"If it rains soon, there probably won't be any guests here today," Chi Feichi sat down on the sofa and saw Chi Jana looking at the doll wall and explained, "It was not made by Chi and Feimo."
"I..." Ikegana lowered her eyes. She didn't believe that this was an animal that could be hung. When she thought about how depressed she had to be to make such a doll wall, she felt broken. "I'm sorry, about Hiroki, about Hiroki.
...I know you will be sad, but..."
Chi Feichi stood up and sat next to Chi Janai, looking sideways at Chi Janai, "You don't need to apologize, and you don't need to avoid me anymore. I said I wanted to talk to you about genetic diseases."
Ikegana still lowered his head and twisted the hem of his skirt with his right hand.
Chi Feichi waited for a while and then took the initiative to speak, "You didn't plan to give birth to me at the beginning."
Chi Janai raised his head in surprise and met Chi Feichi's calm eyes. He was startled for a moment and looked at the burning scented candles on the table. The smile in his eyes that used to be smiling was gone and filled with pain and struggle. "I, I just
…”
"It's just that between losing the child and seeing the child live in pain, I had a disagreement with my father," Chi Feichi looked away, "because of a genetic disease?"
Ikegana looked at the candlelight of the scented candle in the room, her eyes a little dazed, "I... have four brothers, but I have never met my eldest brother. The second brother is many years older than me... To be precise, he is older than me.
At 15 years old, he is a very stable person. He can take good care of his younger brothers and sisters and send away those who come looking for trouble. Although sometimes he suddenly loses control of his mood and becomes very irritable, he always avoids other people and goes alone.
To vent, as long as he can remember, he is like the man of the family, able to bear everything..."
"When I was very young, I admired my second brother the most, but I liked my third brother the most. Third brother liked to laugh. He would make me happy, accompany me for examinations, and train with me... that is, I would train with my eyes covered.
Stairs, eating, walking, I am most afraid of my fourth brother, because he is always wrapped in a black robe, silent, standing behind me gloomily and staring at me..."
Feichi climbed from the door to the sofa and listened quietly.
Fei Mo arrived at some unknown time and placed the two bright red roses in his mouth on the window sill. He found that the atmosphere was not right and did not disturb him.
"I was afraid of him, all the time..." Chikana lowered his head, and a tear fell on the white dress. It was quickly absorbed by the fabric, and he calmed down, trying to maintain a calm tone, "until I was four years old.
, I ran to the yard to play by myself and fell into the water. The second brother and my mother went out that day, and the third brother was still rushing down from upstairs. The fourth brother ran up to me faster than the servant, jumped into the water and threw me
I was so scared that I cried when I picked him up. I accidentally tore off the black robe he was wearing, but he still didn't say anything. When we got inside, I discovered that the back of his exposed hands, neck, and side face were all wrinkled.
The blisters look scary, but I just feel sad..."
"Only from that day did I know that the reason why my fourth brother had been secretly staring at me from behind was because he wanted to hug me, but his face looked like an old man, his rash would recur, and his body was covered with scars. He was afraid of being scared.
If you come to me, you won’t dare to approach me..."
"My third brother cannot see. He has trained me since I was a child, just to prevent me from losing sight one day. Even if he cannot see, he can still go up and down stairs well, and he can hold me accurately."
He was so good at getting up, but that day I made him fall down when I was driving him downstairs..."
"My second brother can't stay in the sun for too long. When the sun's rays are very bright, he will shed tears uncontrollably..."
Chi Feichi took a piece of paper, put his arm around Chi Janai's trembling shoulders, lowered his head and gently wiped away the tears that were flowing all over Chi Janai's face.
This was the first time he heard her mother talk about his uncle.
"I heard the second brother and the third brother quarreling. The second brother said that he hated our mother, no... it was resentment," Ikeana lowered his head and sobbed, "He said that our mother should not have given birth to us one by one.
…I didn’t understand at the time, and I don’t know what they said after that, because the fourth brother found me outside the door and took me away.”
"But the second brother still feels sorry for our mother. He sometimes gets angry at her, but he is very awkward helping our mother deal with the piles and piles of documents that are too big to look at. When someone says bad things about our mother,
He is also the most angry..."
"Except when the third brother quarreled with the second brother, he still liked to laugh and tease the second brother for being awkward. Then he had another quarrel with the second brother. The third brother also smiled and comforted me. The family spent a lot of money and found many, many good things.
Doctors, researchers, dedicated to solving our problems, and we'll all be fine..."
"As for the fourth brother, he still didn't say anything and didn't let me see his face. He still liked to stand quietly behind me and look at me. I tried my best to make him talk and tried my best to see his face.
He is never angry, but I have never succeeded. I am really not afraid, no matter what he does, I will not be afraid..."
"When I turned six years old, my family was very happy," Ikegana said with a wry smile, "because I was not blind. At my birthday party that year, my 20-year-old brother...my second brother, he
He met a girl he liked, but he didn't dare to approach him. Why... He was obviously so good, but he said that sometimes he couldn't control his emotions. He couldn't guarantee whether his children would be like him in the future.
He gave up, and we encouraged him to give it a try, but he still hesitated, but the next year, there was a fire in the kitchen, and he ordered the servants to leave, but he never came out again..."
"The third brother didn't laugh for a long time, but within half a year, he started to laugh again. He took over the previous affairs of the second brother, began to receive guests at home, and began to arrange the lives of me and the fourth brother.
Brother also started to help..."
"When I was nine years old, my fourth brother passed away. The skin on his body began to ulcerate piece by piece, and his liver also had problems. When he was lying in the hospital bed, I went to see him every day and saw him in pain.
