"Chen Xiaojia," Gao Zijian stared at me and said in a calm voice, "You are forcing me..."
I took a gentle breath, looked at Gao Zijian's expression at this moment, and said in a calm voice: "Gao Zijian, I now understand the real problem between us. Are you willing to listen to the rest of what I say calmly?"
Gao Zijian looked at me blankly and asked: "Chen Xiaojia, you'd better explain to me first why you are with Sun Yiqing? Don't tell me it's a coincidence. There are not so many coincidences in the world."
Both of us have stubborn personalities, so in the end, we will only hurt each other.
Gao Zijian's stubbornness lies in his arrogance, solid family background, good educational experience, and a face that most beautiful women never tire of. He has the capital to be stubborn and does not need to look at anyone's face at all, so he can be domineering.
On the other hand, I am on the contrary. My family background is average, I have a bad temper, I long to be loved, and I don’t have the capital to be proud.
The two of us have been able to reach this point completely relying on the love in our hearts to support us. Love can blind people and prevent them from seeing whether they are truly suitable or not.
Before today, I complained about Gao Zijian's impatience and Liu Shihan's pretense, but after that, I could only sigh.
None of us have clearly seen that, in fact, our character, family background and other issues are not trivial problems.
My eyes were locked in a long confrontation with Gao Zijian. Like me, he stubbornly held his chin high and was unwilling to lower his head.
I took a deep breath and said with a smile: "Gao Zijian, I think we are really not suitable..."
Gao Zijian looked at me in surprise, moved his lips but said nothing.
"I admit that I do have problems with communication. Of course, I don't mean to blame you. I just say... Maybe it is the rebellious character I cultivated since I was a child that makes me so stubborn. In fact, in a sense
"I really want to be soft on you and be honest with you." I took a step back, trying to stop my hands from shaking, and continued: "For example, if I didn't handle Shi Lei and I well, it would make you feel that I care the most.
That person is not you. For example, if I told Liu Shihan and I that the memory card incident was not what you thought, but was related to her, you wouldn’t believe it. Another example is some of the things that happened to me in the company.
It was Sun Yiqing who helped me, but I, because of my little self-esteem in my heart, did not explain it to you. I think... maybe I should..."
Gao Zijian turned around, stretched out his hand, and hit the car body with a fist. He looked at me angrily and said, "Chen Xiaojia, I came to see you today. I didn't come here to listen to what you said!"
I sniffed, looked at Gao Zijian with a smile, and continued: "Yes, I know, if I don't tell you now, I'm afraid we won't have a chance to talk in the future. There is such a difference in the minds of the two people."
, walking a little farther away will only intensify more conflicts, why not stop where we should, and maybe we can leave a little good impression on each other, what do you think?"
Gao Zijian clenched his fists tightly. He tugged on his collar irritably, coughed lightly and said, "Chen Xiaojia, it turns out that I have been in love for so long. It's my fault that I like you.
Sorry, sorry!"
"Gao Zijian, can't we have a nice talk?"
"What did you say? How much conflict do we have? That we want to have a good impression of each other? Chen Xiaojia, you are right, we are just too naive! We need to calm down, right? Okay, calm down slowly!"
"Gao Zijian, I..."
Before I finished speaking, Gao Zijian closed the car door and walked away.
I didn't feel wronged, I just felt sad. The year before, I proudly said that love decides everything. In the face of love, all problems are not problems. Now it seems that many problems are just problems.
But Gao Zijian, I still love you.
I finally understood why these problems didn't happen when Shi Lei and I were together. Although he grew up in a single-parent family, his stubbornness and humbleness were similar to mine.
Gao Zijian and I were together and had too little communication, so we had problems like this.
I was afraid and didn't dare to move forward, so I could only move back.
Crouching down and looking at the shadow on the ground, I burst into tears.
Gao Zijian has been covered by anger. He and I are both immature, so this road is so tortuous.
Many years later, when I think about this day between us, I can’t help but sigh. I was young and energetic, unwilling to give in. I like to say the words "I love you" on my lips, but I never understand how to use actions to manage that.
A hard-won emotion.
Rather than saying that I love you, it is better to say that we love myself more.
Gao Zijian would also look at me with disdain and say: Which man has never been childish, and which woman has not been stubborn? That’s nothing!
I didn't answer Gao Zijian, but every time I look back, I feel incredible. After walking through it, I feel that these questions are not problems, but what about the people who are deeply involved in it? How many people can see through it?
That night, Gao Zijian and I had no contact again. Looking at the familiar string of numbers, I pressed my finger toward the dial button and then pulled it back. I couldn't tell what it felt like.
