[Invisible Scarecrow] 28: Fear of disappointment and rejection of expectations
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"If you are!" Little Chengjia at the door looked straight at the tall figure in the kitchen. He was so tall that he could only see the back of the man's head by raising his head. Facing this man with a strong posture
The man who suddenly bumped into their mother and son's life, although little Chengjia was young, his momentum at this time was not inferior at all.
"answer me!"
Because at home, behind him, his mother is a woman, and women need men to protect them, and in this family, he is the only man.
His only thought is to protect his mother, even if his current strength is weak, even if such a weak strength is insignificant in front of this man.
Not having that ability is terrible, but if you don’t even have this courage, it would be sad!
He just wanted to know a result, an answer he had wanted to find out since he was sensible.
If you are, please answer me!
This sound followed his little heart and shook his internal organs. He was so eager to know whether the man in front of him was his father, even though his posture at this time seemed to him
It was so humble, but for the voice in his heart, for the result that he had been waiting for for a long time but had not yet come, what did it matter if he was humble?
The man who turned his back stiffened, not only because the child's hot gaze made him unable to turn around to look at him again, but he wanted to turn around mechanically. He did so, turning around slowly, slowly.
He slowly squatted down so that he was parallel to the child's body. The emotions in his eyes were complicated, but he looked at the child in front of him calmly. His lips trembled slightly but he never made a sound.
, the muscles on his face twitched slightly with the trembling corners of his lips, as if he was using up all his thoughts to organize the words in his mind. He squatted down but did not speak for a long time, looking into the child's eyes for a long time.
Then he said in a low voice, "Do you expect such a father?"
Si Lan, who was squatting down, felt sad after asking this question. This question was what he had always wanted to ask deep in his heart. When he said this question, he seemed to have exhausted all his strength.
Say it, and then wait quietly, with a psychological and thought state that even he himself cannot explain clearly, so expectant, so uneasy, so--uncertain!
Xiao Chengjia responded to him with a calm facial expression, unexpectedly quiet. He looked at the person in front of him quietly, his slightly red and swollen eyes looked straight at him, and slowly choked out, "There is a person
, since he was two years old, the first name he called was not 'mom', not 'brother', but 'dad'. When he fell down as a toddler and hurt, he called 'dad', and when he was wronged he called 'dad'.
It's 'Dad'. Even when he gets sick and gets injections, he still calls 'Dad' when he cries. He has been waiting for his father since he was sensible until he was four years old. However, he has not waited for his father's arrival and will never be able to wait.
It’s here! You asked me if I’m looking forward to it. I just want to tell you that when you experience despair but can’t wait for the result you want, you won’t look forward to anything you look forward to anymore, don’t look forward to it, and don’t want it anymore—”
As Chengjia spoke, his little body slowly backed away. His eyes became redder and redder as he spoke with sobs. Finally, he couldn't help but shed tears. The tears poured out uncontrollably. Who knows?
Can one know how much unknown pain this child who is not yet five years old has endured? What kind of pain has he experienced that has made this pain deeply embedded in his mind and cannot be eradicated?
He stepped back, step by step away from the squatting man in front of him, and tears fell heavily.
If you saw it, you would be disappointed, but I'm so glad you didn't!
You didn't see that he made his mother drink seven glasses of white wine until she nearly died of gastrointestinal bleeding in the hospital; you didn't see that he made her cry outside the iron gate for a full two hours, soaking her whole body and her voice was hoarse.
Kneel down in the heavy rain.
You haven't seen any of this, I'm so lucky!
Si Lan, who was squatting at the door of the kitchen, watched the child's figure slowly move away from his reach. He watched him retreat while shaking his head and saying, "I don't expect it anymore, I don't want it anymore." This sentence was like a mantra.
His ears kept echoing, that was the child's truest voice, and he told him in this way.
He doesn't want his father anymore, not anymore!
Si Lan's whole body froze on the spot, and there was a buzzing sound in his ears. The blank space in his mind extended infinitely. He could not hear the sound of the child closing the bedroom door, or the stirring of rice porridge on the stove behind him.
He couldn't hear the sound of wind blowing across the kitchen window. Only the tear-stained face of the child just now and the word 'No!' echoed repeatedly in his mind, saying no.
A clear sense of desolation spread quietly in my heart.
If you don't expect, you won't be disappointed. Because you are disappointed too much, you become desperate. If you don't have so much hope, you won't be disappointed.
This is what children think, and they reject expectations because they are afraid of being disappointed!
