Countdown to the full book: I only wish you a bright life 1 He is gone
Countdown to the whole book: I only wish you a bright life (1)
Xi Mo didn't speak, he held her hand and listened silently——
"In so many years, I have never called him, and he has never forced me. It seems that everything he gives me is taken for granted, and I possess and enjoy it without any scruples. I never thought that he also has his own life and does not owe me anything.
What. I will put the pain of losing my mommy and put all the fault of the long loneliness on him. How unfair this is to him, but he never blamed me..."
His face was as cold as ice, only the liquid in the corners of his eyes was hot, and droplets fell silently on his hands, so hot that it seemed to burn his skin.
"To be honest, it turns out that I am the most selfish person. I am just relying on him being his biological father. He owes mommy so he acts so arbitrarily and unscrupulously——"
She couldn't speak with a choked voice, it was like a thorn in her throat, the pain was so painful that she was suffocating. In these years, she had only been immersed in her own loneliness and sadness. She had never thought about his feelings, never considered him, and never considered him.
I felt that I hated him self-righteously, and selfishly squandered the love and tenderness he gave me. I never thought that he was just an ordinary man who could not get his love, and that he would suffer, get tired, grow old, and die.
Because she is the closest relative, she does not care about the harm. If it were Ling Jiuyue, she would not dare to be so presumptuous and willful.
"He won't blame you. You are his only daughter and the continuation of his life. Even if he leaves this world, as long as you are alive, it means that he is still in this world. You are his hope and everything."
"I can't see, I can't do anything for him, I don't even remember what he looks like." The white teeth bit the corner of his lips tightly, biting the lip with force, the bloody taste spread and filled the whole mouth, and his heart was shocked.
Trembling pain.
She never thought that Xiao Zimo would leave her one day and that she would feel so uncomfortable.
"I think as long as you live happily by his side, it is the best contribution to him. It doesn't necessarily require you to do anything."
After Xiao Zimo was hospitalized, Mingzhu refused to leave the hospital and kept sitting in the ward, as quiet as a piece of wood without emotion. Xi Mo also did not force her to go back to rest. In the current situation, unless she was knocked unconscious
, otherwise she would not leave.
Xiao Zimo opened his eyes, the lights were starting to come on outside the window, and the ward was desolate. His eyes fell on Mingzhu's cheek, and he frowned, "Why don't you go back and rest?"
Mingzhu came back to her senses after hearing the voice. She groped for a while on the sheets and held his fingers, which were cold and stiff. "You're awake, are you hungry? I'll ask someone to bring food in."
"I'm not hungry." Xiao Zimo replied calmly, "Go back and rest."
"Are you hungry? I'll get you some water..."
"Mingzhu." Xiao Zimo interrupted her and said in a deep tone, "I don't need your care, go back."
Mingzhu was stunned, her bitten lip was slightly painful, and she felt that his palm became even colder after it was withdrawn, and her voice sounded faintly, "I am your daughter, and you are here, where can I go back to?"
Go? I no longer have a mother, do you still want me to be a child without a father? "
dad!!
Xiao Zimo's black eyes were startled. The warm light in his black eyes was soft and surprised, "You, what did you just say?"
"Dad!" Mingzhu's choked and hoarse voice came out hard, like a child who had just learned to speak, very jerky and stumbling, "Dad, dad..."
His eyes were wet and hot, and he looked at his daughter, who had a face that was somewhat similar to Qu'er's. A satisfied and proud smile overflowed from the corner of his mouth, "You, you are finally willing to call me daddy."
I thought I would never expect this sound until my death - Dad.
"Dad, dad, dad, dad, dad..."
Each sound became more skillful, each time more affirmative, and I kept repeating these two simple and great words, as if I was trying to make up for the missing "Dad" that I hadn't called for more than 20 years at once.
Tears rained down like broken pearls, falling sporadically and unable to stop no matter what, hanging on the pale and haggard cheeks, shining with a broken and helpless light.
"Silly boy." Xiao Zimo pursed his thin lips, and when he noticed a bitter taste at the corner of his mouth, he realized that he was also crying.
Blood relationship is the strangest existence in this world.
Obviously I don't like and care much, but when I lose it, I feel that my heart is empty, as if there is no one left in this world that I can hate. There is a big, big hole in my heart, and the wind passes through it.
, the echoes kept coming.
"Don't cry, even if I'm gone, Xi Mo will still take care of you. He will never leave you." The low and hoarse voice was firm and distressed. How could he leave her alone in this world?
willing to give up.
Even though he had never loved Mu Rutong'er, Mingzhu was his biological daughter after all. He didn't know when his love for her started. When he found out, he was used to letting her do whatever he wanted and be willful and stubborn.
