"Why do you say this?" Lu Mingfei asked in a low voice.
He couldn't understand why Ling would come to him and say these words to him, even though these words were really hidden in the deepest part of Lu Mingfei's heart, a quagmire that had never been uncovered. He once felt anxious in front of Lin Nian.
I feel extremely inferior and look up to someone I don’t want to talk about.
"Everyone is looking up to him, so you can reasonably hide your admiration and inferiority. It is not shameful to deceive." Zero said softly, "You have successfully hidden this inferiority because you know very well that this
It's not a topic that can be brought up. Likewise, Lin Nian won't like that kind of person. In his eyes, you are his friend, not a so-called admirer or admirer."
"But this inferiority complex is always there, isn't it? Lu Mingfei." She asked, her voice seemed to be piercing Lu Mingfei's soul.
"From what you said, it sounds like you really think 'Lin Nian' is real." Lu Mingfei said with a smile.
"If you think he exists, then he must exist." Zero said slowly, "So do we still have a meaningless 'ontological' debate? I thought we had skipped this link, or maybe in Chilan
When I found you, this session was over. But if you want, I can still have a chat with you."
Lu Mingfei never thought that Ling could say such long words in one breath. At the same time, he also understood why Ling never said so many words, because she spoke very coldly, and every word sounded like
Those at the North Pole seemed frozen. When a large number of words poured out at the same time, they were greeted by the howling winter wind, making it unbearable for those who endured it.
Fortunately, Lu Mingfei became the first person to withstand the howling winter wind, and he successfully withstood the pressure without turning his back to avoid or leave.
He opened and closed his lips several times, and finally pressed them together, keeping the carefully considered words in his mouth to keep them warm. He decided to spit them out only when they were warm, "No one can stand in front of Lin Nian without feeling inferior."
The destined dragon slayer, that huge halo enveloped the person on the mountain top. When anyone climbing halfway up the mountain looks up to him, how could he not feel admiration and inferiority complex? Even that Caesar Cato
Suo, that man who was as proud as the sun must have had similar emotions towards Lin Nian some time ago. Lu Mingfei didn't think it was shameful.
"You should feel ashamed." Zero said.
Lu Mingfei suddenly raised his head and met the girl's golden eyes as clear as a lake under her forehead. She said, "Do you think that 'Lin Nian' wants a follower, an admirer, or a peacemaker?"
A companion who stands at the same height, a friend who can carry out important tasks?"
"Anyone can feel inferior in front of him, but you can't, Lu Mingfei." She breathed out softly, a bit like sighing. This was the first time Lu Mingfei saw this girl sigh, because
It turned out to be myself.
She said, "You are the only one who can't feel inferior. You killed two dragons under Baidi City. It's good. Everyone is proud of you, including me. But the way you look for Lin Nian is really good."
You feel very embarrassed, as if the world is without that man named Lin Nian, and you have lost the courage to live and the confidence to cope with difficulties."
Zero's words did not contain any strong emotions, they were just plain and straightforward and spoke as if they were facts.
"No, I only came to Lin Nian because..." Lu Mingfei wanted to explain, but his tongue was a little knotted.
He felt huge shame and embarrassment inexplicably. He had obviously thought about those things a long time ago, but when he said them in other people's mouths... especially when the girl in front of him said it himself, he felt Ling Chi's pain, and his whole body was exposed to the sun. Under the heat of words.
"You don't have the courage to face the crisis that may come. You need a backer, a mainstay to make you feel at ease." Zero lowered his head and looked calmly at the rippling red wine in his glass.
"You are very uneasy, Lu Mingfei. After you couldn't find Lin Nian, you have been living in uneasiness - you are not looking for Lin Nian because you really care about him. What you are really obsessed with is that strong peace of mind. It feels as if as long as you have him, everything can be handled and every difficulty can be easily solved. He will give you time, and he will buy time for you... But is it really your time that you fight for?"
He wanted to retort, but he couldn't. His tongue was as heavy as a lead weight, and his mouth was full of astringent taste.
Because Zero was right.
She got everything right.
—
Although he was naive and his words were like nails, they successfully pierced the flesh of Lu Mingfei's palms and nailed him to the cross.
Inferiority? Maybe.
Lu Mingfei still remembered the first time he met Lin Nian. It was probably the beginning of school in Shilan. He was bored on the window sill on the second floor of the classroom looking at the scene on the playground and saw Su Xiaoqiang being pestered by people outside the school. That scene happened.
