Compared with other diaries, this diary is almost as good as new. It can be seen that Adele also cherishes these memories. After so many years, these diaries have been preserved very well.
Turning over the first page, the date above was just one year ago. This was the last diary in Adele's life, and it accompanied Adele to the end.
After entering her twilight years, Adele obviously no longer had the energy to write a diary. She basically only recorded it every few days, and her life became monotonous and peaceful.
"I suddenly realized that such a monotonous life had been repeated for a while, without any ups and downs, just like the calm sea, silent until death."
Adele wrote in her diary that her life had lost its emotions, and gradually, it became more like living on a last breath.
"I feel like I'm waiting for death... Come to think of it, I'm already so old, I've experienced everything I need to experience, I've done everything I need to do, and now I should be lying in bed, waiting for death to come.
right."
When writing these pages, Adele often mentioned death, but Burlogo did not feel fear from the words above, but instead felt a sense of relief.
Adele is like a warrior. She has fought the good fight and it is time for death to judge her life.
“Sometimes I often think, how did I become like this?
This is the wonderful thing about life. You are immersed in it without knowing it. When you look back, you are shocked to find that you have become a different person."
Even in her old age, Adele's handwriting is still neat and her thoughts are clear and never confused.
"I think it probably comes from my parents. Now I can't remember what they looked like, but the strange thing is, I still remember that last scene.
I remember the doctor pulled up the bed curtain and the hazy white gauze separated us. I could only see their stooped figures tortured by the disease. They were crying and apologizing to me.
I didn't understand why they were crying or apologizing to me at the time, but soon they all passed away.
I seem to understand.
I hate suffering, and I hate suffering, but I can't stop suffering, but I think I can help others and help them get out of suffering.
Just as the nuns helped me, they often said that I was a child who grew up eating the Eucharist, that I was blessed by God, and that it was my duty to spread that blessing to others who were suffering.”
She has never doubted herself. Adele has never been confused from the beginning. Now she is just looking back at the legend of her life at the end of her life.
"I did what I wanted to do, became who I wanted to be, and I have many children who will pass on my blessings.
I think I am happy."
After this page, Adele did not write in her diary for a long time. She seemed to be really preparing to face death. These words were just the last confession in her life.
With such a sentence to end her long autobiography, Boluogo felt that it was not bad.
He continued to turn the pages, and according to the date, a month later Adele picked up the pen again and wrote a new page.
"God, you will never believe who I met."
Adele's writing rarely got out of control, and her handwriting seemed to have a soul, screaming on the paper.
"I saw him, Borogo Lazarus, just as I saw him last.
God, what on earth was I thinking, what was going on with all this? I...I even took him home."
In an instant, Adele seemed to be young again. She was standing opposite Boluogo. She squatted in the corner with her head in her hands, and was distressed loudly.
Boluogo's expression was a little complicated, and he couldn't help but smile, and finally laughed out loud.
When he met Adele after being released from prison, Boluogo was extremely nervous, fearing that the impact he would bring would frighten the old lady, but she actually accepted it calmly.
Boluogo thought that his status as a believer allowed Adele to accept everyone calmly. At that time, he was still deeply in awe of Adele like this. In fact, it was just that this guy was too old and was so mentally retarded that he could not even make facial expressions.
Not coming out.
In the days that followed, Adele wrote in her diary more frequently. She didn't mention anything about death and peace, but about random things.
He was like a catfish, getting into a school of sardines, causing chaos in Adele's life and breaking the tranquility full of death.
"Dear Borogo Lazarus."
Suddenly, this page begins with Borlog's name, as if this is no longer a diary, but a letter to Borlog.
"As you can see, this is my life, Adele Doveland."
A strange feeling came to his mind, and Boluogo couldn't explain it. He wanted to look away, but the words were like magic, tightly binding his sight, making it impossible for him to escape.
"Here I show you everything I have.
Kind, indifferent, loving, numb, innocent, free, compassionate and full of love, everything, everything.”
It was as if a pair of gentle hands held up his head. He was unable to struggle and could only continue to read along the path of the text with trembling eyes.
