Some time ago, I occasionally contacted my father, but every time we talked about project matters.
His voice was so familiar that it made me burst into tears, "Dad, Chen Yuan is no longer here... Wuwu!"
The father must have been shocked, because he said after a while, "Feng Xiao, tell me again, what happened to Chen Yuan?"
I couldn't control myself and cried "Wow!" "She, she is gone. She has been cremated. Woohoo!"
"When did it happen?" My father's voice suddenly became hoarse.
"Just the day before yesterday, she, she left. She woke up in the middle of the night and said a few words to me. Then she said she was so sleepy, but she fell asleep and never woke up again. Dad, I...
...." I said, because I got someone to talk to, so my tears started to flow out more freely.
"Hey!" Father sighed, "Smile, are you okay?"
"Hmm." I said.
"Actually, this is also a relief for her. What do you think?" My father began to comfort me.
"Yeah." I said. In fact, I also know that Chen Yuan's departure is a kind of relief. Everyone has the same view on this. But I can never fully accept it emotionally, because my heart is stronger than other people's.
There is one more thing in everything, and that is guilt.
"Smile, your mother wants to talk to you." My father was silent for a while and then said to me. I could feel that he was sighing on the other end of the phone just now.
"Son, are you okay?" The mother's voice came immediately over the phone. She was not as good at controlling her emotions as her father, so she was crying.
During the phone call with my father just now, my emotions had been extremely vented, but in the face of my mother's crying, I could only calm myself down, "Mom, it's okay."
"How is my grandson doing?" My mother asked. Unlike my father, she was primarily concerned about Chen Yuan and I's children. Maybe my father felt the same way in his heart, but he wouldn't show it like that.
"Very good. Now he is at his grandpa's and grandma's house." I said.
"Why don't I retire early, and I'll bring my grandson back, and we'll help you take care of the child." The mother said, and she stopped crying when she talked about the child.
"Let's talk about it after I discuss it with my father-in-law and the others." I thought for a while and then said.
"No, he is our grandson, and I want to pick him up. Now that the child's mother is gone, I am worried," the mother said.
At this time, his father answered the phone, "Feng Xiao, don't listen to your mother about this matter. You go and discuss it with your father-in-law and the others first. We are a family. Although Chen Yuan is gone, we cannot let them do it because of this."
I feel that you are becoming more and more separated. The fastest update. Please find a person who lives in this world with a conscience and cannot go too far in doing things. Do you understand? You must discuss it with them. Of course, your mother and I also very much hope for children.
You can come to us. Do you understand what I mean?"
Of course I understand what my father meant. His words are actually based on one principle: Do not take the child away unless Lin Yi and Shi Yanni fully agree. In my heart, I am very grateful to my father for his generosity, because he thought of one thing: Lin Yi and Shi Yanni just
After losing their daughter, they would definitely have some thoughts if they took away the child again under such circumstances. It would be too inhumane and cruel.
Then my father talked to me for a while, mainly to comfort me and remind me to pay attention to my health. But now my mood is much better, and my heart is warm and I no longer feel as helpless as before.[
I went to Lin Yi's house that day, mainly because I wanted to see Shi Yanni and my children.
When I arrived at Lin Yi's house, I saw Shi Yanni feeding the child. The child kept shaking his head, but Shi Yanni did not force her, so she went to get some toys for the child to play with.
I found that Shi Yanni's face looked good, and her mental state was not as bad as I thought. After entering, I greeted her directly, and she enthusiastically asked me to sit down.
"Your father-in-law has gone to the company." She said to me immediately.
"I came over to see you and the kids," I said.
"Xiao Nan is gone. This child has given me a lot of fun." Her expression suddenly became gloomy.
"You are usually so busy, I'd better take the child back." I hesitated for a moment before saying to her.
But she was shaking her head, "I'm sorry for Xiaonan, but I can't be sorry for her child anymore. Feng Xiao, just let this child stay in my home, okay?"
