A lie that pleases us is swallowed whole; a truth that tastes bitter to us is tasted bit by bit - Francis Bacon, "Essays on Bacon's Moral Philosophy" Time
It is always a disobedient thing. Sometimes you hope that it will go faster. It is best to be like the common camera on TV that will go dark after 10 years, but it will pass slowly at that time. Sometimes you hope that it will go faster.
The slower it is, the better. It is best to always stay at that moment that makes our hearts beat. But it cruelly tells you that your happiness has passed. Is this a failure of God or a request that is too much?
Deliberately?
If the existence of the bell in the past was just a faint trace for me, it would always leave me with a trace of concern and hope intentionally or unintentionally. Then after returning from mountain climbing, I was completely far away from that light-as-water feeling.
It feels as quiet as the night, and I have been in a state of being like an ant on a hot pot. I am anxious, I am eager, I toss and turn, I am anxious, I am as restless as a bat foraging for food in the middle of the night, and I am as distracted as a fly under the scorching sun during the day.
.
Yes, I don't like Ling anymore. I'm in love with her.
Although it is incredible, although it cannot be traced back, it is indeed a fact. Memory is really an unreliable thing. Because I can’t even remember when I fell in love with Ling. Maybe it was her smile on that naughty night.
, maybe I really don’t remember the sadness in her eyes when we were on the mountain.
The seemingly firm memory turned out to be illusory at this moment. Obviously I could see it swaying in front of my eyes as soon as I closed my eyes, and it seemed that I could touch it with my hand, but when I opened my eyes and faced the computer screen
But I'm not sure how much of it is something that really happened, and how much of it is just my imagination or delusion. Yes, sometimes the truth is not so reliable, it will only leave a mark in your memory.
Another fragment, and then use these fragments to tell you: you have lived, you have left your own footprints in this world, that's all. More memories about the past require us to organize these fragments and form
Another story that may be different from the original story.
But no matter how unreliable memory is, it is only limited to some details that happened in life. For other things, it can always carve irreparable scars in your heart, and you can only choose not to think about it again.
, but will never be forgotten. For example, I fell in love with Ling. Although I don’t remember when I let myself fall into this trap called love, but now I clearly and truly recall the suffering at that time.
.
It was a feeling that was difficult to describe in words. Because of my own lack of language, I kept trying to find a song to describe my mood at that time, because I thought that among so many love songs, there would always be one that could express that kind of secret love.
mentality, but I was disappointed. I couldn't find a song that could accurately express the anxiety, uneasiness, fear and expectation I felt at that time.
Eager but helpless, I just lived my ordinary life day by day in an uneasy state of mind.
Until that day, my pager rang, and it was three nines, asking me to go back to the station.
Not long after I arrived at school, not many people knew my number, except for people in my class, including my parents and friends from my hometown. Instead of calling me, it would be more practical for people in my class to call me directly.
My family won’t let me fight again.
Although it was strange, I didn't think too much and casually picked up the phone and dialed.
"Hello, this is China Unicom paging station customer service 9527." The voice of the customer service girl is always so sweet.
"Hello, I am user XXXXXX, Futai."
"Excuse me, what is your user password?"
"XXXXXX"
"Please wait a moment..." Then there was a short silence. I don't know why, but I was a little impatient and felt that the time passed very slowly.
"Hello?" The customer lady finally spoke. At that time, I breathed a sigh of relief. "A lady named Yang left you a message asking why you didn't invite her to watch a movie?"
…
I was just holding the phone and was stunned. When happiness comes too suddenly, people always don't know how to react. The customer service lady hung up the phone after "feeding" me for a long time and still couldn't get a response from me.
, the beeping sound coming from the microphone was like accompaniment to my violently beating heart.
At that time, I just felt that my mouth was dry, and I kept making swallowing movements, but it seemed that even the saliva was dried up. After a while, I came back to my senses. I hung up the phone, fell on the bed, and touched
I took out a cigarette and tried to light it, but found that it couldn't light up: my hands were shaking all the time.
"It's her! It's her! It's her!!!" I was muttering silently in my heart, "She took the initiative to call me and say thank you?!" (I thought this was very tacky when I was writing it, haha) until
At that time, I still couldn't believe that all of this was true. Only the three 9s on the pager, which represented the resumption of Taiwan, silently confirmed the truth of all this.
"How did she know my pager number?"
"Why would she call me?"
"I didn't think it was her? Why didn't I call her earlier and ask her to watch a movie?"
"Should I call her right now?"
…
My mind is constantly surging with various thoughts. Ling is really a very unique girl. She gave me a surprise, but left me with more question marks. These question marks hindered my ability to think deeply about the possibility.
It just makes me as ecstatic as a child getting a beloved toy, I don't know why.
I suddenly remembered a scene in "Chungking Express", when Takeshi Kaneshiro celebrated his 25th birthday by running, when he wanted to use running to evaporate the water in his body so that he would not cry so easily.
