In addition to death, life is better than death 5 Save some dignity
.〖Extra〗Besides death, there are other things worse than death (5)
"Sir -" Xiao Chen wanted to say something else.
"I've decided." Xi Mo blocked his words directly, unwilling to let him continue.
It was not easy to fight in that world, and it would be impossible to give up without any regrets, but no matter how good the status and rights were, they were not as important as the pearl in his heart. He didn't want to leave her for another step, and once in a lifetime was enough.
, there are some things he never wants to experience again.
Xiao Chen sighed helplessly, his husband's love for Miss Xiao has really gone crazy.
"You go back first, I'll tell you what to do after reading the information." Xi Mo put down the information, obviously not intending to read it immediately.
After Xiao Chen left, Xi Mo stood up and went to Mingzhu's room. He saw that she had just finished taking a shower and was wiping her hair with a towel. The warm light warmed her cold face at all, and her palm-sized oval face became increasingly pale and thin.
Since Lin Jiu and Ling Jiuyue left, she has never smiled, gone out, or spoken another word.
A gust of cold air hit his heart, it was suffocatingly cold, and his dark eyes were full of distress and helplessness. Everything today was caused by himself. How much he hoped to make her happy, but he forced her to become more and more indifferent.
.
Mingzhu walked to her involuntarily, and Mingzhu seemed to notice him, and her arm movements stopped.
"Let me help you." He pursed his lips, his voice light and gentle.
"No need." Mingzhu refused coldly. She didn't let him leave, nor did she have much to say to him.
Even though they are now husband and wife, their relationship is even worse than before. Mingzhu never takes the initiative to say a word to him, nor does she accept his care and care.
What he said to Mu Ze was not a moment of impatience, nor a moment of anger, but a genuine hatred for him.
Even if he did something wrong, he was wrong in the first place, but after all, he is still a child, sixteen years old, so much like himself back then! If Xi Mo had not been so extreme, but had chosen another way, maybe everyone would be better now
There is no need for such pain.
There was a hint of darkness in Xi Mo's eyes. He knew that she hated him in her heart. He thought that he would get used to it as time went by. Every time he heard her cold words, or even sometimes when she didn't say a word, his heart still hurt, like blood dripping from his heart.
pain.
"Tell me, what can you do so that you don't hate me?" Xi Mo sat down aside and stared at her, with so much affection and attachment, Mingzhu could never be seen.
Mingzhu directly put down the towel, put her hands on her knees, water droplets from her hair fell on her skin, and her empty and numb eyes met him, without any color, as if they had entered the human heart, hollowing out everything that could be swallowed.
"Lan Ximo, I said, I hate you, I will always hate you, and I can never forgive you." His thin lips pursed lightly, and his voice was colder than the snow in December, "I married you just to punish Mu.
Ze, in order to torture you, do you still expect me to be with you well? Do you think I can still love you kindly now?"
He cut Xi Mo sharply every word without any emotion, sympathy or pity. All of this was just his own fault.
"I understand." Xi Mo's thin lips trembled for a long time, and the difficult voice suppressed the grief in his heart, "It doesn't matter, hate me. At least your people are still by my side. Even if you hate me for a lifetime, as long as we are together, I
It's acceptable. It's getting late, you should have a good rest."
After saying that, he stood up, and the sadness in his eyes gradually came up to occupy the deep and cold eyes. He walked extremely slowly towards the door, his eyes were sour, and the pain in his heart spread.
The hands hanging helplessly by his side slowly clenched, and the veins bulged. Hundreds of emotions were finally covered by a silent pain, which was extremely depressing, but unstoppable.
Does saying you don't mind really mean you don't mind?
The room was quiet, and Mingzhu could hear her own shallow breathing and her fingers slowly falling on her chest.
It's really strange. She often can't feel her heartbeat, and it's the same now, but why does she still feel that her heart hurts hopelessly?
*****
Lianlian rented a house and applied for jobs in several hospitals. Finally, one hospital was willing to hire her as an intern. Although the salary was not too high, it was still enough to make a living.
