The water flows eastward, leaves fall one after another, and the passing time passes quietly and slowly, one year, one year, one year, another year. Another year of green grass, I can't catch the time and it's merciless.
Crossing the gap between fingers, he took another step forward.
In the blink of an eye, four years have passed.
I am still Chen Xiaojia, but I am no longer the Chen Xiaojia I was four years ago.
I never went back to the city that made me sad. I just stayed alone in the town surrounded by mountains and rivers, living my own life.
The sun was setting, and the sunset dyed half the sky red. As usual, I was packing up the items in the store. It was the off-season for tourism, and most tourists came here to sketch. They came in a hurry and left in a hurry.
The cell phone on the table suddenly rang loudly. I gently put down the plate in my hand, walked forward in two steps, and looked at the number. It was the teacher's phone number.
A few days after I came here, I felt a little uneasy, and my intuition told me that something bad might happen.
"Hello, Teacher Luo."
"Mom Xiaodouzi, you need to come to school now." Teacher Luo's voice was a little impatient, and there was probably a big problem.
"Okay, Teacher Luo, don't be angry, I'll be there right away!" I apologized, took off my apron, went to the back kitchen, said a few words to the store clerk, and then ran out on a battery scooter.
How many times has it been this month? The number of times you are invited to school by the teacher is increasing. Is this an itchy skin?
Ten minutes later, at three o'clock in the afternoon, after saying hello to the guard, he parked the battery car and rushed directly to Teacher Luo's office.
Before I even entered the door, I saw the little guy with his head hanging down and a guilty look on his face sitting on a stool seriously. He had short hair, white skin, and was wearing the overalls he just bought on the street yesterday.
Unfortunately, it's stained.
Obviously, the little guy is causing trouble again.
"Oh, you're here," Teacher Luo looked at me helplessly and said, "See for yourself."
I glanced at Teacher Luo, then my eyes fell on Xiaodouzi, squatted down, stretched out my arms, and said with a smile: "Douzi, come here, mommy gives you a hug."
Seeing that I was not angry, Douzi immediately jumped down from the stool and hugged my arm. Teacher Luo and I nodded, hugged Douzi and walked out the door.
It wasn't until I reached the swing that I let go, put the beans down, and said with a smile, "How about we go play on the swing?"
Douzi didn't speak. He pulled me forward with a small hand and walked to the wooden chair. He turned to look at me with big dark eyes and long eyelashes. He curled up the corners of his mouth and said with a smile: "Mom."
, you sit down first.”
Looking at Douzi's eyes, I sighed softly. Thinking back to what the psychiatrist said last time, I sat down strangely.
Douzi took my hand and said, "Mom, aren't you angry?"
I glared at him, stretched out my hand, held him in my arms, and said, "Mom still doesn't know the ins and outs of the matter, why should she be angry? Right?"
Douzi glanced at me, his long eyelashes flickered twice, rubbed my chin, and said: "Today Douzi did not wet his pants, nor did he suffer from a decline in grades, nor did he compete with Huahua for anything..."
Huahua is Douzi's deskmate, a little beauty next door whom I have met twice. She is taller than Douzi, twenty days older.
"What's that for?" I gently brushed Douzi's cheek with my hand, restraining my emotions, and asked with a smile.
"Mom, when will Uncle Sun come back?" Douzi tugged on my collar and said in a coy voice, "He clearly said he would be back in the next two days."
It turned out that I was in a bad mood because I didn't see Sun Yiqing. This was not a big deal. I smiled and said, "Uncle Sun has his own things to do and is a bit busy."
"Oh." Douzi lowered his head and moved his fingers back and forth on the buttons without saying a word.
Being reminded by Douzi, I suddenly remembered that I haven't seen Sun Yiqing for about thirteen days since the last time I saw him in the coffee shop. Usually, he comes back once a week, but this time he went to the provincial capital, which was quite interesting.
Far away.
Fortunately, it was the off-peak tourist season, so the store was not busy. Even though I was alone, it was quite busy.
For four years, Sun Yiqing has taken great care of our mother and son. The relationship between Douzi and him has truly risen to the level of blood relationship. If we can't see each other, we will definitely miss you. I can understand all of this.
The last time we met, Sun Yiqing gave me Douzi's physical examination report and mental health report. I knew that this child was more sensitive and precocious than ordinary children. Now, he is still aware of it.
"Xiaodouzi, how about my mother take you to ride the merry-go-round tomorrow, okay?" I looked at Xiaodouzi distressedly and asked pretending to be nonchalant.
Xiaodouzi raised his head and looked at me. I was stunned. I remember the last time I saw him cry was when he fell down at the sports meeting last year. He was about to take first place, but ended up in fourth place because of his fall.
He started crying on the spot. Now, his dark eyes were covered with mist, which made me feel so distressed.
"It's mom's fault that Douzi is good. Mom will call Uncle Sun when she gets back and ask him to come over and take a look at Douzi, okay?"
