I have forgotten my childhood growing up experience. I grew up under the protection of my strong mother’s wings. There were no tears in my childhood. In my childhood, I refused tears and weakness. I have gradually forgotten the words I would use to call my dad out of my mouth.
How do you feel? Before this, I have never mentioned him to anyone. There is an eternal hatred hidden deep in my heart. Yes, it is hatred. Thanks to him, I have gained something different.
childhood, different family affection, different eyes on each other.
In the long river of time, there are only ups and downs and responsibilities before me. This kind of childhood made me grow up quickly. I am like a peach that has matured due to catalysis, especially conspicuous in that cold season. I have to warn
I have grown up and can take on the responsibilities of the family and share the heavy burden on my mother's shoulders. Those seemingly peaceful days are full of hardships for life. Every time I see those thin shoulders, I will feel inexplicable heartache. That is me
My mother is a suffering but strong mother. So the waves aroused in my heart gradually spread in the loose airflow, and oppressed my optic nerve. My nose was sour, but there were no tears.
"I want to be independent." I said to myself. That strong idea slowly took root in my mind and grew stronger day by day...
"Self-reliance!" Yes, Xiao Han, you can do it, and you will do it!
The dilapidated walls are low and uneven, the old tile-roofed houses stand precariously in the cold wind, the doors have been weathered by time into a dull khaki color, and a few dwarf poplar trees stand lonely in the yard.
The wind gently and breathlessly waved its bare arms, sighing like a sway. Well, yes, this is my home, the place where I grew up. At that time, the humid air exuded
Desolation always makes me feel silent fear every night...
Ten years ago, the fresh homeland was no longer there, and the happiness of my childhood had also gone with it.
I was tired and closed my eyes slightly. Yes, this is my home. It has witnessed my growth and experience for seventeen years. Every story of mine is stored in its memory. I seem to be able to learn from her.
I have found my only pride and pride, and my life has its own ending. It is destined by God and I cannot resist it.
I never seem to get used to others looking at me in a strange way, as if I am an alien and playing the role of a clown. What I always get is "sympathy" and "pity" concern. I can never understand why just because my father left,
How can I be so favored? I have self-esteem, I am fragile and strong.
I couldn't take my eyes away from my mother's figure leaning in front of the window lattice. Under the setting sun, her thin back was cold and lonely. Her long hair was somewhat messy and was coiled up on her head. The setting sun shone on her temples. I
My heart was stabbed violently, and the silvery light stung my eyes. My nose was sore, but I had no tears. I suddenly had a desire to transcend the world. I wanted to fly, fly into the clouds, and escape.
earthly world...
Now, I can face this or that reality so calmly, which should be attributed to the traces that time has scratched on my body. I gradually get used to and like the kind of memory with fallen leaves, and the journey with destiny...
As usual, it is a complicated day. It is complicated not because of the complexity of things, but because of the contradictions in my heart. My cold appearance makes me lose every opportunity to communicate with others, so I have very few friends.
They said that I was aloof and indifferent, like ice that could not melt my temperature. So, I became a person who was arrogant and indifferent in behavior. This state once occupied my space for a certain period. No one dared to disturb me, and no one dared to disturb me.
No one can disturb me. In my world, there is only me alone...
At this moment, I was crossing the fence, holding high-folded high school books in my arms. Along the way, I felt its heavy weight. I was tired and didn’t enter the door, so I yelled loudly to my mother: "
Mom, I'm back."
Hearing my voice, my mother walked out of the main room, saw me, and smiled: "You're back?" My mother wore a dark gray tight-fitting silk jacket that day, black trousers, and
Wearing a pair of silver-gray cotton-soled shoes, she looks very ordinary as a village woman. Her hair is neatly tied up on her head as before. She is no longer beautiful. She has begun to grow old. Her big eyes have lost their former luster and have become
It was gray and empty. She was a teacher, a primary school teacher.
