But I still couldn't vent the frustration in my heart. It was like countless thorns piercing the most vulnerable part of my spirit.
I almost collapsed and said: "I really don't know about this, and I can't tell whether there was a relationship or not. Maybe she was just pranking me... because I didn't feel anything at all, I..."
"Stop talking!" An Lan said angrily, "You make me feel scared!"
After saying that, she pushed me away hard and stared at me with eyes that I had never seen before in my life.
Only then did I realize that with that photo, no matter how I explained it, it would be redundant...
But I'm not willing to give in. I don't want to just say it, it's too hasty.
Seeing An Lan going back to the bedroom, I caught up with her again and held her hand.
This time, An Lan didn't give me any chance to speak. She raised her right hand and slapped me in the face.
I didn't hide, I didn't even blink.
But An Lan's slap did not land on my face, but stopped a few centimeters away from my cheek.
She is kind after all, but I know that photo hit her hard.
But for a while, I didn't know how to explain it to her. It seemed that nothing could be said at this time.
I suddenly remembered a saying circulating on the Internet. The best way to resolve a couple's quarrel is to kiss. If one kiss doesn't work, then two...
So, the moment her slap came to rest next to my cheek,
I no longer hesitated and rushed towards her...
I pounced on the unsuspecting An Lan, and without giving her any chance to react, I moved toward her red lips.
An Lan couldn't avoid it and was kissed by me.
Following my rough movements, An Lan began to struggle, and kept trying to push me away with both hands.
But I held her very close, giving her almost no chance to push me away.
I went deeper and deeper into her movements, almost losing my mind. I just wanted to let her know how much I missed her at this moment...
My hands were already on her belt, and I wanted to unbutton her clothes.
To me, this is crazy.
Crazy to possess, crazy to tear apart, crazy to release yourself...
My human feeling is that this is called love.
Until An Lan bit my lip, until the pain exceeded the physical pleasure.
I stopped and took the initiative to let go of An Lan.
I looked up at her. Her clothes were disheveled and her hair was messed up...
She was also looking at me, but with an extremely disgusting look. I had never seen that look before.
I know she must hate me so much at this moment, I really deserve to die!
I avoided her gaze, and then slapped my face hard, and I immediately felt burning pain.
"I'm sorry, I'm just a beast, I'm really sorry..."
"Stop talking!" An Lan interrupted me sharply, and then said coldly, "Let's go, let's go!"
"Don't be like this, okay?" I looked up at her again, my tone a little humble.
"Go away! I don't want to see you anymore."
An Lan's indifference made me feel strange, as if I had never known her before.
I don't know what I did wrong. That thing was not my intention, and whether it happened or not is still unknown.
And, it happened before I confirmed my relationship with her.
Why did she insist on insisting on this matter?
I then felt irritable and extremely depressed.
With a sigh, he lit another cigarette in annoyance, not knowing how to fix it at all.
An Lan turned around and walked into the bedroom. With a loud slam of the door, my heart suddenly went cold.
I suddenly felt tired and didn't even have the strength to save myself. I just looked at the closed door with distracted eyes.
At that moment, my heart seemed to have been thrown into an ice cellar, and it even made it difficult for me to breathe smoothly.
I have never loved more than a few people in my life, including Xiao Wei and An Lan.
But between them, I had no good results, and this time it was even worse.
This kind of experience made me feel terrible and made me dare not hope for so-called love anymore.
I just feel like I am falling into the sorrow of love again...
I didn't knock on that door again, because it was meaningless. If she gave me a chance, she wouldn't treat me with this attitude.
That being the case, so be it!
It’s just that I was unwilling in my heart. That unwillingness turned into tears, and there was an overwhelming feeling of powerlessness in my heart.
I am unable to restrain An Lan and let her stay with me.
…
I finally left An Lan.
I will never forget that night when I dragged my suitcase and left her house in the rain.
Every few steps I take, I have to look back. I don’t know what I was expecting, maybe I still have a little fantasy about her!
The security guard at the entrance of the villa area was already familiar with me. When he saw me dragging my suitcase out, he took the initiative to hold an umbrella for me.
"Mr. Chen, why don't you drive when you go out? It's raining so heavily."
I struggled to give him a smile, and then walked out of the gate of the community without saying anything.
Standing at the gate of the community, I looked back at the south gate of Palm Springs and took one last hard look.
I probably won't come here again in the future.
She is so cruel, I no longer hope she can forgive me.
I took a taxi and I didn't know where I was going, so I just let the driver drive wherever he wanted.
In order to make money, the driver didn't say anything and just took me through the city on this rainy night...
I can't find any way to get rid of the pain. These pains are like the traffic in front of me, with no end in sight.
At that moment, I felt an extremely strong sense of frustration. I couldn't seem to get along with any kind of woman.
What's even more sad is that the moment they gave up on me, I didn't even know what I had done wrong.
Including Xiao Wei, I am so good to her, but why would she cheat?
And An Lan, why can't she give me a chance?
That incident was not my fault in the first place!
Maybe! Maybe I don’t deserve love in the first place.
I lit a cigarette and opened the car window. The wind pouring in from the window made me feel even more lonely.
But now I would rather be alone like this than plunge into the rolling world of mortals.
At a certain moment, I even lost the motivation to live.
I no longer think about the fucking mess in the company, and I don’t want to worry about the reasons why my company collapsed.
Just follow the wind! Do whatever you want...
At this moment, my soul is dead, and I leave all the pain I am suffering to this innocent body to bear.
I suddenly hated An Lan very much. I suddenly felt that she was not perfect.
Yes! No one is perfect, everyone has shortcomings.
And An Lan's biggest shortcoming is that she is too ruthless, not giving me any chance or any affection.
I also gradually understood that the most unplannable thing in this world is love.
So what if you can’t bear it?
The heartbreaking efforts to stay are just a sign of unwillingness.
Originally, life is a process of constant searching, constant experiencing, constant being let down, and constant redefinition.
This time, it was just a retracement of the way we came.