My heart is like a raindrop that breaks into pieces when it hits the ground.
Heartache. Because it can't be undone. No matter what I do, I can't make up for it. There is nothing I can do to save it.
This feeling of powerlessness makes me despair.
I wanted to stand up, but I didn't know if there was something wrong when I fell down. I couldn't feel my legs at all. I took out my phone from my pocket with great effort, but it was wet by the rain and short-circuited, completely broken.
The pouring rain continued, and I was lying in a mud puddle with no one to rescue me or even know about me.
Just die like this? That's fine. If my death can atone for my sins.
I couldn't help but think of Li Qianyu who showed her naked body in front of me that day. She was a stubborn girl who refused to listen to anything I said, so she chose the most extreme way to gain my trust. However,
I was so arrogant at that time that I rejected her with a bullet, pushing her to a dead end.
And Yu Xin. In order to fulfill the last wish entrusted to her by Li Qianyu, she handed the formula to me, but her neck was suddenly broken and she died in front of me. I especially remember that at that moment, her eyeballs popped out of her sockets.
, is it unwillingness? Or...her eyes stared at me without blinking for a moment, which made my heart tremble.
The one who makes me feel guilty the most is Xiao Luqi. From the very beginning, I vowed repeatedly that I would save her, but in the end, I gave up what might be the only opportunity in a single thought, causing her to continue.
In deep sleep, maybe ten thousand years.
The water on the ground has reached my mouth and nose and will soon submerge me.
Just let me die like this! Let me be liberated like this!
I was wrong and I was tired too.
Xiao Luqi's face suddenly appeared in my mind.
No! I can't die yet!
I still have a chance and hope, I want to save her!
I raised one hand and dug my fingers deeply into the mud. I crawled forward with all my strength. In this way, my hands took turns, crawling with all my strength like a dying maggot still wriggling.
The midsummer rain poured down like a basin of water, and the mud kept pouring into my mouth. I raised my head desperately to prevent myself from suffocating and choking to death.
I crawled for dozens of meters with difficulty, my fingers already bleeding on the ground, before I reached the gate. It happened that a mother and daughter passed by holding an umbrella, and when they saw me, I didn't look like a human or a ghost.
I was shocked. After confirming that I was a person, I took out my cell phone shakily and dialed 120.
When the ambulance arrived, I almost lost feeling in my hands. I just felt like I was being lifted up and put on a stretcher, and then I ran all the way amidst the sharp "die, die, die" sound of the ambulance.
To the hospital.
As soon as I got off the car, the doctor who rushed over saw that I was not with anyone and asked me what was going on. I don’t remember what I said to him at that time. I only remember that after saying it in a confused way, I was pressed down on the hospital bed and covered with my hands.
He put on the oxygen mask, pushed into a room full of instruments, and then knew nothing.
When I woke up, there were people around me, but I didn't recognize them.
I could no longer feel the existence of my hands and feet, as if I was a completely disabled person.
Could it be that when I fell from the second floor terrace, I was... crippled?
I couldn't lift the quilt to see if my legs were still there. Suddenly, a voice came from next to me, saying: "Slow down, slow down, open your mouth... By the way, isn't this a good meal?"
?"
I tried my best to turn my face and see that a young man was feeding porridge to the old man in the bed next to him. The old man seemed to have some dementia, but he still had a satisfied smile on his face. Beside the other hospital bed, a girl was carrying several people.
Apple was walking in and said to the woman on the bed: "Mom, dad, are you feeling better?" The woman took the apple and said with a smile: "Much better. Old man, our daughter is here to see you. Wake up..."
This kind of smile is the most enviable thing to look at. This father and son and this family of three may be very poor, living in this crowded, narrow, humid and stuffy room, not to mention air conditioning, not even a fan, but their
Happiness is by no means something that can be measured.
I turned my head. In this crowded and noisy ward, I suddenly felt extremely lonely and desolate. If I died here, I would probably be pulled into the morgue and wait quietly to be taken to the crematorium without anyone noticing.
.
Feeling extremely depressed, I fell into a drowsy sleep on the hospital bed.
This dream seemed to have passed a thousand years ago. In the dream, I went back to my childhood, wearing a bunny hat, being held in my mother's arms, smiling happily. In the dream, I went back to high school, and what did my father do to me?
I didn’t get enough sleep, so I dragged myself out of bed, put on my clothes forcibly, and sent me to school. In my dream, I went back to my freshman year of college, where I participated in social practice in the urban survey brigade in my hometown to investigate the impact of rising prices on poor families.
Listening to the old woman holding the hungry and crying child and talking about how she went to the vegetable market every day to pick up some rotten vegetable leaves that others had thrown away to eat, that heart-wrenching and painful feeling came to mind again. In the dream, I again
Back when I was a graduate student, every time I passed the house of a childless old man who lived at the back door of the school, I would secretly stuff the little food money I saved into the crack of the door. In my dream, I went back to that place.