"Yeah" I responded and smiled softly. I walked into the house and put the heavy book that made me weak on the dark green square table beside my bed, and put it against the wall. I heard my mother's words.
I started walking, knowing she was standing behind me, and I had a premonition of what she was going to say to me. No one knows my mother better than me, and no one can love my mother more after I lost my father.
"Han" she is calling my name
I responded.
"Cold" she called out again, but there was an unexplainable pain slowly coming over her...
"Han, you have graduated." She said to me after a long time.
"Yeah" I responded again. Although no one knows my mother better than me, I still want her to tell me her helplessness frankly. I'm waiting for her to tell me...
"Mom is selfish!" Mom said to me. Then, after a short silence, she finally said bravely: "Han, you have graduated. Mom... Mom... I don't know if I want you to go to college."
, No one can understand my mother better than you. I have never deliberately concealed the embarrassment of our life. This is my mother's selfishness. My mother can make you and Yue'er live a better life, but my mother failed to do it. My mother is incompetent. I
I heard her sobbing. Although she tried her best to control the decibel of her voice, it was in vain. I heard it, and it was extremely real.
"Mom is really pleased that you and Yue'er are both grown up. Really!... You and Yue'er are both sensible children. This is what I am most proud of. No one can be better than my pair of children. In my mother's case,
In my eyes, you are always the best..."
I still didn't speak, I was still listening...
"Mom doesn't know whether it was right or wrong to bring you into this world, but she will love you forever, forever..."
I sighed: "I know"
"Mom is incompetent and can't send you to school. Blame me, child..." Her voice floated in the air and trembled and was transmitted to my eardrums. The slight sobs also entered my ears like bells. I turned around
Facing her mother, her eyes were full of guilt, and her eyes were like streams flowing out of the escalator. Feeling my turn, she quickly wiped away the tears on her face and turned her face away.
, but the corners of his clothes were damp.
"What's wrong with you?" My heart was hurting.
"It's okay. I got a pimple in my eye today. It's okay. It will be fine in two days."
The chest did not shrink silently like tears. I was speechless and began to panic. I knew that my mother had always hidden her fragility behind her back and only gave me and my brother the Yanggang side.
…
But today, she didn't...
My language began to deteriorate. Those earnest and sincere words of care could not be found and moved to a corner. I was like a baby who had lost his vocal cords, unable to speak. The momentary freeze left a clear memory for me.
…
"You're hungry. I'm going to cook. It's time for Yue'er to come back." She squeezed out a smile that was so pitiful that it broke my heart from her painful face with tears in the corners of her eyes. Then, the figure turned pink.
The ribbon disappeared in front of me, but I stood there frozen, like a sculpture... My heart was shocked by my mother, and my soul was deeply hurt. At the first time, it was not a difficult problem.
In front of me, I told myself that I could be desireless, cold and ruthless about anything, but I was wrong. I was far from able to do that for my mother. "Well, it's because I haven't grown up.
"Really? No! I have grown up, yes, I have grown up!!" At that time, the trapped ignorance spread all over my body, and the little bit of pitiful self-esteem that was left was cruelly and ruthlessly uncovered.
Bloody... My feet seem to be taking root, or taking root further, and bear fruit.
"I'm tired and confused. Why am I so indifferent? Am I still a normal person?" God favors me, so he allows me to go through ups and downs. God cares about me, so he makes me ignore my conscience. Conscience? I really
No?? I was confused. It gathered in the center of my heart like sewage from a flooded river, gurgling... I was shocked and filled with despair...
"Road", what kind of road is ahead of me? A quagmire? A swamp? Or a cliff? I can no longer face the reality as calmly as I imagined before. I gradually feel confused and lose my courage. Only then do I know,
Xiao Han is also cowardly!
"Do you really want to be a coward? No, don't!" A voice deep in my heart shouted to me.
