Liu Juan opened the mission scroll, which said to go to the Eastern Tang Dynasty to find Tang Monk.
Liu Juan remembered that Tang Monk's surname was Chen and his given name was Wei, and he was born in AD 600. His elder brother was a monk in the Pure Land Temple in Luoyang, so he also became a monk when he was fifteen years old and took a Buddhist name, Xuanzang.
.
Monk Xuanzang traveled throughout China's Yangtze and Yellow River basins and learned Buddhist teachings from many eminent monks.
However, various schools have different interpretations of Buddhist scriptures, and the translations of various Buddhist scriptures are often inconsistent with each other. Moreover, many Buddhist scriptures have not yet been translated into Chinese.
Therefore, he decided to go west to India to learn the true meaning of Buddhism and read the original Buddhist scriptures intensively.
The imperial court did not approve Xuanzang's application to go abroad. So he secretly embarked on a journey of thousands of miles alone in 627.
Liu Juan still remembers some jokes from the Internet:
[Tang Monk and his disciples went through ninety-nine and eighty-one hardships and finally met Tathagata Buddha to obtain the true scriptures.
Tathagata asked: "Have you brought a USB flash drive?"
Tang Monk and his apprentice....
Tathagata asked again: "Where is the mobile hard drive?"
.....
Tathagata continued to ask: "ipod is also okay"
Wukong picked up his ears
Tathagata sighed: "Then you can go back the same way, I will send it to you via QQ
Tang Seng: Damn, if I had known I would have added you on QQ, why would I have gone so far?
When the four were about to leave, the Buddha suddenly asked: Did you bring your PSP? The four replied: No. The Buddha was surprised: How boring is that? How did you get here?
The four of them looked at each other and said: We got here by fighting monsters all the way.
........n After the disaster...
After Tang Seng went back, he added Tathagata QQ and found that it was very slow.
Tathagata made a phone call: Hello, Xiao Tang, you have a tietong 56k
Xiao Tang: Yes, I just installed it last year.
Tathagata: , you'd better come again
After returning home, Tang Seng opened QQ and found that Tathagata had not come through.
So Q Tathagata: Is our network too poor to transmit?
Tathagata said: Then come again, bring a USB flash drive
So Tang Monk and his disciples took the USB flash drive and went through the eighty-one tribulations again and finally saw the Tathagata Buddha.
Tathagata asked: "Did you bring a USB flash drive?"
Tang Seng and his disciples: "Take it with me"
Tathagata continued to ask: "How big is it?"
Tang Monk and his apprentice: "2g"
Tathagata sighed deeply: "The scripture is too big and the USB flash drive is too small. Bring a 4G one when you go back."
...........
So after Tang Seng and his disciples went back, they brought another mobile hard drive, which was still 1000g.
Thinking: How many f*cking sutras will I bring back to you this time?
The group once again experienced ninety-nine and eighty-one difficulties and finally saw Tathagata Buddha
Tathagata asked: "Why are you here again?"
Master Tang Seng: "Didn't you tell us to bring a larger USB flash drive? We brought a 1000g hard drive."
Tathagata continued to ask: "Didn't you open QQ when you went back?"
Master Tang Seng: "After we went back, we bought the hard drive and came over."
Tathagata sighed deeply: "Damn, you bunch of idiots, I left a message for you on QQ, and the scriptures have been placed on my server.
Yes, you can download it as you please!”
...........
After Tang Seng and his disciples returned home, they opened Tathagata's server for downloading and found that the server was hit by a Trojan horse and could not be downloaded.
So I took the 1000g hard drive and continued on the road, thinking: If I had known this, I would have baked it back, no matter what this time
Have to bake it back
After ninety-nine and eighty-one tribulations, I finally saw the Tathagata
Tathagata asked: "Have you brought any paper?"
.....
Tathagata continued: "Hey, this time the server was hit by a Trojan horse, and all the electronic versions of the scriptures were destroyed. I think you should make a copy by hand.