The hospital bed where I saw Xiao Luqi for the first time. I took a quick glance and was shocked. From then on, I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep at night. I dreamed again of the kind of person who swore to protect Hao Ling when I rescued the frightened Hao Ling from the iron prison on Gonghe New Road.
The feeling of this poor girl who gave up her life to fulfill my goddess.
I also dreamed about my friends. Yang Tao, who was righteous and never looked back, went into the bottomless pit to save people, Zhao Chen, who always rushed to the front to solve the danger for his companions, and Jiang Nan, who was eating cakes in the cabin, bleeding heavily from the lower body.
Mingying who is pale, Zhu Junxuan who is staying with her lover in the underwater cave, innocent Li Feina, and Mo Mo who is shaking his head...
In the end, my soul seemed to be out of my body, floating in the sky, looking at the nearest me. Since Jiang Nan's death, I have experienced the danger of death several times. I gradually changed and became no longer like myself in the past.
, the Lin You who has a kind and loving heart, the Lin You who absolutely despises bullying and loves to fight against injustice...
I have changed, thinking that with money and power, everything will fall at my feet and everything will be different from now on.
But, I was wrong. Nothing has changed, only myself has changed. I have become more and more impetuous, arrogant, and arrogant. I understand less and less what respect is, and I have become more and more arrogant.
Not like myself.
But, maybe, the real me has not completely changed or disappeared completely. The result of that change is that I am often in a state of schizophrenia. Even I can’t believe what I say or do, and my bottom line is gradually falling.
, and suffer from it all the time.
I don't want this, I want to be myself.
There seemed to be tears streaming down my face. Is it regret? Is it self-blame? I don’t know. But I know that Li Haibo is right. I have lost my true heart. Now, I want to get my true heart back.
Come. Find the kind Lin You, find the down-to-earth Lin You, and find the silky Lin You.
"Hey, why is it you?" A somewhat familiar voice said to me.
I opened my eyes and looked around, but it was the aunt who used to be the nanny in Chen Ziqi's villa.
She came over and said, "What's wrong? I heard you're sick?"
I smiled bitterly and said in a hoarse voice, "I accidentally fell it."
"Hey, are you okay?" Auntie asked with concern.
"It's okay, it should be okay. What are you doing here? Is anyone at home sick?"
"No," the aunt said with a smile, "After I was fired from my last family, I had two days of free time at home and then went to the hospital to accompany me."
No wonder I never saw her again at Chen Ziqi's house. It turned out that Chen Ziqi fired her after he found out that the painting had been stolen.
I apologized, sighed, and said, "What are you doing here?"
"Take care of you!" said the aunt. "The nurse said that when you came, no one was with you and you were seriously injured, so she asked me to take care of you. I didn't expect it to be you. Do you feel better now?"
I nodded and suddenly felt that I had regained consciousness in my hands and feet. I actually lifted the quilt and sat up.
The aunt looked at me in surprise and said, "Don't move, I'll go find a doctor."
Not long after, the doctor rushed over, performed some physical tests on me, and said, "Young man, you are in good health. You were not human when you came here, but you recovered so quickly."
I couldn't believe it either: "When I woke up before, I couldn't feel my hands and feet, and I thought I was disabled... How come it healed so quickly?"
The doctor thought for a while and said: "Actually, you don't have serious trauma on your body. It's probably because your mental state was very poor before, and your brain was stimulated, which affected the motor nerves of your limbs. Now that your mental state is better, those effects
It will naturally disappear."
It dawned on me.
Maybe I have been in a tangled state of mind since I gradually lost my original intention, and what happened in that private club today, as well as the deaths of Yu Xin and Li Qianyu, gave me too much stimulation.
When I look back on my life and decide to find my true self, all those hesitations and doubts disappear, and I suddenly recover.
I got off the hospital bed, thanked the doctor, and borrowed the hospital phone to call Yang Tao. Soon, he came to the hospital, took the bill, and left with me.
I bought a new mobile phone on the roadside. I dialed Chen Ziqi's number and was quickly connected.
"Did you get the things?" I said lightly, as if nothing just happened.
"Haha, I got it. I just wanted to thank you!" Chen Ziqi also pretended that nothing happened and replied happily.
I said "hmm" and said, "There is also a bottle of antidote in exchange for the last thing."
Chen Ziqi smiled and said: "Very good. Equivalent exchange."
"This time, I don't plan to be your porter. You have to deliver the medicine to me yourself. After everything is done, you can take the things yourself." I said decisively in a tone that left no room for doubt.
"Okay," Chen Ziqi answered very cheerfully, completely beyond my expectation, "You decide the time and place."
"I'll let you know when it's settled." I hung up the phone and thought to myself: Since you came to the door yourself, don't blame me for being rude! Everything you have to do for you, including Xiao Luqi, including Su Chujun, including Li Qianyu, Yu
Xin, and the various corpses in your dirty basement, I will pay for your life!