, his pager, which was still on the edge of the playground, rang: "368 resume."
"Please tell me the password."
"Love you for ten thousand years!"
"Your friend in room 702 wishes you a happy birthday!"
"Thanks!"
On May 1, 1994, a woman said "Happy Birthday" to me. Because of this sentence, I will always remember this woman. If memory is a can, I hope this can will not expire.
;If I must add a day, I hope it is "ten thousand years".
This line by Takeshi Kaneshiro has always been regarded as a classic by me. Even Xingye borrowed it in Westward Journey. At that moment, I deeply understood Takeshi Kaneshiro’s mood when he said that line. As a co-producer of the film
For me, who was as simple and persistent as Takeshi Kaneshiro in "The Movie", the definition of happiness at that time was very simple, and the requirements for the future were also very simple. A page from her could easily bring all of this, which made me so satisfied that I couldn't help myself.
.
I poured myself a glass of water and tried to calm myself down, but found that it was in vain. When something penetrates your outer shell of calmness and lands directly in the softest corner of your heart, you want to grasp it.
It is simply unrealistic to resist one's own efforts. I can't imagine why Ling would send me that message with her personality. With her brain deprived of oxygen and losing her thinking ability, I simply thought that she had a certain affection for me as I did for her.
I had such a good impression. Because of this discovery, I was so excited that I could not wait to run up to her and confess my love to her.
"1, 2, 3..." I silently counted three times in my mind to calm myself down. Yes, people are a very strange animal. The so-called moments of confusion and hesitation all happen when
Before the incident happened, the uncertainty about the final result led to various complicated mentalities beforehand. I was afraid of failure but thought that I would not be so bad. I was eager to succeed but told myself that I needed to calm down. This is this kind of contradictory mentality.
This leads to being timid in the face of things. Don’t deny it, everyone has this mentality, it’s just to varying degrees.
After I actually went to the execution ground, I realized that it was just like that, "The bigger my head is, the scar is bigger than the mouth of the bowl. Eighteen years later, I am still a good man!" At that time, I felt much more relaxed.
So when I dialed the phone, a familiar "hello" sound came from the receiver. I smiled and said, "Are you free this afternoon? Come out and sit down!"
There is no need to know each other before we meet. We pass by many, many people every day. Everyone has their own story and their own world. These worlds are usually parallel, so we can only pass by most people.
We can only infer each other's past and future from each other's looks and appearance. Occasionally, when God makes a prank and make each other's worlds intersect, we will get to know each other and slowly get to know each other. This is the process from meeting to acquaintance.
.Encounter is just an occasional intersection of parallel lines, while meeting is an unintentional collision of two worlds - Ronin Pier "Are there any classes in the afternoon? Come out and sit."
"Kang Yi?" There was a hint of surprise in the ringing voice, as if she was wondering about my phone call.
Why am I surprised? Wasn't it the pager you called me? I had a doubt in my heart. But now is not the time to have doubts. The dice have been rolled, the gambling has begun, and there is no way back for me.
"Remember our appointment to watch a movie? I don't want to be a dishonest man." I tried to make my voice sound calmer.
"Ah? I thought you were joking." Ling's answer severely hurt my heart, and at the same time deepened my doubts: If it wasn't Ling, then who called the page?
Ms. Yang, when watching the movie, I don’t know who else to connect with except Ling. When I talked about this matter with Ling on the mountain that day, I clearly remember that there were only two of us. So who would know about this belonging to
What about the little secret between us, and then we called this pager like a prank?
Jing? No, we had already finished talking when she came to us, and I believe Suzu would not tell her these things.
Who else could it be? I felt like I had a headache.
"Hello?" The sound of the bell interrupted my thinking. Now is not the time to think about the reasons. What I need to face is a good process.
"Why are you joking? As the saying goes: a person must be kind. I have always adhered to this principle to be a kind person, including when I picked up change, my first reaction was to hand it to the police uncle and support the elderly.
I read story books to them after crossing the road, and worked voluntarily on Saturdays and Sundays to clean the road, water flowers and plant trees. I didn’t miss any of these good things. I have already embarked on the path of being a pure person, a noble person, and a person who has left the world behind.
This is the path of a person with low taste. How could he not keep his words until the end!!!" I said a lot in one breath, and even I didn't know what I said.
Pfft, Ling laughed, and then she said softly: "You're just fooling me!"
"This is not nonsense, it's a very sincere request. If you could see my eyes, you would know how sincere it is. Although I can't say that I am in love with everyone, but at least I am a simple, kind and considerate person.
The level of Bethune who is dedicated to serving the public good..."
Ling interrupted my rambling: "Okay, when will we go out to watch a movie?"
"Tonight!" I jumped up on the phone.
