Anticipating some future fulfillment is desire. It doesn't matter what that future fulfillment is. It could be the Kingdom of God, heaven, nirvana, or anything else. But if it is in the future, it is desire.
. If you live in the present, you cannot desire, you cannot desire, remember this. Living in the present, you can only exist, you cannot desire, living in the present, how can you desire? Every Yu
Every desire will cause pain, whether it is satisfied or not. If it is satisfied, it will cause pain relatively quickly. If it is not satisfied, then it will take time. But every desire will cause pain, and you need to be aware of the entire process.
Follow it. There is no need to rush, because things cannot be accomplished in haste. In rush, spiritual growth is impossible. Walk slowly, walk patiently, pay attention to every desire, and then pay attention to how each desire is.
It turns into arriving at the gate of hell - Ronin Pier.
From that day on, something slowly changed. In the past, Ling was an existence that was unfathomable and hard to touch for me. I admired her but didn’t expect to get her. But from that day on, I realized something about
The bell itself is actually not as distant and unpredictable as she appears. The bell is like a nut, with a hard shell full of thorns. This shell allows her to hide behind it and peek into the outside world with peace of mind.
Color can also block my passionate pursuit and reluctance.
This is what I could understand about her at that time - just an ordinary girl who packaged herself as very strong, ordinary and fragile, which made people feel heartbroken. I met her because of a coincidence, and I got to know her because of a movie.
I fell in love with her because of her smile.
I began to gear up, preparing to find a handy weapon to smash her shell, so that I could get the delicate pulp inside the shell...
Haha, of course, this is just a joke. In fact, the biggest change for me that day was that I had hopes and dreams. A dream that would allow me to touch the real her one day. From that moment on, she existed for me.
The meaning of is like a mole engraved on the chest. In normal times, it may not matter, and you will not even think of her existence.
But when I take a shower, when I change clothes, when I sit down and be alone, I will always see it and think of it from time to time.
In the following days, I was basically in a state of being greedy but not brave. I was eager to get closer to Ling, understand her life, and get closer to her heart. However, I didn’t know where to start.
, where to start, I even lack the courage and intelligence to call her. The courage is because I don’t dare to make this call, and the intelligence is because I don’t know what I should say to her after I call her.
Therefore, during those few days, my life was very boring: going to class, eating, sleeping, playing ball, and going to self-study. I basically relied on instinct to get through these routine actions.
Tasteless but necessary, this is life.
At that time, it seemed that only the bedtime talks before going to bed could slightly arouse my interest, because occasionally, we would talk about Ling and her dormitory.
Of course, most of the time, we still talk about other topics. The lack of material life in college corresponds to the extreme abundance of our spiritual life. While we talk about women, we are also thinking about our own lives and futures. We are worried about
The country cares about the people, and we are overjoyed at every world-renowned achievement our great motherland has achieved.
So I never think that our group of college students are what the media and the public unanimously consider to be the "crossover generation." Yes, we have been confused and confused. Because we are just in the transition from the construction of spiritual civilization to the pure
In the social cracks of the pursuit of material civilization, just like our fathers who went to the mountains and countryside, we bear a responsibility that should not be borne by ourselves. When the world view and outlook on life that we finally formed are affected by "money first",
When new things such as "study is useless" and "one-night stand" hit, although some people sank or even became decadent, most people quickly adapted to this change, quickly found their own foothold, and grew up today.
For the core of this society.
We are not broken, we are just holding on in our own way.
Let’s get back to the main story. Just when I was squandering my youth restlessly like an ant on a hot pot, Lao Wu saved me.
Lao Wu, nicknamed "Putting Yourself in Others' Perspectives", or "Sanitation" for short. The origin of this nickname will be explained later. He is the handsome guy who ranks high in our dormitory building. He has a good voice and sings songs that are a bit...
What Jacky Brother meant. At that time, talent shows like "Super Girl" or "Come on Good Man" were not popular. Otherwise, with his conditions, there would be no problem at least entering the top five in the competition area. If he got lucky or the judges were dazzled,
Deafness or something, maybe I can still become a national champion, like brother Li Xuchun.
"Putting yourself in others' shoes" likes Xue. She is a girl who came to our dormitory with Ling that day. She is very beautiful. Please forgive me for not describing this woman in more detail, because I really don't have much impression of her.
When I wrote this story, the memories I had compiled about this past were already too crowded with too many fragments and details, so I had no more space to explore the story about this woman.
She later became Lao Wu's girlfriend, because Lao Wu felt like she was calling her when he first saw her. These were Lao Wu's original words, and this is what I remember most clearly.
