Uncle Tang was silent for a while and then asked me: "Have you brought the inspection list?"
I shook my head. I had lost those orders a long time ago because I was afraid that An Lan would see them.
Uncle Tang's expression was a little solemn and he said: "Well, you go for a checkup now, and I'll take a look."
As Uncle Tang spoke, he wrote a diagnosis sheet for me on the computer.
Xiao Siya accompanied me to pay the fee again, and then led me all the way to the CT room for examination.
There are not many people in this hospital, unlike those big hospitals in China where people always have to queue for hours.
I finished the examination in ten minutes, and the doctor who examined me didn't tell me anything about the situation.
After I got the examination form, it was all in English. Although I could understand most of it, I couldn't understand many of the medical names.
Xiao Siya and I returned to Uncle Tang's office again, and I handed the checklist to Uncle Tang.
Uncle Tang put on his eyes and looked carefully, but his brows were still furrowed tightly, which made me feel anxious.
It wasn't until he finished reading that Xiao Siya hurriedly asked: "Uncle Tang, how are you doing?"
Uncle Tang took off his glasses and looked a little embarrassed.
I quickly said: "Uncle Tang, just tell me what the outcome will be. I will accept it."
Uncle Tang then looked up at me and asked, "When you had the surgery, was it already in the advanced stage?"
I nodded and replied: "The doctor said it was in the middle to late stage."
Uncle Tang sighed and said: "You should treat it as soon as possible. If radical surgery is performed for early-stage gastric cancer, the vast majority of patients can be clinically cured... In the late stage, the cancer cells have spread, and even if the surgery is successful, the patient can only relieve symptoms.
It may be difficult to achieve a cure."
Although Uncle Tang said it very tactfully, I have already heard that my illness will never be cured.
Xiao Siya also understood. Her face instantly turned bitter, and then asked Uncle Tang: "Uncle Tang, can he still receive treatment in his current condition?"
"To be honest, his condition can only be maintained by medication, but it's hard to say how long it will last."
The moment I heard these words, I had no expectations in my heart.
I'm not particularly sad or disappointed, because I said I would accept any outcome calmly.
Xiao Siya didn't want to give up yet, and continued to ask: "Can't I have another surgery?"
Uncle Tang picked up the examination sheet and looked at it again, shook his head and said: "His current immunohistochemistry indicators show that the positive rate of ki-67 is greater than 30%, which means that the cancer cells have metastasized, and there is no need for surgery now.
, and the risks of surgery are very high.”
Uncle Tang paused and added: "But I suggest that you can take chemotherapy later to try to live longer."
Uncle Tang's words can also be understood as using money to extend your life.
The cost of chemotherapy can be imagined, and it cannot be cured at all, so we can only buy some time.
During the silence between Xiao Siya and I, Uncle Tang asked Xiao Siya again: "Xiao Siya, is this Mr. Chen your boyfriend?"
Xiao Siya shook her head hurriedly and replied: "No, Uncle Tang, he is a friend of mine."
Uncle Tang nodded, glanced at me again, and said, "You should come here for treatment as soon as possible. Even in the middle stage, you can live at least five to eight years after the operation... Now, it's really too late."
I have nothing more to ask. This result was actually beyond my expectations, so there was no big surprise.
I smiled and asked Uncle Tang, "Thank you, Uncle Tang. In fact, I generally know about my physical condition."
"Don't be too pessimistic. When you go back, you will receive chemotherapy and try to live a little longer."
After hearing this last sentence, I really couldn't help it.
Generally speaking, this kind of thing is said to those who are bedridden in their 70s or 80s and whose time is running out.
But I am not yet 35 years old, and I am about to face death.
How could I not be afraid, but so what?
This is a fact that cannot be changed. This is a naked reality. It is impossible for the protagonist in the novel to suddenly get a chance to be reborn.
I am just an ordinary person, and I will also get old, sick, and die.
It's just that I came faster than others.
…
After leaving the hospital, I felt as if my soul was out of body. I didn't even know where to go or what to do now.
If I had known earlier, I shouldn't have come for this check-up. It would have been a waste of time and it would have made me depressed.
Xiao Siya walked up to me at this time and said to me: "Don't be too sad. After you go back and receive chemotherapy, you can still get better."
I looked at the dark clouded sky in New York, smiled bitterly and said, "Don't comfort me. Chemotherapy is just torturing yourself."
"Don't think so negatively! There will always be some improvement with chemotherapy. Uncle Tang also said that chemotherapy can help you live longer."
"That's just taking money to survive."
"As long as I can live longer, I think it's worth it no matter how much money I spend."
I smiled bitterly again and said: "This is worth it to you, but have you ever thought that for an ordinary family, the cost of a single chemotherapy treatment can make them worse."
"You shouldn't be short of this money now, right?"
"Okay, let's not talk about these things anymore. Just keep it a secret for me."
"How long are you going to keep it a secret? It's impossible for you to wait until the day you die before telling An Lan, right?"
Xiao Siya's words suddenly reminded me that if that were the case, An Lan would probably still collapse, or even...
She will definitely hate me, why don't you tell her.
Just when I was thinking about this, Xiao Siya said to me again: "If you ask me, you can either tell her the truth when you go back now, or... never let her know."
My mind was in chaos and I didn't want to think about it anymore. I waved my hand and said, "I don't want to talk about this anymore. Go back. I don't want to stay here anymore."
Xiao Siya sighed again and said, "It's a waste of time. If I had known this, I wouldn't have come."
I smiled and said, "It's not in vain. At least I know that this disease cannot be cured."
"Is there anything wrong with your mentality?"
"Do you think there's something wrong with me now?"
Xiao Siya looked at me strangely again and said, "If I were you, I would probably cry to death now, but you can still laugh?"
"Can crying solve the problem? Can crying make me feel better? It's impossible, so I am happy every day..."
Xiao Siya sighed again and said, "I think you should tell An Lan when you go back this time. At least the two of you can take care of each other... If you don't know how to say it, I can help you."
I nodded and said nothing more.
I really should tell An Lan. I won’t hide it from her when I go back this time.