I have always felt that the word corresponding to the word "face" should be courage. Because no matter when something needs to be faced, it will definitely make you feel unhappy and depressed, at least when you decide to deal with it.
Before doing something, you will have a long period of hesitation. So in the end, if your decision is to face it, you are a courageous person. You have overcome your laziness and fear, but you may not be so calm and willing.
You chose a brave way to solve the problem. No matter what the outcome is, at least you will not regret your choice.
We often like to say "ignorant people are happy." Because we don't know, we don't have to face some things, and we are indeed very happy. But if you know it and still choose to pretend to be ignorant because of fear and fear, then
Isn't it a little too sad?
I have always said that I am a weak person, but for a long time I have given myself more than 10,000 excuses to cover up this point, hoping that I can still appear confident and strong in front of others.
But lies are lies after all. When you really need to face some problems and deal with some crises, the personality mask you present will be completely unable to bear the pressure, and the true personality you have always concealed will be exposed to the sun.
Frustrated, I considered the solution.
I am facing this situation now. Although I can continue to pretend not to know about some things between me and Ling, I can also continue to stay in his upper bunk and smoke as a good-looking buddy.
For his cigarettes, I can even introduce him to another girlfriend or something so that my conscience can get some kind of disguised relief.
I can do all these things. However, I can't do them all.
Because I'm uneasy.
I'm not content with continuing to hide it from my second child, I'm not content with the anxiety in my heart, and I'm not content with being dissatisfied with my own cowardice!
At that time, I even set a goal for myself, because I knew clearly that the road Ling and I would go on would not be smooth sailing. The bumps and twists were problems that both she and I would face. As a man,
I don’t want Ling to bear any more things that she shouldn’t have to bear. I hope that I can carry them all and deal with them properly. Only in this way can I be qualified to tell Ling: I am a person who can bring you happiness.
man.
The problem with the second child is the first hurdle I need to overcome now.
I can now proudly say that from the moment I made up my mind, I have undergone some transformations. Maybe I am indeed a cowardly person, but at least this time I chose to face it bravely instead of using force.
Excuses and reasons to go to **********.
I walked into the dormitory, and the brothers were still busy with their own affairs. It was still a familiar scene: the eldest brother was lying on the bed and listening to his Walkman, the second brother was surfing the Internet on my computer, and from time to time, he looked over at the fourth and fifth brothers.
Playing games. Everyone seems to have gotten used to my coming home late, and my coming back is not too special to them. But the second child raised his head and asked me with concern: "So late again? Are you okay?"
"It's okay!" I nodded and replied pretending not to care.
"Is everything okay? I must have gone to pick up girls, it's so mysterious! Holy shit, my tank is down!" Lao Wu said while playing the game, but he accidentally hit my Achilles' heel.
Inadvertent words often wake up those who are intentional. At that moment, I felt a little embarrassed. I walked up to him and gave him a spoon, "Play your game well, what nonsense are you talking about!"
Lao Wu no longer paid attention to me. He yelled nervously. I glanced at his screen. One of his tanks and three mine vehicles were facing the pursuit of Lao Wu and five dragon knights. The battle situation was tense.
I was happy that he had no time to retaliate against me: "This is purely a technical issue, and I don't even want to talk about it!"
The second child also smiled and continued to search for information online. At that moment, I felt that I had successfully resolved something that should have been embarrassing.
What happened next was very ordinary: I went to wash up and change clothes, then circulated among the other four people, introduced a box of new albums to the boss, watched the second brother check the information for a while, and then took the time to guide the two
I turned the fourth child and the fifth child into an interstellar battle. I was spinning like a top, trying to liven up the atmosphere in the entire dormitory. I don’t know the reason. I just relied on instinct to think that such words might have some influence on what I would say later.
Helpful.
Time is always contrary to your personal wishes. Just when I hoped that it would pass slower so that I could make the preliminary preparations as perfect as possible, the lights were turned off.
The entire dormitory building was filled with the unique noise of a male gathering place. While everyone was greeting a certain female immediate relative of Guan Dianren, they reluctantly climbed up to the bed and prepared to start another activity in the evening: a sleep-talking session.
Of course, our dormitory is no exception. Everyone goes to the toilet, takes off their clothes, and gets ready for the next one to two hours to be more comfortable.
The fifth and fourth children were still discussing how the last sentence of the nuclear bomb would change the situation of the war. The boss was still listening to the song, but seemed to have turned down the volume - at that moment, everyone was having a great time.
It's fulfilling. I'm the only one who seems to feel a little unsure of what to do. Maybe there's another one, I'm not sure.
I don't know why there was such a change, making something that was originally normal suddenly seem so weird. It should be caused by psychological changes. After all, I had a stone in my heart at that time.
The second child didn't seem to notice my changes, he just did what he was supposed to do slowly, and then still gave me a cigarette: "Smoke to sleep!" His tone was very calm.
"S-can we go out and smoke?" I took his cigarette and said tentatively.
The second child glanced at me, said nothing, opened the door, and walked out.
"Alas!" I sighed inwardly and walked out.
"What's the matter?" the second child asked me, but his eyes were fixed on a few buddies in the opposite dormitory who were lighting candles and getting ready to play cards.
"It's nothing." I was looking for an opportunity. "It's been a long time since I've bragged, so I'm just bragging!"
"The brothers are not afraid that someone will check you out at night, and they will be unlucky then." The second brother muttered, "Just wait, I will go and tell them." After saying that, he thought about it.