After hanging up the phone, I breathed a sigh of relief. However, I didn't feel any relief. Instead, I became very nervous. If yesterday's contact with Ling was like a romantic encounter, the upcoming one this afternoon
The meeting was more like a deliberately arranged encounter. Since it can be arranged, it must be practiced and rehearsed beforehand, so as to ensure that the play I direct and act will not be a gangster or stage fright.
I lay on the bed and began to think about every detail of the afternoon. I wanted to make as perfect an arrangement as possible to commemorate my first date with Ling. At the same time, I also wanted to be more certain about Ling and I through this meeting.
As for those doubts, I don’t have any more energy to think about them now.
My abnormality attracted the attention of my roommates: it is rare to see me so quiet. Although I am usually not the main force in the conversation, I will still participate in their conversations and comment on their conversations from time to time.
In summary, everyone finally had a good laugh. So in that afternoon, my occasional silence seemed unusual.
The first person to ask questions was Lao Wu. This guy is sometimes a little too sensitive. Maybe it’s because he likes singing and drawing. Sometimes I always think it’s a mistake for him to study science. People like him are so emotional.
He should be the one who is sought after by girls in the liberal arts. Although he occasionally acts silly and says some very insightful words such as "put yourself in someone else's shoes", in general, Lao Wu is still a very talented person.
A charming man, which also explains why Xue is so immune to his pursuit.
"Lao San, what are you doing? What's on your mind?"
I didn't feel panicked by his question. In fact, from the time I fell in love with Ling, the last thing I dared to face was the second child, because I always felt that I had broken a tacit understanding and a conventional rule. As for
What exactly is this rule and how important is this tacit understanding? This is not important. What is important is Icrosstheline.
"It's nothing, I just had a full meal at lunch." I answered as lightly as I could, not wanting to arouse too many associations.
But I still underestimated the second child. He glanced at me and said, "No, you said you had no appetite just now. Now you are full again?"
The second son's question was very ordinary and general, which was in line with his kind and mature style. But at that moment, in my eyes, the kind second son turned into a ferocious poisonous snake.
He blinked and stared at me. As long as I showed the slightest flaw, he would bite me without hesitation and inject fatal venom into my body.
I stared at the second child and said nothing. After a long while, I said: "There is sweet and sour pork today, so I ate more."
The second child didn't suspect anything and said with a smile: "Look at how cowardly you are, it looks like you haven't eaten meat in your life."
I giggled, my heart went blank.
When I wrote this, I suddenly began to doubt my memory. Maybe I had always remembered it wrong. In reality, the second child did not like Shangling, or he never told me that he liked Shangling. Everything
Everything about the second child and me is my own guess and estimation? Did I misjudge the second child's temperament with the mentality of a despicable villain?
Maybe, the memory has been very blurry, and the truth is sometimes not so reliable. It will only carve fragments one after another in your memory, and use these fragments to tell you: you have lived, you have been in this world.
We have left our own footprints on it, that's all. More memories about the past require us to organize these fragments and form another story that may be different from the original story.
No matter what, in this story, in this story that I remember now, the second child is my rival in love, and I have been racking my brains and trying my best to hide the story between me and Ling from him. Yes, that’s it.
.
The second child didn't continue the topic, "Oh, by the way, let's invite the beauties to go see a movie together this weekend. It's 50 yuan per person, right?"
The beauties have become the unified code name for them in our dormitory. There is no problem. No matter how stingy people are when it comes to dealing with women, they will not reveal their stinginess. Soon, each of them paid 50 yuan until they got old.
He is responsible for the unified arrangements in the hands of the second person. He is suitable for this kind of work, and he also likes this kind of work. Some people are born to be leaders, and the second person is such a person.
I paid it very quickly because I didn’t want my second son to notice anything. After collecting the money, my second son and the others took the rice bowl to the water room to wash the dishes. I looked at my watch and saw that it was still early, it was not even 1 o’clock.
.Ling and I made an appointment to meet at 4pm.
I suddenly felt a little lost, because I didn't know what to do next time. In the story in my memory now, the second child is my love rival, and I have always been worried about hiding the story between me and Ling from him.
racking your brains and racking your brains. Yes, that's it.
The second child didn't continue the topic, "Oh, by the way, let's invite the beauties to go see a movie together this weekend. It's 50 yuan per person, right?"
The beauties have become the unified code name for them in our dormitory. There is no problem. No matter how stingy people are when it comes to dealing with women, they will not reveal their stinginess. Soon, each of them paid 50 yuan until they got old.
He is responsible for the unified arrangements in the hands of the second person. He is suitable for this kind of work, and he also likes this kind of work. Some people are born to be leaders, and the second person is such a person.
I paid it very quickly because I didn’t want my second son to notice anything. After collecting the money, my second son and the others took the rice bowl to the water room to wash the dishes. I looked at my watch and saw that it was still early, it was not even 1 o’clock.
.Ling and I made an appointment to meet at 4pm.
I suddenly felt a little lost because I didn't know what to do next time.