"What on earth...are people doing when they live like this?"
Bai Xiaofei hasn't asked himself this question for a long time since coming to the imperial capital.
She thought that if she left that small place and came to the imperial capital, as long as she worked hard and lived hard, everything would be different.
But she discovered that she still could not escape from her mother's grasp and was destined to die in the quagmire...
Just like her mother thought she was not sensible at the time, but she always remembered the words - "I will be like this all my life. If Bai Jianen wants me to die in the quagmire, then I will let his daughter die in the quagmire. Anyway,
He doesn’t care about the girl either!”
"Living... I'm too tired and can't live anymore. What should I do?"
It’s not that she lives without her heart, on the contrary, she really lives with all her might...
Before she chose to take the self-study exam, she usually got up at 4:30 in the morning to deliver milk part-time. She needed to finish delivering milk to the first community before five o'clock, otherwise she would not be able to catch up with the following communities, and then rushed to the company before eight o'clock!
In order to save a meal at noon, she could only eat two steamed buns, and at night she could only eat hot noodle soup, but she felt that she was living and living happily!
She had to endure her roommate's snoring, talking in her sleep, and even grinding her teeth every day. She didn't know what mental weakness meant. She only knew that when she went to sleep, she would wake up if there was any movement in the room.
At the end of the day, no matter how tired you are, you can only sleep for three or four hours. Many times, you wake up in the middle of the night and cannot fall back to sleep.
Sometimes, I just sit on the bed and stare at the room until morning...
She knew that this should be a disease, but she had no money, no money... - she was not sick.
Why does she take a shower in the dormitory and do so much confidential work...
Because one month after moving in, she discovered a miniature camera in the bathroom——
She went to see the landlord, and the landlady also came forward. Who would recognize her?
The most terrifying thing was that once again, she saw a pair of eyes in the bathroom——
When she discovered him, the man ran away quickly.
She didn't know how to deal with all of this, because there was no one to help her with this kind of thing...
She relied on her eyes to catch the voyeur, a man in his fifties, but was ridiculed by her wife - "Look what happened to you? You caught them on the spot? You threw them out to catch people, you are here
Are you throwing dirty water here?"
"What kind of high-end product do you think you are? You can see your two little steamed buns at a glance. Do you really think of yourself as a treasure?"
Surrounded by a bunch of people, Bai Xiaofei was ashamed, aggrieved, sad and angry, hateful... he wished he could hit him to death, but in the end, he survived it all.
It seemed very painful, but she felt that she was heading forward.
After she decided to pay for the self-study examination, she became even more motivated, but when she realized that everything was in vain...
All these efforts, like a ridiculous joke, suddenly became the last straw that broke the camel's back!
She walked on the street like a zombie, looking at the streets with people coming and going - looking at those people who were running for life, she couldn't help but envy, and the stronger the envy, the more hopeless and helpless she became...
When a person cannot even keep her faith in life, she has no extravagant hopes for this world.
She seemed to be pushed into the quagmire and struggled desperately, but a pair of hands behind her grabbed her tightly and pushed her into the quagmire. She finally took a breath and pulled her down again. She was really tired.
…
She didn't want to struggle anymore.
She suddenly raised her head and looked at the cars. Her eyes were numb, and she suddenly smiled.
Ridicule, relief, "Maybe, close your eyes, just for a moment, and it will be over..."
As for which driver was unlucky, she could only say sorry.
As soon as the light turned green, she suddenly rushed from the side of the road towards the largest car——
…
Everything in front of him passes very slowly. Bai Xiaofei sometimes enjoys this feeling——
"The world has rarely changed because of her——"
This change was so slow that as long as she took two steps back, she could avoid the fatal car accident.
But she didn't. She calmly watched the truck run over her, without any signs of death.
Gu Qi
"Squeak!" The emergency brake tires made a screeching sound on the road.
"Didi-di-di-" a trumpet sounded.
Her eyes were filled with white light, and she thought she was going to die... and finally she was going to die——
A figure rushed over from behind and blocked her...
The driver's angry curses rang in my ears.
"If you don't want to fucking live anymore, just go to the rooftop and jump off the building. Don't fucking harm people on the street!" "My car didn't hit you. If you fell or broke your leg, it has nothing to do with me. This way
They are all under surveillance, so don’t try to extort money from me!”
Can you still hear it after you're dead? Then a person she didn't expect at all appeared in front of her.
Chen Zimo? Bai Xiaofei's eyes flashed with confusion, but she did not move, letting Chen Zimo check her hands and feet, then apologized to the driver and the traffic police, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, she is not feeling well and has caused trouble for everyone!"
She let Chen Zimo help her to the side of the road and help her wipe the beautiful blood stains on her hands.
He helped her up, but she neither refused nor accepted, like a zombie.
After walking only a few steps, she stopped and reached the stone pier beside her.
Chen Zimo also stopped, and he just called.
Bai Xiaofei took advantage of this moment and rushed towards the road again, but he stumbled and rolled to the side of the road——
Even if Chen Zimo had quick eyesight and quick hands, it was too late. Fortunately, nothing happened. He grabbed her and couldn't help scolding her: "Are you crazy? You don't want your life? You are not even afraid of death, but you are still afraid of living?"
Am I crazy?
She laughs.
Maybe.
Even if not now.
Maybe soon.
life?
It's too bitter.
Don't want it anymore.
I'm not afraid, it's just that no one wants me to live. It's God, it doesn't want me to live like a human being!
Chen Zimo looked at Bai Xiaofei. It would have been better not to look at her. At one glance, he was pulled by the emotion in her eyes, numb and desperate!
What does it look like? Like a sparrow that was supposed to live under the sky, but was so pessimistic that it went on a hunger strike, self-abuse, and could not survive but could not survive. He could not help but tremble in his heart and in his eyes!
The world seemed to be frozen, still so slow. Chen Zimo sighed, helped her sit aside again, stopped what he was doing, and just looked at her, "Do you really want to die that much?"
"I don't want to die, I just don't want to live," she said.
Chen Zimo has met many patients with severe depression. They all want to live well, but they don’t know how to save themselves;
So, he told a white lie and said, "You know, I had a serious illness before. It was like being thrown into a pool. The water was very deep. I couldn't swim. I kept struggling."
, just couldn't struggle out, and almost drowned several times. Until one day, an old man took a handful from me - today, I want to be that person and give you a handful. You can give me another one, and give you one too.
Any chance?"
Chen Zimo's words were in her ears, and one word seemed to touch her.
"Am I...sick?"
"Yes, I'm sick, very sick."
"What disease? Madness, mental illness?"
"No, it's just a mental illness."
"Are you feeling sick?"
She didn't know how much time had passed, but she only knew that it was slowly getting dark.
She wanted to get up, but the pain, especially in her knees, slowly came back.