What else can I say? So I said, "Whatever you think is good."
"Thank you, Feng Xiao." She smiled at me.
"Let me feed the child." So I said to her, "Don't spoil the child when feeding him. Feed him with big mouthfuls. Only in this way can he develop a good habit of eating."
"How can I bear to force my child?" she said.
So I smiled and said: "Forcing is also a kind of love for him. Do you think so?"
She also laughed and said, "Then you come and demonstrate." Then she gave the child to me. The child was very happy when it was in my arms and immediately started jumping up and down.
"Don't move and obey!" I said to the child seriously.
The child was still the same, so I gave him a gentle spanking, and it was better. The child immediately opened his mouth and started crying, and he was very aggrieved and sad. Shi Yanni was also dissatisfied, "
Feng Xiao, why are you beating the child? Give me the child, seriously!"
I hurriedly said: "You really can't get used to the child."
"Give it to me! Why do you hit the child so often?" she said angrily.
I could only smile bitterly. This is always the case in children's education. The truth is that you cannot dote on her. Then I handed the child over to her, but I still said in my mouth: "The child is too used to it. If you want to educate her in the future, just teach her."
It’s not easy anymore.”
But she started to cry, "You hit the child just after Xiaonan left. You are so cruel."
I didn't expect that she would say this, so I immediately became embarrassed and apologized to her hastily, "I was wrong. Is it okay that I was wrong? Yes, I went to work."
She said: "Go ahead, come and see the children more often when you have time, don't do what you did before...forget it, I don't want to talk about you anymore. It's all Xiao Nan's fate."
I suddenly felt sad and embarrassed, so I hurriedly and awkwardly said goodbye to her.
When I got outside, I suddenly felt bored and very lonely. Although I often went to parties or did other things alone in the past, I always felt that I was not as lonely as I am now. After all,
I always think of someone else at home. Even though she has been unconscious for a long time, she has always been my wife. But now that she is gone, my heart suddenly becomes completely empty.
This is a psychological state that is difficult for others to understand and feel. Only my heart knows how lonely I am now. This is completely different from the loneliness I felt before.
I felt that I had nowhere to go, so I started to yearn for places with many people. So I drove to the city center, parked the car and went outside the crowded downtown shopping mall. But I found that I was still lonely.
And even more lonely
The people in front of me were very busy, there were a few people walking together, there were men and women in love walking close to each other, there were also single people looking around in the crowd...but none of them looked like me.
I was at a loss. Among this ant-like crowd, the result was that it brought out the more intense feeling of loneliness in my heart.
I ran away quickly, and then wandered to shopping malls. I watched other people choose clothes, eavesdropped on the whispers of lovers... and squatted in front of a beggar outside the shopping mall to observe him.
But I was scolded, and I laughed loudly, took out a hundred yuan and handed it to him, and then left quickly, but I heard the beggar say behind me: "This is a lunatic!"
I was stunned immediately because I found that my spirit seemed to be a little abnormal.
But I still don't want to go to the hospital because I don't want to see the sympathetic eyes of my colleagues.
I really wanted to go to that stone house, but I was more afraid of being enveloped by the loneliness there. I also thought about calling Hong Ya, but a feeling of guilt for Chen Yuan suddenly emerged in my heart. So, I drove there
When we arrived at the riverside, we entered a restaurant, ordered wine and food, and drank there alone.
Now I know that only alcohol can make me feel less lonely.
The phone was ringing and I answered it. It was Lin Yu's voice, "I just knew. Kang Demao told me."
"It's okay." I said. Alcohol made me vulnerable and almost shed tears. "It's really okay."
"Are you drinking? I heard your voice become muffled. Where are you now?" she asked.
"I'm drinking...don't ask..." I said and immediately cut off the phone. I remember this was the first time I cut off her phone.
