If time could be chosen, there wouldn't be so many regrets and pains in this world. Because we can keep our most cherished years and savor the time that makes our hearts beat. But have you ever thought about it?
, if there is no pain, how can you know that the current time is happy? It is precisely because you have felt warmth before that you feel cold now - Ronin Pier "Then what?" While drinking water and resting quietly
, I finally found the opportunity to speak, having been silent all this time. Although I was surprised that Jing could know such a private past, but this was obviously not the focus that I needed to focus on now. I was eager to hear the story and understand the whole ins and outs.
"Why are you so anxious?" Jing glared at me and continued to drink her water.
"Nonsense, it's not like you are in a hurry..." I mumbled in a low voice.
"What did you say?!"
"Nothing, do you want another glass of water?" I concealed.
"Forget it, I'll forgive you, I'm a very kind person." She waved her hand proudly, looking very magnanimous. But I could only smile bitterly as I looked at the remains of snacks all over the table.
"What happened next?" I continued to ask.
"Later..."
The occasional intersection of two parallel lines will indeed make people feel a taboo-like happiness and impulse. Because this itself is a behavior that goes against common sense, and human nature itself tends to be chaotic and disorderly, but in society
Moral constraints force us to suppress our own character, but the pleasure brought by the sense of guilt is the most straightforward manifestation of the rebellion deep in our hearts.
However, humans are social animals after all, and the occasional disorder and chaos will eventually be organized into a system by the system. This system may be morality, it may be laws, or it may be our own shackles, but it must
It will restrict our instincts to a certain extent, which is helpless and inevitable.
So the story between Ling and him took a turn. It wasn't like in the common script that Ling's parents discovered their relationship and then beat them up. The key was still on "him".
He is a killer, a killer of emotions. Maybe he really hates the kind of life he had before, the kind of life where he acted in every situation, but he is used to it.
Yes, habit. Habit is a very terrible force, so terrible that it can even make people change their principles and beliefs and become another person.
So in front of Ling, he could turn back into the innocent child who still believed in love, but when he left Ling, the terrible power of inertia would still make him become the killer. Ling, to her, was
A paradise where you can escape from the world. Unfortunately, he is not a hermit. He still has his life to live and his circle to manage - this may be helpless or sad, but for him,
It doesn't matter anymore. He is just adapting to this habit.
But Ling hasn't adapted yet, because she hasn't had time to adapt to all this. Ling is just used to having his life, getting used to the sense of security brought by his shoulders, getting used to confiding her feelings to him, getting used to lying in his arms.
She listened to him describing the future of the two of them, but Ling had not adapted to the changes he had brought to her entire life. Ling just inexplicably felt that the relationship between the two of them had changed slightly, and then out of
A woman's natural sensitivity directly noticed his change. No, it shouldn't be said to be a change, it should be said to be a recovery, returning to the person he was before the two of them knew him.
"That Ling must have been feeling very uncomfortable at that time? Did she do anything stupid?" I asked eagerly. Although I knew that Ling was still living a good life, I still couldn't get rid of the worry about Ling.
Jing glanced at me, as if she was blaming me for not understanding Ling very well. "You don't understand her character at all. She is the typical soft-on-the-earth type and steel-on-the-inside. She looks very soft and weak, but deep down she is...
She is stronger than anyone else. This is what I admire most about her."
I didn't dare to talk anymore, so I lit a cigarette and waited for Jing to continue talking.
...What do you think when you know that something you have been working hard for is just a fragile bubble in the end? Will you commit suicide in pain or escape from fear; will you use indulgence to anesthetize or give up indifferently? In any case, I think
It would not be a very calm choice to face it. This incident itself is too cruel for a 17-year-old girl, but the calmness and rationality shown by Ling make me feel sad.
Yes, it hurts. There is no greater sadness than heartbreak. Only after being tortured to the point of numbness by pain can you face it all so calmly.
I couldn't imagine how Ling managed to survive that period. Suddenly I thought of a question: "Didn't you say that Ling committed suicide for him... for him? How could she be so calm?"
Jing ignored me and just kept telling the story by herself. At that time, I felt that Jing was no longer the same Jing she usually was. She had a hint of sadness, as if she had been affected by Ling's story and had forgotten her usual self.
Always careless, she became a complainer. In the dim light of dusk, I even blurred the distance between her and Ling.
At that moment, she was not Jing, but Ling. She sat across from me tactfully and told this past event that made me heartbroken in a light tone. Yes, my heart hurt a lot at that time.
Only when you have experienced it, you will know that distressed is not an adjective. Your heart will really hurt because of a person. The indifferent calmness of Ling in the story and the cautious look of Ling I know are in my heart.
When they overlap in your mind, they create an incredible poignancy. Only when you take a deep look at Ling's scene at that time will you realize the strength of Ling now - the girl hiding in the shell.
The helplessness and fear within.
She created a shell for herself that was inconsistent with her age, and then hid helplessly inside, crying and feeling sad. She longed for another relationship that could reassure her, but she was afraid of experiencing the same pain again.
She couldn't afford to be hurt anymore, she was tired, and she was scared.
You took me to heaven and pushed me down. I embraced regret and fell into the sky...