Hospitals are very busy, especially intern doctors. Not only do they have to deal with patients, but they also have to help the doctor in charge handle various matters, write reports, search for cases, and even help him pick up his children from kindergarten.
Lian Lian, who was pampered like a princess since childhood, really couldn't accept this kind of life at first. She squeezed into the bus every day, walked around, and was so busy that she didn't even have time to eat. The happiest thing every day is probably coming home and doing nothing.
Throw it on the big bed and sleep comfortably.
She didn't know how to cook or clean her room, her life was in a mess, and when she did something wrong and was scolded by her supervisor, she still had to endure it. She only dared to curl up and cry secretly when no one was around.
At this time, what she missed most was not her father and mother, nor Xi Mo, whom she had loved since childhood, but Xi Ting.
The Ah Que who was like a brother who doted on her, tolerated her, and stayed with her no matter what happened since she was a child. She had never been separated from Ah Que. This was the first time she was separated. At first, she just felt sad. As time went by, she felt sad.
A kind of sadness turned into loneliness and emptiness, as if someone had cut off a piece of flesh from her body, no one stitched it up, and no one cared about it, leaving her to fend for herself.
At some point, the image of Ah Que was so deeply ingrained in her heart that it was difficult to remove it. Occasionally she would wake up in the middle of the night, and looking at the deserted moonlight, she would feel like she was going crazy because she wanted to call Ah Que crazily, wanted to cry, wanted to
Tell him that he can't hold on any longer.
However, that string of numbers was turning over and over in my mind, and I still didn't have the courage to dial it. I couldn't even think about abandoning my life.
The information Lianlian was looking for today was not what the supervisor asked for, so naturally he was scolded. During the half-hour meal time at noon, he went up to the rooftop alone, looked at the blue sky and the white clouds, and didn't know why he burst into tears.
will fall down.
Take your phone out of your pocket and press the numbers one by one.
"Ah Que, I did something wrong again today and was scolded badly. I really wanted to throw the pile of printed information on his fat face and tell him that I quit! But in the end I didn't, and I didn't.
Dare... I discovered for the first time that if my surname was not Lan, I would be nothing, nothing, really nothing.
I can't do anything. I have been so well protected by you all these years. I am like a little idiot... Ah Que, I miss home so much, I miss you so much, and I miss the carefree days when we were young.
Time. Ah Que, how are you doing, do you think of me often, do you like other girls..."
Her voice was choked and she really couldn't speak anymore. The freshly dried tear stains on her face were once again covered with hot tears. When she thought of Ah Que falling in love with another girl and pampering another girl as much as he pampered himself, his heart
It was as if it had been cut into a mess with a knife and was still being violently stirred inside.
His fingers hung down feebly. The phone did not display the call time, nor any name, just a string of incomplete numbers.
Some things in your heart can really only be told to yourself.
After crying and talking, I wiped away my tears and got off the rooftop and continued working. This kind of life must continue.
A person's life is very lonely, and also very bitter and boring, but there are some people and things that make us have to persist like this.
It was as if she could never tell the truth buried in her heart.
Not to mention, it breaks my heart.
Having said that, there will be no recovery.
It turns out that life has already forced us to retreat.
It turns out that when I look back, it has been a hundred years.
****
One year later.
The contest between the Ling family and Xi Mo finally ended silently.
Xi Mo did not lose but his energy was severely damaged. He refused to return to Florence. He just asked Xiao Chen to go back and take charge of everything, while he stayed, not only to control the situation in Florence, but also to preside over Xiao's enterprise.
the overall situation.
During this year, Mingzhu's attitude towards him was still cold and indifferent, refusing to say even a few words; her relationship with Xiao Zimo had eased a lot.
When Xiao Zimo was busy and had no time to have dinner with her, or when he came back late, Mingzhu would wait for him, even if he just said a few words, and then go to rest. In addition to the usual rest, Mingzhu also gradually started to get involved in charity.
, Mrs. Rong often read newspapers to her and knew what charity was all about. Once when chatting with Xiao Zimo, she suddenly asked if she could donate a sum of money to those with disabilities.
