According to Lin Nian's personality, he is proud with a hint of inferiority. The pride comes from his own ability and character, while the inferiority comes from his family and living conditions. Lu Mingfei actually sympathizes with this and relies on others. He himself also has some low self-esteem, which is a psychological problem that children with problems in their native families will develop when they grow up.
What such people need most when they grow up is recognition. Half of this recognition comes from their own efforts, and the other half comes from the affirmation of people around them. Lu Mingfei avoids the negative feelings caused by his inferiority complex by showing off and escaping. However, Lin Nian was different. He wanted to prove his worth too much to deny and fight against his inferiority complex. In this process, he undoubtedly received help from an important person.
On that special day, in high school, a stage of life where comparisons and value sentiments are strongest, a sunny day where young people have the most sensitive thinking and the most lofty ideas, Lin Nian, a persistent and stupid boy, gained the most. The recognition comes from the little goddess.
The sense of recognition that Lin Nian got from Su Xiaoqiang during that time was simply overwhelming. Under the pursuit of the little goddess, almost no one made fun of or ridiculed Lin Nian's family background, because when a person cannot get something, Others can ridicule him for this shortcoming, but when he can easily get it but actively refuses it, this shortcoming seems to become dispensable and cannot be a point of attack.
Maybe Lin Nian was also very grateful to Su Xiaoqiang during that time? His biggest inferiority complex was stepped on to the deepest level by that girl. At an age when he should be proud and confident, he could be unscrupulously proud and confident.
Lu Mingfei turned his head and looked at Su Xiaoqiang in a daze, and Su Xiaoqiang seemed to have noticed his gaze. He stopped licking his fingertips, looked up and asked maliciously, "What are you staring at? You didn't lick it?" your hands?"
"Oh, no." Lu Mingfei subconsciously stuffed the remaining unlicked thumb into his mouth and said, "I was thinking... never mind, it's okay."
Su Xiaoqiang wiped the saliva marks on her fingers without leaving any trace, and stared at the boy and narrowed his eyes, feeling that he was definitely thinking about something very wrong just now.
"By the way, little goddess..."
"Why did you call me this nickname? Are you trying to blame me?" Su Xiaoqiang tilted his head and looked at Lu Mingfei, thinking that he didn't seem to have offended him, right?
"What do you mean by yin and yang? Haven't we always called you that?" Lu Mingfei felt a little baffled.
"That was before, let's forget it now." Su Xiaoqiang said lightly.
Lu Mingfei paused for a moment, then felt relieved.
But he still smiled and shook his head, "Actually, it's okay to call you little goddess now... But if you don't like it, forget it."
"So what question do you want to ask me?" Su Xiaoqiang dropped the topic.
"What do you think you would be doing now if you hadn't come to Kassel College?"
"I'm studying in other universities, what else can I do?"
"what do you think?"
"What's going on?" Su Xiaoqiang raised his eyes and looked at Lu Mingfei, "If you have any questions, just ask them. Don't mince words. I don't like guessing."
"Actually, what I want to ask is... have you ever regretted being exposed to these weird things?" Lu Mingfei held the metal seats on both sides with both hands and looked up at the train that was roaring and sprinting through the dark monster esophagus. The deep darkness and white lights that flashed out of the car window behind him were blurry and distorted.
"What do you mean by regretful contact? I don't understand what you mean." Su Xiaoqiang asked after a moment of silence.
"What I mean is...if you hadn't come to Kassel College and gone into that alley on a whim that day and encountered those unfortunate things, you would most likely have been admitted to a good domestic university, or your father would have spent money. Buy a position in a foreign Ivy League, let you study abroad, and then return to China to develop well? No matter whether you are at home or abroad, you can still be the... well, the little goddess you used to be, not like you are now."
"Same now? Am I bad now?" Su Xiaoqiang asked.
After saying that, she looked down at herself again, and then realized, oh, it seems that it is indeed
.
It was pretty bad. He was as dirty as a miner who had escaped from a mine. His skin, which had been protected with milk and essential oil, was full of cracks. The dust and dirt were almost soaked into the wounds and skin. She couldn't help but raise her hand to wipe the dirty back of her hand.
"It's not that it's bad...it's just that I can obviously live a better life." Lu Mingfei shrugged and started talking. In fact, he rarely said such straightforward words to others. He was the only candidate in the past. It was Lin Nian and Fingel, "Although I don't know what you are thinking about every day, I can tell that you are under a lot of pressure. You and Lin Nian, you two have almost never relaxed their eyebrows in my mind. Every day is as worrying as the day before the end of the world."
"Have you ever thought that if you hadn't come to Cassel College, your life might have been better... Of course, I don't mean to replace those good days with your current relationship with Lin Nian. After all, there are other universities. You can also contact Lin Nian. He also likes you. If you persevere a little bit, maybe you can wait until he graduates and then marry him back home?"