The phone was ringing again, and I didn’t want to answer it, so I continued to drink. But it kept buzzing, and I knew it was Lin Yu calling again. I sighed and had to answer it again. Unexpectedly, what came from the phone was
But it wasn't Lin Yu's voice, but Hong Ya's, "Feng Xiao, why didn't you tell me? Are you okay? I heard Sister Lin said you were drinking?"
"Hong Ya, don't ask me, okay? Just leave me alone, okay?" I almost became hysterical.
She was not angry, "Feng Xiao, don't hang up the phone. Listen to me. Sister Lin is very worried about you, and so am I. Do you understand? If there are women in this world who really care about you, then we are.
Do you understand what I’m saying? Tell me where you are now? I’ll drink with you. Is that okay?”
My tears suddenly flowed uncontrollably, "Hong Ya..."
When she came, I was almost drunk, so much so that I thought her smiling face belonged to Chen Yuan, "Chen Yuan, are you here?"
"I'm Hong Ya." She came over, her smiling face already in front of my eyes.
Only then did I see clearly, and then I laughed, "Yes, you are Hong Ya. Haha! Look at me like this. Hong Ya, you are so beautiful today."
In fact, I feel that I am awake, but I cannot control my words at all, nor can I control some of the complicated thoughts in my heart, so I can only speak according to the thoughts that just pop up in my mind.
She said: "Feng Xiao, you are drunk. Let's go home."
I shook my head, "I won't go home. My house is empty and I'm scared."
She said: "I said go to my house. Do you understand?"
I was still shaking my head, "I won't go. I can't let Chen Yuan go anymore."
She was sighing, "Feng Xiao, be obedient. Sister Lin asked me to tell you that she is particularly worried about you now, but it is not convenient to come here to pick you up in person. Feng Xiao, don't you even listen to your sister?"
?"
I heard myself saying: "Sister..."
These were the last words I heard myself say before I completely lost consciousness.
When I woke up on the second day, I found myself lying on a soft bed with a familiar smell.
"Are you awake? Come on, this is honey water. Do you need to take some headache powder?" Hong Ya's red eyes and her smiling face immediately appeared in front of her eyes.
I suddenly remembered how drunk I was yesterday, "Did you help me here?"
She immediately laughed, "What support? You were so drunk that I couldn't help you at all. In the end, I spent two hundred yuan to hire a male waiter from the restaurant to carry you into my car.
Yes, when I got here, I hired security to take you out of the car. Your body is worth four hundred yuan."
I suddenly felt embarrassed and said, "Hong Ya, thank you. I was in a bad mood yesterday."
Her smile immediately subsided, and she nodded: "I know. Feng Xiao, I know you are feeling bitter."
I looked at her and suddenly noticed that her eye circles were a little purple, "Hong Ya, you didn't sleep all night?"
She sighed softly, "Sister Lin also came to see you last night. Even though she rarely cries, she also shed tears. Hey! Why do you make people feel so distressed?"
I suddenly became ashamed and said, "Hongya, I don't deserve this."
She glared at me and said, "Whether it's worth it or not is our business and has nothing to do with you. Come on, drink this honey water and do you want to take this medicine?"
I took the glass of honey water and drank it immediately, "I won't take medicine anymore. My head doesn't hurt much. Hong Ya, you can rest. You worked hard last night."
She smiled brightly at me and said, "Feng Xiao, I want to sleep next to you."
I sighed secretly in my heart, and then retracted my body back into the bed. She chuckled, then quickly took off her clothes and got in, then stretched out her white lotus-like arms.
He hugged me and said, "Feng Xiao, I want you to sleep with me like this."
I hugged her, but there was no lust at all. She didn't move, and just fell asleep slowly in my arms. The lingering power of the drink was still there, and I quickly fell asleep.
When I woke up, I found that she was still in my arms, and she seemed to have already woken up, because I clearly felt her hand rubbing my crotch. I stretched out my hand to grab her hand.