"Bologo, sometimes I wonder, is what the nuns said true? They said that I grew up eating the Holy Communion and was a child blessed by God. But looking back on everything I have experienced, I feel that I am not.
Blessed, sometimes it feels more like a curse.
I saw a lot of suffering, and I tried my best to pull people out of the mire, but then I saw more people trapped in the mire.
It seems that everything I do is useless. No matter how hard I try, I still can't eradicate suffering from this world. Every night, I often can't sleep because of such pain, but my efforts are...
Truly, one person after another was saved by me.
Caught in hesitation, neither up nor down.
Gradually, I no longer think about such distant things, I put all my energy in front of me, to help those I can touch, they are my extension, even if I am powerless or die,
There will always be someone who will continue this."
Adele sat next to Boluogo and whispered to him, as if reciting an ancient story.
"Bellogo, I did what I wanted to do, became who I wanted to be, and I lived a happy life.
After that, I thought I was ready to welcome death. I lay calmly on the bed, closed my eyes contentedly, and no longer looked forward to the coming of the sun the next day.
But every day, every night, I always wake up, and sometimes I complain, why doesn’t God want me to die? I am already so old, my consciousness is groggy, my bones are fragile, and sometimes even life is difficult. Unable to take care of myself.
Why should I continue this earthly ascetic life instead of entering the kingdom of heaven?
I always doubted this, until that day, when I learned the news that you were still alive, and when I... saw you on the streets of Opos."
Adele's voice was surprised and happy, but still so gentle.
"I can't believe my eyes, it's as if the years have frozen and reversed, everything is just as it was when we parted.
I saw you standing confused on the street, your eyes full of exhaustion and darkness. It seemed that there was an evil will that had inflicted all the suffering on you. It wanted to twist your mind and turn you into a bloodthirsty monster. monster.
But after all this, you still haven't compromised, hovering on the edge of human nature, but I know that you can't hold on anymore, the abyss is behind you, and you will be doomed if you step back even a little bit.
At that moment I suddenly understood, Boluogo.
I understand why God wants me to live in such a mess until now, and I also realize that all the hardships and ups and downs in my life are just for this moment.
for you.
In order to save you, the lost lamb, from suffering."
Boluogo looked at the words in the diary in silence, his heart went blank, as if all his thoughts had been emptied, leaving only dullness and numbness.
"I feel like I'm like a teacher. I teach you everything I know. When I have nothing to teach you, that's when you and I part.
This is nothing, the fate of teachers is to be no longer needed by students.
I don't know what happened to you in the past, that is the past after all, you just need to focus on the present, but I can also feel that you must live longer than me, maybe you are still immortal.
Ah... I really want to ask you what you have experienced in these years, but when you think about it, you know that they must all be sad things.
Immortal...
This sounds terrible. When my life ends, I will finally be able to enjoy the complete peace. Such peace does not exist for you, but fortunately, you can always walk in this world and be you. Do whatever you want until everything goes your way.
So... do what you want to do and be who you want to be.
Happy Powwow's Day, Borogo Lazarus."
Seeing this last line, Bologo understood why Lawson said this was a gift. It was a vow-day gift prepared by Adele for herself, but she could no longer hand it to herself.
Boluogo turned the pages in a panic and kept praying in his heart. He didn't want this to be the end of the story, even if everything ended a long time ago.
Turning to the next page, there is a date written by Adele, which is the day after the Vow Festival, and there is a line under the date.
"You are blessed and loved."
This is the gift Adele prepared for Burlogo, a diary waiting for him to continue writing.
Boluogo put the diary aside, looked at the unfinished sweater, took off his shirt, and put the sweater on.
Because it was not finished knitting, it only covered Boluogo's chest, and his navel was completely exposed. With the colorful colors, it looked like a ridiculous navel-baring outfit.
But Boluogo couldn't laugh.
Losing all strength, Boluogo felt that all the bones in his body had been drained out. The warmth brought by the sweater was like fire, scorching his body, reminiscent of the execution of prisoners at the stake a hundred years ago.
Suddenly Boluogo felt sad. He thought he was sad enough at Adele's funeral, but now it was like a cold arrow, which penetrated time and space, and pierced his heart.