Has Gao Zijian appeared? I even have some doubts.
I woke up from my dream at midnight. I dreamed of a man slashing a man with a big knife. He looked very fierce, as if he wanted to kill him. The big knife was slashing behind us. I ran with him in fear, until he reached the edge of the knife.
When it fell on his neck, he shouted "Chen Xiaojia", and I suddenly realized that he was none other than Gao Zijian.
I miss Gao Zijian.
Almost instinctively, I directly pressed his number. When I dialed, no one answered. My right eyelid twitched violently, and the uneasiness in my heart became more and more profound. I put on my coat, took the keys, and I ran
Out the door.
It was one o'clock in the morning, and the community was very quiet. There were no pedestrians on the street, and there were no taxis. I waited for about five minutes, and finally couldn't hold myself back. I stepped on the road and ran towards Gao Zijian's residence.
Although there were only two roads separating us, because the subway line was being built on the other road, I had to go around a long way to get to the little nest that belonged to us.
The feeling of walking alone at night is actually very subtle. You can enjoy the tranquility of the city as it enters a sleep state, and you can also feel the uneasiness deep in your heart. The two states of mind merge together, and it feels very special.
.
Standing downstairs in the community, on the one hand, I was surprised that I would do such an impulsive thing. On the other hand, I was a little worried that Gao Zijian didn't like me. After thinking about it, I dialed Gao Zijian's number again.
The thought of making a call at this time was special. After we argued again and again, I dreamed back at midnight. In the dream, the most reluctant thoughts in my mind were revealed. The sound on the other end of the phone and my own heartbeat formed a sound.
A subtle melody that cannot be let go and is unwilling to let go.
Unfortunately, the phone was still unreachable. I bit my lip and rushed to the elevator.
Holding the key tightly in his hand, the elevator door opened. He took a deep breath, walked out of the elevator, and rushed directly to the house Gao Zijian rented.
The door opened, and a strong smell of alcohol rushed to the tip of my nose. The interior was dim, but I could vaguely see the messy arrangement of things in the room. My eyes fell directly on the bed, but there was nothing in the room.
people.
Gao Zijian is not here! Then where did he go?
I took a slight step forward, but the wine bottles on the ground blocked my way. I lowered my head and saw that the whole floor was in a mess, with wine bottles and drink bottles everywhere.
"Gao Zijian?" I called softly, and after scanning the room, I still didn't see Gao Zijian.
The bathroom door was closed. I pushed the bathroom door open with uneasiness. A foul smell came directly to the tip of my nose. I turned on the light. The toilet was filled with vomited filth. My stomach felt like it.
He rolled over, closed his eyes, pressed the toilet switch, and walked out.
The light in the room was bright, but there was no figure of Gao Zijian on the bed. I hurriedly looked towards the balcony and saw that the window on the balcony had been opened to the maximum. A kind of uneasiness suddenly swept over my heart, and tears burst out of my eyes.
come out.
"Gao Zijian..." My hands kept shaking, and I stretched my head to look out the window. I felt even more flustered, and whispered in a low voice: "Gao Zijian..."
There was no response, and I finally couldn't control my emotions and burst into tears.
Gao Zijian, nothing will happen to you! Gao Zijian, nothing will happen to you absolutely!
My crying became louder and louder, and when I stretched my head to look out the window, I saw nothing but sleeping figures in the entire city.
"Gao Zijian..." I shouted heartbreakingly.
A "crackling" sound suddenly sounded. I turned my head uneasily and glanced at the room, but there was nothing else.
After crying a few times, I heard the sound again. I walked from the balcony to the room, looked around in confusion, and finally, my eyes fell on the bed.
I think I will never forget the way Gao Zijian looks at this moment in my life. His hair is messy and his clothes are disheveled. He is lying at the foot of the bed, with some stains on the corners of his mouth. Surrounded by cans, he looks as haggard as he wants.
I walked up to him in two steps and glanced at his chest. Fortunately, he was still breathing.
I took a deep breath, looked at Gao Zijian on the ground, gently patted his face with my hand, and called Gao Zijian's name.
The smell of alcohol at Gaozi's gym was too strong. When he felt my call, he reacted a little and moved a little toward the outside of the bed leg. Only then did I notice that Doraemon was on his hand.
My nose was sore, so I unbuttoned Gao Zijian's clothes, carefully helped him up, and kept shouting his name, but Gao Zijian was like a dead pig and didn't understand at all.