This is his love for his daughter.
"I don't want it." Mingzhu kept shaking her head, shouting hoarsely, "I don't want it, don't leave me, dad... don't leave Mingzhu alone... don't leave me..."
Xiao Zimo's dark eyes were distressed and helpless. If she could have been allowed to cry so willfully from the beginning instead of being suppressed and gloomy, maybe she would have lived an easier life these years.
Mingzhu's character is full of tolerance and repression. But if a person is repressed for too long, his character and temper will become surly.
"Mingzhu, do you know that only children who can cry will get candy. It's okay to cry occasionally. If you don't ask, who will know what you need?" Xiao Zimo spoke meaningfully, his voice weak.
Powerless, but before he died, he really wanted to tell her some principles of life.
"Xi Mo is wrong in many ways, but after all, he is the person who loves you most in the world. You can be willful to me, because you are my daughter, and I allow you to be so. But you can't be so willful to him anymore."
Love is too extravagant and cannot withstand your squandering for many years. No matter how much Xi Mo loves you, he will have his own bottom line. Who can allow the girl he likes to have a lifetime of awkwardness? "
As he said that, he stroked her cold cheek with his old fingers, "Be good, okay? Live a good life with him and stop being willful."
Mingzhu finally suppressed the grief and anger in her heart and opened his hand with a "snap".
Xiao Zimo was stunned for a moment, then laughed again, reached out and pinched her tear-filled pink cheeks affectionately, "You see you are angry with me again, but you feel much closer! With other fathers and daughters
almost……"
There was regret in the gentle words, touching the most secret chord in Mingzhu's heart, and tears swept over her again.
"Mingzhu." Xiao Zimo gently wiped away her tears with his fingers, "I have been learning how to be a qualified father, but I have never been able to learn. I have thousands of ways to deal with women, but I can't deal with my daughter.
I really have no choice. I also want to be like other fathers who can accompany my daughter to eat, play, and tell her bedtime stories; I
I think you have always wanted to have such a father. I have always wanted to do it but could never do it. I can't do it, but Ling Jiuyue can do it. He must do better than me and he is a 100% father.
In fact, I regret very much. I regret not letting you follow him back then. If you had followed him and Ah Jiu, maybe, maybe you would be a different person today." Wu You Mo Ming.
Xu was a little tired after talking too much at once. He paused and seemed to chuckle. Mingzhu could not see his expression, but could only hear a lot of helplessness and powerlessness in the desolate smile, "Sometimes I
I’m really annoyed! She is obviously my daughter, but she calls her Daddy Ling Jiuyue. You admire him so much, but my biological father seems useless in front of you. It’s really ridiculous, isn’t it..."
Yes.
Although I am obviously your daughter, I would rather call someone else Daddy. You are obviously by my side, but I always think of my father who was as gentle as a god when I was a child. I have such admiration and admiration.
It's just that I only dare to be so presumptuous and willful in front of you, I only dare to be so relaxed and comfortable in front of you, and there is no need to hide my shortcomings.
It turns out that I recognized you as my father in my heart a long time ago.
"I'm sorry...Dad...I'm sorry...I should have thought about it earlier..." Mingzhu couldn't control her tears and could only control her trembling voice.
"Silly boy." He said with a smile, "You are only twenty-two years old, and you are still just a child. Your life is not even halfway through. What can you think about? It's not too late now, at least I will wait until you are willing to admit it.
I am. Even if I have to leave you soon, I will not have any regrets in this life."
"Okay, don't cry." He wiped the tears on her cheeks and coaxed softly: "Live a good life, I believe you have the ability to take care of yourself now. If you really don't want to live a good life with Xi Mo
, I can help you. But you have to think carefully. People only live a hundred years, and some people only live a few decades. It is very difficult to meet someone you love and who loves you.
It's an easy thing, but you two brothers have already wasted too much time."
"You don't want me anymore, I don't want you to worry about it." Mingzhu choked, more like a daughter acting coquettishly towards her father.
Xiao Zimo chuckled loudly, held her hand tightly, and sighed: "I don't care, I don't care. My daughter is so smart, kind, and cute. Xi Mo doesn't want her anymore, and there are many men vying for her. Let him regret it."
His frivolous voice made Mingzhu burst into laughter. She felt very heavy, but she didn't want to add to his sadness at this moment.
"You have a good rest, I'm here to stay with you."
Xiao Zimo fell into a long sleep again, more like a coma.
From the beginning to the end, Mingzhu kept holding his hand, refusing to let go, fearing that if he let go, he would never be able to hold it again.
Xiao Zimo woke up at dawn and saw Mingzhu still beside the bed. He hadn't slept a wink all night, so he pulled out the infusion needle and various testing instruments from his hand, and took Mingzhu's hand to go home.
