleeping next to her suddenly turned over and slapped her squarely on the face.
Qin Jingru, who was thinking wildly, seemed to be struck by lightning. His body trembled violently, and his hazy mind suddenly began to violently churn. His whole body became extremely sober, and a dangerous idea emerged in the lightning flash!
Since living is difficult, why should I still live?
For stuttering?
Or is it for a care that you can’t let go of?
Qin Jingru thought hard and couldn't figure out what else she was worried about.
Yes, she has nothing to worry about anymore, and no one will care about her anymore.
Her existence has no meaning to other people, and it is even insignificant to this world.
So... why not just die?
It would be better to suffer the pain of death than to let others ruin you because of your stuttering.
I will never be a woman again in my next life!
After having this idea, Qin Jingru felt as if she was possessed by a demon, and a will to die quickly spread in her mind.
After a while, she suddenly sat up slowly and got off the kang with a rustle. Under the faint moonlight, she found the baggage she had brought with her from the closet, which contained the new clothes she wore when she got married.
.
Her husband sold five old hens at home to get it for her. The bright red flowers on the material are very beautiful. She has always liked it so much that she is reluctant to wear it.
She put on her wedding dress lightly, walked quietly to the outhouse, and carefully wiped her crying face with ice-cold water. Finally, she found the cream that her sister was reluctant to use, which was luxurious.
I took a large amount and spread it evenly on my pale face.
She, Qin Jingru, has always been beautiful, even if she dies, she wants to look more beautiful!
In a short while, she finished dressing herself, and then went to the cupboard in the outhouse based on her memory. After groping for a while, she found a hemp rope.
There was quite a commotion, and her sister Qin Huairu was woken up.
Widow Qin opened her eyes in confusion and looked towards the direction where the sound came from. She saw a dark shadow standing in the outer room. She was startled. However, when she saw the shadow's towering chest, she immediately knew it was her.
She is a younger sister. She is the oldest among the girls in the family and is easy to recognize.
"Jingru, why are you up so late at night? You woke me up just after I slept for a while." The widow complained dissatisfiedly.
Qin Jingru's body trembled, and the courage she had just accumulated instantly weakened a lot, but her will to die was still there.
She was silent for a moment, and then she spoke softly to her sister: "I... will go to the latrine."
"Don't forget to lock the door when you come back." Qin Huairu didn't think much, turned over and went back to sleep.
"Um."
Qin Jingru responded dully, stuffed the hemp rope into her arms, and staggered out of Jia's house.
It was a bit chilly at night, and the cold wind blew against her face, making her suddenly excited.
As she was about to face death, her mind became confused again, and all kinds of complicated thoughts came to her.
Just die like that?
No one should feel sorry for me, right?
I don’t know who will collect the body for me.
In the dark night, Qin Jingru's face showed a piercing smile, and she walked firmly outside the hospital step by step.
At this moment, her mood was very complicated, including fear of death and longing for liberation.
Very awkward.
As she got further and further away from the Jia family and closer to death, the fear in her heart gradually began to amplify, and every step she took required great courage.
She walked very hard, as if she had to use all her strength to lift her feet.
"Pap, tap..."
With soft footsteps, Qin Jingru walked out of the moon gate of the middle courtyard like a zombie and came to the front yard.
At this moment, most of the people in the front yard have gone to bed. Only the Chu family still has the lights on. Ni Yinghong can be vaguely seen busy in front of the sewing machine. The shadow reflected on the curtains is plump and enchanting.
Qin Jingru glanced at the shadow numbly, then withdrew her gaze, dragging her steps and continued moving forward.
By coincidence, Chu Dazhao arrived home at this time. He was proud of his life and had enough food and wine to start thinking about something again. At this time, his thoughts were also quite twisted.
Should I eat the honey ice cream first or the fruit ice cream?
Oh, so confusing!
Director Chu was humming and pushing the cart. As soon as he entered the courtyard, he bumped into Qin Jingru who was dragging her feet out like a ghost. The resentment that was about to turn into reality scared him so much that he retracted his tail: "
Damn it! Jingru? Why are you going out this late at night? You scared me!"
Seeing the big boss Heng who suddenly appeared in front of her, Qin Jingru was stunned for a moment, and then her mind recalled what Chu Heng had said to her.
If you have something to tell me, brother!
He is so capable, can he help me?
The longing for life in Qin Jingru's heart rekindled again.
