Ye Qingling took a long breath again, poured herself a glass of wine and took a sip, as if to give herself some courage.
She picked up her chopsticks and took a few more bites of food before saying, "If you give me a chance to choose again, I will never come here again in my life, and I will never come here again. Maybe I am not suitable for this place.
It is suitable for two kinds of people, one is the upper class and the other is the bottom class.
Zhongbuliao is like me. Coming here is simply hell on earth. When I came here, my family gave me almost 30,000 U.S. dollars to bring over. I have almost 30,000 U.S. dollars myself. Sixty thousand U.S. dollars were worth it to me at the beginning.
It's enough to survive here, I think so. After all, this amount of money is almost a year's expense for a family here, and I can at least sustain my living expenses for two or three years.
Bringing this money here, I think I can quickly settle into a new life and live a good life, at least I thought, because I also graduated with a bachelor's degree and a master's degree in 985 in China, and my family is relatively well-off.
Ever since I was a child, I have always thought that I was excellent. As you said, I was not good-looking at first. It can be said that I came here with a sense of superiority.
I came here mainly because I wanted to change my environment and see the outside world. When I first came here, I contacted a friend of mine. He was my senior. To put it bluntly, he had always been the kind of ambiguous man who loves his concubine.
I came here because of him. He was a famous figure in our school. I liked him and she liked me too.
But when I got here, I didn't notice anything wrong at first, but gradually, I found a problem. He had been spending my money, and I helped him pay the rent for the house he rented. It's really not easy to rent a house here.
It's cheap, so it's not surprising that many people sleep on the roadside. What's more, only economically developed areas have job opportunities, so the rent won't be small. I pay for eating out, and I spend money to buy clothes.
But 60,000 U.S. dollars, only 60,000 U.S. dollars, was spent by two people, and without any income, it was all spent very quickly. He said he was looking for a job every day, but there was no news.
Later, he ran away and took away all the few thousand dollars I had left. I couldn't contact him anymore.
I had no shame to tell my family, and no shame to go back. At first, I thought, I would just treat this money as paying my tuition fees. It allowed me to see many people and many things clearly. At that time, my mentality was quite open-minded.
And the rent is still half a year away. I can use this world to find a job, and then I can easily settle down here, take my parents over, and even want to buy some things to send to you.
But soon, I was hit one after another. First of all, domestic school diplomas are basically not recognized by companies here. It is also difficult to find a job here in Qingbei. Only those ranked globally or some well-known local universities have them.
Chances are you can find a relatively good job.
This was really the first time I suffered such a serious blow. I submitted eleven resumes, but nothing came to mind. I lowered my requirements and submitted twenty-five resumes, but still no response.
I was hungry, because I ran out of money and had almost enough food at home. I started to panic, so I looked for a job everywhere. You know, because of the different aesthetics, my beauty has no advantage here.
.
I became extremely ordinary. I couldn't accept it. I fell into anxiety. On the Chinese forum here, I saw someone recruiting part-time workers. I applied for it. The other party gave me a chance and asked me to serve the dishes, but what should I do?
Well, I broke two plates on the first day and was fired by my boss.
I went to a second job, and this time I became cautious. I was hit again, because I found that many of the people working with me were either illegal workers, and they might have been in the same area for several years.
The people in this store are either in the same condition as me or even in better conditions than me.
Gradually, I learned something. There is no shortage of talents here, but top talents. I am worthless here if I haven’t read so many books, seen so much of the world, and don’t have a good growth environment.
If I didn't have any advantages in China and didn't have that sense of superiority, I wouldn't be miserable, just like many homeless people or people with no way out here.
They have never even felt something. They are not in pain and are used to it. They even feel that they are satisfied just by working here and earning some money to send home. Or for the local people living in slums, it doesn't matter if some people take relief every day.
, are you used to it?
But what about me? I’ve eaten delicacies from mountains and seas, I’ve seen the prosperity of the world, but I can’t accept it, and I’m even more afraid of being laughed at when I go back like this.
Many people here post on the Internet that they seem to be living a good life. In fact, it is just a sense of vanity to satisfy themselves. They want to be envied by their relatives and friends back home. In fact, they are living a very average life. They are only submissive and cautious here, and
The life they thought was very good was actually not as good as what I had in China before, so I couldn't get along well with them because I didn't want to live without a goal, I wanted to live better than before.
Later, I wanted a way out and planned to find a school here to study and study while working. I couldn’t afford to pay my rent when it was due, so I rented a room with others. Do you know, if a person has been in a good place?
In the environment, it can be changed by the environment.
But if you are in a not very good environment, it will be difficult for an individual to change the group, but it will be easy for an individual to be assimilated into the group.
I lived with a group of people in a dilapidated house, which was dirty and messy. I was afraid of being inspected because multiple people were not allowed to live in the same room. I gradually changed my lifestyle and persisted in it at first.
, then I started not washing my feet or brushing my teeth, and eating and drinking too much.
The only thing that makes my life more fulfilling every day is reading. I want to get into a good school and go to school while working, but do you know what despair is?
