I, Sayu Ogiwara, am a special girl, and I noticed this very early on.
I've never been good at working hard, or I won't get any rewards even if I work hard.
Because my mother doesn't like me, no matter how hard I work and how proud of the results I leave behind, that person will only praise my brother and not me at all.
In an environment where even my closest "family" would not praise me, I couldn't find any reason to work hard.
Whether in elementary school or middle school, I worked hard and achieved corresponding results. I also entered a pretty good school in high school.
However, the first thing I felt when I entered high school was "difficulty breathing."
The classroom is always full of abundant energy. The students allocate this seemingly unlimited but actually limited energy, and everyone except me is desperately fighting for it.
This also made me realize the gap between myself and everyone else, just like the sun and the moon. After all, the teacher said that the moon itself does not emit light, it only reflects the light of the sun.
I don't care about my position in the class, whether I am liked or disliked by others, these things do not make me feel happy or sad, I just feel that no matter what, it is fine.
Of course, even though I say so arrogantly, I basically don’t have the courage to interact with others.
When I was in first grade, I didn't make any decent friends, but I wasn't disliked by anyone either. Far from being dissatisfied, I felt much better than those students who had glamorous interpersonal relationships.
It would be great if I could spend it so easily next year and the year after that. I couldn't help but think so at that time. I just felt that the clouds and sky seen from the classroom window were very beautiful.
The so-called pain, trouble, loneliness, sadness and other emotions.
Once I let these thoughts go, my head and chest began to become transparent. A gentle calmness in life, with a soft touch like rubbing jelly, slowly impacted me, spreading beautifully and gently throughout my body.
In the spring of my second grade, I received a confession from a boy.
Even though I have been living in a daze since the first grade, I know that he is a popular figure in the school's basketball club. Once the topic of boys comes up, the girls in the class cannot avoid that person's name.
"I've always liked you since first grade."
I couldn't hide my surprise at the sudden confession.
This was not only because he, who was the center of the class, was paying attention to me who was on the edge of the class, but more importantly, I didn't notice that kind of gaze at all.
"...I'm sorry, I don't know much about love."
Because I didn't want to cause trouble, I rejected the confession with innocuous words.
Although falling in love should be a free thing, in fact it is not that simple.
If it is a relationship between a person and a person, people around him can easily accept it. However, once this boundary is crossed, it will often attract criticism.
What's more, I have no intention of falling in love. That kind of thing is really troublesome.
Soon, my peaceful life was shattered.
"You know Yuzuki-chan likes Saito, right?"
Saito is the boy who confessed to me, and Yuzuki is the girl in my class.
A few days after rejecting Saito-kun's confession, I was called by Yuzuki's small group to a deserted place.
As the center of the class, a resident of the glittering world.
Youyue can't help but look good, and her motor skills are also very developed. She has always been very popular among boys. Basically every few months, you will hear rumors like "Who has confessed to Youyue again?"
However, Yuzuki likes Saito-kun like this.
Faced with their inquiries, I could only honestly answer "I don't know."
Because Youyue didn't seem to like the fact that the boy confessed to me, so I immediately told her the whole story of the confession.
"But, I refused."
"I know."
"Then, why..."
Looking at Youyue who was glaring at me, I couldn't help but wonder why I was called out.
"You actually rejected Saito-kun's confession. That's so arrogant."
This sentence stunned me.
In the next few days, when I didn't fully understand what she meant, I suddenly found that I was completely isolated in the class.
Although I have no friends in the first place.
However, from the deliberate and explicit behavior of the people around me, I still clearly realized that I was "isolated."
It was obvious from the glare of my classmates that I had become a "bad guy."
Despite this, I have never encountered people hiding their belongings, or being tortured or bullied like what I see in TV dramas or comics.
I was just completely ignored in the class circle.
But it doesn’t matter, I’ve long been used to being alone anyway. And as long as my grades are good, my mother won’t inquire about school matters.
I lived every day in such a hazy way until during the summer vacation, I met a girl who talked to me.
"Why are you so handsome?"
she says.