"Mother……"
She responded to me in a hoarse voice. I saw the endless tears again: "Well, are you hungry? You'll be fine in a while!!" She was covering up. She lowered her head and continued to knead. The wrinkles at the corners of her eyes
Reflected in my eyes through the crystal tears, the details of the past quickly enlarged in front of me like pupils, from blurry to clear, from one-sided to specific, from surprise to shock. At that moment, I knew it was me who had made the mistake.
It’s time to make a decision, yes, I won’t hesitate anymore, let alone hesitate. I think a great decision should be more realistic than fashionable words, right?!
I laughed, but that smile was a bit cold.
"I know what I should do and what I can do now!" I finally said this.
My mother froze there first, then turned to look at me. She seemed to be examining an incoherent stranger to prove the credibility of my words. From that dull expression, I passed her face-to-face examination.
, the teardrops hanging on the tip of her nose twisted and fell on her facial features for a moment, and then quickly fell, seeping into the snow-white batter in the white porcelain basin. "Mom is selfish!" She still repeated this sentence, "Yes.
Yes, mom is selfish! Mom knows that no matter what I do, it will bring harm to you, but I don’t mean it. If I want to remain silent, maybe when I want to hear what you just said, I will stand firm.
, show you a natural expression, but I can’t do it! Han, mom can’t do it, I insulted a mother’s strength and showed you my fragile side, I’m not a good mother, no!” She shook her head
It seems to be accusing, yes, it is accusing me!!
I seemed to lack a substantial and vivid feeling about this touching scene, but with the vivid plot description, I entered the plot, and a huge crab clamped my heart, which was painful. I think I
I have to stop breathing, but I still have to express my decision under the pressure of the outside world. That kind of calm and simple exposure is like saying scary words to myself in front of the mirror. I can't express the complexity of my heart in sign language.
I couldn't even communicate with my mother with my spiritual eyes. However, things always happened and evolved under unimaginable circumstances. So, I heard what I wanted to say:
"You are my only mother and my closest relative. No matter what you ask me to do that I don't want to do, I will try my best to complete it. Although I am rebellious, ignorant, cowardly and lazy, you are my mother, and I know that you
You are always tolerant of my ignorance, and I respect your behavior, although this is sometimes called weakness by me. But I cannot make any disrespectful questions about your greatness. You gave birth to me and raised me, this is my happiness
, is also your achievement. Even though we were impoverished, you still let me enjoy the simplest true love in the world. This is something you should feel proud of. The glory of a woman does not lie in her career, but in the way she uses her
Youth has given birth to a pair of children of flesh and blood. Mom, you know that I have an unruly soul, just like dad, right?" When I said the word dad, I suddenly swallowed hard in my throat. Yes, I am me.
Unexpected...
"My unruly soul is like my father, who likes to wander like a rogue. I know you can't tolerate any stumbling block that hinders the growth of your hard work, and you just acted as this stumbling block today. Are you hating yourself? I have grown up.
, I am an adult, right? I have hands and feet, and I am fully capable of raising myself, right? You have reached your forties and are getting older. Mom, I feel pain too. It’s on your face.
I saw it on the Internet. I know you must be thinking that you are about to lose a sweetheart of destiny. An outstanding individual who is very likely to make you proud, proud, and able to obtain a senior academic degree. I am your daughter,
Your blood is flowing in my body. When your blood starts to get cold, I think, my blood will also clot! I can feel your subtle changes. Mom, I also have spirituality. I can guess your
As you said, I have a pair of eyes that penetrate the soul. She is like dad. I know what you want to say but can't say. Now, you don't have to say it, mom, I know, I know everything. I understand, I
It puts you in panic, but you don’t know that compared to me, I feel the same way about you. I dare not ignore your existence, hurt you casually and cruelly, nor do I dare to do anything at my ignorant age.
There are things that come out of routine. Although I also have ideas, I don’t have the courage. No child as old as me will understand her mother more deeply and thoroughly than me. You regard me as your life.