Until now, I still wonder why Lao Wu, who is in good condition, fell in love with ordinary Xue (if she were extraordinary, I would not be so unimpressed with her). Maybe this is the so-called carrot and cabbage, everyone has his own love. And at least at that time
He didn't like the bell, which was good news to me.
Lao Wu is different from me. He has experienced a lot of stories about relationships since he was a child. He knows how to deal with a relationship, how to deal with his desire for another woman, and how to let a woman slowly fall into him.
A carefully woven web of love.
Therefore, he asked the second child to invite the person in their dormitory to go hiking again.
The kind-hearted second brother obliged without hesitation, completely unaware of my ecstasy when I heard the news.
So in the following weekend, I saw Bell again and saw the mole on my chest.
She was still dressed in a very cool outfit: a bright T-shirt paired with a pair of jeans, and her short hair was pinned to one side casually with a hairpin. She just stood quietly among a bunch of chattering girls, her face
There was a peaceful smile on his face, like another existence different from them.
No matter me, Ling or Jing, we all seemed to have a tacit understanding. No one told us what happened when we watched the movie that day. It was a secret between the three of us. So just like everyone else, today is just the second time we meet. , everyone still seemed polite and strange.
They were chatting all the way up the mountain, talking about things that were neither salty nor light. The second brother walked beside Ling in an upright manner as a fellow villager, while Jing was holding Ling's arm on the other side of Ling. Qing and Xue were a little behind. The eldest brother and the fifth child shamelessly sandwiched the two of them and kept asking questions. I think their parents would be pissed to death when they saw their attentive appearance.
Unknowingly, the fourth child and I had fallen to the back of the team. Looking at the backs of the second child and Ling, I felt a little sour in my heart, with a little useless contempt for myself and speechlessness. Then I sighed quietly. I took a breath, maybe this is called jealousy, I thought.
After walking for a while, I didn't know what happened to Lao Wu and the others. Qing dragged Xue straight forward, while Lao Wu and Lao Da fell down in despair.
"What's wrong?" I asked pretending to be concerned, but I couldn't hide my gloating.
"Oh, I'm so impatient!" Lao Wu sighed, "Who knew Jing was so stubborn? Every time I want to pull the snow away a little to leave a chance for the boss, but Jing always pulls it away right away. It's snowing. No chance..."
"Damn, what you said is so benevolent. If you hadn't been so anxious to drag Xue aside so that you could succeed, Jing wouldn't be so angry!" The boss exposed Lao Wu's hypocritical nature.
He was a little anxious. After being robbed by Jing last time, he had an unusual feeling for this outgoing girl, so this time he really hoped to prove something in front of Jing again. He had previously After discussing it with Lao Wu, Lao Wu used his "love-related ghosts" nature to take Xue aside so that he and Jing could have a chance to get along alone.
But Jing's performance was beyond his and Lao Wu's expectations. She looked at the boss and Lao Wu with the same eyes as children, and did not give these two adolescent boys any chance to take advantage of. And finally, when Lao Wu was about to quietly hold Xue's hand again, he turned his back and dragged Xue away. The two buddies were left behind to join Lao Si and I in despair.
Jing? How could she be like this? Isn’t she supposed to be an outgoing and informal girl? How could she be so sensitive all of a sudden? Thinking of the last time I met Jing and Ling alone, I suddenly felt that maybe these two girls were not the same. It's not as simple as what we see. There should be something behind them, but what exactly is it?
I can't catch it.
In our lives, have we ever felt satisfied because of gains, or have we ever felt heartbroken because of losses?
Why bother? Just like there is no smooth sailing journey, a smooth sailing life only exists in our fantasies. Do you feel the heartache of losing without the satisfaction you get? In contrast, without losing, do you know what it is like to gain? What about happiness? In fact, carefully feeling the distance between gains and losses, experiencing the helplessness of life, and observing this contradictory world - this is also a life experience.
I used to like a saying: The reason why I feel cold now is because I was warm before - Ronin Pier
Thinking of that, I glanced at Ling who was smiling and talking to her second son. I always felt that there was a trace of sadness hidden behind her smile, and Jing was not as cheerful and uninhibited as she appeared.
Maybe there are some stories and connections between Ling and Jing that I haven't discovered yet, that's what I thought. Then I followed everyone walking up the mountain subconsciously.
"Tell me, why do girls always like to hold each other's arms?" Perhaps because he felt that the atmosphere was a bit boring, the fourth child casually picked up a topic.
"Women always need someone they can rely on." Lao Wu said angrily. As the only person in our dormitory who has had love experience, he always appears as an expert when it comes to dealing with girls.
"But why are some women always being held on their arms? Don't they need support?" Lao Si asked next.
"This, this..." Lao Wu was stuck.