, "Hong Ya, don't, I'm not in the mood right now."
She immediately stopped moving and whispered to me: "I'm sorry."
I felt very guilty for her, but I couldn't overcome the psychological barrier I had now, so I had no choice but to pat her back lightly a few times, "Hong Ya, I..."
She sighed softly, "I know, and I understand you. It's my fault."
Just like that, we hugged each other, but there were no more words. In fact, I know that we are trying our best to avoid any topic about Chen Yuan, which is why we are so silent.
In the end, she was the first to speak, "Feng Xiao, are you hungry? Can I cook for you?"
I shook my head, "No, I have to go home right away."
She asked in surprise: "Isn't there no one at home?"
I said: "But I feel her breath is still there."
She gently stroked my chest, "Feng Xiao, please don't be like this, okay? Although I know that you feel so guilty now because of her leaving, but you can't go on like this forever?"
I said: "Hong Ya, I really want to go back and stay alone for a while, and then I will take some of her things to burn for her. I am so sorry for her. I have never been like this when she was alive.
I felt guilty, and at that time I was still blaming her in my heart, which is why I was so bold with you. Now that I think about it, I really shouldn’t have.”
She immediately stood up, her face right in front of my eyes, "Feng Xiao, I don't agree with what you said. Although I know you feel guilty for her, because she is your wife after all, but she was like that at that time
situation, there is nothing wrong with what you did. If you really have any fault, it is that you violated the so-called moral ethics, but have you ever thought about it? Should a man condition himself in such a situation?
Do you want to endure loneliness? Also, for me, do you think it is fair for me to do this now? Feng Xiao, I am not demanding that you marry me, but I really want to be with you, because you
She once gave me so much joy and was so sincere to me. I know all this, so I am willing to be with you. Now that she is gone, you feel uncomfortable. I know, and I completely understand.
But you can’t stop being with me because of this? Feng Xiao, am I just a plaything of yours?”
I didn't expect that she would say or think like that, and I immediately panicked. But my panic was due to another kind of guilt in my heart, "Hong Ya, I, I didn't mean that."
She said that she had retracted her body under the quilt, but she was facing me with her back, and she was still crying, "Feng Xiao, please go. I feel so uncomfortable now."
How can I say that I want to leave again? So I stretched out my hand and hugged her gently, "Hong Ya, please give me something, can you?"
She turned around suddenly, with an expression of surprise on her face, and her eyes were sparkling, "Really?"
I nodded to her, "Really."
She propped up her body again, "Then, can I accompany you to see her? I want to burn some paper for her and apologize to her. Is that okay?"
I suddenly felt that this was very inappropriate, "Hong Ya, please don't go."
She said: "Feng Xiao, do you know? In fact, I have always felt guilty about her. I didn't dare to face her when she was alive. Now I finally have the courage. I want to go
You can go to her grave and apologize to her or kowtow. I think she will forgive me."
I was silent for a moment. This was also a kind of tacit consent. In fact, I was thinking in my heart: Chen Yuan may not blame you, but she must have already blamed me in her heart.
After the two of us got up, we went outside to have something to eat, and then she drove me to the place where I drank yesterday because my car was still there.
She said she wanted to go to my home with me but I didn't agree. This was not entirely because of Chen Yuan, but more because I didn't want Lin Yi to know that I was with another woman.
After returning home, I packed up Chen Yuan's belongings, packed them all in a large suitcase, and then drove to Hong Ya's house. We had just agreed to meet there.
When she came out, I saw that she had changed into a set of all black clothes. She said to me, "I just went to buy them."
My heart is full of gratitude to her, because I know that she really wants to seek forgiveness from Chen Yuan, who is already in another world. Also, this also shows that her feelings for me are real.
However, her behavior made me feel very helpless, because in the face of her sincerity, I found that I could not refuse at all. Any words and actions of refusal could only show my feelings. So I felt very sad in my heart.
