I had insomnia all night yesterday, watching the sky light up little by little. I felt dizzy during the day but couldn't sleep. I only slept for two or three hours in a day and a half. I originally wanted to take a leave, but today I recommended it and it's hard to stop updating. And this one
There are twenty days per month. Although the number of updates is smaller, there are still updates every day. It would be a pity to stop it.
I can't sleep now, so I would like to report the current situation to everyone.
I have been in a state of emotional anxiety and depression for a long time, but since the first time I had sex, my whole state has collapsed. Now it is much better than the worst days at the end of May, but the persistent anxiety still exists and is more serious.
What’s more, I can’t concentrate, and my head is always in a state of chaos, especially when thinking about the plot. It’s almost impossible to connect the plots together, and to a certain extent, it will aggravate the anxiety...
In June, it was just an emotional problem. In July, the cervical spine problem became serious, and my whole body collapsed mentally and physically.
So from June to July, I saw the updates getting later and later. In fact, I started coding around noon, but I wrote very slowly. Many times, I deleted, deleted, and changed the first few lines of each chapter.
Even after two hours passed, I had only written two to three hundred words. Most of the time I was in a daze unconsciously. After sitting for a long time, my body couldn't support it, so I had to lie down and take a breath.
Many readers have suggested that I take a vacation to rest, but in fact, if I don’t do anything, it will be easier for me to think randomly and aggravate my anxiety. When I think about the plot, I can divert my attention.
As an author, if you don't write well, it's just a bad thing, and you can't blame this or that.
The other day, I saw a reader saying that in recent years, I have gone further and further down the subject matter and path that I am not good at. I thought about it and found that it is true. Others are exploiting their strengths and avoiding their weaknesses. I have been exploiting my weaknesses and avoiding my strengths. It is really stupid. Open the book
I am always overconfident, the books I write are all weird, and I always write about my own mental state. All of this is my own fault...
For various reasons, this book is the strangest, most awkward, and most uncomfortable I have ever written. Most of the time, it was extremely painful to write, and I didn’t even have the courage to go back and read the previous chapters.
What are you writing about...
In fact, from the beginning of writing the book to now, I have always wanted to bring something happy to readers, and this original intention has never changed.
But unfortunately, I can no longer be happy because of my anxiety and depression.
It is difficult for an author who cannot be happy to bring happy words to readers.
Whether it is a lackluster update or unsatisfactory content, I once again apologize for causing a bad experience to everyone.
The current update may not be fast enough, my thinking is really slow. I will try my best to update every day. When my cervical spine gets better, I will try to maintain it to more than 4,000 words a day...