The most desperate thing is that I worked hard for a year to get admitted to a university here to study for graduate school. I was full of expectations and thought that I could change everything. You know, if you study in China, there will be changes.
I did well in the college entrance examination, got into a good university, and then went to graduate school. After I graduated, I was assigned a good job. Even if you are a graduate student in an ordinary university, after graduation, you can either go to the campus recruitment, or you can get into a good job through various examinations.
position.
It just gives people the hope that as long as you work hard, there will be rewards and hope, but what about here?
I was working and studying at the same time, and I was so tired that I almost suffocated. When I graduated, I discovered one thing: I didn’t seem to have changed much from before I came here, right?
As you age, many companies have age requirements and there are employment opportunities and employment discrimination.
Can you believe that a Black Pearl who graduated from a prestigious school lost to a White Rose who graduated from an ordinary undergraduate school for a job interview?
Discrimination here is very serious, so serious that someone who is not as good as you in all aspects can kick you out and take your place.
If I don't have a diploma, forget it, I admit it, I can wash dishes and serve food here for the rest of my life, but I am unwilling to do so. Everyone thinks that I must be better off here than in China.
Just like when I imagined that the senior would live a good life here, I still can't believe that such a good person before would turn into a thief here, a person that makes me feel sick just thinking about it.
The longer I stay here, the more afraid I am of people knowing about my situation. This is why many top students from China lose contact with their relatives and friends after coming here, because they are afraid of being asked too many questions.
.
If the second generation of rich people come here to study abroad, they come here for enjoyment, but most of them don't. After coming here, they really don't have any advantages, and they can't let go of their dignity and go back, which ultimately forces them to a dead end.
I have little contact with my family, but my parents feel it. They have sent me money several times and helped me through several difficulties, but I can't let them help me anymore. I can't afford to lose that person.
The two elders are so old. All their savings have been basically spent by me. They even want to sell the house and give me the money.
Zhao Mingyang, do you know how ashamed and self-blame I was at that time? I hated myself for why I was like this.
If this is the case for the rest of my life, I would rather die. I am not willing to accept it. Is this the case for the rest of my life?
Do you know what people will think when they reach the edge of despair? I want to rely on some vain things to change my destiny. I go to temples and churches to ask gods and Buddhas to bless me and make a fortune.
I bought lottery tickets hoping to get rich overnight, but the more I did this, the more I got stuck in the quagmire.
I even want to find a rich man to support me, but do you know what is the worst thing here?
In designated areas, the rich and the poor can really have no intersection at all, because where the rich live, the poor cannot enter. They are checked at all levels, and it seems to be intentionally separated.
Wave after wave of people come here and can't adapt. Some just hang around, and some go back. The chance of being able to hang out here is too low. Most of the people who stay fall into two categories. One is real.
If you are rich, you don't have to worry about food and drink, but you just don't want to go back and be laughed at.
Those who come here to do manual labor earn some money and then go home. If they can go back, they go back from 0 to 1. They go back with the fruits of the harvest. My return this time is going back from 10 to 0. I accept it.
No.
When I finished school here, I was full of expectations to find a decent job and start over, but the job I found was really average. The money I was given was not as much as washing dishes. It was difficult for me to support myself. I wanted to
It is even more difficult to send some money back to my family.
Gods and Buddhas are useless, and lottery tickets are useless. I started to get involved in gambling. I tasted some sweetness at first, but then I lost all my money. I started borrowing money, and then I broke my promise by not repaying the loan.
After running here from another continent, I started to embark on another road of no return, a road of self-destruction. Every day I went to the community with a group of homeless people to receive relief meals, which were basically bread, and I tried to make some money every day.
I was chased in Hanguo City just now because I had a meal at a restaurant and I was greedy. However, I was afraid that I would not be paid for food in a Chinese restaurant and would be recognized. I basically no longer live in the Chinese community.
Because I was recognized a few years ago, but it was not so bad at that time. Since then, I have not been in the Chinese community anymore, and I have been mostly in other communities. I really want to have a good meal today.
But the other party wanted to pay first before ordering, so I couldn't help it. I went to their back kitchen and stole some food, but someone discovered me.
In fact, I was discovered more than once, and I was given a lesson when I was caught, so I got used to it.
My final bottom line is that I didn’t sell myself to make money. You know what I mean, otherwise I would really have a mental breakdown. To put it bluntly, my self-esteem harmed myself. I even said that I was mentally incompetent and couldn’t resist some things. My mentality
collapsed.
The sense of loss made me choose to give up on myself, especially as more and more Chinese people have come here to travel, go to school, and work in recent years. I am always afraid of being seen like I am now.
I don't dare to answer the phone from my parents. They have always cared about me, but I think I will embarrass them. I also do manual labor to earn money. Over the years, I have sent home one after another what I have earned.
I basically live frugally and live on the street, hoping to have some money left over to support my parents in their old age. The happiest thing every month is to send some money back so that they can worry less about me.