At that time, he was still very young and didn't know how to deal with this matter. He was the first person to discover that terrible scene. His mind was a little blank. He didn't know whether to call the teacher or yell. When he hesitated, At that time, a brother next to him opened the window and jumped out like a diver. He fell directly from the second floor into the bushes below. He rushed in front of the outsiders without losing any momentum and kicked one of them away. He was lying on the ground a few meters away and couldn't get up.
It is no exaggeration to say that in Lu Mingfei's eyes at that time, the boy who looked like a porcupine and was covered with bushes and leaves was simply extremely handsome. After he returned to the classroom, Lu Mingfei asked him why he jumped just now. Go down.
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He replied that it would be faster to jump than to call the teacher.
Lu Mingfei said you misunderstood, I mean you are not afraid of broken bones?
He replied that even with broken bones he could beat those idiots, they were very good at it.
At that time, Lu Mingfei knew that some people in this world were born to be "awesome". They could do things that others couldn't do. When they rushed out without thinking, he was still thinking about what to do. , that strong sense of contrast, and the resulting sense of gap, will naturally take root in my heart.
It was the growth of that kind of emotion that made Lu Mingfei take the initiative to reach out to Lin Nian and say: Brother, you were really handsome just now, can you make friends? My name is Lu Mingfei.
He said his name was Lin Nian, and he could just call him if anything happened in the future, and he would definitely help his friends.
As he said, he and Lin Nian became friends, and Lin Nian spared no room to help him in everything he could do. It could be as small as missing a question in an exam so that he could pass, or as big as being beaten by Zhao Menghua's gang of brothers in front of everyone. When Ben was laughing in front of him, he stood up and kicked the table over fiercely, angering those little bastards, who dragged him outside and had a good fight.
Everyone in Shilan High School knows that Lu Mingfei is bad, but not many people dare to offend Lu Mingfei or laugh at Lu Mingfei. Even if they laugh at Lu Mingfei, it will only be in secret, because everyone sarcastically says that Lu Mingfei has a He has a great backer and a boss who is particularly good at beating him. If he offends Lu Mingfei, he will be beaten carefully.
Lu Mingfei was even complacent after knowing this statement. But surprisingly, Lin Nian found the person who spread this statement, who was the senior (self-proclaimed) eldest son of Shilan Middle School at that time, and fought with him fiercely. There was a fierce fight, and the matter became so big that Lin Nian was almost expelled. The principal chose to make it a big deal out of a trivial matter because of his excellent grades.
But the school's problem was solved, but there was still a problem with the medical expenses. Lin Nian accidentally broke the guy's nose because he was a little too heavy-handed. In the past, he was very particular about his actions and rarely hurt others. Due to the severe condition, the medical expense claim this time is estimated to be over 50,000 yuan. If Lin Nian's family cannot get the money, they may have to go to court.
After learning about this incident, Lu Mingfei stole his parents' bankbook from his aunt overnight, went to the bank, withdrew 50,000 in cash in his own name, and gave it to the student who was the claimant, thus settling the matter.
Later, Lu Mingfei was beaten up by his aunt and uncle because he used the money to recharge games on the pretext of himself.
Regarding that conflict, Lu Mingfei didn't understand the reason. He quietly asked Lin Nian in private, why did you want to fight that guy? Did he do anything wrong?
Lin Nian only said one thing to him: That idiot said you were my little brother and he looked down on you.
At that moment, Lu Mingfei was stunned and wanted to say, am I not?
But after seeing Lin Nian's serious eyes, he swallowed those words back and said with a forced smile, how could I be your little brother? We are friends.
Lin Nian smiled and said: Of course, we are good friends.
No one is anyone's younger brother, friends are friends and help each other.
That inferiority complex was hidden. He existed but was never revealed.
—
"Don't you deny this?" Ling turned to look at Lu Mingfei and asked, his side face covered with beautiful shadows with clear lines under the gentle light from behind the floor-to-ceiling windows in the balcony.
Lu Mingfei looked into her eyes, feeling confused for a long time.
Finally, he nodded silently.
He did not deny the inferiority complex that he had hidden in his heart for a long time, and the sense of security that he felt relying on Lin Nian.
"I did have low self-esteem before, that's a fact." He took a deep breath, "But so what?"
"Yes, but so what." Zero repeated the boy's words in a low voice.
"Then have you ever thought about changing?" she asked.
"It's always been like this." Lu Mingfei said slowly.
When he knew that Lin Nian was going to the United States, he was confused for a while, so he worked hard to prepare for IELTS and TOEFL. But if you don't have talent in English, you don't have talent. No matter how hard you try, your final mock test scores were disappointing. He was discouraged.