Her long black hair was tied into two braids on the back of her head, and she wore a pair of rustic black-rimmed glasses on her face.
When she cautiously ran to the rooftop and spoke to me who was about to have lunch, I vaguely recalled her incident from my weak impression.
Her name is Yuko Masaka.
Like Yuzuki, she is a girl who has been in the same class with me for two consecutive years since the first grade. But contrary to Yuzuki, who is a resident of the flash world, Masaka Yuko's status in the class is the same as mine, and she has no friends.
"I've been looking at Sayu-chan."
"……Always?"
"Yes, it's been like this since first grade."
she says.
"As for other people, it is absolutely impossible not to be with others, and they always pretend to have a good relationship with someone. Only Sayu-chan can live a calm life alone."
Those sparkling eyes made me a little stunned.
"Why are you so handsome?"
"No...even if I'm told why..."
The words of longing that unexpectedly came out of her mouth made me overwhelmed for a moment.
"That...if that's possible."
Yuko Masaka said to me with a slightly trembling voice.
"Can you be friends with me?"
Faced with that urgent voice that sounded like a confession of love, and her passionate gaze, I was silent for a few seconds.
"……Can."
When he came back to his senses, he already hesitantly agreed.
…
It was a pretty incredible time.
Whenever there was a break between classes, she would come to my seat and talk nonsense.
We have built a relationship that is ordinary but full of happiness, such as eating together during lunch break and going home together after school.
I had always thought that it was okay to be alone. For the first time, I experienced the joy of talking to others on an equal footing.
"Sayu-chan has the best smile."
Yuko suddenly said these words, which I found particularly difficult to forget.
Looking back on the past, I suddenly realized.
Before I met Yuko, I had almost no feeling of "laughing".
Different from the innocent smile I had when I was a child, as I grew up and gradually understood the environment I was in, the smile disappeared.
I can't see my father.
Not loved by mother.
Even my brother, who was the only one who cared about me, was busy all day long because he inherited my father's company and didn't have much time to spend with me.
No matter how hard I try, my mother will never admit it.
Even if you have a good relationship with someone, you cannot play together. You must go home on time. You are not allowed to go out at all, including holidays.
I don't know what I did wrong, and my mother and brother never told me the answer.
The painful realities piled up together, and my joy, anger, sorrow, and joy gradually became weaker.
"A person without emotions."
My mother used this sentence to describe me.
Even when I entered high school, my mother had very strict requirements for me. Since I was prohibited from going out unnecessarily after school, the only chance I had to get along with Yuko was during the time I was in school.
Despite this, I am still very excited about the first friend I have made in my life.
However, such a happy life could not last long...
I don’t know when the atmosphere in the class started to change.
Different from the previous reaction of being ignored, the eyes of the classmates on us began to become more moist and heavy. It was an indescribable feeling, but I did feel this change.
The next thing that changes is the knot.
From a certain point on, the number of times she came to me during breaks gradually decreased. Even if she came occasionally, she would look around and talk to me as if she was afraid of something.
A strong sense of disobedience and a bad premonition prompted me to ask questions about Yuko.
"Yuko, have you encountered anything strange recently?"
"No, nothing."
Although she immediately denied it, her extremely shaken expression clearly said otherwise.
This also confirmed some of my guesses in my mind.
I'm afraid Yuko was harassed by others without my knowledge.
That is very unreasonable and very depressing, but the act of being with me will probably put a burden on her.
"...No, um, really... Sayu-chan, you don't have to worry."
"Please tell me the truth and I will listen carefully!"
Faced with my serious questioning, tears suddenly welled up in Yuko's eyes, and she burst into tears.
I could only hand out my handkerchief helplessly and comfort her with words.
It wasn't until Yuuko calmed down that she began to tell the truth intermittently.
Yuko was harassed by Yuzuki's group, and she did even more excessive things than she did to me.
Not only did she get bad words said every time she went to the bathroom, she was called a "goldfish poop" just because she was on good terms with me, and even the textbooks and
Stationery and other items have also disappeared.