It was painful and contradictory because I felt that I was continuing to hurt her in another world.
So, I hesitated again, "Hong Ya, please don't go."
But she shook her head resolutely, "No, I have to go. I know that what I did seems a bit excessive, and it may be shameful in the eyes of others, but I have to face her, otherwise I'm worried that you will
He ran away from me one day."
I was really helpless, "Hong Ya, even if I never get married again, I can't marry you. Because sister... you know."
Her expression was sad, "I know. I said, I don't expect to marry you, but I want to be with you."
"Why bother? What are you doing?" My voice became choked.
She whispered: "Because I owed you something in my previous life."
I turned around and walked towards the car, "Let's go."
To be honest, when we entered the cemetery, I was filled with extreme anxiety. This anxiety came from deep in my heart, perhaps the so-called conscience. Therefore, since entering the cemetery, I
My legs felt as heavy as if they had been filled with cement. We walked to Chen Yuan’s tomb without saying a word.
The moment we arrived at Chen Yuan's tomb, Hong Ya's movement shocked me immediately. She knelt down in front of Chen Yuan's tomb, "Sister! I'm here to apologize to you...I'm sorry."
you."
I suddenly felt at a loss, and then I couldn't help but kneel beside Hong Ya. I didn't speak because I didn't know what to say now, and I didn't dare to say anything here.
Hong Ya was kowtowing three times in a row.
I was still at a loss next to her, so I had no choice but to kneel like that, and then prostrate myself in front of Chen Yuan's grave, because I could only use this action to express my deep guilt to her.
Confess your sins to her in this way.
Hong Ya stood up from the ground, "Feng Xiao, I feel much more relaxed now because I finally faced her." Then she looked at the photo on Chen Yuan's tombstone and said softly: "She is so beautiful.
"
I remained silent, I felt like a complete sinner in this place.
"Feng Xiao, go find an iron bucket. There are those in the cemetery, specially used for burning paper and relics. You go, I am here alone to talk to sister Chen Yuan. Her also name is Lin Nan.
Right?" She said to me immediately.
I nodded and left, as if escaping.
At this moment, my mood is very complicated. I was extremely reluctant about Hong Ya going to this place today, because I thought it was indeed a bit shameful, but Hong Ya's sincerity and persistence made me have to bring her here.
Here we are. Judging from Hong Ya's behavior just now, she was indeed sincerely apologizing to Chen Yuan. Not to mention other things, I was shocked and moved just because she had the courage to face Chen Yuan.
.
You must know that this is a cemetery. Hong Ya, a woman, can actually face Chen Yuan alone in such a place. How much courage does it take? Although Chen Yuan has passed away, the photo on her tombstone is clearly visible
It represents her, and in a place like this, the pressure that Chen Yuan's photo can bring to a living person should be many times greater.
I found a staff member and gave him fifty yuan. He moved a big iron bucket and followed me to Chen Yuan's tomb. At this time, Hong Ya was sitting cross-legged in front of Chen Yuan's tomb. I didn't know
What did she just say to Chen Yuan.
When Chen Yuan's relics, mainly her clothes, burned in the iron barrel, I immediately felt a sense of warmth. The flames were red and yellow, and they burned very brightly.
The smoke drifted faintly into the sky. Suddenly, a gust of wind blew, and the flames began to ripple. The wisp of smoke that was swinging up suddenly became distorted, turning into chaos above our heads. The inside of the iron barrel was already
The burned ashes and the remaining ashes of the money and paper were blown up from the iron barrel by the gust of wind. Suddenly, countless black mosquitoes were dancing in the sky, and they completely enveloped Hong Ya and me.
I was immediately horrified.
Hong Ya's face also changed. She threw the money into the iron bucket and said, "Sister Chen Yuan, take the money and use it over there. You can buy whatever you like. We'll come back after it's used up."
Burn it for you..."