But he still didn't give up. Until the day before Lin Nian came to find him and the day before he encountered those troubles, he practiced speaking with Old Tang on the Internet. Even though he knew it was useless, he was still trying hard to catch up with Lin Nian. ...At least, he must be qualified to be Lin Nian's friend and become the brother and friend who can help each other as Lin Nian said.
Just like today, he worked hard not to prove anything, not to surpass anything, not to become anything, he just wanted to stand next to that guy, hold his shoulders, and ask him arrogantly, hey, what else are you doing? Can you withstand it? If you can't, then it's my turn!
That picture really made him feel happy just thinking about it.
"So, what is your real request?" Zero looked into his eyes, "Walking the path he walked and bathing in the glory he bathed in, do you want to be him or surpass him?"
"I don't want to be him, and I don't want to surpass him. He is my friend, not my competitor. He is my goal, not my enemy."
"Are you doing what he did to fill your inferiority complex?"
"I will no longer feel inferior to myself, nor will I use this kind of thing to make sense. This is something that has happened before, and what I should do has not happened in the future."
"Then what should you really do?" she asked, her eyes as dizzy as glass.
"... Become his true comrade-in-arms, face those bullshit things with him, and do some great things that everyone will admire." Lu Mingfei said, his eyes were involved in the glass, but he was not lost or dizzy. .
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"Okay, then remember this request and don't be misled and take the wrong path." Ling stretched out his hand and lightly tapped Lu Mingfei's heart, raised his head and met his eyes.
Lu Mingfei slowly raised his head and looked at the girl, his eyes clear and he no longer ran away.
"Very good, this is the boy I know." She said softly, "Don't forget what you said today."
Lu Mingfei was stunned for a moment and wanted to ask what this sentence meant, but the girl beside him suddenly fell down. He suddenly reached out and grabbed the thick white evening dress to hold her, but The cumbersome clothes fell down as soon as they were pulled, and what fell from them were fiery red fireworks. It was another more fitting skirt hidden under the white evening dress. The wavy lace, the color of the flames, and the wind. It swayed close to the body, forming a sharp contrast with the plain white skin.
That fiery red evening dress was probably prepared for tonight's dance, but unfortunately the people in the Norton Pavilion didn't have the chance to see her dancing, because the girl wearing that dress fell lightly onto the lawn and raised her head. He glanced at Lu Mingfei, who was holding a white dress on the balcony, and left without looking back. He walked quietly into the night and disappeared.
"..."
Lu Mingfei looked at the white dress in his hand, a little confused. He seemed to understand something, but he didn't dare to believe it easily, until the door to the balcony behind him opened again, and the drunken Fingel got in and saw the man next to the marble guardrail. Lu Mingfei's eyes lit up and he shouted,
"Let's go, junior brother, you are here! Everyone is looking for you! Won't you come to dance? Caesar and Chu Zihang will give speeches later, calling for you to appear! Wouldn't it be very disrespectful for you not to go? Give them face? What are you doing here... uh, what are you holding?"
Fingel came closer, and a strong smell of alcohol hit Lu Mingfei. After seeing clearly that Lu Mingfei's white evening gown was torn off and torn, his red face instantly turned pale, "Junior brother, you, you, you Which junior sister did you take off her clothes? Let me go, how could you do such a thing... Where is the junior sister who you took off her clothes? What happened to you?"
As he said that, he started looking around for the junior sister who didn't exist. He didn't know whether he really cared about the junior sister or if he wanted to see the junior sister having sex together.
Lu Mingfei slowly put down the white dress with warmth and fragrance in his hand, spread it on the guardrail, and looked up at the dark distance of Kassel College. Some knots in his heart were loosened. Free, relieved, peaceful.
Under Fingel's anxious urging, he said without looking back, "I'm leaving."
"Why are you leaving? Are you not going to the dance?" Fingel was stunned for a moment.
"I mean - the plot is about to start accelerating." Lu Mingfei pointed to the distance, where Zero disappeared, in the direction of the library of Kassel College. Gorgeous firelight rose into the sky and swept across like a wave. The woods in all directions ignited the maple leaves, like a sea of fire.
The alarm at Cassel College sounded. In the red light of the alarm, the Norton Hall was in chaos. On the balcony, Fingel, who had not yet reacted, only felt the sound of wind around him. Then he stretched out his hand to grab something, but failed. After missing out, I could only watch Lu Mingfei jump off the balcony on the third floor, pull out the alchemy sword hidden in his sleeve, and rush towards the origin of the raging flames without hesitation.