"Second Brother!" I called him, quite loudly. Second Brother stopped, and several other people in the corridor also turned their heads.
The second child looked at me with doubts in his eyes, but he was exceptionally calm.
I looked at him, and after a while, I said slowly: "Boy, I'm chasing the bell!"
I could clearly feel that my words made my second brother stunned. At that time, I could even see his shoulders shaking slightly.
Instead, I calmed down. The decision has been made and it is irreversible. Now all I have to do is to make things as good as possible. There is always a happy ending in a good love story. I hope that I My own story can also have such an ending. So, I'm just waiting for the second child's reaction.
"What did you say?" The second child was stunned for a moment, then turned around and asked me.
I know he heard clearly what I said, otherwise he wouldn't have reacted the way he did just now. He is just giving himself time to react by asking me this now. After all, my news is really sudden.
"I'm chasing the bell." I said it again, calmly and unhurriedly. "I like her."
The second child didn't say anything, as if he was still digesting my news. "When did it happen?" I don't know why, but I felt that there was a hint of desperate calmness in his voice, and this tone made me feel very scared.
"From the beginning to now, from the first time I met her to now, I have always liked her."
"Why hide it from us?"
"Because she is your fellow countryman, I'm worried..."
The second child sneered, "Worried? What are you worried about? Are you worried that I will be sad if I know you are chasing her? Are you worried that I will be in pain because I can't stand the excitement!! Or are you worried that I will beat you in anger because of this? "Dun!!!" The second child let out a long sigh: "The third child, you underestimate me!"
"Second brother, I..." I was eager to explain something, but I really didn't know how to explain it. Everything seemed to be superfluous at this time.
The second brother waved his hand to stop my poor explanation. "Give me a cigarette..." His voice was a little hoarse.
As if I was released, I quickly took out a cigarette and handed it to my second son. He took the cigarette and ignored the lighter I lit for him. He took out his lighter and lit it, leaning against the wall of the corridor for a long time. I took a puff of a cigarette. I was very embarrassed at that time, so I had to light a cigarette for myself and smoke it silently.
There was no words for a moment.
At that moment, under the dim light of the corridor, the figures of two men - no, maybe just boys, were shrouded in the thick smoke of cigarettes, blurred and strange, quiet but chaotic.
"I like her." Under the echo of the corridor, the second son's voice seemed hollow.
"I know."
"But I'm stupid. I never know how to express my true thoughts to a girl I like. I can only stay by her side and look at her silently while everyone is playing together. That's it, I also feel satisfied, as if I am closer to something..."
I turned my head and looked at the second child in surprise. His words seemed to make me see my own shadow, the shadow of me before I learned that Ling had passed away. He was also a clumsy and timid boy who didn't know how to express his love. They are also idiots who just want to wait for each other silently!
Once upon a time, I firmly believed in the correctness of this approach like a devout believer who believed in his own religion. In my completely immature world view and view of love at that time, loving someone meant that I should make a considerable amount of sacrifice. This way Only love is poignant, such love is classical, such love is beautiful...
But at that time, I didn’t know if this kind of love was really called love: If you love someone and you don’t even have the courage to let the other person know, then how can you have the responsibility and confidence to give the other person all the happiness you can bring her?
?!If you love someone and just wait beside her silently, then one day, she will ignore your existence because of the appearance of another courageous person. There is a saying that "If a man is not bad, a woman will not love you."
, maybe the underlying meaning is just to show that so-called "bad" men have more courage to express their inner thoughts to women than cowardly good men.
A woman is like an antelope, only if you chase her can you get her beautiful horns. The consequence of waiting from a distance is to see her running happily in front of you, but you will always be only an arm's length away from her.
Brother, you are wrong. Loving someone is not just waiting silently by her side. If you can't even get close to her, how can you take good care of her?
"Second son..." I murmured and wanted to say something. I wanted to tell this former self some of my feelings, but he interrupted me.
"Wait until I finish speaking." He looked at me and said, his eyes calm and indifferent, so that I could not see his true thoughts. "I know that my behavior seems too cowardly, and I also know that if I continue to do this, I will always be in trouble.
One day another person will appear and chase Ling. But..." He let out a long sigh, "But I didn't expect that person to be you, and I didn't expect that it would be so fast, so fast.
There is no time to react!"
"I didn't know it would happen so quickly. I really didn't know! I fell into it before I knew it."
"The third child."
"kindness?"
"Do you really like her?" The second child looked at me seriously.
"Yes! I really like it!" I looked at the second child and said in my most sincere tone.
"Then never make her sad, otherwise I won't let you go!" After the second child said this, he put out the cigarette butt on the wall, and then walked to the bedroom without looking back.
At that moment, I had an impulse. I wanted to chase him and explain everything to him, from the first time I met Ling in the cinema, to the fact that I learned the whole story about Ling from Jing, to how I made up my mind to give this...
Girls are happy? I want to tell him all this, tell him my thoughts, and tell him the story of my experience with Ling.
However, I really didn't know what to say to him, so I just watched his leaving figure silently, and suddenly thought of something. I called him.
"Dick!"
"Um?"
"Then are we still brothers now?" I looked at his back, filled with anxiety and hope.
The second child stopped in his tracks and looked back at me.
"I don't know!" His voice was cold and calm, like a complete stranger.
Then he walked into the dormitory, leaving me in the empty corridor with a long sigh.