Mingzhu shook her head and said softly: "Dad, the doctor said your illness requires hospitalization, and we can't go home now. When you get better - us, we will go home together."
While speaking, Mingzhu also knew that this was just a temporary excuse, and she couldn't help but feel guilty after speaking.
Xiao Zimo didn't care, he got up impatiently and wanted to get out of bed.
Mingzhu couldn't see it and had to shout: "Xiao Zimo."
Xiao Zimo couldn't help being stunned, and gradually gave up struggling, fell down on the hospital bed, and looked at his daughter in a daze. After a while, he asked the doctor who stopped him in a low voice, "If I receive treatment, how long will it take?
"
This was the topic he had been least willing to mention, but the day finally came when he asked about it. He didn't expect that the day would come so quickly, and he was not ready yet.
The doctor first looked at Mingzhu, then at Xiao Zimo, and said slowly: "Mr. Xiao, the only thing we can do now is to do our best and listen to fate..."
For a moment, no one spoke in the ward, and it was as quiet as a pool of stagnant water. Only the ticking sound of the detectors filled the entire ward.
"Dad, don't leave me so quickly...so quickly. How about staying with me for a while longer? No matter what the situation is, I want to call you daddy a few more times, and I want you to respond to me a few more times."
Xiao Zimo fell silent and looked at Mingzhu quietly. He did not insist on being discharged from the hospital, but accepted the treatment arranged by the doctor with peace of mind, even though he knew that these would only delay his ability to survive in this world for a few days.
Day after day, the autumn leaves are withering, and everything seems to have entered a state of hibernation, silently, except for the increasingly cold weather, which is a subtle reminder to Mingzhu that time is passing silently bit by bit.
The broad and straight boulevard of the hospital has the withered and yellow palm trees on both sides, lifeless, and the winter sunshine is weak and cool. At the end of the boulevard, there is the best treatment department of the hospital, which is simple and gorgeous yet simple; white with pink.
The walls seem to be trying to bring life to this place full of pain and death, but in the end they are in vain.
This huge hospital is like a huge silent tomb, lifeless.
The treatment department is so quiet that you can hear your breathing very clearly, and the "tap-tap" of the nurse's shoes is hollow and harsh. This department is specially set up for rich people. It has the best medical technology and equipment in the world, and the most advanced equipment.
The fees for good doctors and nurses are beyond the reach of most people; Mingzhu heard from Xi Mo that she arranged them in this place in the hope that Xiao Zimo could get the best treatment, even if the chance of final cure was zero.
Mingzhu couldn't see it, but she could feel that their emotions were getting more anxious and helpless. They were trying very hard to treat them, but that was all they could do.
This was not the first time I had seen this. The number of first aid calls gradually became more frequent, the symptoms recurred again and again, and the pain became deeper again and again. Mingzhu sat aside and listened quietly in the darkness.
She didn't know how long Xiao Zimo could last, whether it was a day, a month, or a year? Unexpected death could take her only blood relative in the world away from her at any time.
Xiao Zimo was in a coma, no longer as energetic as before. His thin cheeks were deeply sunken, the wrinkles on his skin were deeper, there was no blood on his lips, and his face was unusually pale. The exposed hands could even be said to be
The bones were so emaciated that only a thin layer of skin was left tightly wrapped around the bones.
At this moment, there was still a needle stuck in the back of his hand, and there were two bags of infusion bags hanging on the shelf beside the bed. The transparent liquid flowed into his body drop by drop along the transparent hose.
Mingzhu seemed to be able to hear the sound of the silent drops of medicine falling, piercing her heart like the tip of a needle.
Sitting at the head of his bed, he fumbled for a tissue and gently wiped the sweat from his forehead.
Xiao Zimo suddenly frowned, opened his eyes several times in a daze, and tried to open his lips. However, his chapped lips could hardly open, let alone make any sound.
Helpless, he could only shake his head vaguely, with a silent and bitter smile on his lips.
Mingzhu felt him moving, "I'm sorry, Dad. I woke you up."
He couldn't make a sound and could only look at her intently. The ward fell into extreme silence for a moment, and time seemed to be sucked into a spiral and never return.
For Xiao Zimo, life is like this. If you survive one day, you will lose one day. Every day is a countdown. I don’t know which day is the end of life, tomorrow or the day after tomorrow?
Mingzhu has been by his side for the past half month, all the time. Every day, I feel that his life is disappearing invisibly. Sometimes I sit in front of the hospital bed, no matter how tired I am, I don't dare to close my eyes and sleep for a while. Even if I can't see, as long as it's...
When you are awake, you can feel that he is beside you.