Her words added to the terrifying atmosphere. I hurriedly added a few pieces of Chen Yuan's clothes into the iron bucket. The flames started to rise again, but the gust of wind had already brought those black mosquito-like smells.
The ashes went far away...
We didn't talk on the way out from Chen Yuan's cemetery, because my mind was still thinking about what happened after the strange wind that blew just now. In a place like this, even a non-superstitious person can
You will be afraid, let alone a person like me who feels guilty and guilty?
"She forgives us." Hong Ya suddenly said this after leaving the cemetery.
I was shocked, "What?"
"She forgave us because she accepted the money paper," she said.
Only then did I realize that she was thinking about the strange wind just like me. I asked: "Hong Ya, do you believe that a person really has a soul after death?"
She said: "I believe it, so I have to come and have a good talk with her today."
I turned around suddenly and looked at her, "Why do you say that? Have you seen it before?"
She looked up at the sky, and I couldn't help but raise my head too. I saw that the sky was foggy, and there was nothing except a few birds and fish leaping past. Then I heard her
He said quietly: "My mother passed away a few years ago. One night before her death, I suddenly dreamed of her. In my dream, her face was covered in blood. At that time, I was frightened and woke up by my dream.
I was out of town at that time, and when I woke up in the middle of the night, I felt very scared and worried. At that time, my phone rang. The call was from my father, and he told me that my mother had just left.
I understood at that time that when my mother left this world, it would be the time when I would have that nightmare."
I said: "The minds of mothers and daughters are connected. Some people call this the sixth sense of human beings. Maybe this is not the basis for the existence of souls."
She said: "Maybe."
In fact, even I can't completely believe my explanation.
She suddenly came and took my arm, and I threw her hand away in panic, because my mind suddenly remembered what Lin Yi said to me: There are gods three feet above the ground. What's more, this is
Where is Chen Yuan’s resting place?
Hong Ya glanced at me, and then sighed quietly.
I said: "I'm sorry."
Her voice was full of sorrow, "It's my fault, I shouldn't be here..."
I suddenly had mixed feelings in my heart, because of her, and because of Chen Yuan...
"Feng Xiao, take me home." She said to me after getting in the car.
"Hmm." I said.
"Then you go back too. I know you can't escape now." She added.
I am silent.
"Don't go drinking like that again, okay?" she continued.
"Hmm." I said.
"If you really want to drink, just call me and I'll come with you. OK?" she continued.
I hesitated for a moment, and then said, "Yeah."
"You should also go to work. Staying at home alone will make you think wildly, which is not good for you." She then added.
"...I'll go to work in the afternoon." I hesitated for a moment before saying.
"If you do this, I will feel relieved, and Sister Lin will also feel relieved." She said, "By the way, Sister Lin said that she wants to talk to you tonight, so you can make an appointment for her yourself."
"...Hmm." I nodded again after hesitating for a moment.
I took her to the bottom of her villa. Before she got off the car, she suddenly came and hugged me. Her hot lips were deeply imprinted on my cheek, and her voice was faint, "Feng Xiao, don't forget it under any circumstances."
I, too, don’t forget Sister Lin. You have to remember that Sister Lin and I are the women who care about you the most.”
Immediately, she chuckled and left my car, and then entered her villa. My eyes were moist, and I suddenly had the urge to get out of the car immediately.
The author's digression:
Today's new book "The Officialdom of the Little Man: The First Secretary of the Provincial Party Committee"
When a little man entered the officialdom for the first time, he faced the dangerous and unpredictable officialdom fights, the intrigues of his competitors, and the emotional entanglements of several women. Song Sanxi fell into a dual game of emotion and power.
Sanxi took this as an opportunity to deal with many women; he was like a fish in water in the officialdom.
Directly search for "The First Secret Number of the Provincial Party Committee: 183187", then open a link to any book and replace the number in the address with 183187.
You can search "138" in Baidu to see the latest updates!