Su Xiaoqiang lowered his head slightly and shook his head after a moment. He did not answer the question and asked instead, "What about you? You can obviously live a better life, but now you are still going through life and death. To be honest, in my opinion, you are no longer the same as before. Alone, you cut the paper in class until your fingers bleed, and you yelled at Lin Nian for a long time, and asked him to bandage your fingers, as if you were about to die... What now? I feel like you are about to be stabbed through the lung tube. Show off your strength and say: It’s okay, it’s just a small problem!”
"Lu Mingfei, do you think life like this is better than before?" Su Xiaoqiang asked softly.
Lu Mingfei opened his mouth, scratched his head, and sighed, "That's not what I said... It is actually inevitable for me to enter Kassel College. I was already on Norma's admission notice. Lin Nian just dropped by to pick me up, so it seems fine."
"But this doesn't mean you will definitely become the person you are now." Su Xiaoqiang turned his head and looked at the black air whizzing past the window and said calmly, "Although you used a lot of questions to cover up and kept adding more premises to avoid the important and the trivial, But what you really want to ask me is, do I regret following Lin Nian and running into this weird thing?"
"Yes." Lu Mingfei nodded.
"What about you? Do you regret listening to Lin Nian's advice, becoming a leader, fighting with your life and getting injured in the end?" Su Xiaoqiang asked, looking at his tattered appearance with bloodstains all over his body.
"Well...how do I put it? My situation is actually a little different from yours. You insist on saying that I listen to Lin Nian's opinion or something. It seems that he has nothing to do with me...uh...just... "Lu Mingfei started scratching his head again. His scalp wasn't itchy, but his brain was a little itchy. He couldn't scratch his brain through his hair, scalp and skull, so he scratched his head more and more, and finally gave up.
"I don't know." Lu Ming replied nonchalantly.
This kind of avoids the problem.
"Then I don't know the answer to the question you asked me." Su Xiaoqiang looked at Lu Mingfei and smiled.
She rarely smiled. Lu Mingfei was slightly stunned when he saw her smile, and then he suddenly smiled and said, "Actually...it's not bad. You think you are not a little goddess when you come to Kassel College." Alright? Everyone will still call you little goddess behind your back, that’s fine.”
"Really? How come I didn't know?" Su Xiaoqiang was stunned for a moment.
Lu Mingfei folded his hands and tilted his head, closing his eyes and falling asleep, deliberately not answering the question.
He actually knew that Su Xiaoqiang already had the answer to his question just now, and it was okay whether the other party said it or not. This stall did not say it directly, which left him with an uncertainty in the exchange of questions. room.
If Lu Mingfei's answer is uncertain, but the other party's answer is affirmative without hesitation, does that mean that Lu Mingfei is indecisive and unhappy in terms of consciousness, friendship, and many aspects? So, She also answered that she didn't know, and Lu Mingfei also answered that he didn't know, ending the topic.
Lu Mingfei didn't know whether Su Xiaoqiang had thought of this unnecessary layer, or whether he was deliberately trying to save face for him... Maybe he was overthinking it? Why did he think about these messy things?
He was a little lost in thought while listening to the rumble of the subway.
.
Are you so upset that you are scared, do you have no confidence, do you want to blame the upcoming failure on something?
The question he asked Su Xiaoqiang, was he really asking Su Xiaoqiang instead of asking himself?
He didn't know, his mind was a little messy, and his hands hanging by his sides were hanging a little helplessly. The dried blood on his fingernails fell off gently with the vibration of the bench, and rolled onto the iron chair, shattering and falling.
"Let's rest. I don't know what troubles we will encounter on Line 8. Save some energy first." Su Xiaoqiang said slowly, leaning on the chair, tilting his head and closing his eyes.
"Well..." Lu Mingfei nodded, but did not close his eyes to rest. He just leaned against the train's glass window, feeling the vibration of the subway running in the tunnel, and squinted his eyes along the dark tunnel.
Go forward, until you reach the place submerged in darkness.
—
Actually.
You can't say this...
Why would he live a better life than he does now if he doesn't listen to Lin Nian's opinion? Lin Nian told him that he was originally on Norma's admission list, and Hilborn Jean Angers had also been eyeing it for a long time.
Of them, Lin Nian's situation was a bit special, so he was approached by Cassel College first. Lu Mingfei only settled down for less than half a year, and the admission notice came with him... Everything was destined.
Yes, as usual, his thoughts and opinions were not in his own hands, but were dominated by others, by those superior people whom he did not know or even met.