"Mom, last time I saw you quarreling..." Xiaodouzi gently touched his tears with his little fleshy hands and said, "I saw Uncle Sun gave you a ring. Huahua said, his father and mother
, there is a pair of rings.”
Douzi's IQ test was 160. Although he was naughty and mischievous, he was much smarter than the average child. When he saw it, I didn't want to hide it from him, so I said, "Two people need to love each other before they can wear the ring together. Do you understand?"
"
"What is love?" Douzi looked at me and asked again.
My heart suddenly sank, and I didn't know how to answer.
What is falling in love? Falling in love is when a man and a woman fall in love with each other, and finally put on a ring and stay together. Then, there is the crystallization of love.
But how should I tell him? After all, Xiaodouzi, he is not the result of my love affair with Sun Yiqing!
"To love each other is to kiss, just like mother kisses little Douzi." I stroked Douzi's head and said with a smile,
Douzi looked at me with disdain and said, "Mom, I didn't mean to kick my classmate's drawing board because he said something about me."
"I know Douzi is good, and Douzi won't deliberately make her mother angry." I kissed Douzi on the forehead and said, "What did your classmate say about Douzi?"
Douzi sniffed, raised his eyes and looked at me, and said, "He said I didn't have a father, he said I was a wild child."
My face changed.
In the past two years, I have been avoiding mentioning this problem to Xiaodouzi, and I have not refused Sun Yiqing's help too directly. He is right, a child needs a complete family to grow up, and I appreciate his care of Douzi.
Deep down in my heart, in a way, it made up for Douzi's lack of fatherly love, but I never expected that I still failed to protect him.
"Douzi, don't listen to your classmates' nonsense and just ignore them, okay?" I called the police and asked in a gentle voice.
Douzi sniffed and said, "Mom, Uncle Sun, are you my father?"
I lowered my head and looked at him, wiped his nose with a tissue, and said in a calm voice: "I never asked these questions before, why are you suddenly curious about this?"
Douzi looked at me and said, "Mom, why don't you exchange rings with Uncle Sun? He loves Douzi and he will also love Mom."
My hand suddenly froze, smiled, and said, "Children are not allowed to interfere with adults' affairs. Come on, mom will wipe your pants."
"Mom...you are changing the subject..."
"Stop talking nonsense, your classmate is wrong, but nothing can be solved by force. I will apologize to Teacher Luo later." I glared at Douzi, but couldn't help but laugh.
Douzi looked at me with his mouth pouted, raised his hands, pinched his waist, and said with a smile: "Teacher Luo, Sun Moxuan knows that he was wrong. Sun Moxuan will never skateboard again in the future, oh oh oh oh..."
I was amused by Douzi, stretched out my hand, and said with a smile: "Okay, that's it. Let's ask the teacher for leave tomorrow and go to the town to play!"
"Well, I want to ride a big horse!"
"Okay, clap your hands and pull the hook!"
"Hang yourself with a hook and don't change for a hundred years! Sun Moxuan is obedient!"
In the evening, after giving Douzi a bath, I sat alone at the window, watching the moonlight at night and listening to the birds chirping outside the window, and suddenly I felt a mixture of emotions in my heart.
At first, because I was so angry and unwilling to admit defeat, I filled out the surgery sheets and handed them in, but I still ran away resolutely. I couldn't let go of the child in my belly, and I couldn't let go of the longing in my heart.
I hid here for four years.
When the old memories were deeply suppressed in my heart, I originally thought that some things had been eroded by the passage of time, but looking at Douzi's face and the increasingly obvious outline, I suddenly discovered that some people are simply not
Can't forget.
Last month, I finally couldn't help but call home and chatted with my parents about those years. They were also very guilty and said things that I shouldn't have forced on me. I just smiled. After all, the most difficult moments are all.
It's past.
Opening a coffee shop of your own in this uncontested place makes you very busy during the peak season. During the off-season, you take your beans on sightseeing tours and play in the city. Everything sounds so comfortable.
.
The only thing I feel sorry for the child is that up to now, I haven't been able to say his father's name in person. I don't want to mention it or say it. At least this way, I can warn myself that I have forgotten it.
In the afternoon, when I saw Douzi's eyes full of tears, my heart almost broke.
Two weeks ago, Sun Yiqing did take out the ring, but I lost the courage.
If it hadn't been for him, Douzi and I might have long ago... I have valued his efforts in the past few years. Last year, Douzi had a high fever and it rained so heavily outside. He drove all the way to take Douzi to the hospital.
But I was exhausted.
He remembers Douzi’s birthday better than me. He even helped change my ID card. He just hopes that we, mother and son, can live happily.
But what should I do? As soon as I see Douzi’s face, I lose my mind on other things.
Now Douzi is my biggest hope. As long as he is happy, I will be happy. He wants Sun Yiqing to be his father. Maybe, for him, I should make the choice my child wants.