The more you feel, the less you feel. There is sadness all around, a sad and sad farewell.
Xiao Zimo woke up from his coma in the evening of the next day, and his spirits seemed to be better, even better than ever before. He could stand up and speak, and his eyes were slightly bright.
Mingzhu was very happy to hear that his voice had some power, maybe a miracle had happened.
At that time, she had not heard anyone say that before a person dies, God will give him special care and give him some time to say goodbye or explain his legacy - also called "returning to the light".
"I'm in much better spirits today. Don't be by my side all the time. Go back and have a good sleep. Don't come back again at night."
His skinny fingers squeezed her hand and then let go, looking at Mingzhu for a moment, as if he wanted to carve her appearance into his soul.
"Go back."
She has known him since she was four years old, and returned to him when she was ten years old to be his daughter. He will do everything for her whether she wants it or not, even if some things are not what she wants, she will still force it on herself.
Because he is doing his best to love himself and pay for himself. In the past ten years, he has been used to ridiculing him, used to his not minding, used to having him by his side, relying on each other - what should I do without him?
"Dad, when you get better, let's go see Mommy together. We have never gone to see her together. If we go, I believe she will be very happy." Mingzhu said lightly. She had always wanted to say these words,
It's just that his health was so bad that she never dared to talk about it. Now that he's finally better, maybe it can happen.
Xiao Zimo was stunned for a moment, then smiled and nodded, but his eyes looked at her helplessly, "Okay. When I get better, I will accompany you to see her."
Mingzhu nodded gently, stood up, walked to the door and looked back, "You should have a good rest. I will come see you tomorrow."
After hearing her words, Xiao Zimo frowned and said in a deep voice, "Don't come to the hospital to see me tomorrow, no, in the future. It's very unlucky. When I get better, I will naturally go home to accompany you to see your mommy.
——I'm tired and want to rest. Please don't disturb my rest again." At the end of the sentence, his voice became weaker and weaker.
When Mingzhu returned home, she felt particularly tired for some reason. Her body became numb and somewhat out of control of her brain.
After saying hello to Mrs. Rong, I went back to the room and lay on the bed, almost closing my eyes and falling asleep.
She didn't know how long it took, but her cell phone woke her up. The ringing kept ringing, and she frowned. She turned over, fumbled with her fingers for a long time, got the cell phone, and put it to her ear. She stopped the noisy ringing and fell into a daze.
Open your mouth: "Hello."
"Pearl, it's me." Xi Mo's voice came through the radio waves. It was unusually low and completely different from before. It was vaguely sad and spoke very slowly, completely unlike his strong and fierce style.
"What's the matter?"
Mingzhu sat up slowly and stepped on the soft carpet, finally slipping on her slippers.
"Mingzhu, listen to me - Uncle Xiao is no longer here..."
"What?" Mingzhu didn't realize what he meant by not being there for a moment.
"Uncle Xiao left. You left the hospital not long after you left the hospital in the evening. There was not much pain and you left very peacefully..."
Mingzhu froze there holding the phone, not knowing what to say.
Xi Mo seemed to have said something else on the phone, but Mingzhu didn't hear a word clearly. He just said some things to arrange for her.
He was fine when he left in the evening, how could it not be long before he--he had clearly promised to go see Mommy together when he recovered, so why did he break his promise...
"Mingzhu, you and I, you are not alone..."
"No! It's not -" Mingzhu yelled at the top of her lungs, "You're lying to me. He won't leave. He clearly promised me that he would accompany me to see Mommy."
Xi Mo's sigh came over the phone, "Mingzhu, don't lie to yourself. Uncle Xiao is really gone. You have long thought of such a day!"
"No, you are lying...because I hate you and torture you, so you deliberately lied to me..."
Mingzhu threw the phone far away with a "pop" sound and broke into pieces. She kept shaking her head in denial, how could her father - die?
For a moment, the world was spinning, and her heart ached as if she was about to die. The overwhelming grief swept over her, like the cold sea water drowning her.
Panic, at a loss, sad, trembling unconsciously, tears already flowing uncontrollably.
It was a dark night outside the window, and the breath of winter was getting stronger and stronger, as if every piece of land was about to freeze into ice. She seemed to be trapped in an endless dark night, boundless, swallowing her up like a whirlpool, clinging to her.
——
Why should fate be so cruel and stingy that he would not even give her any warmth?
Mingzhu seemed to be stimulated, stood up, groped in the dark, and stumbled out of the room.
Young Master: Today’s 6,000-word update. Recommendation votes, recommendation votes, I’m about to finish them. Do you have the heart not to fulfill my last wish? Recommendation votes and red envelopes are coming to my bowl soon.