What did Lin Nian teach him, what advice did he give himself? If it was wrong to just ask Lu Ming to firm up his own ideas and obtain the key to break the shackles, what was the right thing to do? Let those
Is it a better life to be manipulated by strangers, to identify the chess pieces in one game after another, to be moved, to be eaten, or to eat others... Would that kind of life be better?
Yes, it will be better? Maybe, maybe not. At least I can stop thinking about that much, don’t take the initiative to strive for that much, let it develop, go with the flow, accept what others give to me, and others slap me.
Yes, I accept that things always have an ending. The boy named Lu Mingfei always has a definite ending in that book. What I do now may change that ending, or it may just be in vain... But I will
Do you regret changing? Do you want to try?
Hey, speaking of it, perhaps the most important person to ask this question to Su Xiaoqiang is yourself.
Lu Mingfei, when that gangster named Lin Nian arrived at the entrance of the cinema in a helicopter, you should hold his hand and let him help you complete those manic, bohemian, unbridled, youthful things you once did.
A realistic fantasy?
Would it be better?
Would it be better?
What will Lu Mingfei do when he is not in Kassel College and not in the limelight? Will his life be better than now? Will he get more things than now? Love? Friendship? Or more, more
other things?
But not everything in life has to be calculated clearly and done to do the worthwhile things.
He knows this truth.
Lu Mingfei closed his eyes, listening to the rumble of the train, the roar of the wind, and the vibration in his skull caused by his scalp shaking on the glass, all of which were like a blender, disrupting those unrealistic thoughts into his colorful brain.
The colors floating on the surface are intertwined with each other, and the rippling thoughts are as gorgeous as the beautiful arcs of light produced by the summer sun shining on the eyes.
He still couldn't help but fantasize, just like the girl said, what if, what if there really was such a story, a mediocre, hopeful, and passionate story.
Then everything still had to start from that spring, that sunny spring day, after all, that day was so impressive in his memory.
Every time he thought of that day, his memory grew like a green ivy in the sunshine. He was wearing a white short-shirt and washed-white jeans. He stood in the shadow of the green shade and looked up at the traces of the crazy vines, trying to find them from behind. The shape of your future life.
Such clear traces of memory can be seen in the fragments of time even when I look back many years later.
Lu Mingfei closed his eyes and felt something on his face
.
I feel a little warm and sleepy, but I don't dare to fall asleep.
But the warm feeling was still so comfortable. As time went by, it climbed on his cheeks, like green vines growing on the wall. The shift of light and the change of temperature were so real and realistic that it made his heart palpitate. , some are afraid of indulging in it.
"Forget it...I'm not going to sleep anymore, so I don't sleep to death and miss the next stop." Lu Mingfei opened his eyes and turned his head to Su Xiaoqiang and said to Su Xiaoqiang, but he turned his head to the side and did not find Su Xiaoqiang or his reality. .
What he found was a door.
"Su Xiao...Qiang." His words stopped in his mouth and were with his thoughts.
In front of him was a large door, a dark blue security door with red inscriptions on it. The cat's eye was broken and full of turbidity. Through the round-hole glass, one could vaguely see the bright sunlight outside.
Door.
This door.
Why are you here?
His thoughts were suddenly emptied, washed into a calm lake by the reality he saw that was beyond common sense.
He reached out out of nowhere, grasped the door handle, and turned counterclockwise according to memory to open the door.
The security door of his aunt's house, where he lived, had a corridor outside the door, which connected the community and that... spring day that he could never return to.
"Hey." The door opened.
The wind blew in and hit my face, feeling cool and green.
—
Lu Mingfei stepped on the threshold with one foot and stood behind the open door with the other. He held the door handle with his right hand. He looked at the quiet corridor. The sunshine in the spring afternoon shone in from the window at the end of the corridor, spreading warmth. On top of the clean white T-shirt on his body, ivory white sheets were basking in the corridor, and the wind in the community outside the window rustled the green leaves.
"A box of discounted bagged milk, half a pound of Cantonese sausage, and the new issue of 'Sprouting' that Narusawa asked for. After buying it, I came back quickly and poked the celery on the table for me! I also went to the property management to see if there were any. There is no letter from the United States! Are you still playing games? You don’t care about your own affairs at all! If no one admits you, can you pass the exam? What’s the use of spending so much money on you?”
A familiar yet unfamiliar voice sounded loudly from behind, like a magic voice filling my brain.
Lu Mingfei subconsciously walked out and closed the door behind him. The middle-aged woman's chatter was blocked behind her by the door, as if it was happening in another world.
It's like a lifetime ago.
"Ah?" He suddenly made a strange sound, which echoed in the empty corridor.
The air in the corridor has the fragrance of azaleas, which is very light, slightly astringent, light and pleasant, as if you are in a spring day in a sea of blue flowers.