You can often hear this in books, on TV, and even in songs: If you love her, just let her leave you. I have never understood why love can be given up so easily. You have to let go of the worries you once had and move towards it.
Can a person who misses you be as casual as throwing away a piece of clothing that he doesn't like? Or is he just pretending to be indifferent, but can only quietly lick his bleeding and peeling wounds in the middle of the night?
If that's the only way to prove love, then, sorry, I can't do it.
I am very selfish. I must earn this love that I believe in, even if the final result is a bloody head.
It is necessary to talk about myself. In fact, I still don’t know what love is. These two words mean too much burden and responsibility. But at least one thing is certain: I don’t know how to love. Or rather, it’s mine.
I don’t know how to love people. My parents were very busy since I was a child, so I have always lived alone. The life I am accustomed to is autistic, private, and without taking any responsibility. And I have always reserved my emotional devotion. That
I always envy the lovers on campus. They can talk about their future together intoxicatedly and longingly. They can be very attached and sweet and quiet in their own world. I always sneer at them when I walk by them.
, because I know that I will never get it.
But when I met her, on that early autumn afternoon with a hint of coolness, I saw her unintentionally exposed tiger teeth, and listened to her sweet laughter as sweet as silver bells. I knew that I was doomed.
During the time when I was "friends" with her, I lived a very happy, unrestrained, and lively time... That was the first time I really fell in love.
I'm very greedy, that time is too short, I want more
It just so happened that a football match was about to be held. She told me before that she had never been to a football match live.
I called her to make an appointment.
She probably didn’t know that her boyfriend had already come to see me, and was surprised by my call. I tricked her out of it. When I saw her, I didn’t say a word, although I had thought about it in advance.
There were a lot of words to say, but when I saw her, I felt that nothing was necessary. So I just kept silent. And she followed me without saying a word in a tacit understanding.
We walked to the stadium in silence, and the two of us looked at each other speechlessly. The atmosphere at that time was really strange: among a lot of vendors selling speakers, soft drinks, and selling second-hand football tickets, there were two unsmiling people.
I don’t know who started it first, but we both laughed. Just like the killer Leon opened the door to Matilda, at that moment, the whole world lit up.
"Why did you drag me here without saying a word?" She seemed to have returned to her original character and started to get angry with me.
"Don't you know that the highest state is to keep everything silent?" I was very happy and accepted the offer.
"Haha, I'm sorry, I'm here to watch the game. I don't seem to know you?" She started to play.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm also here to watch the game, but I saw that you are too beautiful, so I came over to ask you a question and see if there is any chance?" I played with her, my expression was serious, and I was very happy in my heart.
"Then I feel sad for your girlfriend." She said with a heavy look on her face.
"Where, the person watching football with me is a man." I said disdainfully.
She laughed. "You're cruel, I'm in!"
Although this was a women's football match, there were unexpectedly many people because the city I studied in had never held a similar event before. We were struggling to move among a lot of stout ladies and delicate men.
.I hesitated for a moment, then reached out and hugged her.
Her waist is so soft.
To this day, I still remember the tremor at that moment, as if an electric current spread from her waist throughout my whole body. It should be a kind of throbbing. There is not a word that is not beautiful but very accurate to describe that feeling.
: Cool. And the book and TV gave it a vivid metaphor: electric shock.
It was two months and five days after we met. On that day, we had our first intimate contact. If I could freeze time, I would definitely choose to stay at that moment. I know that feeling is an unreliable thing.
, but the beauty I felt at that moment became an eternity.
Her body stiffened for a moment and she didn't say anything. She safely handed herself over to me. I protected her through the crowded crowd, but in my heart I just complained silently that the journey was too short.
As for what that game was like, I don’t remember it because I didn’t watch it at all. The combined appeal of the 22 women on the court to me was not even one-tenth of hers.
And her attention was obviously not on the ball. She happily blew the trumpet and cheered for both teams excitedly.
Seeing her as impulsive as a child, I smiled and taught her a few tricks to watch the ball.
"When I take the plane out later, remember to act innocent."
"kindness."
So, a paper airplane filled with scraps of paper landed on the head of an aunt. She turned around with a depressed look on her face. We both sat upright, pretending to be innocent. But she quietly squeezed my hand.
Her hands are so cold.
Now I keep thinking about my state of mind at that time and that short-lived relationship. Sometimes I am sad, sometimes I am happy; sometimes I am excited, sometimes I am calm. As I explore my own memories, this article becomes longer and longer.
Now, a lot of certain things have been denied, and a lot of doubtful things have been confirmed. But one thing is certain, we really loved each other at that time, and our love was like the paper flying in the sky.