In fact, I agree with Lao Wu now: Girls always need someone to rely on. So when they don’t have a boyfriend, they also have to hold on to their sisters and friends. This is a desire to find safety.
It is a manifestation of feelings. As for whether you are holding someone else's arm or being held by someone else, it no longer matters. What is important is that there is someone around you who can accompany you, and you clearly know that the person beside you can rely on. If you are talking about holding hands
It is a kind of promise, so holding hands is the fulfillment and sublimation of this promise, like surrendering to the person next to you, and letting him guide you in the direction with confidence.
Of course, it was impossible for me to have such complicated thoughts at that time. I was not involved in their topics at all. I was just looking at Ling's back in a daze. As for what I was thinking specifically, it is no longer important. Now
What still remains in my memory is Ling's thin back.
At this time, Lao Wu then said something that brought me back to reality. It was this sentence that made me still regard him as a heavenly being many years later: "Actually, I have always wanted to put myself in someone else's shoes and find someone to hold my arm and experience this kind of experience."
Feel it!”
This sentence gave him the nickname "Thinking from Another's Perspective", which followed him until he graduated from college.
It was probably just a subconscious remark. After finishing his words, Lao Wu didn't notice any of our surprised looks and just continued to say expectantly: "How about we give it a try?"
At that moment we all had doubts about Lao Wu’s gender orientation. If it weren’t for the inseparable relationship between Lao Wu and Xue later, I think he would have been carrying the reputation of “empathizing” and “GAY” until he graduated.
.
"Get out!!!" The boss, the fourth, and I yelled at the same time. The tacit understanding of cooperation, the firmness of the tone, the hatred in the expression, and the perfect timing were simply amazing!!
A few people walking in front were startled by our "get out!" and thought we were quarreling. They all turned around and looked at us in surprise.
Jing rushed straight in front of me, almost pointing at my nose and asking: "What's wrong with you?"
Ling, on the other hand, gave her a questioning look, as if we were already very familiar with it.
Yes, it was a tacit understanding between the three of us. After that night of contact, we had a very private tacit understanding. Although we did not show our familiarity with each other in front of other people, we subconsciously
Yes, we will still unconsciously reveal our trust in each other on some occasions.
Yes, Ling and I are already friends.
But I didn’t want to show my happiness and excitement in front of other people, especially my second son. I am a very protective person, and I especially don’t want to share some of my things, especially those related to emotions, with others.
.And my second child was already considered a love rival by me at that time, so I didn’t want him to know about the night between me and Ling.
That was my night.
It was actually a very contradictory mood. On the one hand, I happily wanted to tell everyone in the world, but on the other hand, I was unwilling to let others enter my space. Of course, at that time, there were not as many accurate information as there are now.
There is no language to describe this state, so at that time I just felt that I was very contradictory. If it were now, I would give my state of mind an accurate term: Mensao.
Being carried away by this melancholy mentality, I couldn't help but reveal my arrogance. I deliberately pretended not to care and said sullenly: "It's nothing, we just studied the physical and psychological differences between men and women.
It’s just a difference.”
Lao Wu (no, he was already calling it "empathy" at this time) panicked and quickly waved his hands and said: "No, no more, you have misunderstood..."
"I'm sorry, you guys are so disgusting." Before Lao Wu could finish his words, Jing made a look like she wanted to vomit, and then started laughing, Qing and Xue followed closely behind.
And what about Ling? She just blushed slightly, then lowered her head and stopped looking at us.
Ling, at that time Ling was like a gentle woman who was as calm as water. She was not bold or arrogant. She just stayed quietly and carefully observed the flowers in the world blooming and falling. And that night
Ling is a cute little girl, she is uninhibited and smart. She curiously participates in the various coincidences that fate has prepared for her and enjoys them.
The elf of the night and the princess of the day, which one is the real her? I laughed.
At that time, I realized for the first time that a girl is really a book. And Ling's book is not simple, it is thick and difficult, and it is not like magazines and tabloids where you can get what you want quickly.
The news and pleasure are like a thick masterpiece, which contains sorrows, joys and vicissitudes of life. It may be difficult to read at first, but once you read in, you will be deeply involved in it.
She is a glass of wine worth savoring. Yunshu. And the bell that night is a cute little woman. She is uninhibited and smart. She curiously participates in the various coincidences that fate has prepared for her and enjoys them.
The elf of the night and the princess of the day, which one is the real her? I laughed.
At that time, I realized for the first time that a girl is really a book. And Ling's book is not simple, it is thick and difficult, and it is not like magazines and tabloids where you can get what you want quickly.
The news and pleasure are like a thick masterpiece, which contains sorrows, joys and vicissitudes of life. It may be difficult to read at first, but once you read in, you will be deeply involved in it.