Regarding the romance, heartache, and longing of your youth, let them remain dusty in your memory.
Thinking of this, I let out a long sigh, picked up the phone, and called Sun Yiqing.
The phone rang twice and he answered it.
"It's so late, why haven't you slept yet?" Sun Yiqing's voice was the same as before, and there was no emotion in it.
"That's it..." I coughed lightly, turned around, looked at the little head on the bed, and asked awkwardly: "Tomorrow Douzi and I are going to the city. He really wants to see you.
, I wonder if you are free."
There was a long silence on the other end of the phone, and the surroundings were very quiet. Only a few birds could be heard.
"If it's inconvenient, then forget it..."
"Is it just Douzi who wants to see me?" Sun Yiqing's voice suddenly came from the other end of the phone, "It's been more than ten days and you haven't wanted to see me?"
Sun Yiqing asked in a domineering manner, which was a little different from usual.
I didn't know how to answer immediately, so I glanced out the window and remained silent.
After four years of being together, it is impossible to say that there is no love, but I don’t know the meaning of Sun Yiqing’s desire to see him. The last time, he handed the ring to me, and I also understood that he was more important than me.
What I endured was much more.
I am too cruel, and I am also too selfish. I naively thought that after some time, I would go back to the same place.
Unfortunately, it is unlikely.
He took a breath and said, "Douzi wants to see you, and I also... really want to see you."
"Actually, I also want to see you..." As soon as I finished speaking, Sun Yiqing said, "I'll drive back right away. We'll meet at the gate of the amusement park tomorrow morning."
"There's no need to be in such a hurry..." I stopped hastily, "Have a good rest before driving, there's no need to rush this moment."
"No," Sun Yiqing answered me decisively and said, "I am very anxious right now. Chen Xiaojia, I miss you and I also miss Douzi."
I was suddenly stunned and didn't know what to say. Until I hung up the phone, I didn't have much fluctuation in my heart.
Maybe I have been pretending for too long, but when I really faced it, I suddenly felt that it was not a big deal. Just like back then, when our mother and son were at their lowest, he showed up and arranged for us without hesitation. How could I not know that behind these actions?
, what exactly is hidden and written?
It is easy to fall in love, but not easy to enjoy. Time has given us more ordinary time together, rather than earth-shattering and rapid heartbeats.
Thinking of this, I resolutely deleted the unsigned numbers on my phone, completely.
Early the next morning, I gave Douzi breakfast, and after explaining everything in the store, I carried him towards the bus stop. Halfway through, Douzi suddenly patted me and said, "Mom, I saw
What a nuisance."
I followed Douzi's eyes and saw a woman wearing heavy makeup standing there, with a child standing at her feet, crying loudly.
"Yesterday...that's me he was talking about."
That's it. I took out two packs of snacks from my pocket. Sun Yiqing brought them to Douzi. They were all imported snacks. When I got them in Douzi's hand, I said, "Look, he's crying. Let's give him one, okay?"
?”
Douzi glanced at me, then at the snacks in his hand. Finally, he nodded and said with a smile: "Okay."
The other child lowered his cry after collecting the snacks. I said hello to Douzi and continued walking towards the platform.
Douzi said: "Mom, if someone talks about me every day, can I go and play every day?"
I can understand that children are playful, but Xiaodouzi, how can I let others say that to you again?
He gently stroked Douzi's head, smiled and said, "No, Uncle Sun wants to play with us today."
I know the relationship between Douzi and Sun Yiqing. When I heard that Sun Yiqing was coming over, he was very well-behaved along the way, singing and dancing, making everyone else laugh.
After an hour, the car finally arrived at the city center. Douzi stretched out his hand to say goodbye to the others and said with a smile: "I am Sun Moxuan. I am in Sunshine Kindergarten. Come and play with me when you have time!"
Not to mention how cute the little grown-up looks.
The amusement park is in the middle of the city. I didn't want to squeeze into the bus with my beans in hand. I took a taxi and ran there.
Today is Friday. I heard the driver said that the road was being built at West Street Gate, so I changed the direction. Unexpectedly, the road was even more congested. Douzi was a little irritable, pouting his mouth and not talking. I took out the teddy bear to him, and he actually
Then he said: "Those are for the kids in the small class to play with, I don't want them."
Douzi scored full marks in the entrance exam and entered the upper class directly. He has always been proud of this.
I shook my head helplessly, raised my head and looked out the window, and was suddenly startled.
The moment my eyes touched, I knew I was finished.
He hurriedly turned around, turned around, and shouted to the driver: "Master, can you turn around? I can't go through now, can you..."
"Hey, sister, stop joking, the gambling here is so fierce, where can we turn around?"
I nervously grabbed my bag and glanced at Douzi. He seemed to notice my panic and asked, "Mom, what's wrong with you?"
Before I could speak, a violent voice sounded on the car window: "Open the door, open the door for me!"