And you are also the source of my life. You have the soul of my father, and you make him completely blend with your weakness. This is a prerequisite for you to become a good mother. You do everything well, so
What you have done is not good enough. You are not as strong as a man. Although your physiology has exceeded the limits of women, it is still not enough. No matter what you do, it can only show that you are a mother, a mother who is stronger than ordinary women.
Mother is a stronger and greater mother. You know that I am not a child with a dark heart. Anything that violates perfection will make me feel disgusted. Because I don’t appreciate the greatness of this dedication, it will only make those who love me suffer deeper.
Hurt. I saw your tears, so I was scared and my heart ached. But, mom, I don’t have tears now, let alone need them.”`
My mother stood there, like a sculpture, and I tried to calm myself down. The midday sun shone on my back. In the cold winter, I started to feel a little hot and depressed. My underwear stuck tightly to my back, and my voice sounded like rushing.
"I probably can't fully understand your mood at this moment, which makes it impossible for me to guess your psychology at this time. Although I don't know the source of this scene, you are the most competent person in the world."
As a mother and mentor, I admire you for having such perseverance. You have done enough for me. I should reduce the pressure for you. I don’t want to let myself fall into the self-blame of my conscience and the emptiness of my heart." I stopped.
After a while, he continued, "If you want to cry now, just cry. That is the best way to vent. No one will laugh at you. Frail people will shed tears, just for themselves to see. Kind people will sympathize with the loss of support."
You weakling, you cry, mother, I won't laugh at you, but I don't have tears..."
"Hey, it's so boring!"
In the back garden of the Imperial Academy, Zheng Shayu held her chin in her hands and said depressedly.
"Second sister, why do you complain that you are bored every day?" Zheng Yanchen frowned.
"Chen'er, you don't understand the loneliness of a person like me. My psychology is so mature, but I have to be wronged in this child's body and can't use my fists. It's so regretful and depressing." Zheng
Shayu looked helplessly at her hands and feet.
Zheng Yanchen's face trembled, "Second sister, don't you know that you are the second young prince who was called a loser by Taoist Qingling? You actually claim that you are mentally mature so brazenly, but your current body makes you feel wronged... God
Ah! Second sister, is your head broken?"
Zheng Shayu glared at her, "You stinky girl, don't you want to hang out anymore!" What a loser, these children's tricks are enough to fool these children. Her skills are completely comparable in this ancient time.
She is a master, but she is just too lazy to move. She is a senior agent of the Military Intelligence Agency in the 21st century, with eighteen martial arts skills and omnipotence. How can it be difficult to defeat her with just this child's tricks?
For such boring things as zamabu and sanquan, do you want her to repeat how she went through her childhood in the 21st century?
So she simply was too lazy to move, but the wise old man always thought that she was a stupid child who could not learn no matter how much he was taught. He often called her "waste wood" because he hated that iron could not become steel.
She was too lazy to explain, so over time, Master Qing Ling stopped caring about her. However, she was extremely interested in Qing Gong and always practiced it in private.
The Imperial Academy is an aristocratic academy in the Shaxue Kingdom. It specializes in recruiting children with excellent qualifications from the royal family. Ordinary children are unable to enter and study.
Despite this, Zheng Shayu, a good-for-nothing, is still thriving in the Imperial Academy because she has the most noble status of being the second daughter of His Majesty the Empress.
Although she is a loser, she is extremely popular.
Just as she sighed, her eyes suddenly lit up and she said to the four younger sisters beside her, "I heard that the academy won't let us go home in the next three days?"
"Well, I heard from Taoist Priest Qingling that he wanted to test us, so he allowed us to stay overnight." Zheng Jiechun said very seriously. She is Zheng Shayu's fourth sister.
"Well, do you know where the boys will stay overnight?" Zheng Shayu's eyes lit up.
"It seems to be in the north yard, second sister, what's wrong?" Zheng Jiujiu asked strangely. She is the youngest, Xiaoliu.
"Second sister, why do I smell a conspiracy?" Zheng Xinyuan glanced at Zheng Shayu strangely, who was smiling like a feline cat.