I became a little anxious, worried that he was suffering from alcohol poisoning, so I raised my voice and shouted: "Gao Zijian, Chen Xiaojia is going to die!"
Originally, it was just an angry remark, but what I didn't expect was that Gao Zijian actually sat up from the foot of the bed, accidentally bumped into the edge of the bed, grunted twice, and looked at me with squinted eyes.
"Chen Xiaojia...Chen Xiaojia..." Gao Zijian raised his arm and reached for my hand.
"It's me... Gao Zijian... you were drinking..." I felt so sorry for Gao Zijian that I couldn't even express myself clearly because I was so nervous.
"Chen Xiaojia?" Gao Zijian said with a trace of doubt in his voice: "Isn't Chen Xiaojia with that grandson? Why did Chen Xiaojia come to me?"
grandson?
"Chen Xiaojia doesn't like me at all...Chen Xiaojia... doesn't like me at all..." Gao Zijian rolled on the ground, his hands and feet kept moving, as if he was struggling.
"Who said that?" I looked at Gao Zijian aggrievedly and said, "Get up first, and then we'll talk..."
"I can't afford it..." Gao Zijian narrowed his eyes, pushed my hand away drunkenly, and said, "You ask Chen Xiaojia to come over, and you tell that grandson to get out! You ask Chen Xiaojia to come over...Chen Xiaojia..."
Gao Zijian was drunk, and his voice was hoarse and seemed to be crying. I felt a little annoyed, but he was still rolling on the ground and I couldn't stop him.
"It's Chen Yujia, her name is Chen Yujia..." I wanted to change the subject, but I didn't know what to say.
"No, it's Chen Xiaojia..." Gao Zijian scratched his hand on the floor and caught Doraemon. He raised his hand and said, "I caught this with her. At that time, she didn't have it in her heart."
I...but what should I do, I just like her..."
Gao Zijian seemed to be crying, and his voice was astringent. I pulled him to get him up, but he still ignored me. There was no clean spot on his body. I felt distressed and went to get the water, squatted beside him, and gave it to him.
He unbuttoned.
Gao Zijian pushed my hand away arrogantly and said: "Don't touch me, I don't need it! Call Chen Xiaojia! Let Chen Xiaojia come over!"
Gao Zijian's arms were swinging wildly, and his legs were staring at him non-stop. For a person who pays attention to his appearance, he never looked so embarrassed. The three words Chen Xiaojia kept coming out of his mouth.
I cried, my voice choked with sobs, and I looked at Gao Zijian and said, "Chen Xiaojia only likes Gao Zijian, she said so herself."
"No...she doesn't like me anymore..." Gao Zijian turned sideways, held Doraemon in his arms, curled up into a ball, and said: "I know, I can't give her anything now, sign a contract
, I will also be deceived. The house is also rented. If I want to buy her a bag, I have to sell my imported car. She dislikes me...she doesn’t like me anymore..."
"Gao Zijian, open your eyes and look, Chen Xiaojia is right in front of you now!" I threw away Gao Zijian's hand angrily and said, "Gao Zijian, Chen Xiaojia likes you very much now. Chen Xiaojia doesn't like that Liu Shihan, and doesn't like Liu Shihan in front of you.
Wandering around, she didn't deliberately splash Liu Shihan, because Liu Shihan found someone to arrest her, took photos of her, and finally pretended to be a good person in front of you, so Chen Xiaojia got angry..."
Gao Zijian opened his eyes and looked at me blankly for one second, two seconds, three seconds...
Suddenly, he jumped out from under the bed, hugged me tightly, and said, "Chen Xiaojia, am I dreaming? I...I don't..."
"Gao Zijian, Chen Xiaojia will not dislike you for being poor, nor will she dislike you for not having a house or a car. She just wants to talk to you, but have you ever thought about it? You only trust your childhood sweetheart, but you don't trust her at all. She is
It’s not a feeling…”
After that, I couldn't help crying. Gao Zijian hugged me tightly. Although he was drunk, he still leaned his arms behind me and said: "Xiaojia, don't cry, Xiaojia, don't cry... who is bullying me?"
Xiaojia and Gao Zijian will both ask for it back..."
"What are you asking for? Does a bag make Gao Zijian think that Chen Xiaojia is unfaithful? I don't even know what Sun Yiqing gave me. I did it because the zipper of my bag was broken. You...you..."
"Chen Xiaojia won't cry..." Gao Zijian rested his chin on my shoulder and said, "It's Gao Zijian's fault, Gao Zijian is a big bastard, Gao Zijian is a big idiot, it's all Gao Zijian's fault..."