Listening to Jing Jing talking about the past, at that moment, I was a little distracted.
There was a sense of helplessness in the deepest part of my heart, because the time in Ling's past was the most unforgettable memory for her. Whether it was happiness or sadness, it was like they were all deeply engraved in her heart.
In my heart, I can never be forgotten or forgotten.
However, in this, for her, the most unforgettable experience in her life, there was no place for me, not even my shadow.
What should I do?
If it were me now, I might smile slightly and tell myself: For everyone, there will be a story in the past, a person and a relationship that will be unforgettable or even cherished for life. But this does not mean that in the future, there will be a story in the past.
You can compose an equally touching story with her in the future, but you can also be the person who makes her heart beat. Because although each of us lives in the present, we all still have a future. No matter how unforgettable the past is, it has already been sealed.
The conclusion is that no matter how difficult it is to grasp tomorrow, there is still hope. Follow your own path and play your role well, and you will be happy.
However, I obviously did not have this awareness at that time. An ignorant child's exploration of the world had just begun, and he could not understand some very critical issues. So at that time, I just continued to be in a daze, thinking about what happened to Ling.
Feeling distressed and anxious about the unknown of her future, she continued to listen to Jing telling the story about Ling.
Traditional Chinese medicine has said: numbness is better than wood, and pain is better than hemp. Together they mean that pain is better than numbness. Ling still believes in "his" feelings for her. She loves him, and he loves her, there is no doubt about it.
.But her love is everything, an indomitable impulse; his love is reservation, a compromise after weighing the pros and cons. In terms of feelings, they are unbalanced. At that time, Ling can also choose to compromise, and the compromise after compromise is at least
It can make the world between two people look beautiful. But Ling is afraid that one day she will get used to it, get used to his existence, get used to his compromise, get used to the love that both of them have reservations about, and get used to herself.
She was so numb that she didn't think about the future or tomorrow. So she chose "pain", because if it hurt, it at least meant that she still had consciousness and could resist the current situation. If she was numb, that would be the best.
Terrible.
So she calmly asked him out to meet. In a small shop with no personality and no atmosphere, he and she sat face to face in a daze as if they had met for the first time. She hoped to downplay their meeting this time, because after
After today, she and him are just friends.
She looked at the man who had once made her heart beat very quietly, carefully concealing even the slightest fluctuations in her emotions. She didn't want to let herself have any gaps that could be broken by him. He was too much for her.
Stronger - she understood this deeply.
"Let's break up and never meet again." Ling said to him.
He looked at her in disbelief. He probably never thought that the problem would be so serious. He was too confident, and he always thought he could control everything. Everything in control, this was his favorite thing to say. But Ling's persistence and
The stubbornness was beyond his expectation, and at that moment he even felt panicked and confused.
"Does it have to be like this?" he asked Ling in a hoarse voice. "You know I love you."
"Yes, I know. I still love you too. So I gave you what you need most."
"What is that?"
"Freedom!" Ling's voice was already crying, but her expression still seemed very calm. Thinking of that scene makes people feel like crying. "Yes, freedom, I gave you my most precious thing, my
Love, my all, unreserved love. But now I realize that this is not what you want at all. What you want is freedom, the freedom to fly like a bird..."
She didn't say any more because her emotions were starting to get out of control. She was afraid that she would cry. If I cried, would he hold me in his arms like he did before, and then pat my head like a dog to comfort me?
?
She was afraid that this would happen, and she refused to let herself think deeper. She was fragile, but she could let herself choose to be strong.
"Listen to me..." He was eager to explain something.
"You don't need to tell me, really, I don't want to know."
"But I still owe you an explanation, please listen to me..."
"You don't owe me anything. You really don't need to say anything more."
Yes, he didn't owe her anything. If anything, he just owed her a promise and a promised paradise. She once thought she could already touch that paradise, but when she dared When I mustered up the courage to reach out, I realized that it was all just an illusion.
Illusion in a mirage.
"Why is this happening?" His tone was very sad and also a little helpless.
"I changed for you, and I even thought about compromising. But I didn't know if the final result of my compromise would be good. So, in the end, I chose to give up. Isn't this bad? Although it is painful, it is The best outcome, isn't it? At least we can still remember the happiness that each other brought to the other."
"But……"
"Stop talking, okay." Her emotions also became excited. Facing this man she once liked so much, it was difficult for Ling to control her emotions. "Let's all preserve the last bit of dignity for each other, okay? ?”
He stopped talking. The atmosphere suddenly became very quiet, with a hint of embarrassment.
"Why didn't you speak?" he asked, very childishly.
She suddenly smiled. He was really a handsome boy. The anxiety and helplessness just now were no longer visible. He had returned to the look of that killer, so cold, confident, and handsome. No matter when he looked They were all so energetic and handsome. Looking at him, she smiled happily.
Her abnormality frightened him, "What's wrong with you?" he asked anxiously.
She smiled and shook her head. She bravely looked into his eyes, looking attentively, and could even see her own face in his eyes. It was a smiling face, and the look on her face at this moment It should be filled with happy memories.
Then she carefully wrote two sentences on a piece of note paper and handed it to him.