Happiness is always short-lived, especially for Xiaoxiao. Within two days, "my" physical condition had problems.
The ward suddenly became crowded. The doctor would come several times a day, but he would leave shaking his head every time.
"I" was lying on the bed, looking much weaker. Xiaoxiao was beside him and kept comforting him, saying that everything would be fine.
I have given up my initial suspicion and have to tell myself that "my" body does not seem to be occupied by outsiders. Because of this, his confusion, his pain and helplessness seem to make me empathize with him.
This pain should have been borne by me.
Xiaoxiao sat next to "me", still shouldering the responsibility of her girlfriend, but she obviously didn't know what to do anymore, which made people feel distressed.
This scene is very familiar. I have seen it many times in the hospital. If nothing else, the next scene is called life and death.
I grabbed a doctor and asked, "What's wrong with the patient?"
"How could you not know the situation? There is no way to save it."
The doctor sighed and left directly.
I was stunned, looking at myself weak on the hospital bed, and couldn't speak for a long time.
Early the next morning, there was no one in the ward. When I asked someone, it turned out that Xiaoxiao had already taken "me" home.
"Go home..."
I can guess what Xiaoxiao is thinking. Since he can no longer save "me", he should take "me" with him to relive the past memories at the last moment.
In the past period of time, Xiaoxiao lived in the company for a better job and rarely went home.
But even in these days when she is away, I will keep the house tidy, after all, she likes to be clean.
I think she will be happy after seeing it.
As I was thinking, I had already arrived at the door of my house. This small house held a lot of memories. This memory was also imprinted in Xiaoxiao and I's minds. Unfortunately, "I" lost the memory.
After much hesitation, I knocked on the door.
The person who opened the door was Xiaoxiao, her expression was as usual, but to me, the sadness in her eyes was unhidden.
I asked her about "me".
"He has been back for more than half a month, and his health is getting worse and worse." Xiaoxiao's voice was trembling, "But he still can't remember me. I'm afraid that he won't remember me until the last moment."
More than half a month? Didn’t even a day pass?
Looking at Xiaoxiao's sad face, I didn't think too much and stretched out my hand, but I didn't put it on her shoulders after all. I comforted: "I...he will remember it."
Xiaoxiao shook her head bitterly. She looked out the window and sighed: "Actually, I can guess a little bit about his illness. He can't hide it from me. In fact, he asked you to help hide it from me, right?"
She looked at me and continued: "He knows that I am very career-minded and is afraid that I will worry. He is not even willing to tell me that I am sick."
"But I am working hard to make money, isn't it just for our future? I don't think about anything now. I just hope that he will think of me in the end and say goodbye to me."
I remained silent.
Xiaoxiao walked into the room where I lived, took out a box, handed it to me and said, "He told me before that if one day everything is going to end, then give this to Dr. Wang."
"Why did you give it to me?" I took the box and tried to search my memory. I had no impression of this matter. I had forgotten too many things.
"I don't know." Xiaoxiao glanced at me tiredly and murmured, "Why don't you want to tell me? It's clear that no matter what he becomes, I will never leave him..."
Even...will it become like me?
I opened my mouth, but in the end I didn't speak.
In fact, I have been confused for a long time. Am I still the same person now?
When the body and the memory carrying emotions are separated, is it the innate personality or acquired memory that determines a person?
The "me" in the room and the me standing here should be two different people, right?
I left the room and opened the box in my hand.
The box contained an envelope, a strange-looking syringe, and an exquisite ring.
That is Xiaoxiao’s favorite ring.
I already had a vague guess in my mind, so I opened the envelope carefully and took out the letter. It was indeed my handwriting.
"Hello, I."
"I don't know whether the memory transplant is successful, or whether you have completely retained your memory. In order to prevent accidents, and to give you another chance to make a choice, I wrote this letter specifically."
"I have devoted myself to researching ways to extend life, and finally put all my hopes on memory. If memory can be transplanted, can life continue with it?"
"I succeeded, but I will die."
"When I learned about my physical condition, my research was basically completed. I couldn't bear to leave Xiaoxiao like this, so I planned to complete the experiment myself. The person named Wang is the target I have been observing for a long time."
"He clings to Xiaoxiao shamelessly, and no one cares about him yet, so he is very suitable for me to replace him. Of course, if the experiment is successful, his memory will be overwritten by mine, and it will be no different from death."
Seeing this, I couldn't calm down for a long time. No wonder I said I felt ashamed of the person named Wang...
I always suspected that Dr. Wang wanted to harm me, but I never thought that I was the real perpetrator.
No one wants to take away my body, but I want to give it away.
"The research has just been completed, and I don't know what the consequences will be. The best result is of course that I can keep all my memories and use another identity to accompany Xiaoxiao for the rest of my life. In this case... it should be regarded as keeping my promise, right?"
"When you read this letter, you don't know whether my body is dead. If you need, you can transplant the memory back to the original body."
"Perhaps you will face a painful choice... I hope you choose differently from me."
"I don't know if you still remember, but I was originally planning to propose to Xiaoxiao, but now it seems that I no longer have the chance."
At this point, the content of the letter ends.
The choice of transplanting memories back into my dying body?
I dropped the letter, thought for a long time, looked at the ring, and then at the syringe, and Xiaoxiao's words suddenly echoed in my ears.
"I don't think about anything now. I just want him to think of me and say goodbye to me at the end."
What does Xiaoxiao want, a strange and cold companionship for a long time, or a short but hot farewell?
I don't know, but I've made my choice.
I put the ring and syringe in my pocket and knocked on the door again. Xiaoxiao took me to see "me" who was extremely weak.
I put one hand in my pocket and looked at the dying "me" on the hospital bed. I tightened my grip on the syringe in my pocket and then released it. I repeated this countless times before finally looking at Xiaoxiao beside me.
"You shouldn't have brought him back, I can save him." I said.
"Really?" Xiaoxiao looked in disbelief upon hearing this, her eyes full of prayer.
"Of course, please trust my medical skills."
So "I" was sent back to the hospital and moved to the operating table.
However, of course I knew nothing about surgery, so as I operated as I pleased, "I" died without any suspense.
In my opinion, this is killing me.
According to reports, this was a shocking medical accident.
Xiaoxiao naturally hated me to death after hearing the news, but this is exactly what I want.
Hatred always lasts longer than love. She needs this power as the driving force of her life. No matter what happens in the future, as long as she lives well, it will be enough.
Of course, she only hates Dr. Wang, not me anyway.
And for me, it may be time to conduct the second phase of the experiment.