"Gao Zijian is a big bastard," I couldn't help but shed tears. "Chen Xiaojia's ex-boyfriend dumped Chen Xiaojia. She felt inferior. She felt she was not worthy of Gao Zijian. She even thought how could she like a man like Gao Zijian?
When she fell in love with him, she was brainless and too rude. She didn't leave a good impression on her father-in-law and mother-in-law, so she didn't want to see them. But Chen Xiaojia can't say that she only has a little bit of self-esteem. Chen Xiaojia likes Gao Zijian very much..."
Gao Zijian let go of me, wiped my nose with his dirty shirt sleeve, and said in a low voice: "Gao Zijian knew he was wrong. Gao Zijian didn't know that someone bullied Chen Xiaojia. It was Gao Zijian's fault. Gao Zijian didn't know that Chen Xiaojia's bag was broken, and it was Gao Zijian."
It's wrong, Gao Zijian punishes himself!"
As soon as he finished speaking, he flicked his wrist and threw it towards his face, so fast and hard that I didn't have time to stop him. Then, he tried to hit himself again, and I hurriedly grabbed his hand,
Put it on his face.
"We are all at fault. If we want to fight, let's fight together!"
Gao Zijian looked at me and said: "I'm sorry, it's because I ignored this. It's because I've been too busy recently and I don't have time to communicate with you. It's because I don't have the confidence to let you endure hardships with me. Chen Xiaojia, I love you...
I really love you..."
I sniffed and said: "I broke the faucet, Sun Yiqing was just helping to repair it..."
"I was wrong..." Gao Zijian held me in his arms again and said, "I didn't communicate with you properly, it was my fault..."
Gao Zijian was indeed crying. He was such a proud person, tortured by the triple pressure of his parents, our relationship, and reality. I knew that he must have endured no less than me.
Gao Zijian said his fault, so why didn't I? If I were willing to talk to him openly, how could there be mutual torture between us?
The night was very quiet. Gao Zijian and I hugged each other tightly. I glanced to the left and saw Doraemon lying at my feet, quietly.
When we were children, we all hoped to have a robot cat to satisfy our biggest wish. Now think about it, what we say by ourselves and communicate with our hearts does not require the help of external help at all.
Love needs management, not just quarreling. After Gao Zijian and I went through this, we both understand each other's bottom line and each other's character. Perhaps in the eyes of most people who have experienced it, our quarrels are a joke, but
What should we do? Loving someone also requires learning.
Gao Zijian is learning, and I am also learning. Life has given us a lot of experience, and we all need to learn about love.
After arguing and arguing, I really couldn't stand the strong smell of alcohol at Gao Zijian's gym, so I rubbed his ears and asked him to take a shower. Gao Zijian went to take a shower, but he dragged me along.
The sound of running water in the bathroom slowly lingered on our bodies. Gao Zijian, who was still a little drunk, hugged me tightly. Our skin was close to each other and we didn't say much. However, in this quarrel, our hearts became even more tense.
For being close.
Lying in bed, I was already very sleepy, and the smell of alcohol from Gao Zi's fitness session had not dissipated. I asked him jokingly: "What if I drink to death like this?"
Gao Zijian took a gentle breath and said, "If I told you that without you, life would be worse than death, would you believe it?"
I raised my head and looked at Gao Zijian. He kissed me gently on the forehead and said, "Chen Xiaojia, if you are wronged, you must tell me as soon as possible. Whether it is in the workplace or in life, although I cannot guarantee that
All your worries have been solved, but I still want to be the first person to listen to you, the first one, understand?"
I pursed my lips and nodded, whispering: "I understand, I will tell you as soon as possible."
"Then let me ask you now, when your team leader deliberately made things difficult for you, was it the man named Sun who solved it for you?" Gao Zijian pinched my nose and asked in a low voice.
I glared at Gao Zijian and said, "Sun Yiqing helped me after all. Are you teasing him like this?"
Gao Zijian laughed softly and said, "Chen Xiaojia, this matter may not be that simple."
"Ah?" I turned around and leaned against Gao Zijian and asked, "What's wrong?"
Gao Zijian raised his eyes, sighed softly, and said, "Don't think so much. If it is really the Liu family who deliberately made things difficult for you, they should suffer a little."
"No," I hurriedly stopped Gao Zijian and said, "I just don't like you being so close to so-and-so. As for the other things, just go ahead. You are so busy at work, so don't..."
"So good," Gao Zijian looked at me with a smile and said, "I'm not a stingy person, but...for people like this who are looking for trouble, you have to teach them a lesson, right?"