Watching him suffer..."
"It was also during that time that the person who quarreled with my mother changed from the second brother to the third brother. But the third brother, like the second brother, would feel guilty and apologize to my mother if he said something excessive..."
"On the day of my fourth brother's funeral, something happened to my third brother. Before he jumped from the building, he stopped smiling. His face looked so crazy and scary for the first time, and he shouted hysterically at everyone, 'It's hopeless.
There is no way to get rid of this terrible curse. I watched my brother die, I watched my brother die, and I am afraid that one day I will also see my little sister die... No, no, I am blind, what am I?
I can't even see them, I can't even look at their faces for the last time!', but it was him who had been encouraging us before..."
"It was also from that day that I lost all my brothers..."
"Actually, my mother is very good to us. She can cook, read with us, and play with us. At night, she will always look from room to room to see if we are asleep, but I don't understand at first.
Why did she give birth to us all..."
"I took over everything from my brothers. I followed their example, receiving guests and arranging the servants at home. I studied hard and didn't let anyone worry about me. I will also be like the second and third brothers, who have no control.
I have a quarrel with my mother about where I live. I love her, but I also hate her, and I feel sorry for her even more."
"I hate those people who hurt her even more openly and secretly. Those people always hurt her with a nonchalant expression about my brothers. They said she was a witch and that it was a curse. My father had no room to speak. Those people
They would not give him any room to speak, and would always block him by saying that he was an outsider." Ikegana lowered her head, tears kept flowing, but she gritted her teeth, "They have broken the hearts of our family over and over again.
Open the wound, sprinkle some salt, I hope to see my father and mother retreat, and when they are weak, they will pounce on us and tear us apart! I told myself over and over again that I can't get sick, even if I get sick, I will take those guys with me to the funeral.
!”
"But you later married my father, came to Japan with him, and stopped caring about family affairs," Chi Feichi asked softly, "Did you give up at that time?"
"When your father proposed, I told him that I would not have children, and he replied yes. I asked him, as he is the only son in the family and has no children, what to do with the family's property. He said that he could find someone else to inherit it.
"Chi Janai leaned on Chi Feichi's shoulder, still staring at the candlelight, "At that time, I suddenly felt that I shouldn't worry about those things. Just like what my parents expected, I had a husband who loved me and a happy life.
Family, go see them when you have time, I started to learn to be a Japanese wife..."
The contraceptive methods at that time were very advanced, but Shinnosuke Ike did not agree with Ikekana to have surgery because there were still many cases of infection or physical discomfort.
After two years of contraception, something went wrong and a baby was born.
Ikekana has had a psychological shadow of "bloodline" since she was a child. No one wants this child to be born more than she does. She wants to abort the child, but Ike Shinosuke disagrees.
This is the initial contradiction.
"But you couldn't bear it, so you compromised." Chi Feichi said.
"I was reluctant to let you go, but I didn't know whether I should keep you, so he convinced me," Ikegana lowered his eyes, remembering the throbbing and joy in his heart when he took over that little life for the first time.
, nostalgic and a little sad, "Then you were born, a boy with purple eyes like me. I am afraid every day. I don't know whether I should tell you everything, whether I should take you to do that since you were a child.
It’s a training to do things while blindfolded. I can hide it if I can..."
"I don't need that kind of training." Chi Feichi put his arms around Chi Janai's shoulders and said softly, "My eyes are fine."
"Yeah, your eyes are fine, but your eyes are fine... Your second uncle, your fourth uncle, they live in more pain, they can't live like normal people," Ikegana's voice gradually increased, "You have a day
As I grow older, I become more and more afraid. If you find that one day you suddenly become different from other children, will you be sad? If one day you have to lie in a hospital bed, will you resent your birth? What if?
...If one day...you meet a girl you like, what should I tell you?"
Chi Feichi remained silent, letting Chi Janai vent his emotions.
"Tell you, the blood in your body may one day cause you to contract some kind of incurable disease, and your child may be the same? The girl you like may not be able to accept you because of this, and you may even have to decide whether to do it or not.
Fathers are struggling to make a choice! Do you want to love your mother and hate her at the same time? What do you want me to do..." Chi Janai suddenly pushed Chi Feichi away, stood up and stared at Chi Feichi, his eyes were frighteningly red,
Tears flowed down her cheeks, "It was a mistake to give you birth. Maybe you should have been born in a normal family, not mine! Why don't you hate me? I'm just an irresponsible mother! If I leave you alone,
You don’t care about your mother at all! You..."
Chi Feichi stood up and gently hugged Chi Janai, feeling complicated.
On the outside, his mother is so decent. She is the head of the Field Group and an excellent and perfect female representative.
In the past few years...even after he traveled through time, she was always so gentle and did not convey any negative emotions to him or his original consciousness. She was not even willing to let him see the dark side of the shopping mall and supported him in choosing a veterinarian.
Okay, it doesn't matter if you have any other career or live a simple and happy life.
But she is afraid of being with her child, and she hopes that he will hate her, and that she will weaken her family ties so that they will not be so painful. However, how can she be happy without her child?
The fragment he searched in his memory, Ikegana's complex and guilty look at that moment, appeared more than once.
The original consciousness, including when he first time traveled over, felt that it was because he was busy with his career and neglected his children. It was a 'sudden discovery of conscience' and he felt that he was guilty. He never saw how heavy the guilt was.
My mother, who is always gentle and decent in my memory, has been living in a quagmire of pain, entangled, contradictory, and painful.
In other words, people with the same bloodline are all struggling in pain, his grandmother, his uncles, his mother... This is indeed like a curse.