Bar!"
.......
Then continue with the previous one
Tang Seng and his disciples learned the lesson this time, bought paper, took the hard drive and hit the road; they also used QQ to send a message to Tathagata to confirm.
recognize
After ninety-nine and eighty-one tribulations, I saw the Tathagata again
To prevent any changes, Tang Seng spoke first: "Has the Trojan been cracked?"
Tathagata: "No"
Tang Seng: "Then we can copy it, right?"
Tathagata: "Yes"
It took Tang Seng and his disciples 10 years to finally copy the scriptures and prepare to say goodbye to Tathagata
Tang Monk: "We spent 10 years copying the scriptures. Now we say goodbye to the Buddha and return to the Tang Dynasty."
Tathagata ".....",
"You bunch of idiots, why don't you use a copy machine if you have one?"]
There are also some more effective ones:
[Tang Monk: Wukong, please turn into a horse. It’s raining and you can’t ride the horse.
Tang Monk: Wukong, you can become a condom. Today, I will take care of this female demon myself.
Tang Monk: Wukong, please become Viagra. Today, my master will deal with this female demon personally until she begs for mercy.
Tang Seng: I’m so bored today...Wukong...you should become a female goblin...
One day while passing through the desert, Tang Monk clamored for a female goblin, but the surrounding area was desolate. Not to mention the goblin, not even an ant could be found.
Tang Monk: Wukong...you become a female demon!
Wukong refused.
Tang Seng went to see Bajie again, and Bajie slipped away to do push-ups on the pretext of losing weight.
I went to find Sha Seng, who ran away under the pretext of making soy sauce.
Tang Monk was angry and came back to find Wukong: Wukong, if you don't turn into a female goblin, you will have to recite the Tightening Curse as your master!
Wukong thought for a moment and turned Zhu Bajie, who was doing push-ups, into a female demon.
Tang Seng and a female goblin were having a heated fight when they unexpectedly suffered premature ejaculation. Tang Seng was very frustrated.
Come out to find Wukong: Wukong, quickly become Viagra!
Without thinking, Wukong turned Zhu Bajie into Viagra.
Early one morning, Tang Seng kept nagging about wanting a female goblin. Wukong was annoyed by his nagging, so he went out to look for it. After a while, he brought back a female goblin and sent it to Tang Seng's tent.
Tang Monk fought hard until evening before he came out satisfied.
Wukong: Master, can the female fairy satisfy you?
Tang's Monk: It's okay, it's white and plump, but it doesn't move, it doesn't talk, it doesn't move on the bed!
Suddenly, Sha Seng came over in a hurry: Master, Senior Brother, Second Senior Brother disappeared this morning. I have been looking for him all day but couldn't find him. I don't know where he went!
Zhu Bajie was always turned into a female goblin to be fucked by Tang Seng. He was so annoyed that he always wanted to find an opportunity to take revenge.
One day, Tang Seng clamored for a female goblin again. Wukong and Sha Seng both went out to look for it. Zhu Bajie ran slowly and was caught by Tang Seng. He had no choice but to turn into a female goblin again. However, Tang Seng got interested and insisted on talking to Zhu Bajie. Zhu Bajie was very angry.
Angry, he bit off Tang Monk's penis in one bite, causing Tang Monk to roll on the ground in pain. At this time, Wukong and Sha Monk came back with two flower-like female fairies. Tang Monk jumped up from the ground and shouted: Quickly turn Bajie into a
Become my JJ, and my teacher will take care of these two female fairies today!
Wherever Tang Monk passed by, the banshees would flee upon hearing the news, so Tang Monk often failed to get what he wanted. One night, Tang Monk got up to relieve himself, and suddenly saw Zhu Bajie holding a banshee having sex...Tang Monk was furious: Bajie
Stand down! I will take care of this female demon myself as a teacher!
Bajie was in high spirits and begged: Master, can't we have a threesome together?