I don’t want my parents to worry about me anymore. I don’t dare to go back to my country. I’m afraid that others will ask me what I’m doing here. If someone comes to play and asks me to entertain them, how will I entertain them?”
Zhao Mingyang was silent for a long time after hearing this. He understood everything Ye Qingling said. The goddess who originally had a good workplace, good looks, and a well-off family had been living comfortably, smoothly, studying well, and looking well since she was a child. This has defeated hundreds of people.
Ninety-nine out of 10 people.
She has been praised and praised by others since she was a child, and everyone is vying to please her, never touching her.
After arriving in the United States, the psychological gap made her unbearable, especially when she met unkind people. She probably wanted to run away and live a good life with her boyfriend, but the end result was...
She couldn't accept this kind of betrayal, deception and gap, and her mentality collapsed, which led to this situation. In fact, if she adjusted her mentality, she might be much better than she is now, but it would never be better than when she was in China.
After all, it is impossible to work here better than at home. The advantage of academic qualifications is gone, the advantage of appearance is gone, because of the difference in aesthetics, and the most important thing is that the network of connections is broken. It is impossible to be better than the network of connections in China.
There are actually quite a few of them. Zhao Mingyang's former high school classmate later went abroad to study, and he was also the top student in Zhao Mingyang's class. In the end, he lost contact and no one heard from him. This is indeed a bit unreasonable.
Because the same rich second-generation classmate also went abroad. He had been in contact with everyone for two years while studying abroad, but he later returned to China.
The other person who has not been in contact has never come back. He is probably in the same situation as Ye Qingling. After the proud man came here, he turned into an ordinary and transparent person. The psychological gap is too big. He doesn’t want people he knew before to know the current situation, and he also wants to give it to the domestic people.
Some old friends left some good impressions.
Employment discrimination is a common problem here. Just like when Lao Yu successfully started his own business in China, he always felt that the two seniors who studied abroad and worked there were doing better than him.
In the early 1990s, Lao Yu was already worth tens of millions. In his words, he was like a nouveau riche. Because he was rejected from studying abroad, he was upset, and then he started a business in China. He didn't expect to make money so fast, but
He still feels that his two seniors are much better than him.
Until later, Lao Yu went abroad. He had a strong obsession with going abroad. He always wanted to study abroad and make a lot of money. As a result, he first went to Canada and met a senior student. At that time, Lao Yu brought a lot of cash and bought
Branded leather jackets were very expensive at that time, so you could wear leather jackets at that time.
When the senior saw him, he asked him if he had made any money. Lao Yu said he didn't earn much. The senior took him away for a long time before he saw the senior's car. The senior said there was no parking fee if he parked here. After he arrived at the senior's home
, he had already settled there at that time, but Lao Yu could see the conditions.
As a result, the two of them chatted and found out that the senior was living a very average life in Canada. His salary was not high at all and he had to work part-time.
There was no way to go back, and a lot of opportunities were missed. The most important thing was that these people were too embarrassed to go back. When they heard that Lao Yu had made nearly 10 million in Nian, they were shocked, and Lao Yu invited him to go back and start a business with him.
In Lao Yu's words, he didn't expect it to be so happy and he went back soon. There was no way Lao Yu could take back what he said. It can be seen from his autobiography that he might have invited him politely because he
I have some ideas in my mind, and I no longer have much obsession with going abroad.
As for another senior student in the United States, he was doing well, better than his Canadian counterpart. He worked in a scientific research studio and his salary was fairly stable. Although the senior student who studied in the United States repeatedly emphasized that he was doing well there at the time,
He also said that Lao Yu deliberately discredited him. In fact, there were quite a few people working in the scientific research studio there, and their wages were just a little above the average.
As a result, Lao Yu invited him again, and he agreed. The point here is that they are not unwilling to come back. It would be fine if someone invited him, but just because of this, many people were stuck. If Lao Yu had not been successful,
Even if you start, you may not necessarily go abroad. After you go abroad, you won’t have the strength to invite people back.
Most people are in this situation and want to be invited, but no one is invited. They want to submit a resume, but the person who also submits a resume is not a top scholar, but a god of learning, such as Zhang from Sohu, who is quite a scientist.
If you want to be a scientist, if you want to start a business, someone will give you the investment to start a business.
Most of them are ordinary academics, and they will not be in high positions when they come back. At most, they will hold ordinary positions in a large company, because you studied abroad. Which school? Is it an Ivy League? After graduation, will you hold important positions in world-class companies?
?
Regarding these two points, the only people who have returned to China so far are Zhang from Sohu, Li from Baidu, Zhang Zhang from the investment community, and a few others, all of whom are at this level and are at the level of academics.
After most people go out, especially those who are said to be other people's outstanding children at home, they cannot accept the gap of becoming ordinary people abroad.
If you come from an ordinary domestic university and go abroad, you may not necessarily have that kind of gap, and you are not afraid of being ordinary, because most people have not experienced the cheating and excellent lives of top academics.
To put it bluntly, a top student cannot accept that he is also a mediocre person.
"I want to know, are there many like you?" Zhao Mingyang asked, and he had an idea.