It was really a clumsy and childish method, but it seriously hurt Yuko's peaceful heart.
"Why would they do this to Yuko..."
There was a nameless anger filling my heart, clearly directed at Youyue's group.
"Sayu-chan, I don't think you even noticed it yourself."
Yuezi raised the corners of his mouth mockingly and looked at me with polite eyes.
"No matter how others say bad things about you, Sayu-chan will not be regarded as a 'bad person' by everyone. They will only regard you as an 'unapproachable person' rather than a 'bad person that everyone should attack'."
"Wait, what does this mean?"
"In this regard, not only am I very rustic, but I also have an unattractive face. I can be described simply as 'gloomy'. Because I am attracted to Sayu-chan, I am said to be a goldfish."
There is nothing wrong with feces..."
"There is no such thing!!"
When I heard this, I screamed and tears gradually flowed from my eyes.
"Because Yuko is...my first friend...!"
The burning anger in my heart, as well as the regret that I had not noticed in time that my friend was being bullied, made me shed tears of regret for the first time in my life.
I couldn't help but lower my head, not wanting Yuko to see this embarrassing side.
We relied on each other and leaned together.
"If you have any difficulties, please tell me everything, because I will never betray Yuko, so let's fight together...!"
What I responded to was a soft hum from Yuezi.
I thought I couldn't lose.
Even if I can't change Yuko's condition in the end, I will run away with her.
I decided this way.
However, I did something wrong...
Perhaps because of my resistance, the Yuyue group's harassment of Yuko began to intensify.
Not only stationery and textbooks, but even menstrual products are gone.
Even if we went to the class teacher to discuss it, we were rejected with the words "Well, we don't know if those children stole it after all." The teacher was obviously not on our side.
Such a desperate situation made Yuko and I exhausted physically and mentally, and the originally happy campus life suddenly became difficult.
Even so, I must protect Yuezi and my only friend.
Until one day, Yuko took the rare step of asking for leave from school.
When I finished my morning class in a daze, I came to the rooftop alone to prepare for lunch.
The sight that caught my eye made my heart tighten for a moment.
Outside the railing made to prevent students from climbing over, a familiar figure was standing from behind.
"What are you doing? Yuko——!"
Hear my cry...
"Sayu-chan."
Yuko turned around and said to me with a smile, with an expression that was eerily calm.
"I've been waiting for you to come here."
"What are you talking about...it's so dangerous. Come to me first, okay?"
"I'm sorry, I ruined you."
Yuezi's dim pupils were filled with a strange light, and he weakly raised the corners of his mouth.
"Sayu-chan, who was originally so aloof and beautiful, was treated the same way as a gloomy woman like me. I can't tolerate this kind of thing."
"Nothing like that."
I dragged my vain steps closer to Yuezi step by step, hoping to find that glimmer of hope before everything was irreversible.
"Have you noticed? Sayu-chan has stopped smiling at all lately."
Yuko looked at me with tears on her face.
"When you are with me, you always think about how to protect me, and your face is always gloomy."
"Yeah, after all, it's a matter of friends."
I answered in a trembling whisper, fearing that my voice would disturb her footsteps.
"...Thank you, but...this will make me feel more painful than anything else. I can't do it anymore."
Facing Yuezi who suddenly smiled calmly, a chilling feeling suddenly spread throughout my body.
The strong uneasiness prompted me to quicken my pace and run forward.
However, he seems to have noticed this scene...
"This is not Sayu-chan's fault."
"Yuko!"
"Sayu-chan, keep... smiling."
Yuko said with a smile in a soft voice, and jumped out of the railing as if he was going to fly in the wind.
My forward body suddenly lost its direction and fell to the ground.
"ah------!!!!!"
In the atrium of the campus, there were screams and cries.
"Ahhhh...!"
A dry and unconscious voice squeezed out of my throat, and my vision began to blur.
Even so, I still dragged my trembling body to the end of the rooftop.
Lean out from the railing and look down.
What caught my eye——
It's something stained red with blood and twisted into a strange angle...