Yin You has known since he was a child that he is different from other children, because he is like an ice cube in summer, which must be carefully protected and prevented from heating up.
It seems like it's in danger of melting away every day.
Everyone wanted him to live, his grandmother, his father, his sisters, but no one asked him if he wanted to live.
Yin Or doesn't want to at all.
He does not feel the joy of living, he only feels pain. In this world, he has no friends and will have no friends;
He has relatives, but the love they give him makes him almost breathless. Sometimes he even wonders whether they love him or his status as the continuation of the family line.
When he couldn't sleep at night, he wanted to kill himself more than once. He thought of many ways. He didn't have to hang himself, cut his wrists and take medicine. He only had to gently kick off the quilt or put it to his mouth.
By pouring out the medicine, he can achieve his goal.
In fact, he did this before, but the result was that the person who served him was pinned in the yard and punished severely. If he hadn't heard the noise and rushed out, he was frightened and coughed violently, almost coughing out his life.
The boy was just afraid of being beaten to death.
But since then he has understood that his life is not only his life, but also the lives of those around him...
He could die without caring about his family's sorrow, but he could not care less about the life and death of the people around him. Especially the longevity was chosen by him personally, and he was his person.
Therefore, he felt that being a human being was very boring. In life, he could not compete with heaven; in death, he could not compete with others. He could not make the decision in life or death, and it was the first time in his history that he had done his job as a human being.
He was already prepared to live out his life according to their arrangements, but at the end of the day, he was still a little unwilling to do so.
After finally becoming a human being, why should he be trapped in this small courtyard until his death?
So when his family was preparing to propose marriage to him, he spent a lot of effort to convince his family to send him to the Imperial College to study.
He didn't long for much, he just wanted to go out and see other people and other scenery. At any rate, he had to let himself know in his heart that he had lived in this world.
Even if it's only two years, or even one year.
So for the first time, Yin Ore left home regularly and went to the Imperial College to attend school.
Although this will increase the load on his body and make it uncomfortable to get up every day, he never tires of it, which makes him feel like he is alive.
He could feel that the doses of medicine sent to him recently were getting larger and larger. They were waiting, waiting for his body to be adjusted to the best level, waiting for him to find the person suitable for him to marry, and then get married and have children...
As soon as a child is born, his mission to stay in this world is completed.
Yin You thought that he would live every day as if it were his last. Before entering the Imperial College, he did not expect to meet people like Bai Shan, Zhou Man, and Bai Er.
He knows that many people out there hate him, and they won't make friends with him or even associate with him, and he himself knows why.
He never thought about making friends.
Make friends... you will be sad when your friends die, right?
So it's weird. Since you know you are short-lived, why do you still want to make friends?
To cheat a tear?
When Yin or he is emotionally excited, whether it is sadness, anger, or shame, as long as his emotions rise and fall, tears will flow down uncontrollably. He hates this kind of himself, and he once changed his mind privately with Changshou.
But when he gets excited, he will cry. Even if he tries to hold back his eyes, his eyes will still turn red. Instead, he will get even more excited, and eventually he will become dizzy and faint.
He feels that compared to crying, those standing opposite him should be more afraid of fainting, right?
So he had no choice but not to change. Anyway, for him, face was not even a human being, so what kind of face did he need?
But I'm still very angry.
Especially because of him, his sister always went to find trouble with those people. Not only was she angry, but she was even more ashamed.
He even thought about not going to school anymore, but when he thought about it, this was the opportunity he had fought for, why didn't he go?
He thought that the "competition" with Bai Shan would end up like those before, with Bai Shan being defeated by his sisters and finally staying away from him, but he didn't expect that his senior sisters and junior brothers would come looking for him.
What's more, he didn't expect that his senior sister was a young lady who was younger than him. She was obviously younger than him, but she looked old-fashioned when she saw him. After seeing him, she didn't scold or insult him, but spoke to him in a serious and thoughtful way.
, "You are sick, this is a disease, it needs to be cured!"
Yin You's eyes were red at the time, and he thought she was cursing, but after a pause, he realized that it was not the case. She was just stating that she really thought he was sick.
The first time someone said he was sick because he cried a lot, Yin looked at her curiously.
For many years after that, every time he thought of their meeting, Yin might be grateful for his rise back then, otherwise he would not have gone to the Imperial College, nor would he have met Bai Shan, and thus Zhou Man and Bai Er.
He even felt a little grateful to his sisters. If they hadn't blocked Baishan, the four of them might not have had so many interactions.
From then on, for the first time, Yin You felt kindness from outsiders and the feeling of being treated as an equal.
It turns out that it is so happy to be treated without "pity" by others.
He was very happy that he had made friends. For the first time, he felt that it was quite a good feeling to be alive.
Whether it is Bai Shan, Zhou Man or Bai Er, they are all very healthy. Not only can they run and jump, cry and laugh wildly, but they can also use sacks to trap people...
Being a human being is so interesting.
For the first time, Yin You had the idea of living for himself. He wanted to live, not to carry on the family line, and to live according to his own ideas. Even if he died early, he was willing to do so.
Many times, he wanted to talk to Bai Shan. He wanted to give him longevity. He had already installed the physical deed, but he just couldn't give it away.
After all, he wasn't brave enough. He couldn't say those words when he met his grandmother's expectant eyes.
In the end, Zhou Man made the decision for him and told him, "As long as you don't get married and take good care of your health, I can make you live for many more years, really."
With this reason, Yin You could finally tentatively talk to his grandmother.
It's a pity that my grandmother doesn't trust Zhou Man. No, she probably doesn't trust him.
Yin You made the third boldest decision in his life. He poured out the medicine prepared for him at home, drank the medicine Zhou Man prepared for him, and accepted her acupuncture...
This was probably the second most correct decision he made in his life.
From that day on, he deviated from the path chosen by his family, and deviated more and more, until finally he could completely follow his own ideas.
Yin You once asked his father, "Don't you blame me?"
Yin Li shook his head: "It's not strange, as long as you are alive."
Yin You asked with red eyes, "Then why didn't you think so before?"
Yin Li said helplessly: "I thought so before. I thought you lived the best life like that. I didn't know it was so hard for you to live like that."
?? Fanwai is about to end. Recently, the information and outline of the new book are getting new books, so there are few in the world, and two chapters will be updated every day in the future.