It's the same as an airplane. Although it doesn't fly high, it can fly after all.
If this was a rigorous novel, then I should also make up a story to tell everyone how she and I got along.
But the truth is indeed so inexplicable. After watching that game, we were together.
It's not that I don't mind her boyfriend. At that time, I was like a child who finally got the toy that he had longed for. I was so excited that I didn't even think about the blood and sweat that my parents had to spend to buy it.
It was indeed a wonderful time. We squandered our respective youths and cherished every minute and every second we spent together. After class every day, I would take the car to their school to accompany her, and would bring her some small things every time I went there.
Gift. If it is a weekend, the two of us spend endless time together: watching movies, singing, and going shopping. Our favorite thing to do is to sit on the side of the road together and point at the passers-by and guess them out loud.
story. It doesn’t matter even if others think of us as crazy, because there is no one else in our eyes.
There is a small lake next to their school. In fact, it may be more appropriate to call it a pond. Because people who are in love like to go there, it has a beautiful name: Lover's Lake.
The first time she and I went there was in the evening. It was very cold, and her hands were cool and comfortable to hold. There was a project going on there, and the road was bad and bumpy. I led her carefully.
Watching her jump around among the piles of rocks. When we finally got there, the two of us could only smile bitterly at each other: The lake in the evening sun has become a construction site that is in need of new construction. Only the water on the edge of the pond is
A bay of water and a willow tree still retain a bit of their old appearance.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know." Her voice was low, like a puppy that had made a mistake.
"Fool." I held up her head. "As long as you are here, there will be a Lake of Love everywhere." I dragged her to the willow tree. "Look, didn't you leave these things for us?"
Lover's Lake belongs to every couple of lovers." I looked into her eyes, her eyes were so hazy. "And these are the only ones that belong to the two of us..."
On a late autumn afternoon, at a construction site, by a pond, under a dying willow tree, she and I kissed for the first time.
Her hands are cold, but her lips are hot...
Christmas is here, and even though we have cursed him more than ten thousand times in our hearts, our teacher still appeared in the classroom on time that night and started to give us the exam. On Christmas Eve in 1999, I actually spent it in the exam room
After the exam, it was almost 9 o'clock, but I still ran to her school to spend the last Christmas Eve of the end of the century with her.
There were a lot of people on the street that day. Everyone had more or less innocent smiles. From time to time, you could see over 30 people wearing Santa Claus hats playing with children. We exchanged Christmas gifts, and the two of them actually
Thinking of getting together, we both gave each other a big Shrubby! Holding the two dogs, we laughed like children...
I took her back to my dormitory. Due to my preparations, there was no one else here. I lit the candles on the table one by one, and her face became rosy little by little. The music started, and there was a burst of music.
It was an old song "last
Her hands are always so cold.
Gradually, we got closer. I wanted to kiss her, but she quickly moved away. I was frustrated, but she bit my ear: "Thank you."
She cried...
I don’t know why, but I didn’t want to comfort her at that time. I just held her tightly in my arms and wanted to use all my strength to melt her. Time froze at that moment, and everything around me was so quiet.
It's so quiet. Only the warm singing gently wraps us up.
A long time passed.
"I'm leaving." She whispered.
"Oh, I'll give it to you." I let go of her as if waking up from a dream.
Her tears have dried, but the traces of tears are engraved on my heart...
December 31, 1999. It was a day that the whole world paid attention to. I prepared my camera early to capture all the firsts of the new century. In the square after 11 o'clock in the evening, everyone's
Her face was filled with excitement. I led her around the crowd, trying to record the last bits of the 20th century.
"5,4,3,2,1!!!"
"Happy New Year!" We hugged each other and shouted.
"Remember this moment." I said loudly.
"What?" She couldn't hear.
I bit her ear, "We have been in love for a century!!"
She said nothing and nodded seriously.
I gave her the New Year gift I had prepared: a card I drew, with her lying on the desk and sleeping soundly on it.
She laughed and wanted to hit me. I avoided her and said, "Look behind me."
On the back of the card, I wrote a line: You are the last woman I love in the 20th century and the first woman I love in the 21st century, but I must make you the last woman I love in the 21st century, okay?
?
She hugged me and cried.
At that time, although the whole world was noisy, I still heard her low voice.
"kindness"
The New Year was over and it was almost time for winter vacation. She left before me. When I sent her to the train, she said loudly to me: "Thank you."
"Silly girl." I smiled and put the earphones into her ears, playing Faye Wong's song, "You are happy, so I am happy."
"Remember me!"
"I can't forget it even if I want to. We made an agreement for a century."
The train was far away, she disappeared, and my smile dropped.
When I left, I thought: The winter vacation will be over soon.