Xiao Zimo was shocked at the time, and quickly reacted and immediately said yes. Not long after, a foundation named after her was established. All funds are free of charge to help those deaf-mute people who may recover from blindness.
The patient undergoes surgery and is cared for until he fully recovers.
Mingzhu occasionally attends gatherings for the blind. Although she doesn't talk much, she often listens to others and has a faint smile on her face.
Her perverse and sharp temper gradually softened and was no longer so extreme. People around her couldn't help but rejoice in her change, but her attitude towards Xi Mo never changed. No matter what he did for herself, no matter what others did
He said that he could never forgive him for his sins.
Every week Mingzhu would call Ling's house and chat with Ling Jiuyue. After all, she wanted to know some news about Ling Xi and her condition.
It's just that Ling Jiuyue never mentioned anything about Ling Xi, nor did she reveal any of her condition. No one knew where Ling Xi was sent for treatment. Only Lin Jiu was with him. Whether his condition was good or bad, he couldn't even guess.
.
Over the past year, Xiao Zimo's health seemed to be getting worse and worse. He suffered from frequent colds and fevers, and finally couldn't bear it anymore and passed out in the office. When he was found, there were many white pills scattered on the floor.
When Mingzhu received the notice, her face was almost colorless. When she rushed to the hospital, Xiao Zimo had already been sent to the ward.
In the terminal stage of gastric cancer, there is nothing you can do except wait for death.
Mingzhu has been sitting in front of the hospital bed, unable to see Xiao Zimo's appearance. She just holds his hand and feels that his hand is no longer as warm and delicate as in her memory; now his hand is as thin as firewood, with only a layer of skin remaining.
The skin is covered with bones, and the meridians are bulging, making it look horribly old...
The body temperature is slightly cold, the shallow breathing and weak heartbeat are intertwined, giving people a feeling of being far away.
Under the pale light, her expression was indescribably sad and lonely, and she was so quiet that she seemed not even breathing. Xiao Zimo opened his eyes and saw her, his eyebrows furrowed slightly, presumably the doctor had told her.
"I'm fine, don't worry too much." The hoarse voice spoke in a low voice.
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Mingzhu said calmly. Her empty eyes were as deep as a bottomless pit. No matter what you put into it, it would disappear. "Why did you hide it from me?" Er, you didn't tell me..."
Liang Bo's voice was choked with sobs and she couldn't speak any more, and the hand holding him trembled even more.
"It was already in the middle stage at that time, and no amount of chemotherapy would help the malignant disease." Xiao Zimo's old voice was full of wind and frost, and he sighed silently and then said, "I don't want you to start feeling sad so early."
"You are all too selfish." Mingzhu let go of his hand and raised a silent bitter smile on her thin lips, "Mommy let you lie to me for so many years in order to make me not sad; you didn't want to make me sad, so you kept hiding it from me, but
You have never thought about my feelings. You are afraid that I will be sad, and you are afraid that I will be sad. Will I not be sad or sad when I know one day?"
"You have always been so selfish, making self-righteous decisions thinking it was for my own good, but you never asked me if I wanted to do this..."
"Sorry!" Xiao Zimo pursed his lips, and there was sadness in his eyes. If he could, why wouldn't he want to stay with her and walk with her for a while longer.
In fact, in the words of doctors, the extra year he can live has already been earned.
"I'll notify your godmother for you." Mingzhu pursed her lips. The doctor made it very clear that there was no cure.
"No need." Xiao Zimo pursed his lips, his eyes deep and blurred, as if he was lost in memories, "I don't want to see her."
"Why?" Dai Mei frowned slightly, he loved his godmother so much, why didn't he want to see her.
Xiao Zimo's thin lips raised a silent bitter smile, "I don't want to see how loving she and Ling Jiuyue are anymore. This kind of thing hurts my self-esteem too much. I'm going to die, so leave me some self-esteem."
"What about my mommy?" Mingzhu hesitated for a long time and finally couldn't help but ask the question that had been holding in her mind for many years, "Have you ever loved my mommy?"