Si Lan didn't know how he stood up from the ground. He walked mechanically towards the side sleeper with his legs and stopped at the door of the side sleeper. The side sleeper was separated from the master bedroom by the kitchen and bathroom. At this time, he stood
He was silent at the door, his hand on the doorknob but he didn't take the initiative to turn it open.
From the balcony leading to the outside of the living room, there are waves of cool breeze blowing in, making people feel chilled to the core.
This dinner was destined to be lonely. Xiao Chengjia only ate some light porridge because he had chickenpox all over his body. Although he had told Si Lan his true thoughts, when he opened the door again half an hour later,
The reddish eyes have returned to normal. The only thing that makes him different is that the chickenpox on his eyelids has appeared, making it difficult to open his eyes.
However, it did not affect his judgment at all. The reason why he opened the door and came out was because he thought that this man might not know the location of some utensils at home. At this time, his mother was still asleep on the bed. Now that he was awake, he also had this
If you have enough energy, you won't be huddled in your bedroom because of your temper, and you won't feel embarrassed because you cried in front of this man half an hour ago. He is a man, and he is not so pretentious!
Si Lan watched little Chengjia bring a small bowl of porridge. There were blisters on the thumbs of his little hands, which were so bright that they seemed to burst when touched. He stretched out his hand to take the bowl of porridge that Chengjia brought.
He said in a low voice, "I'll be fine!" He helped the sleeping Lin Xuejing up. She had an intermittently high fever, sometimes cold and sometimes hot. Si Lan also checked some information and found that chickenpox is more common in adults than in children.
Seriously, when her body temperature was touched at this time, Si Lan frowned. Although the body temperature was not as high as before, but judging from this situation, physical cooling was still needed. He removed the ice pack from Lin Xuejing's forehead. In order to ensure
When she could sit firmly, Si Lan let her lean in his arms, then stretched out a hand to pick up the spoon in the small bowl.
"Let me do it!" Si Lan said stiffly, because little Chengjia's attitude towards him had become colder and colder since he said that.
His attitude has always been like this, even when he helped the mother and son out of trouble in the Jingli office that day, but I'm afraid even the slightest bit of goodwill was wiped out by that incident at Si's house.
Chengjia picked up the spoon himself, scooped up a spoonful of porridge, put it to his mother's mouth, and shouted "Mom!" in a low voice. He saw the sleepy woman's eyelids moving, as if she was awake but not awake, and her eyelids seemed to be open.
He couldn't open it, but his lips opened a little in response, allowing the spoonful of porridge that little Chengjia fed to go into his mouth smoothly.
The porridge was mainly rice soup, and she was fed half a bowl of rice soup one bite at a time. Si Lan looked at the dense rashes that appeared on her face. These rashes would probably break out into blisters tomorrow, and
It was also itchy during the process, and if she scratched it accidentally, it would leave scars. There were small red rashes all under her broken bangs, and the large ones on her face were already connected into one piece. The speed of the rash
Soon, it will even appear on her eyelids. If things continue like this, she may not even be able to open her eyelids tomorrow.
Si Lan took a deep breath and watched as the rice porridge in the small bowl in Xiao Chengjia's hand reached the bottom. Hearing him whisper that the ice packs needed for physical cooling were ready. After speaking, he looked up.
He glanced at Si Lan and said, "I'll take care of her tonight. You sleep on your side!" g, and carefully lay down next to the sleeping woman. This child has maturity and calmness beyond his age. He arranged everything well.
Well organized, even under such circumstances, he would not trust his mother to be taken care of by others, even if he is still a patient now.
This is out of an inner distrust. He will not leave his mother to be taken care of by someone he does not trust!
There was a confused voice on the g, she was talking in her sleep, and she started talking in her sleep in a hazy manner.
Si Lan, who turned around, heard her sobbing softly. Hearing her cry, he also heard the name she shouted in a daze. Little Chengjia, who was lying next to her, immediately leaned over and whispered,
"I'm here, I'm here!"
"I see you again. Are you back?"
"Yes, yes, it's me. I've always been here. Mom, I've never left. I'm by your side and will never leave!" Lin Xuejing, who was sitting on the bed, was slowly soothed by the soft comfort. She
She stopped crying and curled up into a ball. She was so quiet that she fell asleep again. However, when little Chengjia sitting next to her looked at the man who turned around at the door, she suddenly spoke softly.
"I have fantasized countless times that the person who died a year ago was me, not the healthy person!"
——————————This is the last update for today. Well, today’s update is complete——————————