Even if it's just a day or a second.
His dark eyes no longer had the sharpness and coldness of his youth, and his thin lips pursed slightly, "No. I have never loved her, I just thanked her for giving me the best gift in my life!"
The tip of my heart trembled slightly. If I had known this answer, I would still feel uncontrollably sad.
"Why? Why are you still with her if you don't love her?"
A faint smile flowed on Xiao Zimo's thin lips, and he answered the question with happiness in his voice, "This gift is you."
Mingzhu was silent, she had no idea what Xiao Zimo was thinking.
Maybe it was because he was too tired or because of the medicine. Xiao Zimo slowly closed his eyes and fell asleep again. If it weren't for the beeps, Mingzhu would have even mistakenly thought that he had left her.
Ling Jiuyue's words at the airport a year ago were still fresh in her mind, but things had changed in the blink of an eye. This year she had tried her best to improve her relationship with Xiao Zimo, but she still couldn't say that one word - Dad
.
Xiao Zimo never forced her to call him "Dad". To him, the word "Dad" seemed to be a vague existence and had no meaning.
****
Xi Mo rushed to the hospital after handling the company's affairs, only to see Mingzhu sitting alone on a plastic chair in the corridor. There was no one in the silent corridor, and it was so deserted that it was almost cold. She sat there alone, with her waist very straight.
His eyes were straight and empty, with no focus, his fingers were placed in front of him, and the light from the glass at the end of the corridor fell on the ground, making it cool and thin.
Her heart tightened uncontrollably and hurt. She was too quiet, as quiet as if she didn't exist.
It would be better for her to cry and make a fuss, or become angry and hysterical than what she is like now. Suppressing all the pain in her heart will only make her suffer more.
Why does she have to endure so many life and death separations and suffer so many twists and turns when she is obviously still a child?
He walked up to her without any footsteps, squatted down slowly, carefully touched her fingers with his fingers, and said softly, "Mingzhu, it's okay. You are not alone, you still have me."
Mingzhu's dull expression showed no reaction, and she didn't even tremble her eyelashes.
"I will definitely find the best doctor, and I will definitely..."
"No need." Mingzhu suddenly said calmly, her eyes always lowered, "The doctor said that gastric cancer is in the advanced stage and there is no cure. It's just a few days away."
Xi Mo's eyes trembled, and he tightened his grip on her hand. It was the first time this year that she said such a long sentence to herself.
"What did I do wrong in my last life?" Why is everyone gradually leaving me?
When I was a child, I was Mommy, then I was Daidai, and now I am Xiao Zimo.
"Mingzhu, this is not your fault." Xi Mo said in a low voice. At this moment, he found that his words were really weak. He wanted to comfort her but couldn't find the words.
Mingzhu spoke quietly, as if she was talking to him, more like talking to herself, "When I first lived with him, he was really busy and had no time to pay attention to me; I couldn't see him alone in such a big room.
There was no one to talk to in the villa; at that time, I really thought about whether he could be less busy and could sit down and have a meal with me.
When I grew older, I wanted to go to school, so he sent me to a school for the blind. I don’t know who revealed that I was his daughter. Because I was a rich person, I was ostracized and isolated. No one wanted to play with me. He knew
After that, I was not allowed to go out to meet people anymore and asked for a tutor."
"I used to like my tutor very much, but he forced me to leave not long after. I know that because he knew that the tutor liked me, he was afraid that others would treat me so well for money and pretend to like me; he didn't do it at all.
I’ve thought about it, there are actually people in this world who don’t care about money.
Money can be really good to a person. He gave me the stable life for so many years, but he never knew that what I wanted was just someone who could have dinner with me every day and tell me a story before going to bed.
An ordinary father; Daddy Jiuyue has done all these things for him..."
Young Master: Today’s 5,000-word update. Because I want to finish the whole book in June, the plot will go very quickly in these two days. Please don’t think that I am hasty, because if I don’t speed up, I will write it until August... 囧tot